This is a short idea my housemate, peskychesk, and I happened upon while mucking around discussing today's amazing episode (s.3 ep.12). It made us laugh, so we wrote it in collaboration. It takes place during the future s.3 ep.13. Hope you enjoy reading it as much as we did thinking up all the stupid moments. Please be sure to review, as it makes me smile. I like smiling.
P.s. Please tell us if we got the rating wrong. Not quite sure.
Disclaimer: We don't own Merlin (As much as we'd like to)
Sword Switch
To begin, we will warn you by telling you that we did actually (well, in our heads anyway) ask the characters which letter they would like to go by. They answered thus.
A= Arthur (duh) M= Merlin (double duh) G=Gwain E=Elyan X= Gaius (Well, we asked him last, and G was already taken, but at least it shows a bit of imagination. Yay Gaius!)
Another warning- we apologize in advance for E's behaviour. We just couldn't resist (However out of character it is)
Scene: In Gaius' chambers. Arthur is sat at the table, Gwain is sat on it. Elyan is sitting on bed sulking. Gaius is at the workbench mixing a Poultice for Arthur's leg. Everyone looks up as Merlin enters (excitedly), holding something behind his back.
A: Merlin! Where have you been?
M: Arthur!
A: (Raised eyebrow) What?
M: I've got a present for you! I think you'll like it!
A: (Exasperatedly) I'm fairly certain I won't, but as you're likely to keep nagging me anyway, you may as well just get it over with. What is it?
G: Oh come on Arthur, at least let Merlin have a bit of fun. You've gotta love a bit of a friendly game is the face of almost certain death.
A: (Glares at G) In case you hadn't noticed, the King has been taken captive by my evil half-sis… by Morgana (winces), who has an immortal army at her command, and we have three fully-mortal swordsman, a Physician and one bumbling idiot.
M: You know, referring to yourself as an idiot really isn't helping the situation (A stares at him derisively) Now don't look at me like that, or I may not give you your present!
A: Like I care whether I get it or not.
M: Oh, you'll care alright. Now give me your sword.
A: (Apprehensive) Why?
M: Just stop whining and hand it over will you!
A sighs, but hands over his sword anyway. M grins cheekily, then promptly hides it behind his back. Three chinking sounds are heard. Pause. A and G stare at M. E has huddled up on the bed, having gone back to his new favourite hobby- sulking.
G: Well, this is fun.
M: Arthur. (Grins)
A: (To self) Why am I not liking where this is going?
M: Pick a hand
A: I knew it would come to this. (Sighs) Fine then- the right hand.
M: (5 second pause) …Pick again.
A: No. Right hand.
M: No, really. Pick. Again.
A: No. I refuse. Right. Hand. Now. Merlin.
G: (Leans over to whisper in A's ear) I think you should pick the left hand. You know he'll let this go on all day if you don't.
A: Oh, very well then, left hand.
M: (withdraws Excalibur from behind back. Right hand remains. Holds it up victoriously in a cliché Ta-dah action) Ta-dah!
A: (Stares blankly at Excalibur) It's… a sword.
M: (Triumphantly/ proudly) Yes it is!
Another audible pause. G pushes off of table and walks over to the door to stand guard, shaking his head
G: (To self) Well, that was a bit of a letdown. (He is ignored by both A and M)
A: It may have escaped your notice Merlin, but I already have a sword. At least I did until you forced me to hand it over.
M: Ah, but you'll like this sword a million times better. (Attempting to sound tempting) It's got great balance. And it's really, really, really shiny.
Muffled sniggering sound comes from the direction of the door. (G has arms folded and hand over his mouth)
A: (After shooting G a glare) Merlin, I don't pick my swords by how shiny they are. I much prefer them to actually work. (Awkward pause as he realises the stupidity of what he has just said) (Flustered) No… I didn't mean that… I meant, um… I meant that I prefer them to meet certain standards. (Finishes with a satisfied nod and a smug look)
M: Yeah, anyway. Just take the sword.
A: I don't need it. If you'll just return my sword we can all get out of here.
M: Just take the sword your royal Pratness.
The laughter becomes a lot less muffled. A and M turn to see G clutching his sides, arms crossed. E remains sulking on the bed.
A: (Giving up) Oh fine! (He snatches the sword, weighing it in his hand, before moodily remarking as follows) It does have good balance.
M: (Smug) I told you so.
A: So where's my sword.
M: What sword? I don't have a sword.
A: I heard the clinking- I know you've still got it back there.
M: (Holds out both hands- the right one contains a coin) Oh no, That was just me tapping that sword with this. Fooled Ya! (Big grin)
A: (Now thoroughly confused) So where's my sword? It can't have just disappeared.
M: Ah. That's a secret.
A: (Rises and walks towards M threateningly) Merlin!
M: (Backing away towards the door) (Nervously) Arthur. Okay, okay I went too far. I'll show you okay- just don't do anything rash. The things in here are breakable- they are not to be thrown. I repeat- They are NOT to be thrown!
A: (Sitting again) Well get on with it then.
M dramatically spins, pointing his rear towards A and wiggling it. The sword is tucked into the back of his belt.
M: Ta-dah! Fooled you again!
X: (Finally seeing fit to grace us with his speech) Merlin, stop that at once. I hardly think it appropriate to shake your rear end in such a manner. It is most unbecoming. Not to mention unappealing.
There are noises from outside. M turns to face A with a worried expression
M:Do you think they've worked out we're here? A/N: Not that it was an obvious place for them to be or anything. After all, it's not like both M and X live there or anything.
G, too far from his own sword, decides instead to go for the closer option. He grabs the sword from M's belt.
A: (Whispering) Prepare yourselves.
M backs away a bit, leaving space for battle. The door bursts open, one of Morgana's immortal men hurrying into the room. E finally decides to lift his head, but stays seated regardless- he doesn't seem to want to stop his sulking just yet. G instantly stabs the soldier through the stomach. The sword gets stuck. Immortal man looks up and grins. G backs away.
G: Ah. Forgot about that for a moment there. (Claps Arthur on the shoulder and retreats) I'll leave the rest to you shall I?
A faces the soldier head on, swinging Excalibur in the hope that a miracle will occur. Shockingly (to those who don't already know the story at least) one does. The mythical sword passes cleanly through the 'mans' body, slicing him in two. He has a surprised look on his face as his torso falls to the ground.
The room remains in silence, until A finally looks between the two pieces of the not-so-immortal-any-longer man and the sword in his hand.
A: You know something Merlin?
M: What?
A: I guess I do like this sword better than that other one.
G stares jealously at Excalibur.
G:(Whines) Awww- I want a sword like that too.
M: If we had time, maybe I would make one for you too, but we don't.
G: (Stares dubiously at M) You? Since when do you know how to make a sword?
M: (Obviously nervous) I don't! I, um, just… meant that… (Gives up on this line of reasoning) I was just trying to comfort you- make you feel a bit better.
G: Well you're not.
M: Sorry.
A: (Butting into the conversation) Might I suggest that the two of you SHUT UP!
M & G: Sorry.
E: (Finally clambering off of the bed) (A little bit whiny) Can we go and search for Gwen now?
A: (Suddenly remembering what had previously been his train of thought for the past several hours) Yes! Let's go!
A, M, G and E rush out of the room, leaving X in the corner, rather forlornly holding out the poultice he had put so much effort into.
X: Well, I guess this was useless then. Ah well, I might as well save it for when they come back. Come to think of it- knowing what that bunch is like, I should probably make some more.
He turns back towards the workbench, whistling slightly as he begins to mix the ingredients.
END
Well, there you have it. Once again, we apologize for Elyan's out-of-character behaviour. We didn't intend to do that from the start- it just sort of happened before we knew it.
Unfortunately for me, I can't quite shake the image of my housemate wiggling her rear end, picturing an imaginary sword. I'll be having nightmares for years.
PLEASE REVIEW!