DISCLAIMER: I don't own Newsies, or any of the songs that may be featured in this lovely piece of tripe.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is my first (and most likely last) Newsies' fanfic. I've been lurking around (on and off) this section for years now and I've finally gotten tired of all the Mary Sues I see. To get rid of my frustration I used the only weapon I can use, humour. Tell me what you think, should I write more?

The song that Blink is singing is from Cannibal!- The Musical. I thought it would a suitable song for this bit (besides, it was originally sang by Trey Parker's namesake).

CHAPTER 1- A GIRL IN THE ALLEY

Kid Blink walked down a street in Manhattan, heading towards the lodging house. What street? Even Blink did not know. Why bother with suck pointless details?

In any case, after a hard day of selling papers, running from evil people and randomly bursting into musical-numbers, Blink needed some rest.

Despite his tired state, he was happy. Cause why wouldn't a poor, orphan, one-eyed newsie be happy?

As he walked on, Blink sang a cheerful tune.

"The sky is blue

and all leaves are green.

The sun's as warm as a baked potato.

I think I know precisely what I mean,

when I say it's a shpadoinkle day!"

Blink stopped, wondering just why he had chosen to sing that song. It was evening after all, the sky was dark and there were no trees in sight. And what the hell was a "baked potato"?

Before Blink could reach a conclusion, a scream sounded out from a nearby alley. Now, being a New Yorker, Blink's first instinct was to ignore the scream. But as Blink started to move forward, the screaming continued and grew more louder and annoying.

"Oh please, stop! Somebody, help me!"

Blink moaned, he did not want a headache to ruin his marvellous evening. He turned on his heels and walked into the alley, determined to put and end to the damn screaming.

"Why don't you shut the hell up!" Blink hollered at the dark alley.

A shady figure ran past Blink, pushing him to the ground.

Blink gave the figure the best glare that one eye can deliver. "Hey, pushing people isn't okay!"

He stood up and brushed dust off his trousers. Just then, another figure stumbled out of the darkness.

Blink put up his fists. "Oh no, I ain't gonna be pushed around no more, so just forget about it!"

But this new figure made no attempt to push Blink in any way. On the contrary, after taking a few steps, the figure itself slumped to the ground.

Blink raised an eyebrow and examined the figure. He soon discovered that it was a girl, a stunningly beautiful one.

(One and a half page of description later)

The girl moaned with and angelic voice and turned to look up at Blink.

"Oh, thank you," she said. "Your heroic yelling saved me from that evil man."

Blink raised his eyebrow further.

The girl arouse from the ground, seemingly unharmed. "Allow me to introduce myself. I am Miriam Giselle Starlight Odette Ariel Wordsworth, the Third, but you may call me Mary Sue."

Blink's eye widened. Now he knew why the situation had seemed so suspicious. He had heard stories of girls like her, and none of them were very original or good.

He started to back away. "Yeah, you're welcome. I gotta-"

"Wait! Aren't you going to ask me about my tragic past and offer to take me to your lodging house?"

"Uh... No. It's none my business and the lodging house is only for boys."

"But..." Mary Sue pleaded, her multicoloured eyes shimmering with tears. "I love you. Even though you're poor and only have one eye. I'm really very rich and I have magical healing powers that I can use to heal you."

"No thanks."

"Would it change things, if I told you that I'm the mayor's daughter?"

Blink rolled his eye and muttered, "I knew that that line would come and bite me in the ass one day."

"Beloved?"

Blink shook his head. "Spot made me say it." He then looked at Mary Sue. "Isn't the mayor's name Van Wyck, not Wordsworth?"

Mary Sue hesitated. "Um... Does that matter? I love you! Please, I want to have your babies!"

"You're nuts!"

Blink ran like there was no tomorrow. Behind him he could hear the anguished pleas and professions of eternal love. He had to get away, and fast.