Disclaimer: I own nothing and nobody.
Author's note: Just a little fic that I've been planning recently. One chapter will be written per week, with the last one posted on Valentine's Day.
The box was pink.
Pink and heart shaped.
Pink and heart shaped with a big red bow.
It stank of the stereotypical Valentine's Day gift.
Before he even entered the room, House wrinkled his nose, as if he could smell the stench of Saint Valentine in his office.
Upon opening the door, his eyes instantly alighted on the source of the smell.
There it sat, reflecting the rays of sunlight that streamed through the window. Its rosy glow was prominent amongst the plain white files and papers that were strewn on the desk.
House shuddered.
He considered calling a nurse - or even a patient, anyone would do - to remove it, but as it was still morning and this area of the hospital had only just woken up, the corridors were empty.
He then considered leaving and coming back later, but he could see his coffee mug tucked under his computer screen, and he needed his coffee to deal with his team at such an early stage of the day.
So there was nothing for it but to steel himself and limp into the room.
House approached his desk cautiously, pausing about a few feet away. Raising his cane, he prodded the box as if it were toxic. He glanced around the room warily, as if expecting a trap to spring up at him.
Nothing happened.
Slowly, he reached for the object before him. Its surface was cool to touch, and the glossy wrapping felt smooth underneath his fingers.
House twisted the box in his hands, taking note of the details.
It was pink, which meant that it was given to him by someone who didn't know him well or someone who purposely wanted to irritate him.
It had a large red ribbon tied on top, which meant that the sender was someone with extremely poor taste.
It contained some fairly expensive looking chocolates, which meant that he had received it from someone who had enough money to afford uselessly extravagant gifts.
It did not come with a note, which told him that the giver didn't want their identity to be discovered.
Well, that didn't help much: too many of his associates at the hospital satisfied all four criteria.
In his experience, any doctor at the Princeton Plainsborough Teaching Hospital who knew him well enough to be familiar with his dislike of pink also possessed the desire to annoy him as much as was in their power.
Moreover, he couldn't think of many who had good taste, who didn't have too much money, or who wouldn't want to be caught sending presents to the most notoriously unsociable doctor at the hospital.
But it had also appeared in his office sometime this morning. He inclined his head in thought. Now that cut the list of suspects down by a sizeable chunk.
Gripping the detested object in one hand and his cane in the other, House limped out the door. A furrowed brow indicated that his piqued curiosity would not let this mystery go unsolved.