The Bump

This is a one-shot that came to me today while I was at work and wouldn't leave me alone. As soon as I got home, I wrote it. I didn't have a beta for this so any mistakes are mine.

Thoughts are in italics.

Press that button on the way out and let me know what you think.

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Kensi was on modified duty and had been for a few months now. Hetty didn't want her out in the field in her condition which pissed her off. She knew it was the right thing to do, but it still grated on her nerves to be desk bound. Deeks had been wonderful throughout everything the pregnancy brought with it. He was over the moon about the baby and would talk to her bump nightly and kiss it whenever he got the chance. He held her head when the morning sickness, which was really all-the-time sickness would have her on her knees over the toilet. He indulged her every whim which is what got him into trouble that weekend.

They'd been window shopping when Kensi saw a pregnancy bump that was similar to the one in the birthing classes they were taking together. She turned to Deeks. "Do you really want to empathize with me Marty?"

"You know I do baby girl. Anything for the mother of my child. Name it and I'll do it." He had no idea what he had just agreed to but was going to find out real soon.

"Would you wear a pregnancy belly for 24 hours so you know more about how it feels to be me and pregnant?"

"A pregnancy belly? You mean like the one we saw in class?" He looked at her in confusion.

"Yes. There's one right there in the window we can buy and then you can wear it and see how it feels. Will you do it? For me? Please."

He ran his hands through his hair while he thought about it. "It shouldn't be that hard to wear for one day, should it? After all, she's been carrying one around for 7 months now without too much trouble."

"I guess I can do that for you Fern."

"Thanks Marty. It means a lot to me." She was anticipating how much fun it was going to be watching him trying to do things while wearing the bump. "And you'll wear it for 24 hours?"

"Sure, but on one condition. I will NOT wear it outside of our house. Deal?"

"Deal."

They walked into the store together and came out with the pregnancy suit, also called an empathy belly.

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"Ow! God this hurts! It hurts in places I didn't know I had places. Can't I take it off now Princess? It's been hours since I put this contraption on and my back and my feet are killing me here. I can barely breath and I feel like my bladder is full all the time from the pressure." Why he had ever agreed to this, he didn't remember, but he had and now all he wanted was for it to be over with. Not only his back, but his ribs and even his groin hurt. He was having trouble sitting down, let alone getting back up again without help. He tilted his head while giving her his puppy dog eyes hoping it would work like it usually did and get him out of this torture contraption. "Waterboarding is nothing compared to this." he thought. "No man could handle this for any length of time without spilling his guts and giving away every secret he'd ever had within an hour of being in this thing."

Kensi was having none of it. "You big baby. And don't try giving me those big blue eyes. It's not going to work buster, not this time. You agreed to this and I'm holding you to it. Besides, it's nothing to what I'm going through and it's all your fault. Do you hear me? All. Your. Fault."

"How is it my fault? Is takes two to get into this situation. You know that, but you're blaming me? Seriously? Who does that?"

Kensi rolled her eyes at him. "It's your fault because you're not the one suffering the consequences right now. I am. So your back hurts. Deal with it. Do you have heartburn? No, but I do. Do you have to pee every five minutes? No, but again, I do! And don't even get me started on the constipation and nausea that lasted all day long for four months! You…you get to go on your merry way after today while I have to deal with this for the next two months. You're never touching me again. Never!"

"Come on Sugarbear. You don't mean that. Besides, if I remember correctly, you're the one who started all of this. You reeled me in like a hooked fish. There was nothing I could do but respond. I am a healthy red-blooded male after all."

"You…you…you man! Just suck it up. It's only for one day after all. I'm in this for the long haul. You're so lucky you're a man and can't get pregnant, so I expect some damn sympathy from you! Is that too much to ask? I'm carrying your child." She began crying, big tears overflowing her polychrome eyes and streaming down her face. "I'm doing this for you…for us…and you aren't helping. Not at all. And…and my body will never be the same. Look at me, I'm fat and that's after I've cut out sugar from my diet." She was sobbing by this time and Deeks was devastated.

"Kens…shhh…don't cry. I'll do it. I'm sorry baby girl. Please don't cry." He pulled her to him wanting to cradle her in his arms but the damn pregnancy belly he'd agreed to wear got in the way of the type of hug he wanted to give her. He had to sidle up to her side and give her an awkward hug that way. He turned his head and began dotting her face and hair with soft kisses. "Please, don't cry. I can't stand it when you cry." He had tears in his own eyes as he continued comforting her.

"I don't know why I'm crying. I'm stronger than this, but I can't seem to control my emotions since I got pregnant." Her sobs began to subside with sniffles taking their place.

He grabbed a Kleenex from the box on the coffee table and handed it to her. "You're entitled to a few tears Kens even if you are Wonder Woman. You're pregnant baby girl and I'm over the moon about it, but you're right. I do have it easy. You're the one doing all the heavy lifting."

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Deeks wandered into the Mission the next morning looking like something the cat dragged in. He dropped his bag and fell into his desk chair laying his head down on top of the paperwork piled there and moaned.

Callen and Sam looked at him, then each other, then back at him in silence before Callen spoke up. "You look like shit!"

"Oh ha, ha." Deeks looked up at them both with a withering look.

"What in hell happened to you this weekend?"

Deeks looked around the bullpen and over toward Hetty's desk before answering. "We never speak of this again after I tell you, okay?"

"Tell us what Deeks?" Sam asked.

"Promise me or I'm not saying a word about it."

"Okay, we promise" Callen looked to Sam, "Right big guy?"

"Right. We'll never speak of this again. Word of honor."

"I agreed to wear a pregnancy belly, also known as an empathy belly, for 24 hours. I was trying to be there for my partner; you know, be supportive. I thought I could do it for a day. After all, she's carrying the baby for nine months. Boy was I wrong. It's not an empathy belly, it's a torture device! That damn thing left bruises all over my body. Everything hurt, my back, my feet, my ribs. I couldn't even take a deep breath because it pressed on my lungs. And don't get me started on the boobs on it." Deeks shuddered thinking about them again. "It pressed against things I don't even want to think about. I may never be able to have more kids after this. It was squeezing things that shouldn't be squeezed if you get my drift. I was trying to be supportive of what she's going through. I was kind of expecting a pat on the back for it but no such luck. I didn't get any sympathy from her after wearing that damn thing for hours; all she did was tell me that I had it easy. She wanted me to have heartburn, varicose veins and needing to piss every five minutes as well. And then she called me a big baby." He put his hands in his hair and tugged while he groaned again.

Sam and Callen traded looks and tried hard; they really did, to keep from laughing at Deeks' description of his Sunday, but a few chuckles got away from them and were heard by the man in question. He looked up at them with a hurt look in his eyes.

"You too? Seriously? What about the bro code? You try wearing that monstrosity for a single hour. You'll be begging me to put you out of your misery. I had to wear it all yesterday and all last night. I only got to take it off to come to work this morning. I didn't get any sleep because I couldn't find a comfortable position. If I laid on my back, I couldn't breathe from the damn pregnancy belly compressing my lungs. I couldn't sleep on my stomach because it was in the way. I tried sleeping on my side but fell out of bed when I was trying to turn over. Now I've got a headache too. Just kill me now, will you?"

"It couldn't have been that bad Deeks. Come on, man up here." Callen was sure he was exaggerating.

"You…you think I'm exaggerating! That's it. I have it in my car. Feel like taking a small bet Callen?"

"What kind of bet?"

"If you wear that torture device for an hour and a half without complaining once, about anything, I'll buy you dinner at a restaurant of your choice. If you complain or take it off before time is up, you buy me dinner."

"I don't know Deeks. What if someone sees me?"

"You said it wasn't a big deal. Put your money where your mouth is. Or are you too chicken?"

"Yeah G, are you chicken?" Sam had to get his two cents in.

Callen glared at him. "What if Hetty sees me? Or Nell? I'll never live it down."

"Excuses, excuses Callen." Deeks was starting to enjoy seeing Callen squirm. He really wanted to see Callen try to do anything in that thing.

"Okay, I'll do it. But we have to take a long lunch so we can go to my house where Hetty won't be able to see me in it."

"Let's hope we don't get a case then because I really want to see this. You don't know what you're in for, really." Deeks couldn't wait to see Callen in the pregnancy belly.

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The day was very quiet at the Mission so Hetty was more than glad to give them some extra time off for lunch. Unbeknownst to them, she had heard them talking and was going to enjoy watching Callen in the empathy belly. He had security cameras in his home so she hacked into them. Hetty reasoned that the situation could turn dire once he was wearing the thing and she wanted to be able to send help if needed. That was her story and she was sticking to it.

Sam and Callen took Sam's car to Callen's house with Deeks following. When he pulled the empathy belly out of his car and showed it to Callen, the agent backed away and started shaking his head. "How the hell did I get myself into this situation. I can't believe I took the bet. Deeks was right, that does look like a torture device. But he said he wore it for 24 hours, so I should be able to handle it for 90 minutes."

Sam just shook his head when he saw the belly. He was going to enjoy the next little while.

Once they were inside, Callen and Deeks retired to Callen's bedroom where Deeks helped him into the belly. Sam waited out in the living room sitting in the only chair Callen had. He kept hearing comments from the bedroom that had him in stitches. Callen was already complaining and he didn't even have it on all the way. "No way is he going to be able to win this bet. I should have got in on it myself. But just the bet, I wouldn't be caught dead in that thing." He couldn't help himself as he kept laughing at the conversation coming from the bedroom.

"Deeks this can't be right. I can't see my feet."

"You're not supposed to be able to see your feet. How do the boobs feel?"

"They're heavy! How do women carry these things around all the time without breaking their backs? That's what I'd like to know."

"Beats the hell out of me. Now, I've got to tighten the straps in back so it fits right."

"You're crushing my balls man! Take it easy. And it's too tight around my chest; I can barely breathe in this thing."

"That's not me crushing your balls, that's the belly. And I told you it was hard to breathe, but I believe you told me to 'man up'. The shoes on the other foot now isn't it. There, let me see you." Deeks looked at Callen in the belly and made sure that everything was lined up properly and tight enough.

Callen opened his mouth to say something, but Deeks shushed him. "No more complaining now. That's part of the bet. It's 12:15 now so you have to wear it until 1:45 pm. Without complaining or taking it off or you lose the bet."

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Callen tried to walk out into the living room like he normally did but only managed a waddle. Sam took one look at him and burst out in a huge laugh. "Damn, you're hot G!"

"Shut-up Sam, just shut the hell up."

"Getting a little testy are we?"

"I…" Deeks shook his finger at Callen reminding him not to complain.

"I was going to say, I want to sit down Deeks. I wasn't complaining. Sam, get the hell out of my chair."

"Okay G, okay. Don't get your knickers in twist." Sam snickered.

If looks could kill, Sam would have been dead on the floor from the look Callen gave him. He continued to stare at him until Sam gave him the chair. He went to sit down and stopped before doing so because he couldn't figure out how to sit down into the chair without falling on his ass on the floor. He tried several times before he finally was able to kind of fling his ass into the chair and then collapse the rest of himself into it. He figured he would just sit there for the next 90 minutes and win the bet. What he wasn't counting on was needing to hit the head about 10 minutes later. He sat there squirming before finally stating. "I have to use the head."

"Go for it Callen" Deeks responded.

He was going to enjoy watching Callen try to get out of the chair. It wasn't the right kind of chair for anyone who was pregnant or wearing the empathy belly. Deeks knew this from experience but kept his mouth shut. Sam and Deeks shared a look. Sam's eyes were twinkling and his dimples were showing.

They watched as Callen struggled to get out of the chair. He tried to stand up like normal at first, but just fell back into the chair. Then he tried to slide out but almost fell onto the floor only saving himself by grabbing onto the arms of the chair for dear life and then sliding his ass back into it. He finally made it out of the chair by holding onto the arms, sliding part-way out and then lifting himself by his arms and using his back to shove the belly forward far enough for gravity to help. When he finally made it to a standing position, he felt like he had been sat on by a 500 pound man. His back was aching and his arms were shaking. He waddled down the hall and then couldn't figure out how he was going to get his fly open so he could take a piss. He couldn't see a damn thing with the belly in the way.

Sam and Deeks were starting to worry about Callen after 10 minutes. "Callen are you all right in there?" Deeks called.

"I give up! Get me out of this thing. I can't even see to take a piss! You win, you win." Callen wasn't about to endure another 70 minutes of this torture. He'd bite the bullet and take Deeks to dinner. It was the much easier way to go. Callen appeared in the doorway and yelled again. "Get the lead out Deeks and get me out of this torture device."

Deeks and Sam were almost on the floor laughing by now. Just when they got some semblance of control back, they would either look at each other or look at Callen standing there looking like a hen that had been left out the rain and would begin laughing uncontrollably all over again. Callen looked like he wanted to shoot both of them.

Deeks finally stood up and took Callen's arm; leading him into his bedroom to remove the belly. All through the removal he kept chuckling to himself and then apologizing to Callen for laughing. As soon as the belly was removed Callen dashed into the bathroom to finally relieve himself. He swore he would never bet with Deeks again.

Deeks returned to the living room and waited with Sam for Callen to reappear. As soon as he did, he threw the empathy pillow at Deeks and stalked out to Sam's car. Sam and Deeks followed him and all three men returned to the Mission.

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Hetty laughed quietly to herself as she stopped recording the feed from the security cameras in Callen's home. She hadn't enjoyed herself quite so much in a very long time. "I'm glad I recorded it. This way I can watch it again when I need a good laugh." She took the recording and put it in her safe in the armory. She didn't want it falling into the wrong hands.

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Callen put his head down on his desk and moaned. It was eerily reminiscent of what Deeks had done just that morning. "How do women put up with carting all that around for nine months? If men had to have the babies, there would only be one per family and the human race would become extinct. Where do you want to go for dinner?"

"Let me think about it once I've recovered from Sunday. I want to be able to enjoy the meal and right now, everything still feels like its smashed together inside me." Deeks had one last comment to make "I guess I'm not man enough to be a woman." he sighed.

"Me neither" Callen replied.

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FINI