A/N: Apparently, my muse has mood disorder or something because here I am again. Let me thank everyone for all the feedback lately. I'm a little flustered by it but so appreciative. Angst warning here...you have been warned. To make matters more interesting, I woke up with stomach flu this morning...yay! I think I really do need hazard pay from my job. Anyway, I hope everyone enjoys. This story will probably be 4 maybe 5 chapters long. Don't be shy and tell me what you think! Also, since someone asked you can vote...meaning you can fill out a voting form three different times for the Rizzles Fan Awards rizzlesfanawards(dot)wordpress.com
Jane heard someone say once that even silence could be loud. At this moment in time, this silence grated. This silence was cacophonous in nature. It reverberated over every nerve ending, leaving her skin buzzing and her senses on edge.
In this state, she was open, vulnerable, paving the way for fear and anger. They both cut a red swath, leaving tatters. Jane tried vehemently to control her breathing and reign in the erratic beat of her heart. It was useless. Her chest heaved as lungs constricted and her heart rattled against her ribcage. Her grip on the steering wheel turned white knuckled.
She could feel Maura's heat; smell her scent; and hear every breath, but Jane refused to wallow in what had almost been extinguished. Her insides quaked at the thought. Her foundation had been shaken. Jane closed her eyes for a nanosecond, but the image was there…the gun pressed against Maura's forehead and the terror that had ingrained itself in every feature. When the moment passed, Jane had to swallow down the whimper that threatened to erupt. I almost lost her. I almost lost everything.
The silence continued to scream.
From the periphery, Jane eyed Maura. She huddled against the door, pressed against it as if waiting for the first chance to escape. Full lips trembled, but she didn't dare speak. She knew Jane well enough. Now wasn't the time for logic cold or otherwise, but Jane knew it was coming. Maura wouldn't…couldn't stay quiet forever.
It was selfish, Jane was more than aware, to feel this way…be this way. Overwhelming emotion wasn't Maura's strong suit.
They had that in common at times, and this was one of them.
Because of those reasons alone, Maura was going to reach out and seek solace where she felt the safest. Jane scoffed inwardly. Safe. It's all I had to do…keep her safe. I froze. I fucking froze! The words resonated, echoing in every fiber of her being and leaving sharp pinpricks of agony. She held her breath demanding it to become a dull, manageable ache if only for a few seconds.
Distracted, Jane barely noticed when they pulled into Maura's driveway. They moved mindlessly, opening doors and slowly trudging toward the front porch as if the weight of the world was on their shoulders.
In all truth, it probably was…their world anyway.
Using her own key, Jane opened the door. She steeled herself when she realized the trembling that had only been inside before had seeped outward. Jane made a fist, willing it to stop.
Maura brushed by her, and the slight touch left Jane reeling. It was a feeling she had become accustomed to swallowing, but now, she gasped feeling raw, exposed like a live wire. Then, without the presence of the obvious stimulus, the electrical charge dissipated, leaving desolation behind.
The heavy wood connected with its frame with a soft snick, but the riot of emotions kept Jane rooted near the doorway.
Maura turned. Blond hair sailed across her shoulders then righted itself again. For the first time in well over an hour, their eyes met. Unable to help herself, Jane drank in what she saw. Maura's face was flushed, ruddy and her features were pinched.
Still, it was her eyes that were the most devastating. The need in them was staggering.
Fear walked icy fingers up Jane's spine. "Don't look at me like that, Maura." She husked. Her voice was heavy, guttural as if it were being wrenched from somewhere deep within. "I…I can't be your friend right now. It was the simplest, easiest thing I've ever had, and I fucked it…hard."
"Jane," Maura whispered her name softly, reverently through quivering lips. "I'm still here."
"Don't say my name like that!" Jane demanded throatily. I don't deserve it. "Six seconds, Maura! Six god damned seconds for him to pull his gun and shove it in your face! I counted each one plus the ten you spent pleading for your life."
"I…I know things seemed precarious, but you came through in the end. You always do….especially for me." Green eyes were imploring, frightened, and confused. "I was …so scared." Maura sobbed. "But you came through for me." She wiped at her eyes.
Jane looked away. She knew of pain, but until now, she didn't know disappointment could cause the same throbbing ache. It gnawed at Jane's belly hard enough for her to feel physical distress. Fuck! I can't do this. I can't stand… There was no fight left in her for now, and Jane knew her only resort was to run.
Reading her like the most beloved of books, Maura cautiously moved forward as if dealing with a frightened animal intent on fleeing. "Please…"
"Don't—" Jane reached behind herself, feeling for the door knob. Her hand closed around it, and she turned intent on escape.
Jane pulled the door open, but it was wrenched from her hands as Maura slammed it shut. She inched past Jane and leaned against it, blocking Jane from further attempts.
Stumbling backward, Jane looked on incredulously. "Let me go. I can't! Don't you see? I can't!"
Maura held up her hands palm out in obvious hopes to mollify and prolong. "I'm here, Jane, and that's all that matters. Talk to me, please. I don't understand," she pleaded.
The ball of emotion in Jane's gut erupted in an awesome explosion. She vibrated with it. "You're not listening!"
Maura's face reddened even more. "You're not saying anything!" She yelled in return.
"Don't thank me! I don't deserve your tears, and I sure as fuck don't deserve anything else from you!"
Maura's eyes widened and she sucked in a deep breath. "A myriad of things occurred tonight…you're not…we're both not behaving very rationally." Maura reached out intent on touching, soothing.
There it was…the logic.
Fire raced over Jane's skin and something within snapped. She flailed away from Maura's touch as if singed.
"Jane…please!" The crying started in earnest.
A realization dawned. The timing was odd, but it was true. Maura was just as beautiful crying as she was smiling or laughing. Jane's features must have relaxed because the softest of fingertips grazed her arm, bringing with it an inferno of awareness.
It was too much. The dichotomy between what she wanted and what she almost lost was just…too much. It's my fault. All of this…my fault. And Jane hated herself for it. The hate…it tasted like bile, sour and acidic. It looked pale, colorless, leaving everything around her drab.
She had almost lost one of the only bright spots in her life. In a visceral reaction, her heart reached out searching for something solid. Dark epiphany settled within and whispered for her to push the limits of perceived ruin until there were only ashes. Jane listened intently as a crimson haze washed over her. She wanted to feel anything besides the pain and emptiness that filled her.
In a rash of movement, she pushed Maura into the door. A surprised breath and the sound of flesh meeting wood resounded. Jane surged forward capturing Maura's lips with bruising intensity.
Jane swallowed Maura's resulting whimper whole.
This was wrong.
It was beyond selfish.
Maura almost died. Maura almost died not me...not me. What about her?
She ignored the voices in her head and the hands on her shoulders and chest attempting to push her away. Intent on conquering, her tongue pierced the closed line of Maura's lips. A greedy moan escaped her as she plunged into waiting heat.
Maura's whimper of denial became a needy groan.
Hands that were pushing before began to dig into Jane's shoulders, seeking out life in its basest of forms and mocking the image of death that had been inches from her face not too long ago. She plundered Maura's mouth, exploring, tasting, and memorizing every crevice. Jane shuddered when Maura's tongue slid against her own. Teeth clashed as they tried to deepen the contact.
Arousal surged, hitting Jane with wave after relentless wave. There was no room for gentleness. There was no time to savor. Jane was taking what she shouldn't have. She was taking what she needed. She was taking what she wanted.
It would change them.
Possibly destroy them.
Jane didn't care. That seed had already been sown, presumably, by her own hand.
For a few minutes, she could have everything at her fingertips, and there was no way she could resist.
Impatient hands clawed at Maura's skirt. Jane dragged it up over hips. Needing to breathe, Jane reluctantly tore her lips away. Unable to stop the inevitable clash, their gazes locked. Maura's eyes were wild, hungry.
It heightened the urgency. It heightened Jane's shame.
She kicked Maura's legs apart and ripped at her panties. Fisting one hand in Maura's hair, she pulled harshly until creamy skin was exposed. Her mouth descended on flesh, scoring it with teeth and tongue.
"Oh God!" Maura cried out.
Jane nearly came when her fingers slithered over slick heat. Maura was drenched. Drawn to the origin of sticky wetness, Jane plunged deep inside.
A loud keening filled the room.
If sanity and rationality hadn't left hand in hand long ago, they would have been burned to a crisp.
Muscles clenched around Jane's fingers threatening to suck her in deeper. It was a heady feeling being surrounded by heat she created….wetness she facilitated. Jane lost the last shred of herself in it. Her heart lodged in her throat and breathing was a thing of the past.
There was only this.
Fingers retracted to tips, but they missed the warm nest immediately. Jane found herself burrowing in, knuckle deep. Her own sex throbbed with each subsequent thrust.
"Yessss…fuck me!"
The prim, elegant Maura Isles was no more. She was stripped and laid bare.
With Jane's face still buried in fragrant flesh, Maura's voice was muffled, but the meaning and the need behind the words were clear, demanding harder, faster, and deeper.
Somehow, it wasn't enough.
Jane needed to see it…feel the words as they left Maura's lips.
As their foreheads touched, she captured Maura's gaze.
Green eyes were almost black. Full lips were swollen and slack. A hard red flush covered Maura's face disappearing down the 'v' of her blouse.
It was an image that would be forever scorched on her memory.
"Again," Jane growled.
A mewling sound escaped. "Fuck…mee!"
And she did, filling Maura, stretching her, pounding into her. Each thrust jerked Maura upward and resulted in a hoarse whimper.
Jane squeezed her own thighs, feeling Maura's pleasure…being Maura's pleasure bombarded already sensitized flesh.
Maura's hips rolled unevenly, urgently. Her sudden breathless gasp became a scream. "Jane!" Slick muscles clamped violently as if milking, searching for every last ounce of pleasure.
It was all she needed.
Jane moaned as her own orgasm pummeled her from the inside out, spreading to every nerve and ending at her fingertips. She slumped forward into Maura, leaning on her in hopes of keeping herself from falling. In all her fuzziness, Jane almost laughed viciously at the irony.
Fingers that had been digging into her shoulders found purchase on her scalp, making Jane shudder as residual pleasure chased over her skin. Sweet breath ghosted over her face followed by even sweeter lips.
It was the gentleness that brought her back to reality.
Shame and desolation beckoned for her return. Jane stepped back, removing herself from everything Maura had to offer. The smell of sex made her lightheaded, but Jane shook herself free. "Let me go," she husked.
Maura's gaze went from satisfied to shuddered pain. "J-Jane?" She whispered brokenly.
Jane lowered her eyes. She didn't want to see any more. She had reeked enough havoc. "Now…"
Clothing rustled and there was an audible swallow. Then, the door opened. Without another word, Jane fled.