A/N- I'm not really too fond of reading angst but I decided to try my hand at writing it after I read a few of them. This takes place during Revenge of the Sith but no spoilers, unless you count Anakin become Darth Vader a spoiler but I think we al pretty much knew that.
Disclaimer- No, I don't own any of these characters. Did I even really have to say it?
Padmé Amidala wrapped the wool cloak around herself tightly, shivering under the silver gleam of the stars. She bent her head and bit her lip, letting a few gentle tears spill onto the dark, wool cloak. Obi-Wan had given it to her, it had once belonged to Anakin a few years ago but he had outgrown it. It was the closest she was able to get to her husband now.
The brave woman held her head high once again, looking at the chaos known as Coruscant. High above it all, she was detached, away from her pain but yet so willingly close to it. She welcomed the sadness because she continued to love her husband. It seemed as though her life was now beyond her, in a sense. Padmé felt as though she were watching a tragedy unfold itself continuously, never giving the heroine a chance to run away from it all. The pain consumed her and she felt her morale, her soul, weaken with every breath she took.
In this tragedy she was watching, the heroine tried getting away but she was never able to. She couldn't leave her husband though he had had no problem in leaving her.
Padmé smiled when Anakin walked through the door. She beamed at him, missing him. He wasn't home often and she treasured the moments they were able to share together. She wasn't too pleased he lied to the Council to be able to meet her but she missed him so much. He wrapped her in his strong arms, continually whispering into her ear how he would be able to save her from death.
She sighed and rested her head on his shoulder. She was tired of having to try to convince him not to. He couldn't see how he was throwing everything away for her but she could see it and she would do everything in her power to stop it. Anakin deserved to be able to chase his own dreams, not a nightmare but what she wanted most was to be able to believe things would go back to the way they had been before Anakin's nightmare.
"I'll do anything, Padmé, even if it means I have to quit the Order, anything for you Padmé."
She pulled back for a moment and searched his eyes. Anakin was lost in them, it looked like he was fighting a battle with some more elusive presence and though he was trying, and he continued to lose. She was able to tell his once warm eyes were clouded with something. Something she wanted to ignore. Something she would have to ignore if she wanted to be able to trust him.
She hesitated and felt herself unable to relate to him. Anger flared within him, it was evident in his eyes. "Do you not trust me? I'm doing his to save you," he spat at her, the hatred dropping from his words.
Padmé assumed her political persona, a cool demeanor and a stoic glare. She crossed her arms in what seemed to be a poised manner but she did it because she was afraid he would be able to see her breaking heart. "I trust you." She paused for a moment. "Ani, please tell me what's going on. I want to be able to help you."
Anakin gave her a murderous look, making her well aware that he could easily kill her. "I'm not a child, Padmé, trust me."
She but her lip and met her husband's angry gaze. She tried to hide the hurt but she was afraid it was clear. "I can't," she admitted tearfully. She gave him a pleading look, pleading with him to understand and assure her. She had heard things, things she didn't want to repeat and she wanted Anakin to put an end to all of the rumors. To tell her what he was fighting, the battle she saw in his eyes.
In a fit of rage, Anakin reached out and struck her. She back away further, turning her back on him, reeling from the shock. A painful silence passed. "I'm so sorry, my angel. I'm so sorry," he muttered through his own tears.
Padmé retained her composure, not willing to forgive him yet. A bitter taste of blood filled her mouth. "I still love you," she whispered softly though she wasn't sure how much she believed her own words. Her confidence in him was shaken, almost non-existent. She waited for him to take her in his arms and apologize, tell her things would go back to the way they were.
Instead, heavy footsteps echoed off the walls, magnified tenfold when they reached Padmé's ears. The door closed and she let the tears fall.
For weeks, she felt as though it were her fault but now she knew better. It was solely Anakin. She had already told him she wasn't afraid to die. But he was set on saving her, ironically, killing her a bit each day.
Padmé walked over to their bed and placed his cloak on it neatly folded. The cloak now held what had once been a Padawan's dreams and tears and a woman's shattered dreams and tears.
"In case you ever find your way back," she whispered softly. "I love you, Anakin Skywalker but I can't wait forever. I'm only human, I won't live that long, no matter what you may think. But I'll leave your cloak here. It'll always be here, if you ever find your way back, wear it and I'll know you found it. I don't know how but I will and it'll be like you found me. Until then, it'll be right here waiting for you."
The cloak remains in that same spot to this day.
