Whee whee! I actually made
a MK ficcie. Hurray! happy happy> Um, I feel that it's a touch OOC
but hell, I made it anyway. Ahohoho! I forgot the actual words they said
while fighting the Victims so I made them all up. Gomen if they're too
ooc. ^^
I am *so* known for infamous
series that are not finished yet ^^ sweatdrops> but I really need to
make this one. I *want* to make this one. Though it is a touch bad...^^
Juxtaposition Arc:
Ernest
A Megami Kouhosei/Candidate
for Goddess fiction
Stars…
They hang suspended on the
darkness of space, these bodies of gases that seem like twinkling gems
to the people on the colonies. Beautiful gems that dance flirtatiously
on a clear night sky, tempting one to reach out, to touch. And of course,
to wish for one's fondest dreams.
Such is the longing of surface
dwellers. The stars embodied dreams and hopes that are out of reach for
the present but hopefully not in the future. They're vastly overrated,
these stars. At least they are in my opinion.
Once you've gone into the
vast space and seen them up close, they are little more than gas bodies
that roil about in an unending cycle of survival…until the gases run out
and they die off. They aren't as pretty as they are from a colony's surface.
Although I must admit, there are still some which amaze me. Like suns…they
still fascinate me, though there is little else that does.
Maybe its because I have
been looking at them for so long that ennui has gotten to me. Being an
Ingrid pilot does that to you. You don't really see the stars anymore when
you're concentrated on the incoming Victim and your comrades' emotions.Oh
there is something I like that I have forgotten about. I also love the
way a star dies. Odd I know. But a star's death is one of the most beautiful
sights in the known universe. The explosion of colors is enough to take
my breath away.
It is an irony of sorts.
That one should find beauty in a death. But then again, life is like that,
I guess. I am getting too cynical. At least that's what Gareas says in
any case.
/Gareas…/
My heart skips a beat at
the thought of the green-haired pilot of Eeva Leena. Roiling emotions tinge
my thoughts of him…all of them tinted with the warm colors that signify
deep affection and yes, even love.
Teela might be First, she
might be the leader of the team but Gareas would always be the one who
leads my heart. He is like the sun, my sun, shining garishly and loudly
in a universe where I and the other Ingrid pilots fight to protect Zion.
I cannot help but be drawn to him, a quiet satellite turning in revolutions
around the warmth and heat he emits.
I am too much of an empath
to not be honest with myself. I love Gareas. I hadn't meant to, never thought
I would. Our personalities are so different.
I am more of the quiet bent,
sensitive is how everyone describes me. That comes from my EX empathy.
Knowing the hurt I can inflict on people by the actions I do makes me cautious
and kinder. I can never allow anyone to get hurt. Not when I can do something
about it.
Gareas, on the other hand,
is more impulsive, more like Rioroute.
I stay in the sidelines,
preferring to lurk in the shadows, even in battle, to care for the well
being of my teammates' minds and emotions. Gareas is always on the frontline,
he almost always has to be the one to fire off the last shot, aside from
Teela.
With those kinds of differences,
I never thought I would fall for him. But Gareas' brand of humor
and charm just crept up on me. He taught me to not be so serious and drawn,
a trait acquired because of my empathic powers.
As an empath, I can read
emotions from any mind, especially with human contact. I had to shield
myself to avoid invading another person's private thoughts. Of course,
in the course of my training as a candidate for Goddess, I have been trained
to shield my own thoughts. But old habits die hard, I still drew away from
human contact.
Until Gareas. Gareas taught
me to be more open, taught me how to laugh. He treated me like a friend
would. And because he did so, the others followed. Suddenly, I changed
from being withdrawn and quiet, to something almost approaching friendly.
/So that is why…/
Yes, everything I am now
I owe to Gareas. Maybe that is how my feelings started to change. No one
aside from my family has ever…
One day I just woke up and
found myself wanting to hear his laugh and to see his expressive eyes next
to mine, to feel his soft warm lips beneath mine.
I tried to surpress it, tried
not to feel this emotion. But like any emotion, it stayed insistently,
making my heart skip a beat everytime I see Gareas smiling at me, causing
my knees to tremble every time he stands so close to me.
/But it is impossible…/
Yes, it is impossible. Because
Gareas will always see me as a teammate, nothing more. I am sure of this
because once, just once, I had been tempted to look into his emotions,
to see if he even held a shred of affection for me.
And what I saw was warmth
and friendship. He treats me like a brother would or a best friend, nothing
more.
It hurt. Of course it hurt.
Unrequited love always does but I, being the empath, have had lots of experience
with dealing with it. So I hide my love for him, even as it grows.
I content myself with the
thought that I am at his side…for as long as we are the pilots of Eeva
Leena and Luhma Klein, facing the dangers of Victims together, fighting
to protect Zion.
And in a strange way, it
is enough for me. Enough to know that I am by his side. That if I cannot
hold him in my arms or kiss him, I can at least make sure that he will
come back alive, that I can protect him.
Now more than ever I need
to protect him. Because ever since the new Candidate was able to get into
Eeva Leena, Gareas has been acting unstable, rushing into battle with nary
a thought for his safety.
And the last battle…the last
battle…oh, gods!
My hands clench of their
own accord. He almost died! Gareas almost died. I can never forgive myself
if he did.
Fear had encompassed me then,
rendering me immobile in its wake as he plunged into the seething mass
of Victims.
::"NO! Gareas turn back!
What are you doing?"::
My voice had escalated to
a panicked state just as my heart had almost stopped beating when I saw
him charge the enemy, his emotions unreadable in their confused state.
I cannot describe the relief that burst inside me, scintillating in its
vibrancy, as First came through and saved him. Nor can I describe the anger
that made me punch him in the face for not being careful enough.
I could not help it. The
fact that he would unthinkingly throw his life away without a thought to
what others, to what I would feel if he died, angered me.
When we landed on the ship,
my first impulse was to hug him and tell him that I was glad he survived.
But my mind brushed through his and the thoughts I encountered…
Confused, angry, suicidal…he
didn't care if he lived or died.
For the first time, I reacted
violently, reacted the only way I could react. I punched him.
And shocked at what I did,
I stalked out of the hangar. The emotions inside me lashing at me with
fierce intensity, crying out at the hurt dealt to me.
How can he not care for himself…how
can he think to throw his life away without a thought to what others would
feel. If he died…
If he died…
I would want to die too.
What would life, even as an Ingrid pilot, be worth if Gareas is not with
me?
/Does love have to hurt
so much?/
No, no, it doesn't have to
hurt so much. It just so happens that the one I love does not love me in
return. That is why it hurts.
/Then why do you continue
loving him?/
I laugh a little.
It is not something you can
control or choose to not feel. It is not a lamp that comes equipped with
an on and off switch, or one of those ProIngs one pilots as a Candidate.
Love is like the Ingrids.
Strange comparison I know and Gareas would laugh if he heard me say this,
but it is true.
