raven doesn't have nightmares like in the movies.

when she wakes up, she doesn't take a sharp gasp. if anything, the sound she makes is more of a muffled whimper. her body doesn't rocket into an upward position, either. instead she tries to calm herself down for a second, separating dream from reality as she tells herself it's not real.

but it was real. her nightmares were memories.

octavia always seems to wake up with her. it can't be from the sounds she makes because raven's quite, especially quite so she doesn't disturb her sleeping girlfriend. (the same girlfriend who once slept through a fire alarm but stirs at the slightest movement of her love)

"raven?" octavia asks so softly raven almost doesn't hear her. and then again, but softer still, "baby?"

she'd respond if her throat wasn't closed so tight that she could hardly breath

"rae," she mumbles softly, voice straining for sleep. she lifts her head from her pillow and yawns, eyes scanning over raven with compassion.

it takes everything in raven's body not to sob outright. she wants to curl into octavia and cry, confess, but crying wasn't going to make her pain lessen any. it wouldn't give octavia back the sleep she'd already lost, either.

"sorry," raven whispers. her fists ball into their comforter as she tries to settle her ragged breathing.

"baby?" octavia questions again, eyes fluttering open, lips parting in slight confusion.

raven fingers dig desperately into the comforter despite the way she aches for octavia. "sorry I woke you," she croaks, voice cracking. "let's go back to sleep."

octavia almost agrees. her eyes flutter shut, again, and sleep nearly pulls her under. but then raven gasps loud and clear and octavia can tell that she's trying not to cry.

"raven," octavia hurries, pushing herself upright. she collects raven's face into her hands, swiping at the tear that raven hadn't meant to let escape. "did you dream about him again?"

raven nods, leaning into the comfort octavia offers. she feels pathetic, embarrassed. a little dream brings her to tears like nothing else could. she laughs dryly a second after she slumps forward, cheek pressing into octavia's shoulder. "i'm broken," raven states, bleakly. "why stay up with me?"

octavia frowns and shakes her head like raven was the most difficult thing in the world.

(she was.)

octavia dips her head and presses a kiss to raven's temple. "you aren't broken."

"i don't even have feeling in my leg," raven argues. she doesn't know why. but somewhere in this mess she was still the raven who used to run marathons. her leg might not work but she was still stubborn as always.

"you aren't broken," octavia hushes again. "you're annoying and you blow stuff up a lot and you ruined my favorite flannel ever because you're impatient and can't keep it in your pants but you aren't broken."

raven cracks a watery smile, nuzzling her nose into octavia's neck. octavia's arms come around her waist to pull her closer.

"hey, look at me," octavia urges. raven's eyes snap to light green eyes that swim with concern. "you aren't broken."

raven's heart pounds. sometimes she thinks that octavia loves her more than there is pain. sometimes it's enough so it doesn't hurt.

all raven can do is nod and lean back into octavia and whisper, "i love you."

"i know."

"octavia," raven whines. she feels octavia's smile against her temple.

"just kidding, baby. i love you, too. more than you know."

but she knows. she knows because that's how much she loves octavia, too.

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