Live from Shin-ra-Intro of doom
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Hiya. I'm writing this for fun because I love Shin-ra. I've decided to write something more comedic, because, well, I'm tired of writing serious novels. Rated T for language and rufus' various issues.
First fanfic please read the review , now it's time to get inside the heads of the Shin-ra employees for the first time, although this one is mostly about Reno. I will continue if I get good reviews, so please fav or review, k?
Wednesday September 15th
Reno always had wondered why Rufus never shut the hell up. He was usually either ranting about his own greatness or imitating a shampoo commercial, flipping his silky hair in slow motion and dancing about his disgruntled staff, head shoved so far up his ass that even an expensive crane couldn't have dislodged it.
But then again, Reno had always acted as if something had been shoved deep into the wee crevices of his ass, He wasn't the greatest staff member, since the only work he had done in his six years of employment was light his and the others' paperwork on fire and make racist jokes to the janitors.
The only thing that made him more psychotic than Rufus and his sexual ambiguity , was Tseng and that fucking dot in the middle of his head. What the hell was it?! He wasn't east Indian! If anything he was a emo-tard who never shut up about his fucking problems. He reminded Reno of a prepubescent girl , a prepubescent girl who had been stabbed in the head with a pencil, or possibly had a laser-pointer left on her forehead for too long. Yeah, that was definitely Tseng.
Elena was possibly the loudest and most irritating being on earth, hell, she gave conan o' brian a run for his money. In the past week of her work she had gotten more done than everyone else put together , and some how she had NEVER LEFT HIS FUCKING OFFICE. He had remembered sitting there amongst his own silence-like existence , setting everything on fire which met his uncontrollable stupidity, and heard the random 'hey reno!" from behind, and nearly stabbed her in the head with a letter opener. She had just smiled, sitting with her head tilted in some idiotic was on his fucking photocopier for reasons unknown, acting as if she was his FRIEND! He had known the girl for two years, talked to her exactly twice, and spit in every cup of coffee he had ever been forced to bring her, but by some retarded illusion that had been etched into her mind, she thought that they were the best of friends and she had to be practically sitting on his lap , smiling her annoying as hell smile , pissing herself from the overwhelming joy .
He knew she didn't like him, because she was practically always groping and molesting Tseng when he had his back turned. Rude was the only semi-descent one. He was a little secluded, and pissy when he wanted to be, but he had o.c.d. and tended to keep his , and Reno's office clean which kept Rufus from verbally raping Reno to death. Why the hell did he care whether his office was clean!? His basic job description was to beat people in submission, while Tseng took care of belittling people, rude glared at them in his creepy sort-of way, Elena briefly raised their spirits, only to have Rufus hit on them until they could no longer stand to hold in whatever information they had. This was also useful at parties, when one bastard had hid his car keys.
But then again, that was likely why the turks had their own floor, because one way or another, everyone who crossed their path ended up with some raging mental disorder or pulling out their hair and eating it or something like that. Even rufus had been semi-sane until he met reno and suddenly became ambiguously gay and started wanting to buy lamp shades whenever they appeared. Reno had no idea what this had to do with anything, but the man had a fucking raving obsession with designer furniture, he must have had a thousand gay little multi-colored trash bins in his office, even though he never made even a miniscule amount of garbage. He swore the man must have been kin to a tree, who the fuck else would be so damn hesitant to use paper? God, and it was recycled paper because of some retarded new green-living initiative Shin-ra had set up, which was incredibly stupid since they practically made electricity with souls. That's right. SOULS.
And Rufus couldn't even stand to write on some paper.
Anyways, At least Labour day was coming up soon, so he finally would get a goddamn break. Mind you, he would likely spend the entire day eating Doritos and watching re-runs of Friends, but at least the perplexing question of what the hell was on Tseng's head would stop haunting him for the time being, and he could walk around his apartment naked and drink kool-aid, which was always good as well.
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Okay it was super boring and not funny, but please review and fav if you liked it. Excuse my potty mouth XD