Note from Me to You: So I had all these crazy random ideas for a FFVII fluff series and this was the first one, which I wrote out and didn't like. However, my friend BondSlave insisted I should post it; so maybe you'll like it more than me! xD Will possibily update in future depending on reception, haha. Lemme know whatcha think!
DILLY DALLY SHILLY SHALLY
I.
"All right, this is it. My feet are killing me: if I have to walk another step, I'm taking all my materia back and heading straight back home to Wutai!"
"Yuffie, you said that ten miles ago."
"Well I REALLY mean it this time!" the ninja-girl declared obstinately. She crossed her arms, stamped her feet resolutely and flopped down right where she was in the middle of the grassy plain.
Up ahead at the front of the party, a frustrated Cloud sighed and turned around. "All right, Yuffie. What would you have me do?"
"Try it again."
"No!" chorused the rest of the party.
"Come on! It couldn't hurt. We were just unlucky those times before."
Barret snorted and crossed his arms. "You mus' be talkin' 'bout those five billion times before?"
Cloud closed his eyes, dropping his troubled head in his hands as a scene the last time they tried it—catching a chocobo, that is—played through his mind. They had encountered the gigantic bird in a random battle with several other monsters; the goal of the fight being, of course, to quickly slay the other monsters before the chocobo had the opportunity of fleeing the scene. The whole thing ended rather horribly and with feathers flying everywhere—the hyperactive bird tried to peck his eyes out (several bruises still remained beneath his spiky hair). Tifa was of the opinion that the presence of Cait Sith had infuriated the chocobo; so they attempted another roundup without the cat-puppet. Same thing happened, only this time Nanaki was the unfortunate object of the chocobo's wrath—and so forth it continued, until one If the birds attacked Aeris. After that, Cloud would not be persuaded. So instead of enjoying the luxury of a feathered vehicle, they walked.
He looked up to find everyone looking expectantly at him. "Look," he began, "I think we're all just tired. Let's make camp here and maybe tomorrow morning some of us--" he glared at Yuffie "—will be feeling better."
Around the glowing campfire that night, Cloud was appalled when the subject came up again. They sat around the fire, Tifa deep in thought, Yuffie muttering under her breath and very pointedly dropping pebbles through the holes in her shoes, Vincent staring abstractedly into the fire, and the rest of the party dilly dallying as suited them. Despite the tense atmosphere, Cloud's eyes were becoming heavy and he was just on the verge of sleep when a shout shocked him back into reality: "BAIT!" Tifa exclaimed triumphantly.
"What?" Cloud asked, alarmed at the sudden outburst.
"I've got it!" she shouted, excitedly jumping to her feet.
"Got what?"
"The correct way to catch a chocobo! You see, we've been going about this too aggressively. Instead of fighting and scaring it away, we need to lure it into a false sense of security, then pounce on it! Which is why we use bait."
"You mean the nuts they eat. We used that method once and it didn't work."
"No, I mean a decoy. Something that they'll feel comfortable around because they think it's one of them."
Cloud stared blankly across the fire into her sparkling eyes. "Where are we gonna get a decoy?"
Tifa grinned widely at him and, in the awkward silence followed, he realized everyone was staring at him.
"What?" he blinked, confused. And then it dawned on him: he was the decoy. "No! No, no, absolutely not; not on your life. No…"
I can't believe I'm doing this, Cloud thought grimly as he paced across the plain towards certain death. Not only was the whole idea ridiculous, his 'decoy' disguise was ridiculous: they had embalmed him in a bright yellow fabric ("To go with the hair," Tifa had explained) and taped feathers all over the thing. He felt like a walking chicken once decapitated and tarred and feathered several times. …Definitely the stupidest thing I've ever done, he pouted mentally. Almost stupider than Wall Mar--…okay,the second stupidest thing I've ever done…
To Tifa's delight and Cloud's dismay, the decoy strategy actually worked. A nearby flock of chocobo drifted over to the strange-looking bird, eyed him curiously and were caught completely off-guard when the rest of the party leapt from their cover in the bushes.
"Glad that's over," Cloud reflected as they tethered the beast to a boulder, wincing as he ripped a taped feather from his shoulder.
Behind him Yuffie danced triumphantly around the bird. "What do you mean, Cloud? This one's mine, all mine. So unless you wanna make everyone else walk, you've still got six more to go!" She beamed.
If looks could kill, Yuffie would have melted on the spot.