Working titles for the following story are:

Harry Vomiter and the Half-Deformed Man Beast Thing

OR

Harry Shotter(self) and (Holy Shit, Why The Hell Isn't That Abomination Kept In) The Chamber Of Secrets

Scene from the Goblet of Fire, Voldy's resurrection:

Thank you Harry, for all your help…now that your blood is coursing through my veins, I am unstoppable! Muwhahahahahaha!

Uh Voldemort…is that you? I don't mean to be rude but…what the fuck happened to you?! You must have mixed the formula incorrectly because…SOMETHING IS FUCKING WRONG! You look like the love child of a goblin and a house elf! That's just not right…

Harry crouches down to release the small amount of bile that was populating his mouth

Please tell me you can fix that with some dark magic, otherwise you can just go ahead and kill me now. I'll even do it myself.

Harry begins to put his wand into his mouth when he becomes transfixed by Wormtail's expertly done pole dance (on the handle of the ladle used to stir the potion)

Harry, Harry, Harry…you're just trying to cope with the shock that I'm in human form once again. I know this is hard for you, but you'll get through it. I'll have Snape give you some "private counseling" if that's what you need…

Harry stands up with defiance burning in his eyes and screams:

Accio Mirror!

Moldy Voldy, who had been preparing for a counter-attack, lowered his wand ever so slowly. Confusion marked his clearly deformed face, mainly due to the fact that he couldn't understand why Harry wouldn't want to spend time alone with Snape, curling his fingers through Snape's amazingly greasy hair. Maybe I should've said McGonagall instead…what a fine pussy (cat)…

As soon as the mirror zipped into his hands, Harry passed it off to Voldy by tossing it at him…along with some of his precious cookies (Harry's)

Harry, you should know by now that you will never best me, even while playing mind games…now is not the time to start failing in that respect…

Voldy turned the mirror over in his hands a few times while staring intensely at Harry, who was drooling incessantly. Harry looked up and said just two words:

Do it (in the voice of the Emperor)

Being as it was a Jedi Mind Trick, Voldy turned the mirror over and looked deep into it. Harry watched as Voldy's eyes exploded in a gout of green liquid (presumably his blood). He would never see again. Wormtail, due to his incompetence in all other manners, became Voldy's Seeing Eye dog. Voldy retired early and went to his very own nursing home, mainly due to the fact that the other fogeys thought he was some sort of mutated human being. Who could possibly give them some sort of horrible, debilitating disease. Harry, on the other hand, led a wonderful and fulfilling life. But he still has nightmares to this very day…that disgusting image will forever haunt his cranial cavity.