Hello everyone. It's been a while, but real life was a whole bunch of crazy nonsense. Anyway, here is my version of what happened right after the season 6 finale. Only a few more days until season 7 kicks off. Enjoy.
It really is the perfect day for a wedding. Beautiful blue sky, temperature just right, a picturesque view of the ocean. The musicians are playing to keep the crowd occupied, and the priest is waiting up at the front. Alexis, Javi and I are mingling in the back with Alexis introducing us to some of her Dad's writer friends and other guests who are coming up to say hi. We keep glancing up every once and while to see when the wedding planner will give us the signal to get ready for the ceremony, but so far no signal.
After some small talk with one of Castle's old college friends, I catch a glance up towards the mansion. Nothing from the wedding planner, but what I do see though is disconcerting; a car from the Hamptons PD, lights and all, parking outside of Castle's house. There's no car behind it, so this isn't an escort. I gently nudge Javi and point to the car.
We can tell something is wrong; the moment Chief Brady gets out of his car with a somber expression, we know that there is a problem. Alexis rushes over to the Chief, followed by Javi and I both right behind her. Lanie joins us as well. We ignore the murmurs from the rest of the crowd that is looking back at us. We come up to the Chief, bracing for what news he might bring.
"Detective Ryan, Detective Esposito, I need you to come with me." The Chief's tone is as somber as the expression on his face.
"Why? What's wrong? Has something happened?" Alexis asks quickly, concern seeping through every word she says.
"What's going on? Kate left her dressing room without so much as a word and I can't seem to find where she went." Now Martha is here too, her worries matching her granddaughter's.
"Um… Ms. Rodgers, I…um…" the Chief stutters to get the words out before taking a deep breath and bracing himself. "I'm afraid I have bad news."
All of us put two and two together fairly quickly. "Castle." I mutter quietly.
"What happened? Where's my Dad?" Alexis sounds on the verge of tears. Seeing the normally calm and collected young woman so distraught is enough to create a big lump in my throat.
Chief Brady looks at us and sadly shakes his head. "I'm so sorry."
Those simple words are devastating. The tears that have been building up come out, and Alexis starts crying. Alexis and Martha embrace tightly, tears streaming down their faces. Lanie and Javi are embracing, and the ME is crying as well. I'm struggling very hard to keep my own emotions in check.
When Martha and Alexis break off their hug, I can tell that Alexis is still in need of comfort. My paternal instincts immediately kick in, and I hold out my arms and embrace her. She clings to me tightly and continues crying into my shoulder. Martha also comes over and I do the same with her. I issue pointless words of reassurance. "It's alright. It's okay." Bland comforts that don't mean a thing, but you want to hear at a time like this anyways.
I catch a glance of Javi, who is still comforting Lanie, and the two of us share a long look. If he's feeling anything like me, he's also devastated. Castle has become a great friend, really another partner to both of us and we've been through a hell of a lot these past years, both good and bad. He being on our team is now part of the way things are, and were always going to be. The thought of him gone is just, it's impossible to comprehend. As I stand here and comfort his mother and daughter, the thought of what a giant void his passing will leave in our lives sends a chill down my spine. This isn't right.
Worse though is Kate. She's been another big sister to me ever since I transferred to Homicide. All of us are as close as family and for someone who has already experienced her share of tragedies to lose the love of her life, on her wedding day, I can't even imagine. It would be like me losing Jenny, something too awful to ever contemplate.
But, despite the pain that I'm feeling and I know Javi is feeling, we can't let it show. The three women closest to Castle: his mother, his daughter, his fiancé, they are going to need us now more than ever. We have to be strong for them, because that is what Castle would want us to do and we owe him that. Our mourning will have to wait.
After some time, I really can't tell how much since everything is such a blur, Martha lets go of me. Alexis takes longer than her grandmother, but she also lets me go. I try to offer a semblance of a smile for them both, to give them some kind of cheer, but my heart isn't in it and I don't think it has any effect.
"I…I need to inform the guests." Martha says, sounding shell-shocked.
"I'll take care of it." Javi says, surprising everyone but me. Martha gives him an appreciative look, and I'm very proud of my partner for stepping up to do this. He told me once that he had to inform several families back in the military that their sons weren't coming home. Combined with how many times we've had to do it in our jobs, it's something that we have experience doing. But, and Javi will be the first to say this, it never gets any easier.
As Javi goes up to the front, I turn to Chief Brady who stood back and gave us our space. The Detective in me starts asserting himself. "Is Beckett at the scene?"
"Yes, I'd like you and Detective Esposito to examine the crash with us."
I nod. There is a collective, horrified gasp from the crowd as Javi announces the news; he had whispered the news to Father before telling the crowd, so the priest is ready. Father asks everyone to bow their heads and offers a prayer for Castle, Beckett and their families. After the "Amen", the crowd of stunned, shocked wedding-goers start getting up and heading towards Castle's house.
"I'll stay here and take care of our guests." Martha says.
"Good idea." I tell her. This is a good task for Martha; it lets her play hostess and gives her something to do. There will be plenty of time for gloomy introspection; if this gives her an hour of distraction then it is well worth it.
"Kev…" I turn and see Jenny, her eyes puffy, her voice catching. I quickly embrace her as she lets out her feelings.
"Poor Kate…" She mumbles.
"I know."
Jenny holds onto me for a while before pulling back and looking me straight in the eyes. "What are we going to do?"
"We'll get through this." I tell her.
The answer seems to satisfy her, although it starts nagging at me. What are we going to do? What can we possibly do?
"I'm going to head back to the City and pick up Sarah Grace from my Mom and Dad. Please call me and keep me informed."
"I will Jenny, I love you."
"I love you too Kevin." We exchange a quick kiss and she heads off. Thinking of my little girl, and remembering the awful look just a few moments go on Alexis's face is all the motivation I need to work on this case.
"You ready Javi?" I ask my partner, who is standing beside Lanie, scanning the faces of various guests.
"Yeah I'm ready." Javi looks over at the Maid of Honor. "You coming too?"
Lanie nods. "I'm going to go there as Kate's friend, not as an ME."
Both Javi and I understand where she is coming from. This situation doesn't need an ME; the thought of having to stand there and watch Lanie identify the body, it makes me shudder. No, none of us need that right now, especially Beckett. She needs someone there to support and comfort her. Kate needs her best friend.
Chief Brady, seeing that we are ready to go, starts heading towards his car. "Follow me and I'll take you to the scene." He tells us grimly.
As we start heading out, a hand tugs on my arm. It's Alexis.
"I need to go with you." She says.
"Absolutely not." I tell her firmly. I know why she wants to come, but as long as I have anything to say about it, that is not going to happen. We owe it to Castle to spare his daughter from some of this awfulness.
"Detective Ryan I…"
"Alexis, you need to stay here; look after your grandmother. It's better this way."
"But I…"
"He's right Alexis." Lanie chimes in and Alexis looks at her mentor. "You need to stay here. I promise we will keep you informed, but you do not need to be at the scene, for your own sake."
I'm sure it is Lanie's words that have the desired effect. Alexis backs down "Okay, please let me know."
"We will, I promise." Lanie heads over and gives her a quick hug and the three of us head towards our car.
The drive to the scene is silent. I'm sitting in the back seat while Javi drives and Lanie sits beside him. The two of them are holding hands and I'm mindlessly staring out the window. None of the three of us really has anything to say. What can we say? One of our best friends is gone, and that's shattered the world of another close friend on what was supposed to be the happiest day of their lives. Oh God, what can we say to Beckett? I can't begin to imagine what she's going through. Her life has seemed to be punctured by loss; first her mother, then a second father in Captain Montgomery, and now Castle, her fiancé on her wedding day. This can be a very cruel and unjust world.
What are we going to do? That was Jenny's question to me, and now I'm repeating it to myself, trying to come up with a better answer. No brilliant idea or great plan enters my mind; I'm so numbed by shock right now that I couldn't come up with an answer even if I try. But there has to be an answer. There has to be something more we can do…
The drive is both too long and all too short; I'm dreading every moment we get closer to the scene, but a small part of me wants us their quickly, so we can get to work and move forward. The crime scene is unmistakable. Smoke is rising from a ravine off the side of the road, yellow crime scene tape has blocked off a large area, several uniforms are waiting around, and the swirling siren of police cars are everywhere.
Standing apart from it all is Kate. Looking at her leaves me stunned. The dissonance between Kate, the bride-to-be, decked out in a beautiful wedding dress, her hair styled perfectly and Detective Beckett, at a crime scene is on full display. She looks completely out of place, and yet, at home all at the same time.
Javi parks the car and the three of us get out and head over to Kate. In the contest between bride-to-be and Homicide Detective, right now it looks like bride-to-be has won out. I've never seen Beckett look so…lost. She's flicking an imaginary strand of hair behind her ear, which I've learned is her nervous tic, and her eyes keep looking around for something. I feel a pang of sadness when I conclude that she's waiting for Castle to show up and say that this is all some terrible mistake.
She tries to smile when we get to her side, but never makes it. "Hey guys." She tells us quietly, meekly. It's so un-Kate like that it unnerves me.
"Hey girl." Lanie says, equally quiet. Before anyone can say anything else, the two women embrace, and the meager hold Kate had on her tears melts away. I'm trying very hard to keep the tears out of my eyes as well. I glance over at my partner and he's vainly attempting to swallow the big lump in his throat. In the meantime the fire trucks have come to the scene and have started the process of putting out the fire in Castle's car.
Javi and I stand back, letting Beckett pour out her emotions to her best friend. This vulnerable Kate Beckett is one that the two of us have almost never seen. It is the rare occasion when Kate displays her true feelings. Usually, she has that impenetrable mask of calm, that steely determination which makes her such a good detective. Right now though, that is gone. In its place is a vulnerable, mourning woman, stripped of all her training, trying to deal with a broken heart.
After she's embraced Lanie, Kate does the same with us, starting with Javi. By the time it's my turn, she's finished crying, but she still clings to me tightly. I rub her back and whisper the same pointless reassurances I gave Martha and Alexis. A part of me starts to grow angry that all I can offer one of my best friends, family really, are pointless clichés. I should be able to give her something much more than that.
"God Kevin." Kate suddenly whispers, interrupting my thoughts. "What are we going to do?"
There's that same question, now asked of me for the second time today. I almost give her the same answer I gave Jenny, but it is so inadequate; the most worthless cliché in a long line of them I've said today. I can't do that to Kate; she's in mourning for her lost love. The last thing she needs to hear is one more meaningless phrase. For Kate, I need to give her an honest answer.
"I don't know." I tell her.
She briefly squeezes me a little harder and then lets me go.
"You two had better get to work." She says, without a trace of emotion.
I nod solemnly. "Right, let's go Javi."
We make our way over to the edge of the cliff and peer down at the crash. My stomach twists at the sight; the metal husk of Castle's car burning at the bottom of the ravine, with the fire department working to douse the fire. This is so wrong, all of it is just wrong; a crime against the natural order and the way things should be. We shouldn't be here. None of this should be happening. We should be back at the wedding, watching Kate come down the aisle and listening to the priest ask them to exchange vows and become husband and wife.
"Kev?" It's my partner, shaking me out of my thoughts.
"Yeah?"
"We need to head down there once that fire is out, see what evidence we can find."
"Right."
Luckily for us, the firefighters finish their job quickly and give us the all-clear. Right now, there is so much smoke from the doused fire that we can't make out any details from this height. Javi and I start trying to find a way to get down there and closely examine the car. We haven't gone more than a few feet in our descent when the smoke starts to clear up. It doesn't take too long before I notice something that nearly makes me fall down the ravine.
"Javi, I don't see a body." I whisper to my partner.
"What?" He looks closer to the driver's seat. "Shit, I don't see one either. We have to get down there bro."
I absolutely agree. To hell with finding an easy path down; this is way too important for that. I start making my way down, although I wish I was wearing a better set of shoes; rented tuxedo shoes are not designed for climbing the rocky New York coastline.
"Slow down Kev." My partner calls back to me. I ignore his advice; we have to see what's down there. If there is the slightest chance that Javi and I saw things correctly, then that might mean…
My foot slides a bit on that last, slick piece of rock. I'm not too far from the bottom, so I jump down from the last bit onto the solid, rocky ground. The heat from the fire still radiates off of the car. I can't touch the car or even get right beside it, but I'm close enough to see everything inside the charred shell. Through the smoke and ash, I can see that everything in the car is burnt to a crisp. Nothing could have survived being in there for any period of time. And yet…
Before I can say anything, Javi reaches my side. "Kev, we were right; there's no body here."
"It didn't fall out or anything?" I hate having to ask that sort of question, but we have to cover all of our bases.
"Look around, there's no body anywhere."
I scan the area as best I can and sure enough, Javi is right. I don't see a body, and I don't smell charred remains. We're cops; we make our decisions based on evidence, and the evidence is absolutely clear. There was no body in this car when it was set on fire.
After a brief moment of silence as the two of us start realizing what this fully means, Javi sums it all up pretty succinctly.
"Well shit."
"My feelings exactly partner."
"What's going on?" It's Beckett, who has come to the edge of the cliff and is looking down at the wreck and the two of us.
"Beckett, there is no body." Javi tells her.
"What?" She looks confused, unsure.
"Kate, there is no body in this car." I call back to her.
"But…that means that…"
I can almost see the wheels turning in Kate's head as she comes to the realization of what this means. She's a brilliant detective, so it doesn't take too long before she arrives at the inevitable conclusion
"That means…he might be alive…" For a brief moment, her eyes light up, and the dark cloud that had been over her is temporarily gone.
Then, just as quickly as it came, her optimism fades away. Instead of sadness or shock, now confusion has taken hold.
"Then where is he?" She asks. "Where's he gone too? Where's Castle?"
Neither of us answers as we make our way back up the cliff to the road. Once he gets to the top, Javi reaches down and helps pull me up as well. Chief Brady heard our conversation, and he, the rest of the police and fire, and Lanie are all standing around, waiting to talk to us. I get back up from the ravine and am brushing dirt off my tuxedo jacket just in time to hear Kate ask that same damn question once again:
"What are we going to do?"
I don't know what it is, but an answer starts coming out of me before I can stop it. "I'll tell you what we're going to do Kate; we're going to find him."
Beckett, Javi, Lanie and the rest of the police and fire all look at me. "We're going to find Castle." My resolve strengthens with every word I say. "This isn't over, and it won't be until we find him and bring him back. And when we find him, you two are getting the storybook wedding you both deserve. You're going to walk down that aisle as the beautiful bride and say 'I do' and begin your married life together. And nothing or no one is going to stand in the way of that."
There's silence after I'm done. I hadn't thought or planned any of that out in advance; it just came pouring out of me. I know why all of that came out though; I'm tired. Tired of seeing people I care about in sorrow and pain. Tired that the only words of comfort I can give them are worthless clichés. I'm done with that; no more clichés, no more being tired, no more of any of it. All of these people: Kate, Alexis, Martha, Lanie, hell Javi and I, we all deserve more than that. This story needs to have a happy ending. I haven't ever really doubted the existence of God, but if this turns out badly, and I have to see all these people I care about relive this agony, then there is no just and loving God.
Maybe it's the shock wearing off. Maybe it's something I said, but Kate undergoes a transformation right before our eyes. The mourning, shattered bride-to-be is gone. In her place is Detective Kate Beckett, Lead Homicide Detective of the NYPD's 12th Precinct. There's a fire in her eyes that I've seen before, on some of our toughest, most important cases. I saw it when we were investigating 3XK. I saw it when she poured over her mother's case file. I saw it every time she went after Bracken. And I'm seeing it again today.
"Alright listen up." Beckett says, her voice full of authority. "We need to find his cell phone. Check that car when it's safe to get close to it, look for any particulates that might have been left behind. If you can't find the phone, then we're going to try and trace it. Let's go, we don't have time to waste."
Chief Brady and the rest of the Hampton PD start moving, going to care out her orders. Javi heads over to talk with the Chief while I start digging around for my cell phone. I'm focused on trying to find the phone when a hand gently grabs my shoulder. It's Kate.
"Thank you Kevin." She tells me, gratitude evident in her voice and her expression.
"That's what little brothers are for." I tell her with the utmost sincerity.
At that, she smiles, the first genuine smile I've seen since Chief Brady first pulled up to that house. I feel immensely honored that she would share it first with me and thinking that I might have had something to do with it. She gently squeezes my shoulder and heads off to talk to Lanie.
The phone call I was going to make is temporarily forgotten as I digest everything that's happened. We've been through emotional mountains and valleys in what turns out to only have been a couple of hours, even if it has felt much longer than that. There are going to be some dark moments ahead of us, I have no doubts about that. But we'll get through it. We're a family, and family sticks together, especially in the rough times. As for me, I'll get through it because I made a promise to Kate, with everyone here present. I meant every one of those things I said to her, every single word of them. And I'll be damned if I don't keep that promise.
Now I have an answer whenever someone asks me that question "what are we going to do"? It's simple, direct, and the absolute truth.
We're going to find him.
Good? Not so good? Either way, if you have any thoughts, ideas or suggestions, I'd love to hear them. Until next time.