-My ImPortal-

(AN: This is a parody fanfiction, for lack of a better word. If that's not your thing then go ahead and stop reading now.)

CHAPTER 1

Hi my name is Chell Desiree Nightshade Alzheimers Victoria Armstrong. I have long black hair with ice blue tips and dark purple eyes. I wear a black jumpsuit with hot pink trim, and corset stuff that shows my clevage. (I'm a DD). I wear charcoal black eyshadow and lipstick. My skin is chalky white because I'm a vampire.

One day I woke up in this stupid preppy lab with pictures of fucking hilary duff and pink all over the walls. This bitch prep robot Gladoss kidnaped me from all my goff friends and stuck me in this lab and she gave me an ugly pink gun that shoots portals and stuff. I painted it black, and made the portals it shoots purple and red with black skulls in them.

So one day I was walkin thru da lab and Gladdos voice showed up in da middle of da room. She said I had to get through the level if I wanted to go back to my bf Gerard Way (If you donot kno who dat is, den FUK OFF U POSER PREP!1!) and my band Slits Wristz. She said that goffs were dumb and that I wasn't smart enuf to beat the maze. What a stupid fuking prep. I bet she isn't even a Stanist

I put up my middle finger at her survalence camera.

So anyway I did the level without even thinking bc Im a genius (gladoos got mad and started crying). I laughed statistically.

CHAPTER 2

I was starting to get reall lonely.

Glabdus sends me to da next room and says she has a surprise for me. I bet it's a fucking prep band concert like Hannah Montana.

When I got in da room there was a lot of puzzles and shoot in da middle of the room. A cube fell from da shoot. It was black w/ a stanist symbol on the top and blood red sides. It was da most gorgeous thing i'd ever seen. Sudenly I had a idea! I used my vampire poers on the cube.

Sudennlly... it transformed!

Da cube went from a squarish shape to a fucking hot man shape. It transformed into a super hot guy!

"THANK YOU" he said "YOU FRED ME FROM DA CUBE THAT GLLADS TRAPPED ME IN!11 Da man had blood red hair with black tips, pale white skin, and super HAWT emerald green eyed. He wore llots of eye makeup, and bc he had been crying in da cube it was running down his face. He was wearing baggy b;ack pants and a black Green day t shirt. he had on red converse and biker gloves.

I GASPED

He was da fucking hottest guy Id evar seen! even hotter than fucking gerard way who left me for fucking hilary duff (AN: Gerard, if u read dis, I stilll love you even if you do date that fucking prep bitch).

"Wow!" Said da guy "You are the most sexy beautiful girl I've evar seen ever1". I blushed, and my cheeks turned pinkish.

"My name is Alexius Nightwing" he said sexily "But you can call me Darkheart." he looked sad for a minute. "dat's what my old boyfriend called me b4 he broke up with me to date a stupid fucking prep boy." He started to cry.

"oh, I said. my bf just left me for a prep too. So you are gay den?" I asked concernedly but also disappointed because dat guy was HAWT and if he was gay he wouldn't want to date me.

"No, I'm actually Bi" He sobbed "And thats terrible about your bf! I bet da bitch he left you for wanst as sexah as YOU!" he said consolingly.

I told him my name was Chell and dat I thought he was hot too. We both giggled and started to talk about goffik bands and slitting our wrists. He told me that b4 he was captured he was an orphan. His dad was a vampire who left when he was a baby and his mom abused him. They both died in a car crash when he was 11. He had lots of mental problems just like me. He said dat all his friends left him becuase he was a goff, and dat his after his bf left him he almost commited suicide.

We solved da super easy puzzle dat that Gl4dos gave us in like 2 minutes. She got really mad and started crying again.

"YOU ONLY SOLVED IT BC U HAD DARKHEART TO HELP YOU. NEXT PUZZLE YOU HAVE TO DO IT ALL BY YOUrSELF!"

Glagdub brought a flowery pink arm out of the wall! She grabed Darkheart and pulled him into da wall! "CHELL, PLEASE SAVE ME!" He yelled!

"IF YOU WANT TO SEE HIM AGAIN YOU HAV TO BEAT MY NEXT PUZZLE. IT WILL BE WAY HARDER THAN THE OTHERS."

I started to cry tears of bllod, and entered da elevator to da next room!