AN: As should be obvious, I don't own TVD or any of the recognizable characters. If I did, Elejah would very much be a real thing. This is my first attempt at publishing fanfic, so I hope you enjoy. It was supposed to be some small, little fluffy piece, but the plot bunnies ran away with me, and there will be at least one more chapter. Thanks, and enjoy! ~Mae
Here he was, standing in the back of a packed church, but he had no idea what he was doing there. This wasn't his place. He hadn't been back in this miserable town for nigh on a decade, and there was no happy reason to be here now. Certainly, the people pressing in on all sides held a different opinion, but as Elijah watched the never-ending stream of well-dressed humans pour in, he couldn't shake the idea that their joyous occasion was a funeral to him.
Some dream he had never truly allowed himself to dream was coming to an end today. And much as he had spent years telling himself that all he wanted was for her to be happy, safe, and human, he knew, without a doubt, that it wasn't what he really wanted for her. He lifted the flask to his lips again, hoping that the burn of the whiskey would be enough to distract him from the thought that his long-dead heart was well and truly breaking.
A standing room only wedding. Of course, that's what Elena Gilbert would have. Not that that would be her name for much longer. No, Elena Anderson just didn't have the same ring to it. But she would have this many people to wish her well on the start of her new life. Her compassionate heart knew no limit, and people were drawn to that kind of goodness - damaged, damned, and broken Original vampires, included.
Speaking of, someone stepped close to him. "If you keep drinking at this rate, brother, you will have nothing left to get you through the ceremony."
"Niklaus," Elijah said. He didn't turn to look at his brother. He didn't want to know how he was being regarded at this moment. Niklaus had made it clear over the centuries that he found Elijah's obsession with the doppelgängers inconvenient at best, pathetic and weak at worst. However, Elijah wouldn't even be here today if it weren't for Niklaus.
"Brother, I heard some interesting news from Caroline today," Niklaus said as Elijah strolled in from the Quarter. "It has to do with your favorite doppelgänger."
"I have no favorite doppelgänger, Niklaus, you know that."
"I know that you would like to believe that. But the fact that you still won't allow me to return to Miss Gilbert for more of her blood says otherwise."
"I merely believe you should focus on the disaster we have here in New Orleans, instead of riling up the inhabitants of Mystic Falls once more. But, I do not deny you the things you desire, Niklaus, another thing you well know."
Klaus refrained from rolling his eyes. Ever since Hayley had married Jackson, his brother had become even more closed off than he could ever remember. And his news had a chance of making things even worse. But if Elijah could step up… Maybe there was a chance. Caroline seemed to think he friend wasn't as happy as she was pretending.
"Do you want to hear my news, or not?"
"Your manner indicates that you're going to tell me whether I want you to or not, brother, so spare us both the pain of drawing it out. What is Caroline's news of Miss Gilbert?"
"Interesting that you phrase your question that way," Klaus said. "From what I hear, that will no longer be a proper way to refer to her in a few months."
"Please, just spit it out, Niklaus. I have other things I wish to be doing today."
"Ah, yes, I forget that pining and brooding are such time-consuming activities. Fine, since your day is clearly spoken for, I will 'spit it out.' Caroline has informed me that our Miss Gilbert is getting married."
There was a moment of perfect, frozen silence. Elijah didn't move, and whatever reaction Klaus had been hoping for was nonexistent.
"You must be thrilled, Niklaus," he said eventually, keeping his tone even and his face impassive. He couldn't remember it ever being quite this difficult. "It appears the doppelgänger line will have a chance to continue. And you can resume your hybrid army plan, even if, as you say, I never allow you near Miss Gilbert again."
With this, he turned away and sped off to his room. And, even knowing that Klaus could hear him, once the door was closed, Elijah gave into the burning anger that boiled up in him. He flipped his desk, and that was the last thing he remembered until he stood in a room filled with rubble. None of his furniture had escaped unscathed, and he idly watched as his knuckles knit themselves back together.
"He's right, Elijah," Rebekah said as she stepped up to stand on her brother's other side. "You need to pace yourself. Especially since we will cease to believe that you're okay if you continue to act like a drunk at something as joyous as a wedding of someone who, honestly, has gone against all the odds to even be alive now. I thought for sure Elena would never make it this long. She's officially the oldest of any of the doppelgängers."
"Rebekah," Elijah said through gritted teeth.
"It's even more remarkable when one considers how much you wanted to kill the girl, sister," Klaus said.
"Or the fact that you actually did kill her, Nik," Rebekah fired back.
"It didn't stick," he said with a shrug.
"Would you two please shut up," Elijah ground out.
"Oh, are we distracting you from your silent wish to kill everyone in the room," Klaus asked, "simply for daring to be happy for Elena."
"Don't say her name," Elijah said. "You have no right to say her name. She was only ever a pawn to you."
"Ah, no. She was an ingredient. She was an adversary, and a surprisingly tough one. And then, she was… something else."
"You're the one who used her as bait, Elijah," Rebekah said, carefully trying to remind him that none of them had been good for the star of the day's events. "And I, as Nik said, wanted her dead for so long."
"Yes, and now, you're helping her walk down the aisle," Elijah said, finally turning to look at his little sister. His face was as blank as it ever was, but she knew her brother. And the pain and fire in his eyes put Nik, at his worst, to shame.
"I tried to tell you to go to her sooner," she mumbled. "I didn't want this for either one of you." She laid a hand on Elijah's cheek, but he pulled away as if she burned him.
"I am only here to ensure that…" Elijah faltered. He couldn't think of a reason to be here. Well, not one that he would admit to. He was here to see her. Just once more. Once she belonged to someone else, he was leaving, and he would never look back. And this time, New Orleans wouldn't be far enough away. He didn't know where he would go, but it had to be somewhere no one had ever heard of Elena Gilbert…
He knew she was right, Rebekah had tried to convince Elijah to return to Mystic Falls. But, like he had told her once, she didn't have any smart brothers. He was an idiot.
"'Lijah?" Rebekah stood in the doorway, taking in the rubble that lay in the wake of Elijah releasing his temper. This was the third time she'd found his bedroom destroyed.
Elijah looked up and straightened his suit coat. Somehow, he never managed to ruin his suit, even as he ruined everything around him. But that wasn't what worried her. What concerned Rebekah was the blankness in her brother's eyes.
Though he had always looked unreadable to everyone else, she knew there were a select few who could read what his face never said. And her brother was hurting. Badly. He had been wounded when Hayley had elected to marry Jackson leaving Elijah behind. But he had also understood. It was for family - for Hope - an inclination that was innate to him.
Furthermore, as much as he had cared for Hayley, Rebekah knew that the wolf-girl wasn't the one who truly held his heart. It wasn't his to give to anyone anymore, and she wasn't sure that even he knew it. But she did. She had known for years. And, shocking as it was, she was now friends with the object of his affections. And she knew that the girl was in denial just as much as Elijah.
"Rebekah," Elijah said, glancing around at the mess as if he had no idea how it had gotten there. "It seems I have lost my temper again."
"Really, Elijah? And what gave that away?"
He disregarded the question and carefully removed his jacket to begin cleaning up. She found it entertaining that he made sure to take it off to clean up after these outbursts, but it never seemed to occur to him to take it off before he flew off the handle. Well, maybe entertaining wasn't the right word.
Rebekah entered the room carefully. She was ready to try this again, though she was pretty sure that her earlier words were the reason that his furniture lay on the floor in pieces not even fit for kindling. But he needed to hear her. If he was this upset, he needed to try to do something about it before it was too late. She wasn't sure he would survive watching this one get married to someone else.
She watched him pile up the pieces of his desk.
"You should go to her," she said.
"And who would that be, Rebekah?" Elijah asked without looking up. "You'll need to be more specific, there are many 'her's in my life."
"I don't need to be more specific," she argued. "Where you're concerned, there could be a million 'her's, but your mind will always go to one before all the others."
"I know not what you're referring to."
She sighed. "Elijah…"
"No. Rebekah. Don't."
"She's not happy."
"She's getting married. Of course she's happy. And as you know, that's what I wanted for her. And this is what Niklaus wants for her - the chance for the doppelgänger line to continue."
"This is not what you want for her," Rebekah argued. "I know what you want for her, and it has nothing to do with a boring human who just manages to make her feel normal. She's not normal."
"You used to think she was worse than normal," Elijah said, moving to clean up the tattered remains of one of his journals. He sighed when he saw a name repeated on every line of the page he was holding. He crumpled the page up and threw it across the room.
When he was distracted, Rebekah fetched it. She knew who must be immortalized on that page, but...as they say, curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought him back… She held it behind her back, as she continued to try to make him see reason.
"You're right, I did. But, Elijah, you never did. Are you going to start now?
"Yes… I have to. She deserves a life without everything supernatural… without us in it."
"Hmm, well, I'm not leaving her behind just because you've decided that. She's my friend, so she's still got the supernatural in her life. A witch, a few vampires, including at least one Original. Tyler's back, too. So… You may think she deserves a life without the supernatural, but as a doppelgänger, she's never going to have that. And this… Thomas is never going to understand or be able to protect her. Didn't you promise to keep her safe?"
Elijah looked up at her then. "No. That is a promise I never made. I don't make promises I can't keep, and with me nearby, she would never be safe. I never promised to protect her, only her loved ones. And now, I guess there is a new person to add to that list."
"Elijah," Rebekah sighed.
"No. Enough, Rebekah. As you can see, I have some tidying to do. Please, leave me, and let me take care of this. I give you my word that I am fine."
"I've never known you to give your word in a lie," she said quietly as she did as he asked.
Once in her room, she straightened out the page he had discarded. And as she read, a sob caught in her throat. Yes, she knew that her brother cared more than he let on, but… Oh, the pair of them were so stupid! Pathetic, she had called them once, and it was… still true, but in a completely different way now.
"Niklaus told me today that she is getting married. This is all I ever said I wanted for her. She will have the normal life that she deserves. A life, a home, maybe even a family… Everything my family and I took away from her. Everything this life, the one given to her through powers beyond all of us, ripped away from her. But, as much as I know this is what she deserves… I can't be happy for her. I can't be happy knowing that…. she will belong to someone else. I can't even find comfort in the fact that he is not a Salvatore. He is not a vampire. He is normal and human and… How can that be enough?
My lovely Elena… You deserve everything. Everything you want. I cannot believe that you made it out of that town human. I never thought it would happen, but I am so glad that it did. Your humanity and compassion are intact all these years later. But...as much as I want it to be enough, Elena. It's not.
You don't know how I've checked in on you over the years. As far as you're concerned, I left after that business with Alaric… And I never looked back. But… that couldn't be further from the truth.
I watched you graduate from high school. You thought no one came to see you walk across the stage in your cap and gown, with only family friends in Denver, who would have come? But I was there. And I saw the smile you wore as you took your diploma in hand. The one that makes my undead heart stop, Elena. It is the sun, and it almost too bright to gaze at, but I couldn't look away until I saw your face fall when you remembered there was no one to share your joy with.
I saw you when you moved into your first college dorm. You and I were both, I think, immensely glad that you got into NYU. So far from Mystic Falls. So far from where everything was taken from you. I watched you blossom into an even more vibrant version of yourself there. The darkness that always seemed to follow in your wake stayed away while you learned and grew and flourished, lovely Elena.
And every time I saw you, it was harder to make sure you didn't see me. But the shadows of the supernatural weren't blocking your light, Elena, and I couldn't be the one to do that to you. So, I stayed away. And when the occasional threat grew too close, I dispatched it without you ever knowing. Rebekah suspected though, I think.
That's another thing I love about you, Elena. Despite everything that happened between you and her, you were able to connect with Rebekah. I saw you two grow to tolerate each other, like each other, and then, I saw you bring her into your inner circle, Elena. I saw how you made my sister - my wild, brave, fierce sister - feel like she belonged somewhere, and I can never tell you how much that meant to me, Elena. And I will never tell you, as you can never know what I saw.
Then, Elena, I have to tell you something… Niklaus may have been the one to speak it, but I already knew what was coming. As I say, I have looked in on you over the years, and I watched you fall in love. And, lovely Elena… Beautiful, wonderful, compassionate Elena, I saw… I saw him court you in a way that I had secretly wished to. But, Elena, he is… If you are happy, it doesn't matter in the least. But he is no match for your soul. You have more life and passion in your little toe than he has in his entire being. If you are happy, my Elena, then I will endeavor to be happy for you, but I can't see how he can be enough for you.
I wrote you "Always and Forever" in a letter once, and…
The page cut off there, but Rebekah knew, if she knew anything about her brother, that his journal continued in this vein for a while. How could two people be so stupid? They were clearly made for each other, much as it used to annoy her. But back then, she hadn't seen that Elena wasn't just another doppelgänger. She was...more. More of everything, and she brought light to everyone she touched. Stefan. Damon. Elijah. Klaus. Even Rebekah herself. Elena was her namesake: Light.
"Well, I have to go check on the blushing bride," Rebekah said. "Enjoy your absolutely-not-brooding, brother."
She turned on her heel and walked to the back of the church, her plum bridesmaid's dress swishing in a way that made Elijah think of the turning of the last few pages of a favorite book. He turned to watch his sister go. And wished he could follow her. He could see Elena sooner. Could maybe confess like so many had been pushing him to do. But instead, he took another swig from his flask and idly wondered who was going to give her away. Not even Jeremy was left to her. Katerina, devil take her, had made sure of that before disappearing again.
His thought turned back to following Rebekah. As much as he wanted to confess his feelings, he knew that he wouldn't. He was a selfish man, but Elena had never been his to claim. And no matter how much he didn't want to watch her tie her life to another man, he also knew that he wouldn't be the one to ruin her day. He did want her to be happy, even if it felt like he was dying to give that to her.
He'd been here before with other women. But he didn't think it had ever hurt quite this much. And he hadn't even seen her yet.
The day the invitation had come to the compound was still burned into his memory. Despite knowing about Elena and…her suitor from his own observations, Klaus' needling, and Rebekah's concern, the day he received a heavy cream card, it felt…well, it felt like she had daggered him all over again. And just like the first time, it was two-fold. Pain like that of watching her stab herself with grim determination, and then, the blank, shocking realization that his reaction was too slow.
He thought, then, of Hayley walking down the aisle and tying her life to Jackson. That had hurt, but for Hope, and for trying to find peace in the Quarter, he had actually encouraged her to go through with it. If the same opportunity were presented to him now, with Elena, he honestly wasn't sure if he could make the same decision.
Perhaps he would just do what he should've done the day they'd met in Rosemarie's rundown, ramshackle house. Take her with him and never look back.
He lifted the flask to his lips once more, but Klaus reached out to stop him. He turned to glare at his half-brother, who merely shrugged at him.
"I worry about the safety of the other guests, if your impressive control and inhibitions are wiped away before the processional even begins."
"Since when do you care, Niklaus?" Elijah asked, as carefully quiet as his brother. Thankfully, their supernatural hearing allowed this conversation to happen below the exclamations of joy and excitement all around them.
"Since our sister has chosen to make her home here, no matter how we've tried to convince her to stay with us. Since I know that, later, you would hate yourself for any pain you caused Miss Gilbert. Since I don't feel like cleaning up any messes today. Take your pick of my reasons. All that matters is that you not go rabid on the locals."
Elijah glowered at Klaus. "Yes, that's usually your job isn't it?"
"Yes," he said simply.
Just then, everyone who could sit took their available seats. And the organ began to play. To Elijah, it sounded more like a funeral march, but still he turned to look with the rest of the guests.
First, came a young girl Elijah didn't recognize. Since he had long ago familiarized himself with everyone who held a connection with the young woman who had captured his affection, he knew that the girl must be some relation to the man anxiously waiting for his bride-to-be at the top end of the aisle.
He watched as the girl scattered flower petals, and then, he missed much of the rest of the processional as he braced himself for what was to come. Perhaps he shouldn't be here… But it was too late for that thought to cross his mind as he heard the girl – no, woman – who had haunted his thoughts and dreams for years quietly exchange words with whoever was walking her down the aisle. He had come this far, and now Elijah knew he just had to see her in her white dress. It would kill him and give him life in equal measure.