Pairing: Dean Smith/Sam Wesson
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Summary: Sam has a dark secret. Dean deludes himself into thinking he has his life under control. Will they help each other or cause themselves even more pain?
A/N: Sam and Dean are not related in this story.
Warnings: AU, angst, adult themes, slash - M/M relationships (nothing too graphic).
I'm not fluent in English (if you do catch any mistakes - please PM me).
Please read & review!
Part I - SAM
A young, dark-haired man was so focused on his computer screen he didn't even notice when day turned into early evening.
He has been working hard since morning, and now he felt exhausted. Finally, he managed to finish everything and was ready to go home.
"Sam," an unexpected voice made him jump.
"I'm sorry," John Winchester, Sam's boss said apologetically. "I didn't mean to scare you."
"You didn't. I was just deep in my thoughts. That's all."
John looked at him doubtfully.
"Everything ok?" he asked.
'Everything feels like hell,' Sam thought.
"Yeah, I'm just… I'm just tired," he answered evasively.
John didn't look too convinced, but let it go.
"Go home and rest Sam."
"Okay, boss."
"See you tomorrow."
"Yes," Sam managed a weak smile. "See you tomorrow."
Sam liked his job as a computer programmer, colleagues from work and even long hours he had to spend in the office. He kept himself busy, trying not to think too much about his so-called life. He knew he should call his mother more often than every two months. On the other hand, his mother, stepfather and two younger stepbrothers didn't miss him much either, so sporadic contact between them was convenient for both sides. He left home when he was eighteen, went to college and then he got a job in .IT company, located in Dallas. He lived not too far away from work in a nice, cozy apartment. This place was his asylum. Only here he felt fully safe. When he didn't work, he shared his free time between reading, writing stories (which he never showed anybody) or going to the cinema. Sometimes he spent Friday or Saturday evenings with colleagues from work, going out for a drink or two. Sam was a private person and kept his social life to a minimum. It was easier that way. His life wasn't too exciting, but at least he had his peace and it all mattered. He was quite content with his life. Only sometimes, especially during the evenings he felt like he was missing something.
Sam liked going to the cinema. Alone. Nobody bothered him, and although sometimes he felt like an invisible man, it was better that way. However, not today. It was early evening, Saturday.
He was standing in the queue to buy a ticket for the movie The Devil Inside, when someone suddenly bumped into Sam and spilled their drink on him.
"I'm really, really sorry," a blond haired, handsome young man seemed genuinely concerned. "I should be more careful with that damn Sprite."
"It happens," Sam mumbled. Actually, it wasn't so bad. As he noticed, only the sleeve on his left elbow was slightly wet.
"The movie is about to start… you must hate me now," the blond guy sounded uncertain.
"Nah, I've already saw this movie and besides, it's only a few drops. It's not a big deal," Sam shrugged carelessly.
"Let me buy you a drink as an apology, okay?"
"There is no need to… "
"Please, I insist," the stranger had the most mesmerizing green eyes Sam has ever seen, and despite himself, the brunet just couldn't say no.
He nodded weakly, trying to gather his thoughts.
"Great," the guy smiled widely, "I'm Dean."
"Sam."
"How about we skip the movie?" Dean suggested. "You've already watched it. I know a nice club, near the cinema… but it's entirely up to you."
Oookay… this man apparently was hitting on him. Otherwise he would have just offered a simple apology. Sam really should decline but… Dean was ridiculously hot and Sam felt lonely.
"Look Sam," Dean noticed that Sam was hesitant. "Just one drink. How does it sound?"
'Very tempting,' Sam thought.
"All right, one drink," he made the decision.
"Let's go then," Dean winked at him.
Sam followed Dean and soon they entered the place called Dante. Dean was right. The club looked nice, and it wasn't too crowded yet.
"What can I get you?" Dean asked.
"Beer would be fine, thanks."
"Ok, I'll be back soon, don't run anywhere," Dean flashed him a teasing smile.
"I'll be sitting over there," Sam pointed at the small table in the corner.
When Dean left for the beers, Sam exhaled deeply. Just now, he realized how tense he felt for the whole time. It was an unusual situation for felt nervous, but at the same time excited.
"Here you are," Dean was back with two beers. He handed one of them to Sam.
"Thanks," Sam took a long sip. Cold liquid nicely cooled his sweaty body. It was middle of the summer, and sometimes it was too hot for Sam's liking. He was sweating easily and absolutely hated it.
"Any time," Dean openly flirted with him.
Sam was never good at that. He felt awkward in these kinds of situations. Thankfully it was quite dark where they were sitting so Dean couldn't notice him blushing.
"So...," Sam cleared his throat. "How come you did give up on the movie that easily? I assume that you haven't watched it before."
"I wasn't even interested," Dean shrugged. "My blind date stood me up."
"Oh," Sam said quietly. So that was it. Sam felt like a fool. Apparently he was a plan B for Dean's Saturday entertainment time.
"I'll better get going," Sam said with a forced smile. He rose from the chair and was ready to leave when Dean quickly caught Sam's hand.
"What!? Why? Wait..., Dean frowned surprised.
"I'm sure you'll easily find a replacement," Sam said ironically.
"Sam, you have got it all wrong. Just hear me out, please!" Dean's emerald eyes bored into Sam with intensity the brunet hadn't expected, and Sam sat down at the table again.
"Ok, talk," he tried to sound nonchalant, but his stiff voice betrayed him.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you," Dean said earnestly. "The truth is my friends were trying to set me up with this guy Chase and... well. I called him; we were talking, but something was off. I knew it was a bad idea but still wanted to give it a try. I invited him to the cinema, and he picked up the movie. Apparently he felt the same about me and he never showed up. I should know better, but don't you think he could at least cancel the date? Oh, no! I'm doing this again. When I'm nervous I can talk endlessly. Just tell me to shut up!"
Despite himself, Sam smiled. Dean was so adorable, and he seemed to be sincere.
"You are smiling," Dean commented, pleased with himself. "It means we still have a chance to spend a nice and romantic evening together."
"Romantic?" Sam raised an eyebrow questionably.
"Call me old fashioned," the blond tilted his head innocently. "Anyway, I was waiting for him like an idiot and finally decided to call him but hello... he didn't pick up... big surprise! I bought the drink and wondered if after all I should watch that damn movie. Then it happened; our little accident. I only wanted to apologize, but when we shared our short conversation... I just needed to know you better. It may sound cliché or stupid but that how it was." Dean finished, looking at Sam hopefully.
"How would you even know I was gay?" Sam narrowed his hazel eyes slightly.
"Lucky guess," Dean smirked.
"You look like a Prince Charming, or even better. I'll give you that but… I don't believe in fairy-tales," the brunet said teasingly.
"So maybe you should start," Dean challenged him.
"We just met Dean," Sam said, amused. "If we take things slow... we'll find out."
"True," Dean agreed. "Are you free next weekend?"
"You are impossible!" Sam chuckled.
"It means yes or no?"
"Yes."
"YES!" Dean exclaimed.
"You are crazy," Sam rolled his eyes, but had to fight down a smile.
"Well," a mischievous gleam appeared in Dean's eyes. "What can I say? I'm a 'carpe diem' type of guy."
Sam felt like he was waking up from a very long dream, or rather a nightmare. Thanks to Dean his life starting to change. Sam started to change. He was more carefree and happy than ever before. He spent every weekend with Dean. They were going out to the clubs, restaurants and cinemas or just walked to the parks enjoying each other company. They talked for hours never bored, always content to be together.
Sam had learnt that the blond worked as a freelance photographer. He had a small circle of friends and wasn't close to his family because they didn't approve of his sexual orientation.
In the beginning, Sam was worried that Dean may want just sex but surprisingly the blond never pushed him. They kissed a lot, they making out but Sam always tensed when things went too far and Dean always backed off then. Once, Sam confessed reluctantly that he had some bad experience in the past and asked Dean for patience. Dean was not only patient but also very supportive and tactful. He never asked what happened to Sam, for what the brunet was very grateful. Dean was everything Sam needed and the brunet was slowly falling in love with him.
However, as much as Sam felt happy sometimes he couldn't escape the traitorous thought that everything is too perfect to be real. He hated that thought, but he couldn't remove it completely from his mind. 'Maybe', he tried to rationalize things, 'I feel like that because, I had been living in the dark for so long, and now I can't believe something good can happen to me.' Thankfully, that thought didn't haunt him so often.
"I'm ready," the brunet said.
"Are you sure?" Dean asked hesitantly.
They were lying together in the Sam's big bed. The brunet was resting his head on Dean's chest.
"Yes, I want you to make love to me," Sam really meant it. They dated for a couple of months, and with every passing day, Sam's trust in Dean deepened.
"Ok," the blond licked his lips nervously.
"You said before you wanted the same. Did you change your mind?" Sam asked uncertainly.
"No, of course no," Dean said quickly. "You have no idea how much I want to make love to you."
"So what are you afraid of?" Sam asked gently.
"I don't want to hurt you," Dean said not looking at Sam.
"I've done it before. It's been awhile but... you worry unnecessarily," the brunet stated.
"I was thinking about... someone has hurt you," a slight frown of concern marred Dean handsome face.
"It's all in the past," Sam said calmly. "You are my present and future."
Dean hugged Sam tightly and whispered to his ear. "Do you know how incredible you are?"
"If I am it is only thanks to you," Sam whispered back.
Sam smiled dreamily. They were going to do it. This Saturday. It was only Monday, but time flies, isn't it? Sam was in a very good mood.
"You got laid or you are going to get laid soon," commented Chad, his co-worker. As much as always Sam kept to himself Chad somehow managed to become his friend. Everybody else at work just assumed that Sam was antisocial and they let him be. But not Chad. He persistently talked to Sam, even during the Sam's worst days. He wasn't easily offended when Sam had tried to brush him off. The same like Dean, he didn't ask about anything. He just was here, for Sam with his silly comments about random stuff and understanding look in his eyes. Sam would never admit it out loud, but deep inside he appreciated that Chad was in his life. As much as Sam was afraid of closeness he could call Chad a friend.
"This weekend," Sam admitted.
"Ah, finally! With this mysterious dude Dean, right?" Chad loudly ate his sandwich, but Sam was used to it by now so he didn't pay attention.
"Yeah," Sam nodded. He mentioned a few times about Dean to Chad before.
"Use protection," advised Chad.
"Says who," Sam joked. He met Chad when he started to work for the company, three years ago. Chad was sleeping around a lot. One day though red haired beauty called Sophia appeared in Chad's life, and she stayed for good. Chad claimed she was the one. Sam understood what that really means when he fell in love with Dean.
"Hey, I'm faithful to Sophia," protested Chad.
"I was just messing with you, sorry," Sam said apologetically.
Chad rolled his eyes.
"You know," he said, "Sophia turns me into some fucking saint. I drink less, I'm sleeping with only one woman and even she made me eat the healthy food. The scariest part is that I'm enjoying it."
"Well," Sam said philosophically, "love makes miracles."
"Bite me bitch," Chad snorted, but a small grin turned up the corners of his mouth.
"Sorry but it's reserved only for Dean," Sam smirked.
"I'm glad you have met him," Chad was serious now.
"Me too," Sam said quietly. "Me too."
Something was wrong. Usually Sam and Dean met at least twice during the week and talked on the phone every day. This week was different though. Dean said he's busy with work and couldn't see Sam until Saturday. THIS Saturday. Sam sighed. Dean was acting weirdly. When they were on the phone, he sounded tired and uneasy. Apparently something was upsetting him greatly, but unfortunately he wouldn't reveal what it was. Friday came quickly and Sam was hoping that tomorrow, when they meet face to face, Dean will open up to him. It was difficult to him to focus on the work. He did what he had to do, but his mind was elsewhere. Finally he was done with the work and around seven pm he went home. When he reached the front doors he realized that he left the keys from his apartment in the office. It never happened to him before, but he was so distracted for the whole day... Not having a choice Sam returned to the office. He was lucky he lived nearby. Still, he was annoyed with himself. His keys were lying where he left them. On his desk. Great! He should be more careful. Sam was about to leave the office when some noise caught his attention. It was coming from John's office. Sam frowned. His boss shouldn't be here. He always left his office early on Fridays, the perks being the boss. Sam came closer and heard some raises voices. One of them belonged to John, the other one... no, it couldn't be true! It was Dean's voice. Sam froze. What was Dean doing here? How it is even possible? Quietly he moved towards the John's office and stood close next to the door. Now he was able to hear them quite clear. They were argued.
"I didn't pay you for that," John snarled. "I hired you to make him feel better and then disappear from his life with some good excuse, without breaking his heart."
"Yes, I know, we had that deal but things changed...," Dean exclaimed.
"Do you want more money? I can give you more money you greedy whore!" John hissed.
Sam felt numb. In a daze he opened the door and entered the John's office.
He would have laughed, if the situation wasn't so awful. The look on John and Dean's faces was priceless. Their eyes widened comically when they saw him.
"What is going on here?" Sam tried to sound casually, but inside he was all shaken up.
"Sam...," John cleared his throat. "It all looks terrible, but I only wanted to help you to move on... you know."
Dean said nothing but his color-drained face spoke volumes.
"Do you have something to say to me?" Sam directed this question to Dean. He could deal with John later.
"I'm so sorry," Dean said quietly, lowering his eyes.
"You are sorry?" Sam exclaimed incredulously. "You think you can just say sorry and everything will be fine? Fuck you Dean!"
"I... I know how it looks but please let me tell you the whole story," Dean begged.
"I guess I already know the whole story. You are a whore hired by John!" Sam said mockingly.
Dean flinched like someone just hit him.
"I really lo… care about you," he sounded sincere. As always!
"How... how dare you say that!" Sam snapped brusquely. Suddenly he felt very tired. He needed to get out of here. Now.
"I'm going home. I don't want any of you to follow me," he said sternly. "We'll talk on Monday at work John. Dean, I don't want to see you ever again!"
Before Dean or John could react he quickly left. Thankfully they didn't try to stop him. Only then he let the tears stream down his face. He experienced pain before, but today was the second worst day in his life and he felt like dying.
A wry, almost self-mocking smile hovered around his mouth, 'after all I think I believe in fairy-tales. My life is just another stupid fairy-tale that went wrong.'
A/N: There is Chad in this fic because I started to write it as J2 story.