To All my normal readers who wish I'd write more...Here's a Ben Harper shaped slice of depression for you.

Disclaimer - I do not own any of the characters contained within...those are the rights of Stan Lee and Marvel...and I am a fool to their brilliance.

"I love you."

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath as she rushed the words out-she almost didn't want to think about the fact that she was saying those words now. Even uttered softly with hopes he wouldn't hear them they cut across her heart and caused her to tighten her hands into fists. This wasn't the time to break down-she had to do this-she was stronger than him making it her cross to bear.

That didn't mean that this wasn't going to break Rogue's heart-she knew better than to expect him to make it easy on her. Nothing about Remy Lebeau had been easy for Rogue.

That was the problem.

"Je t'aime aussi, Chere." He replied just as quietly and it drove Rogue's eyes open so that she could measure his sincerity.

Rogue had always been good at that-barring a few notable exceptions-being able to gauge people. It was part of what made her a good fighter; along with her natural scrappiness as Logan would say if asked. She'd always been at a loss with him though, from the moment Gambit had stepped around the corner and nearly blown her hand off. No matter how hard she struggled Rogue would always find herself pulled into the tarry darkness of his eyes-lulled by the embers. Her cause was as lost as that of the ancient creature's that had created today's oil. Rogue had sunk deeply for Remy…in the blink of an eye.

Only a fool would have expected things between them to be easy-she couldn't touch and he had libido to spare. That was why when she'd decided to take the risk on him; that maybe being untouchable didn't mean being lonely-Rogue had thrown herself into things. She'd tried to be patient as he worked through the guilt that came with some of his more unpleasant actions while employed not only by his family's Thieves Guild but by Magneto as well.

She'd been there herself-the self loathing and guilt were dear old friends to Rogue long before her mutant power had imprisoned her inside her body. There were enough memories of her childhood that had lingered around the edges of her mind-an angry man that had told her often it was her fault her mother had died. It was one of those memories that had faded so much around the edges that Rogue half felt that she had dreamed it; no parent could be that cruel and unloving towards their own young child. Even with her experience of Mystique as a mother Rogue couldn't believe that ill of someone. The fact was that she saw so much of herself reflected in Remy's red and black eyes that Rogue couldn't help but want to show him the glimmer of hope she'd found at Xavier's.

The loner in her had understood when he'd needed to be alone to deal with his demons. She'd respected it and had hoped that he knew her ear was available to him when the time came that he could talk about it. It was the same patient approach that Logan had taken in getting Rogue to open up and she'd recognized that the application to Remy would probably work best. After all there was plenty of time when they were together and Remy would shower her with attention and affection. He'd made Rogue happy.

So happy that at first she didn't notice him slipping away-letting the weight of his past crush him. That was when things soured-he was cross, short tempered, and would avoid Rogue like she had the plague. When cornered about it he'd only offered that he didn't want to lash out at her. Given the fights Remy'd been picking with Scott, Logan-hell even Kurt-Rogue had been willing to accept that. Then she'd accepted it when he'd left the Mansion and into his own place in town.

From that moment on she'd seen less and less of him as Remy imploded emotionally-he'd cut her out. It hurt like hell. Seeing him withdraw from her-blaming herself for it-that some how this was her fault. Rogue had struggled with it now for months taking several hits to her already fragile self esteem; she'd emerged dented but resolved. Biting her lip to strengthen herself Rogue faced Remy.

She could feel the regret and sadness that held her in it's crushing grip, "Ah love you Remy…but if you're ever going to respect me Ah need to love myself more."

Digging her nails into her palms even through the leather of her gloves Rogue forced herself to meet his eyes. It took all of her strength to hold herself together-every part of her being wanted to just swallow his distance and accept it. Even having him deny her emotionally had to be better than living without him. Rogue's jaw clenched dangerously as she drew herself back under control-she would do this or die trying.

Rogue met Remy's eyes and for once they were just eyes. For the first time in their crazy relationship she could meet his eyes and they had no power over her. It made Rogue sad to see a glimmer of unshed tears making the black glossier but she knew she was doing the right thing. The smile that lifted Rogue's severe face was wistful and mildly forced, "Good luck Remy-Ah hope one day you can be happy again. I really do."

The last words were delivered in profile as Rogue began the difficult task of lifting one foot in front of the other. Her boots felt heavier than normal and it made Rogue slow her pace but she kept it even.

Left. Right. Left. Right.

He didn't call out to her and Rogue didn't turn around to see if he watched her as she walked away. It was a silent way of saying that this was understood-by both of them. Sometimes love alone couldn't be enough to keep two people together and this was one of those times. As she moved each step got lighter; the weight of it all slipping away from her.

It wasn't until she heard a rustle in the bushes to her right that Rogue realized her face was wet from tears. Wiping at her face with her gloved fingers Rogue swore as her adopted brother and roommate stumbled free of the greenery with faces wreathed in apologetic frowns. Kitty seemed to be the more embarrassed of the pair and Rogue could tell from the way Kurt's tail was swishing he was mad, "Rogue…do you vant us to…"

"No," her voice was sad but firm, "Let him go…I'm okay."

It wasn't the truth-inside Rogue was dying. She'd seen a part of Remy wither when she'd turned away and it hurt her more deeply than anything he could have said. But for now Rogue was going to lie to everyone-including herself-until the day that she'd repeat the words and mean them.

Rogue hoped that'd be soon.