It took me nearly a year to finish this and upload it. Might as well be my last 5-0 story. But somehow it felt right to upload it now and finish my triology, so this could be seen as a sequel.

Enjoy!

It was like a flash, a flash of hot white light that burned its way into his skull. There was no pain, just this damn bright light that filled his head, burned behind his eyes. If he hadn´t been this fucking tired, he might have been worried about the lack of pain. But he simply couldn´t find the energy to give a damn. All he wanted was to sleep and slip into the darkness that started to grow on the edges of his consciousness.

Things started to change and the light began to fade, turn grey and whirl around in his head until it finally stopped altogether. And he saw.

Pictures, like a movie, one after the other, following so quickly he couldn´t grasp them. But the emotions that came with them, the feelings that rushed over him, he felt them. Every single one. Anger. Hate. Fear. Pain. Despair. Loneliness. Honor. Pride. Friendship. Love. Hope. Joy. He had come a long way to feel this myriad of emotions. Slowly the pictures in his head began to slow down, like a movie that is slowed down, until he was able to watch.

He was standing in front of the altar wearing his dress blues, smiling at Danny. They were in a church, a small church near a beach on Oahu. Steve grinned, thinking how traditional Catherine was when it came to this wedding. She wanted to marry him in a church, in a white dress, with her families and their friends there. She wanted her father to walk the isle with her. There wasn´t much family left, but here they were in this little church, their friends by his side. And then the door opened and in walked Catherine with her father. And Steve lost the ability to think.

She was stunning, beautifully stunning. The white dress showed classy elegance, hugging her form in all the right places. She looked innocent, beautiful and her smile was bright and sweet. Their eyes met and Steve felt himself fall for her all over again. Those dark eyes looked at him, looked right at him and he knew she saw him. She really saw him, without any disguise and without any layers. She looked right inside him and her smile grew even more.

When she stood by his side, her father gently placed her hand in Steve´s and nodded at Steve, smiling to show that he approved his daughter´s choice.

"Hello Commander." she whispered gently and Steve grinned at her cockily.

"Hello Sunshine. You´re ready?" His thumb brushed over her hand.

"As ready as can be."

They turned to the Hawaiian priest.

He welcomed the burning sensation in his throat, caused by the Whiskey he had just drowned. Maybe if he drank enough, if he tried hard enough, it would ease the stabbing pain in his chest and the iron-like fist around his heart. Maybe it would help him forget his pain for a moment, so he was able to help Cath. Cath… God, he felt so helpless, so torn and so broken. He was supposed to be there for her, to support her and to strengthen her. But right now, he felt unable even to help himself. How was he supposed to help his wife deal with the loss of their baby?

This was something his SEAL training hadn´t prepared him for. And he had no idea how to handle it. Ever since he had found Catherine 2 days ago in the bathroom, writhing in pain and whimpering softly, her face a grimace of agony and despair, sweaty and tear stricken. Her body rolled up in a fetal position, hugging herself and slowly rocking back and forth…. He had never been so scared, never felt such panic inside.

He had pulled her into his arms, held her tightly against himself without saying a word. The blood on her tighs was enough for him to know what had happened. He had no time to sort out his own feelings, when he gently lifted her up as soon as the writhing pain seemed to fade. She hid her face in his chest, holding onto him for dear life and her tears had burned into his skin. He lifted her into the warm bed and when she wouldn´t let go of him, he slid behind her and pulled her against his body again.

Whispered words of comfort and soothe. Tried to help her, without knowing how to. But she didn´t seem to mind. He gently washed her and toweled her dry and helped her into a shirt and shorts, helping her to lay down in their bed again. It was in the middle of the night and he decided to take her to the hospital the next morning, there was nothing that would change if they went now. Holding her while she cried herself to sleep, his thoughts were strangely numb.

The doctor only confirmed it the next morning, they had lost their baby. It had been early in the pregnancy and Steve had to restrain himself to not punch the doctor when he told them things like that happened. God damn, he didn´t give a damn, if things like that happened!

And here he was now, 2 days later, on the lanai, a half empty bottle of Whiskey in front of him. Catherine had locked herself in the bedroom and wouldn´t let him in. Not into their bedroom, not into their bed and not into her heart. And when he heard her silent sobs through the closed door, he had lost it too. That was the moment he had realized the full extent of what had happened.

Steve leaned his head back and swallowed hard but it was futile. He had been fighting against his emotions and the pain inside him was killing him. He wanted nothing more than to hold Catherine, feel her warmth and be strong for her. She needed him to be strong for her, for himself. He craved her touch, the intimacy of her closeness. He had begged and pleaded with her to let him in.

With a strangled moan he leaned forward, smashing the glass against the nearest wall and watched it break into million pieces before hiding his face in his hands.

And suddenly he felt a soft hand in his hair, combing through it with gentleness and comfort. He looked up and saw Catherine standing by his side, her face showing the same pain, the same emotions. He didn´t care that his face showed his pain and his loss, that his eyes were full of unshed tears and that she could see his helplessness.

"I´m so sorry…" she cried and Steve wrapped his arms around her and pressed his face against her stomach while her arms embraced him just as tightly. Holding onto each other while the pain washed over them. When her knees started to give in, he pulled her into his lap and held her like a child, comforting her with his warmth, his strength. But at the same time, his weakness and his tears offered the same comfort.

"I´m so sorry, Steve." Catherine sobbed and her fingers twisted the fabric of his shirt.

"There is nothing you have to be sorry for." He assured her, his voice thick with tears and emotions.

"I´ve lost our baby…."

"WE have lost our baby, Cath."

"I shouldn´t have shut you out."

"You´re here now."

"I love you."

"I love you too!"

And when her cries slowly faded and the tears dried, it was their closeness that comforted them more than words ever could.

Steve pressed his lips to her sweaty forehead, kissing her while trying to get a grip on his emotions to not start crying. His arms were wrapped around his trembling wife that leaned against him weakly. And there, in her arms was a tiny bundle of life, screaming and so beautiful, it left Steve speechless.

"I love you." he whispered and his finger traced the oh so soft skin of his daughters cheek. The crying slowly died and dark blue eyes met his, focussing on his voice when he softly began to talk to her. Her tiny hands flared uncoordinated until she grabbed his finger and held onto it tightly.

"Well, that is a strong grip, you got there, Princess." he chuckled and met Catherine´s eyes. She looked exhausted but he never had seen her more happy, more satisfied or more beautiful. She was glowing and her gaze was gentle and lovingly. Her hands held their daughter tightly.

"Thank you." he whispered and she reached to his face, cupping his face and pulled him into a sweet kiss. They didn´t need any more words, because that kiss said enough. They had made it through so much pain and were granted with the biggest and most precious gift life had to offer.

"You´re welcome, Daddy."

"Finally!" Catherine sighed and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him down for a gentle kiss.

"Finally alone." He smiled against her lips, only to moan silently when she deepened the kiss, reminding him that for the first time in over a year, they were alone for the night. Danny had offered to watch their daughter for the night, knowing that they deserved some time as a couple. And even though Steve loved his daughter a lot, he was thankful for spending some quality time with his wife. No crying at night. No changing the diapers or rubbing a hurting tummy. Just him and Catherine.

"You´re not gonna call Danny and ask him to bring her back, are you?" Catherine teased gently and Steve chuckled.

"Nope." He assured her, not willing to admit that he had thought about it briefly. But that was before she had wrapped her arms around him and melted her curves against his body.

"Good, because I thought you´d join me for a nice bath and some wine." Her lips teased his throat and he moaned silently, his hands on her waist pulled her even closer against his aching body.

"I love that idea…"

"Good. I´m gonna start the bath, you get the wine?" she asked but never made any attempt to stop her kisses against his skin.

"Yeah…"

Minutes later they parted breathlessly. Steve´s eyes were dark with desire and his body made it clear that there was no way he´d miss this time with Catherine. Shooing her upstairs to start the bath, he quickly went to the kitchen, opened a bottle of wine and took two glasses before locking the door, switching off the light and following her upstairs.

"Hey princess, what´s the matter, hm? All this crying from such a little girl." Gently Steve lifted his daughter from her crib and cradled her against his chest. Her cries instantly calmed until she was only sobbing quietly, her dark blue eyes focused on her father, listening to his voice. He quickly changed her diaper and couldn´t help but press a gentle kiss to her soft tummy before tugging her back into her pj´s. All the while gently whispering to her. It always fascinated him how focused she was on his voice, her eyes following his every move.

"You´re hungry?" he asked. And his daughter smiled at him as if she understood what he was talking about. She was only a few months old, but every smile made Steve feel like… a hero. Her hero. A feeling he didn´t fully understand but he loved it. He´d do anything for his daughter, loved her unconditionally and without any doubt. He knew that he would stop the world from spinning if need be, for her.

Carrying her over to Catherine who greeted them with a tired but sweet smile, he gently placed her into Catherine´s waiting arms and slid back under the cover. Lying side by side with his wife, their daughter between them. Watching his daughter nurse, he tenderly stroked Catherine´s cheek and pressed a kiss to her forehead.

"I never thought you´d be willing to get up in the middle of the night and change diapers." Catherine teased him gently.

"What can I say, I´m a daddy and it´s my job." He grinned back.

"You´re awesome, daddy. She´s gonna be spoiled and I already know she´ll be daddy´s girl."

"She is perfect... so innocent." Steve whispered their eyes met. He saw her love inside them, for him and for their daughter.

"I know. She´s still so tiny that I want to keep her safe from every harm."

"We will keep her safe. She´ll grow up knowing how much we love her." Catherine gently touched his cheek and caressed it.

"You´re such a softie, love."

"I know, just don´t tell Danny." Chuckling silently he kissed Catherine and when he pulled back, he felt a tiny hand tug the fabric of his shirt. Looking down, his eyes met his daughter´s and her smile was bright and toothless.

"And you won´t tell Danny either, princess." He playfully scowled only to feel her tug harder on his shirt. Softly babbling his daughter seemed to agree with him, but Steve already knew that he wouldn´t live to see the end of it. Danny would tease him for the rest of his life. And Steve didn´t mind.

Steve felt like he was grinning like an idiot but he didn´t mind. He was proudly watching his daughter make her way to where the rest of her classmates were standing, her little face so serious. He knew she was scared, after all this was her first day at school. He saw her eyes scanning the crowd of parents and families, looking for him. When her eyes met him, he smiled at her encouragingly. And she smiled back, her face lightening up and she looked just as beautiful as her mother, who slid her hand into his.

"She is beautiful." He told her and the pride as a dad in his voice made Catherine giggle. "Just like her mom."

There were countless memories that filled his life with hope and love. The first word she had spoken...

He had woken up in the middle of the night, not sure what had woken him. But he got up anyway and silently walked over to her room, peaking in, only to find his daughter standing in her bed, holding onto the railing of her bed. The moonlight lit the room and she babbled something he didn´t understand. She smiled and giggled, bobbed up and down. And then she turned her head and saw him standing in the door and a bright smile appeared on her face. "Dadda!"

Or her first steps.

Catherine had called him to tell him that she had a surprise for him when he got home. He heard his daughter laughing and babbling in the background. He had no idea what it was, but those moments of total and utter happiness and ease left him smiling for the rest of his day. Danny would tease him about that, but Steve knew that Danny was happy for him. He had hoped for his partner to experience the wonder of parenting. And a not so small part of him loved to tease Steve about being such a soft dad.

So when Steve got home that day, cautiously hiding the wince when his sore muscles were bothering him after getting himself into a fight with a perp, he found his wife and daughter waiting for him on the lanai. His daughter had squealed when she saw him and Catherine carefully sat her down, holding onto her chubby hand.

Steve had crouched down, smiling at his daughter. And then he just watched in awe when she let go of Catherine´s hand and walked over to him, with wobbly but fast steps, laughing at him, her small arms already reaching out to him. He had gathered her in his arms, swung her around and laughed with her. The pain in his muscles was forgotten when he held his daughter in his arms.

And here he was now with his beautiful wife by his side watching their little girl starting school. Life was full of surprises, full of challenges. And he was utterly thankful that he never hesitated to ask Catherine to marry him and to start a family with him.

He now understood his father. Understood why he had send him away to protect him. He understood the pain and despair behind his father´s decision but he also knew that he´d do the same thing to keep his daughter safe.

He didn´t know where he was or what happened. All he remembered was the burning pain in his abdomen and neck, the agonizing helplessness when his body betrayed him and his mind went black. He was fighting to stay conscious, knowing that he couldn´t give up. He wouldn´t give in to the blackness that promised no pain. Nothing. No love. No joy. No hope. He knew that he didn´t want his life to end this way. Not before he was able to grab the chance to experience those moments, to see his life and to live his life. With Catherine.

It took Steve 2 days to fight his way back to life. It was touch and go for a long time and Catherine never left his bed. She was there when he opened his eyes, when he pulled her close and breathed in her scent that reminded him of life. And then he licked his dry lips, thankful that the tube was gone, because he had to tell her something important.

"Marry me."