Always
"I will always love you Saya."
There were the last words he said to me, and now I'm sleeping, dreaming of him. All these images flash through my mind. Images of him, of us, and our life together. I can't really imagine my life without him, he was such an integral part of me, for over a hundred years he watched over me, protected me from everything out there, when I thought it was me protecting him. He sheltered me, shouldered my burdens, anything that I asked of him, he would do; he even promised that he would kill me. I made the man who loved me promise to kill me. I am the worst of hypocrites; I was condemning him to live forever alone because I couldn't stand the thought of living forever.
But he loved me anyway; I'm so selfish, I couldn't see that while I was awake, and what little time we had together was squandered, and he never complained. Sometimes I wish that he had been selfish, that he had demanded that I see him, as he truly was, demanded that I recognize all that he has sacrificed. But if he had been selfish I don't think that I would have ever loved him as much as I did. He was everything perfect in this world, and as Amshel forced his fist through Hagi's stomach, the only thing that I could think of was that he would never have the chance to live with me in Okinawa. I'm so selfish. I didn't even ask if that's what he wanted. I'm so selfish. How could he love someone as selfish as me?
I wonder if he's still alive. Is he waiting for me? Waiting for me to wake up like always, that's another promise I extracted from him, that he stay alive so that I might be remembered. I would give anything to wake up and see his face before mine; I would give anything to see one of his precious smiles, made so dear because of their infrequency. But I will not wake up, I cannot wake up, and therefore I will not see him. I don't even know if he's alive. I'm the worst sort of person; I don't even consider the feelings of others. I'm a monster. I wonder if he'll be here when I wake up, if I wake up.