Castles in the Closet

Chapter 1

A/N Here's a quick tutorial for those who don't know these characters from my previous stories. Broom was once a full sized broom, but he was damaged and made into a whisk broom. He's been at the precinct the longest. He comes on as a prude. Broomie is a full sized young broom who has Broom's old handle. Maggie is a young Swiffer®. She and Broomie like each other. Mop is an eager voyeur and delights in annoying Broom by telling him about sexual activity he sees and hears about, especially involving Rick and Kate. These characters are occupants of the Janitor's Closet that Beckett used to trap the film crew in Swan Song. There are other inanimate characters around the precinct and the loft. Kate's hairbrush brings info from the loft back to the precinct. She and Mop particularly enjoy talking. The espresso machine Castle bought for the break room hears all the conversation in there and is a huge source of information. Boomer is the janitor who comes in at night to clean.

"What happened?" Mop asked after a shaking female hand returned Broom and Dustpan to their place.

"Wastebasket said Kate had pulled one of those things with the long noses she used to have on her old desk out of a drawer in her new one. She was holding it when she got a phone call. He said she looked very upset and dropped it. It broke all over the floor and she brought me in there to clean it up. The way she was holding me was kind of like a machine - stiff. She was very white and she was crying," Broom added.

Mop's tendrils twisted nervously. "Sounds like there's a lot of activity out there. There must be a body."

"Yeah," Broom speculated, "a body of someone Kate knew."

As Maggie was returned to the closet, crumbs clinging to her cloth, she immediately let her grip fall against Broomie's handle. "What did you hear in the break room?" Broomie asked.

"I didn't hear much of anything, but Espresso did. He said that the cops were coming in there looking gloomy and a couple of them even had tears in their eyes when they used him. They were talking about things they remembered about Rick. Then Ryan came bursting in. He announced that the body they'd thought was Rick was someone else, a guy named Paul Dyson. He looked a lot like Rick, in fact a serial killer had used him to frame Rick for murder. His face had been partially burned too. But the minute that nasty doctor, Perlmutter, got to the scene, he knew it wasn't Rick. He'd made some comments about Dyson being younger and in better shape. He also checked the fingerprints. I don't know how someone could talk that way when everyone was so upset, but I guess Perlmutter doesn't like Rick very much."

Broom's bristles rustled. "No wonder Kate was crying. She thought she'd lost her husband. Of course everyone around here thinks they're separated."

Mop swayed enthusiastically on his tendrils. "It's amazing how well those two have the humans around here fooled, considering what they do together in here. You remember that argument they were having a couple of days ago that everyone in the precinct could hear? He accused her of breaking every promise she'd ever made about being partners and shutting him out. And she yelled at him about not trusting her to do what she needed to do by herself. Then they came in here and his handle thing was so stiff he could hardly get his pants open. And she had her hands all up under his shirt. They kissed like they were going to eat each other and then she wrapped her legs around him as he had her up against the door. I thought they might break it, they were going at it so hard. Dispenser started pumping along with them and half her soap dripped out. Boomer had to clean it up before he put us on the cart that night."

"Please," Broom begged, scratching his bristles against Dustpan. "That's enough. We all saw and heard it. We've seen a lot of them lately."

"We certainly have," Mop agreed gleefully. "It's like the fights they have are what humans call foreplay. It gets them all excited so they come in here to have their fun."

"And you have yours," Broom commented dryly. "Can you remember for a second that even if Rick didn't die, someone else did? A little respect might be in order."

"Broom is right," Maggie piped up. "We should at least say a prayer to Master Cleaner for him."

"Alright," Mop acceded. "I'm not unfeeling. I just get carried away." Mop settled on his tendrils while Maggie and Broomie swayed silently.

Mop, tendrils still dripping but firmly ensconced in Bucket, was shoved through the door of the closet. "Another leak in the Men's Room?" Maggie asked.

Mop shook his handle."Toilet overflowed again. Bruce said something about Ryan's bean burritos. But the guys in there were talking a lot about Rick and Kate. Martha dragged Rick up to some yoga retreat. I guess she doesn't know Rick and Kate aren't really apart either. She thought he needed centering - whatever that is. He wasn't allowed to have a phone or a computer. He didn't even know that anyone thought he was dead until he was on his way back to the city. He told Esposito and Ryan that he was going to work on the case though, as a P.I.. He didn't like the thought of anyone killing his - what did they call it - doppelganger. I guess Dyson helped clear him when he was in trouble too, so he feels like he owes him. He told the guys he's going to hang out at the coffee shop where Dyson was a barista and see what information he can pick up. The other cops said Kate seemed awfully relieved, considering how she and Rick had been battling."

"It must be hard for her to keep up a front all the time considering how much she and Rick really love each other," Maggie offered.

"Did you actually hear anything about who killed Paul Dyson?" Broom wondered.

"A little bit," Mop replied. "Perlmutter told Ryan and Esposito the burns on Dyson's face were from hot coffee. The cops were joking that he must have had a really disgruntled customer."

"How mean!" Maggie exclaimed.

"Not really," Broom counseled. "When you've been around here longer, you'll find out that the cops still find murder upsetting, even if they seem casual about it. They use jokes to cover that up. It's like the way humans laugh when they're nervous. You've seen that, haven't you?"

Maggie fluttered her cleaning cloth. "I'm not sure, but I guess it makes sense. It's better than thinking they can just make fun about someone dying. Still I don't like it."

Broomie let the plastic loop at the tip of his handle fall into her grip. "That's because you have such a beautiful soul yourself."

Broom slid disgustedly down into the bottom of Dustpan. "Oh, here we go. Thank Master Cleaner you two are incapable of doing what Rick and Kate do."

Broomie rubbed his dull handle against Maggie's shiny one. "Sometimes I wish we could."