BREAK UP
Kate got up with a heavy head, she had a difficult night and her psychiatric evaluation was coming up. She had to pass it.
She glanced up at the clock, 11.00 am?!, was she really that tired that she was sleeping at least 8 hours.
She picked up her cell; there were missed calls from Josh, her boyfriend. She immediately called him back.
"Hey Kate," Josh answered, "Are you better now?"
"Yes." Kate replied. Josh was taking really good care of her after the shooting. "Should I meet you for breakfast?"
"Um….Kate I actually have work to do, but I'll meet you for dinner ok? Your apartment if that's fine with you."
"Yeah, it's completely fine; I anyways have work to do." Kate lied, as she disconnected the call. She now had a long day to look forward to.
LATER
After having her bath she made her way towards the coffee machine, to make the coffee herself. She smiled slightly, she remembered Castle bringing her coffee every morning.
Then almost suddenly she shook her head, feeling hopeless. Every time she thought about Castle she could hear his words.
Kate, don't leave me Kate, I love you. I love you Kate.
For those three words she had lied about not remembering a thing. She had thought about calling him, but she couldn't. She couldn't face him without feeling guilty. Without telling him how she felt. But then again she wasn't sure what she felt anymore.
When she thought of him, she had to think about the shooting. And thinking about the shooting made her feel down. It made her feel depressed. It made her feel helpless. Kate Beckett didn't like feeling helpless.
However, she couldn't stop thinking about Castle. Most of her happy and memorable memories were from that guy.
You have a boyfriend Kate. She reminded herself, but then again she wasn't sure if that word meant anything to her, at all.
Sure, Josh was wonderful but he wasn't what she was looking for. He wanted something from girlfriend and she wasn't it. She never was and she had no idea for how long could she continue pretending.
She wanted, or more specifically needed someone who would push her, but stop her when she was needed to be stopped. Josh didn't push her at all.
She needed someone who would just let her be, on her terms, but try his best to make things right if they went wrong. She wanted someone who would know her. No, she wanted someone who would understand her.
But she sighed, Josh wasn't all these things. He was the Mr. Perfect boyfriend. The only problem was she didn't needed Mr. Perfect. She needed Mr. Right.
She needed him. She needed Castle.
And now she knew what she was going to do. She was going to break up with Josh. It won't make things right easily. But it would give her some hope, to deal with it.
AT DINNER
"I bought some Thai food, is that ok?" Josh asked her.
Kate nodded, "Absolutely, I love Thai." Do I? She asked herself. She loved Chinese, not Thai.
"Well, I'll get the plates; I had such a tiring day…."
Whatever Josh said after that, she didn't pay attention. She did care, but she wasn't in a mood. After her shooting she didn't get drawn towards anything. It wasn't anybody's fault in particular.
Josh was wonderful in taking care of her, but he didn't make her laugh. She remembered when Castle….she shut her eyes quickly, there she was thinking about him again.
"Kate, what's wrong?" Josh asked her in a worried voice.
"Nothing's wrong Josh, it's just that earlier this day I was thinking, and I thought….."
"That we should break up?"
Kate stared at Josh, "How did you know?"
Josh gave a sad smile, "Face it Kate, you haven't been in the relationship completely, even before the shooting. At times it feels like you are pretending."
"Josh….I…" Kate, probably for the first time in her life, didn't have a clue what to say.
"It's ok Kate. Just tell me one thing, is this due to Castle?"
"Castle? Absolutely not." What had Castle got to do with any of this, she hadn't called the guy in months. " I just need to sort out all this first Josh, I need to bring my wall down, which has been up since the day my mom died. Until I do that, I don't think I am ready for a relationship."
Josh nodded, "Well, goodbye then Kate." he said getting up.
He kissed her goodbye, for one last time.
Kate for once didn't feel that miserable. It felt as if a heavy load had been lifted off her head.
Just as she was about to go to bed she thought about what Josh had said. Was this really due to Castle? Of course not, she thought.
But just as she drifted into sleep she knew one thing for sure. Even though she didn't want to admit it, if not the whole thing, at least a major part of it was due to him. Richard Castle.
Um….guys this was my first one shot and Castle fanfic. I hope you guys like it, and please review.