I own Nothing (:
This is my first attempt at Rade..Read on and tell me what you think
Robbie:
The memories are still fresh. The wounds still open. I flip through the faded photo album and gaze at the pictures that are the only remnants of my past. I carry Rex because when I had to leave, it tore a hole in my heart. It tore me apart because after that she wasn't there every day. Being with her was the happiest time of my life, and for the longest time, all I could think about was finding her and patching up our broken friendship. But then I realized I'm the only one that's broken.
So broken.
I shed the darkened thoughts, and head towards the front door of Hollywood Arts. It's my first day and I honestly don't know how it will turn out. The prospect of being laughed at for having Rex crosses my mind, but I nudge it off to the side and grip the handle of the door. I head straight in, and of course I bump into a dark haired girl who is carrying coffee. At least nothing is spilled.
"Watch where you're going!" She snaps. Her icy mood is matched the hue of the streaks in her hair.
"S-Sorry." I stutter, gathering my thoughts and dragging a coherent sentence past my lips.
"Do you know where the administrative office is?" I ask, my words sounding more confident as they tumble forth from my mouth.
"Down the hall. Take a right and it's the third door." The girl informs me after a moment of thought. As I step away, all I can hope is that she told me the right way. Something tells me she's not above telling a lie. A few minutes later, and I'm opening a door. With a sigh of relief, I realise it looks like the right place at least.
"I'm Robbie Shapiro. I uh, I'm new here…" The explanation of my sudden appearance stumbles forth from my lips. The woman sitting behind the desk gives me a small smile, and then produces a single sheet of paper. There's a number scribbled at the bottom, and I notice my name is at the top.
"The top half is your schedule, and the number is your locker number." She explains. I assume the look of confusion that marred my face for the briefest of moments brought the words on.
"Thanks." I reply with a nod, before turning towards the door. A flash of magenta hair blurs past me, and I glance in the direction it had darted off in. Shrugging, I step into the hall and hopefully in the direction of my locker. Glancing around, I see kids with guitars, and girls that look like models. Everyone is so talented, and I'm just Robbie Shapiro. A boy with a puppet.
"Hi!" Somebody calls. The voice catches me off guard. It's just after class, and I'm putting away my textbooks.
"Hi." I reply, my voice taking on a monotone. No emotion and maybe they'll think I'm normal.
"I'm Cat!" She says brightly. I take note of the vibrant color of her hair and deduct that it's the same person who ran past me this morning. Well she sure does look friendly, at least. Maybe I'll have a friend at this school.
"Oh, Like the animal?" I ask, smirking at her. She's more than friendly looking. Actually she's kind of cute.
"What's that supposed to mean?!" Cat screams, balling her hands into fists and gluing them to her sides. Wincing at the shrill tone of her voice, and try to recompose myself. I've probably already broken some kind of unwritten rule here though.
"N-Nothing I-I like Cats." I say, scrambling for words to piece this girl back together. I hope I didn't break her like I've done to so many others in the last few years.
"Oh, ok! I like cats too!" Cat replies, a smile lighting up her face. I almost get whiplash from her sudden shift in tone, but that one little smile makes my world so much brighter. It almost reminds me of how I used to feel.
"Hey little red, who's this?" A dark skinned boy asks, coming to stand behind Cat. He's armed with a keyboard and a friendly smile.
"This is, umm-" She starts, trying to remember something she hasn't even been told. Seeing her brows furrow, I place a hand on her shoulder and cut her off.
"I'm Robbie." I say with a smile, dropping my hand away from Cat's shoulder as a look of realization comes across her face.
"Yeah this is Robbie!" Cat says poking my chest and bouncing on the spot.
"Well I'm Andre, and it seems like you've already met Cat. If you're planning on hanging out with Cat here, there are two more of us you should probably meet. One's a gank and the other is her boyfriend." Andre says rolling his eyes and letting a small chuckle slip into the air. Periodically his eyes dart towards Cat. She's is now transfixed by a giraffe charm on her bracelet and doesn't notice.
"Oh yeah, cool. Do you uh…" I ask vaguely, nodding my head towards Cat.
"Do I like her?" Andre asks, raising an eyebrow and nodding his head in the same general direction.
"Yeah. Do you?" I ask. Andre seems like a decent enough guy. I'd rather not get on his bad side by unwittingly trying to steal his girl.
"Yeah, A little." He says smiling at Cat when her head pops up from where she'd been playing with her charm.
"Where's Beck and Jade?" Cat asks suddenly, her soft brown eyes dart around the crowded hall.
"Probably making out somewhere." Andre shrugs dispassionately, clutching the keyboard closer to his body.
"Hey Rob, are you ok? You look like you've seen a ghost or something." Andre chuckles, pulling me out of my thoughts. There are a million Jade's in the world. There's no way it's the same girl I lost touch with so long ago.
"Yeah I'm fine." I lie, letting the words spill out of my mouth. More words brew on my tongue, but I bite down on them before they can stumble into the air. The salty taste of blood fills my mouth and I wince painfully.
"Robbie, there's blood on your lip!" Cat shrieks, jumping back and curling up to Andre's side like a small animal.
"I know, I accidentally bit my tongue." I say, wiping the blood off with the tips of my fingers.
"Oh, do you need a bandaid?" Cat asks, fishing around in her purse for an adhesive strip with gauze in the middle.
"No, I'll be fine" I chuckle, lightly ruffling her magenta hair. She gazes up at me her brown eyes pooling with emotion. It's something that I've never seen before, so I don't really know what to say.
"Who's the kid with the doll?" A voice calls. The tone is scornful, and I glance up from Cat and see the girl I almost ran into this morning. She still looks as angry as ever, only this time she's accompanied by a handsome boy. Their fingers are linked, so I assume this is the gank and her boyfriend.
"This is Robbie. Robbie this is Beck and his gank." Andre says, smiling and gesturing towards the couple.
"Actually my name is Jade West." Jade smirks, lifting her coffee to her mouth and taking a long sip.
"More like Wicked Witch of the West." Rex pipes up. I know that my lips vibrate with his womanizing words and his playboy attitude, but sometimes I let myself slip into Rex's persona. Only when I'm with a girl, or in danger though. I guess this girl is just that menacing though.
I look into Jade's piercing emerald eyes, and suddenly the pictures from that old faded photo album flood back to the front of my brain. Those eyes, that hair. It's actually her. I want to scream, I want to hug her. I want to kiss her cheek and tell her I love her like I did so many times when we were little. A sharp jab in my abdomen jerks me back into the real world, and I realize that's just not going to happen.
"Ow!" I mumble feebly, turning in the direction of the person that had jabbed me.
"Your eyes looked all funny like." Cat says, giggling lightly. I take a hand and rub my neck lightly, forcing a small laugh to accompany it. For a second, things are normal, but of course my collar droops slightly, and exposes a dark hickey from two nights ago.
"What's that?" Cat asks, beginning to peel back m collar. Glancing around nervously, I wonder how it is that she pushes all of the others away. I suppose it's her constant chatter. Shaking the thoughts loose, I jump back to avoid my secrets spilling forth.
"J-Just a bruise." I say, nervous laughter flittering through my words. Jade raises a dark eyebrow at me, taking a step forward with interest. I feel something large lodge in my throat. She even sort of smells like she used to.
"Just a bruise, huh?" She says, bringing her coffee back to her pale lips and taking another sip.
"Jade, don't be mean…again." Beck chastises her, rolling his eyes.
"Fine" She huffs, crossing her arms in defeat. A brief quiet settles over the small group, and I glance around at the still crowded hallway. I've been here for less than a day, and already I've got more friends than my entire career at my last school. I'm beginning to think things won't be so bad, but then I catch sight of Jade. My Jade.
Why can't things just be simple?
Her eyes are pools, glazed over with lust. She means nothing to me though. My heart has shut out all emotion in situations like this, it's like running laps. She cries out in pleasure, and I just lay beside her. When she tries to hold me, I slip out of her grasp. She groans in displeasure, but that noise is just white noise. Something annoying that needs to be blocked out. I dig through the pile of clothes and find my own t-shirt and Jeans. She glances up from her bed and I look back at her. I used to feel bad about these sorts of things, but now they are nothing more than a daily routine. I gather my phone and my jacket, and head towards my car. That's the one time I let loose and cry. Why am I like this? Am I some sort of monster? I hate doing this to girls, but it's so addictive. So pleasurable. Jabbing my key into the ignition, I take all of my emotions and shove them into my pocket. I'll be fine. They can fester there, and I'll only allow them to come out through Rex. Myself, if I slip.
"Robbie, is that you?" I hear the melody of my mother's voice float through from the kitchen. I snort. This is a surprise. She usually dumps me at home for a few days, and goes to work or God knows where.
"Yeah mom." I answer, shedding my jacket. I still feel dirty and the smell of sex is still fresh in the air.
"Where were you?" She asks as I come through the door. Glancing around, I'm greeted by the lean dark haired figure of my mother, Lisa Shapiro.
"At a friend's helping them study." I lie. Mom's lips purse for a brief moment in contemplation, but she nods her head anyway.
"Alright, go to bed now, it's late." Mom says, smiling as she usher me out of the kitchen. The stairs feel like they have a magnet underneath them pulling me down, down, down into my despair. I feel unholy and dirty. I enter the stark white bathroom. It's too clean, too hospital like. A hospital is where they clean you of germs and sicknesses, but my room does anything but. It just reminds me of who I'm becoming. I really do think I have a sickness. I'm a sick person. It's something that I'm not particularly proud of, and I never will be. Shedding my t-shirt I turn to the mirror. There are scratch marks down my back, and dark circles dot my chest and collarbone. They're all just reminders of how dirty I really am. How sick I really am.
Morning comes, and I rub the sleep out of my eyes. With I yawn, I reach over to grip my glasses in between two of my fingers. Pushing the lenses up my nose I crawl out of bed and slip into the world. Not the one that I slipped into last night but the fake one. The one that everyone at school and at home believes is the real me. I slip my hand deep into my mother's makeup bag and produce a bottle of concealer. This has become a daily routine. I tap the edge of the bottle against the pale palm of my hand and lather the creamy liquid on my neck and exposed collarbone. The dark hickies disappear almost instantly, and then I'm Robbie Shapiro.
"Robbie, you better hurry you'll be late for school" If I had always had my mom around, I would be used to these sorts of things by now. But she usually drops me at home and goes to work, or out with friends until god knows She's always asleep when I wake up. I like the quiet of the house in the mornings and I feel like she invades that calm serenity that I have become so accustomed to.
"Can I have coffee?" I yell back. I know what she'll say no, though. A lecture that coffee is bad for my health will probably follow. I can hear her voice chastising me in my head. The shrill way her words turn up at the ends, and the way her thin dark eyebrows cut into her chocolate eyes.
"I guess." I hear her mutter from upstairs. It's the faint murmur of victory.
I slip my dark blue V-neck over my head and sigh. It's a long deep sigh that's only accompanied by that feeling of loneliness and regret that I always get the day after I sleep with another girl. I can still hear her cries of pleasure, and the way her lithe body squirmed and danced in my arms. The look she gave me when I pulled away is still etched deeply into my mind. That pained look that sliced through that girl's green orbs, it pained me too. It almost made me want to stay. Those eyes, they almost looked like her eyes.
"Earth to Robbie!" a perky voice screeches into my ear, later in the day. I pull myself out of my thoughts, and place myself firmly back into reality. Well whatever this is anyway. I suppose it's reality.
"You okay, Rob?" Beck asks, leaning casually against a locker. The way girls swoon over him at school disgusts me. All it does is remind me of the way girls swoon over me when I slip out of character at night. All it does it remind me of the hunger that glazes over their eyes as I pull them into an empty hotel room, the way I seduce them at various clubs and restaurants. It's all so disgusting, but I just can't get over wanting to do the things I do.
"Yeah, I-I'm fine, man." I lie, and of course it slips off my tongue into the air in one fluid motion.
"You sure?" He asks, raising an eyebrow in my direction.
"Yeah." I say, leaning back against the locker beside him, and scanning the halls for any signs of Jade. I can't shake the feeling that I still love her. I don't even know if she still remembers me. From the dour looks she's given me since I arrived here, I doubt it.
"Alright, we should probably be getting to class. Sikowitz is known for holding long grudges." Andre pipes up from where he's conversing with Cat a few steps away. I've been watching them. Cat's eyes lighting up at everything he mentions that is even remotely related to Disney or Giraffes. It's cute in a sickly sort of a way, and dredges up long dead feelings of envy in me.
Heading for class, we walk down the crowded hallways. I feel like salmon swimming upstream, while everyone else is pushing us back. Listening to girls flirt with Beck just adds to the distraction.
"Sorry, Can't I kinda have a girlfriend." Beck tells his latest swooner. Her eyes darken into sadness as she sulks away from him.
"Kay." She mumbles. She was kinda cute, actually. I brush the feeling away though, not wanting that to happen with a girl at school. I settle into the quiet calmness that I always do when I look at a girl, but know I can't have her. I guess this makes her just like Jade. Oh God do I want Jade. Her way about herself makes my knees weak, and my heart beats faster and faster. I remember the way that her personality was, and the way she used to be, she's perfect. So perfect. The way her hair bounces when she walks, or the way her thin dark eyebrows slice through her eyes when she's angry at someone. All of it makes me want to steal her away from Beck, and make her mine again. I know these are horrible thoughts to think, but I can't help them. She used be everything in my world. Even now, she's the sun in my little dark existence.
After school I slip through the front door of my house. It's silent, but that's nothing new. I toss my bag onto the couch and sprint up the stairs and into my room. Peering into my closet, I wonder what I should wear tonight. Something that will catch the eye of my latest catch, I guess. It's not spectacular, and I still don't like it, but I toss on a hoodie over a white and grey t-shirt and skinny jeans. It's nearly five, by the time I finish so I grab my fake ID and head out the door.
Katelin.
My newest girl is named Katelin. She's your stereotypical California girl. Blonde hair, gorgeous bronzed skin, and gorgeous green eyes. Not like Jade's, but they're damn close. Her body is thin and toned, nothing like Jade's. When she's laying on the bed below me, the way she squirms and cries out my name in between gasps makes me forget that name, if only for an instant. I lean down and place a passionate kiss on her full pink lips. The way she prods mine open with tongue is intoxicating.
"Jade, Oh God Jade." Of course that's the name I call when I feel mself being pulled into bliss. soon as the name passes my lips I look down and see pain and confusion slice through Katelin's eyes.
"Who's Jade?" She mumbles, when we're laying in bed a little while later.
"Ah Shit, no one. She's no one." I say, pulling away from her and grasping my clothes in my fist. Wordlessly, I slip into my clothes and head towards the door.
"Call me!" She yells from the bed, as I close the door with a dull click. I won't, and I think she knows that. The hallway's empty and the only noise that can be heard is that of my ragged breathing. I regret it. I regret all of the things that I do to these these girls. I reach into my jacket pocket and pull out several unopened condom packages. I clutch them in my fist for a moment, before tossing them into the trash. No more, I can't do it anymore. I slide into my car and tell myself that I'm finally going to pull away from this hell. I throw my foot on the gas, and tell myself that I'm not going to be this kind of guy anymore. I'm done.
It's over.
Soo what did you people think? Good for my first attempt at Rade?