This is my first fanfic so be gentle please, although reviews; positive or negative will be much appreciated. I would like to thank you all in advance for taking the time to read my work, and I apologise if there are any spelling/ grammar mistakes. I know this will not be as good as other fanfics out there but I hope you all enjoy reading my humble effort, since you will be the first to read any kind of writing I have done. Any suggestions for later chapters, should they occur, would also be welcome, and I'll see what I can do :) Thank you again.
Warning for Series 3 spoilers.
"Michael. My dear fellow." Lord Grantham greeted the Duke of Crowborough as he stepped out of the car which had just stopped on the gravel driveway before the main entrance to Downton Abbey. The Duke removed his hat to reveal dark brown hair, slicked back to shine in the sun which bore down upon him as he came over to greet the Crawley family, absent of Lady Mary who had not left the walls of Downton since Matthew's funeral. The staff had also turned out in ceremony for the arrival of their illustrious guest. Holding a solemn expression on his face the Duke took the hand of his Lordship to convey his deepest sympathies, for although it had been three months since Matthew's untimely death the Duke had not yet been received at Downton Abbey to make his condolences felt and, the young heir's passing still caused grief throughout the household.
"Robert. I'm so sorry. What a terrible terrible thing," The Duke shook his head with the utmost sincerity.
"Yes." Lord Grantham nodded, little more needing to be said.
"It must be hard to bear. Especially after young Lady Sybil." The Duke spoke carefully, hoping his words did not cause more grief than he had already been forced to bring.
Lord Grantham closed his eyes in remembrance of that fateful night but kept his posture, "It has been some time now but that night is still fresh in our memory. Her death only makes this one so much harder."
"I can imagine. How is Mary?" The Duke had not neglected to notice her absence, but seeing as the nature of his previous visit to the house involved his seeking Mary's hand in hope of becoming an heir of Downton, he felt it prudent to make his voice seem unwillingly to broach the subject of the young widow, in fear that his intention at the house that day were to be misconstrued.
"She's strong, on the outside. Inside, I'm not so sure." Robert replied.
"She was always good at hiding her emotions." All the more true now she has chosen an Abbey to hide them within.
"I don't know how she'd be without the baby. Then again I don't know if the child is company for her or just a harsh reminder of what she has lost. What we have all lost." Robert hung his head sadly.
"I hope my stay isn't putting you to any trouble, because I can make other arrangements." The Duke raised his eyebrows and gestured back to the car which was waiting obediently should his Lordship wish for the Duke to accommodate himself elsewhere.
"Not at all. It's been nearly three months; we have to start coming back into the world somehow." Robert smiled with little enthusiasm.
"And it may as well be with an old friend." The Duke returned his smile, seeing now that all past misdeeds had been forgotten in the wake of so much death.
"Yes. You remember Barrow?" Lord Grantham turned to allow the Duke to see the under butler, who held the image of his past lover before him, both men struggling to contain any emotion flowing from their faces.
"I think so, yes." The Duke said, his mask of indifference disguising his torment at seeing the under butler, whom he noted had matured in his appearance which had lost none of its beauty.
"He will attend to you during your stay if that is all right?"
"Of course, if you can spare him."
"You didn't bring your own man." Robert observed.
"During times like these I can dress myself if needs be." The Duke offered.
"No, while you stay in my house you will be taken care of properly." Robert insisted with a new reserve of boldness emerging into his tone, "Mr Carson, we can spare Barrow to valet the Duke?"
"I should think so M'Lord." Carson responded, bowing slightly forward in acknowledgement.
"That's most kind." The Duke nodded to Carson gratefully.
"Dinner will be ready soon, so if you want to change-"Robert suggested.
"Of course. Thank you." The Duke interrupted, supervising the removal of his suitcase from the car before following Lord Grantham into his home where the meaning of luxury and grandeur can easily be learned as it seeped from the very walls of Downton Abbey.
Thomas laid out the Duke's clothes, it felt strange to him to be valeting again, even more so for his former lover whose association he could not even acknowledge before the watchful eyes of the household. Only in the privacy of the guest bedroom, once the door barred them from the world, could they speak openly of a time which held no meaning for them in the present, nor reality for them in the past.
"Long time no see." The Duke opened whimsically, hoping to make the best of what was destined to be an awkward situation between the two men.
"Indeed it has Your Grace." Thomas agreed, attempting to maintain the barrier between servant and master.
"To be honest, I didn't expect to see you again." The Duke said as he untied his tie while Thomas arranged the Duke's dinner suit.
"Some people have all the luck Your Grace." Thomas smiled wryly to himself.
"Don't be like that." The Duke furrowed his eyebrows in displeasure at Thomas' coldness towards him.
"Like what Your Grace?" The under butler stood before him in feigned ignorance.
"Like you hate me." Michael clarified.
"I don't." Thomas' voice spoke unconvincingly, not removed from the hurt once felt at the Duke's hands. A hurt the Duke was quick to remind him of.
"I know we parted on bad terms-"
"Bad? You betrayed me." Thomas freed his hands of all tasks and brought his attention to the recollection of the Duke's treachery.
"Ah so you do remember?" The Duke grinned, removing his shirt carelessly, casting it onto the bed.
"Of course." Thomas stood unmoved, his eyes resolutely fixed upon the Duke's face, away from any habit of admiring the Duke's well- formed torso.
"Then you'll recall that it was you who betrayed me." The Duke took a step forward in challenge to Thomas' assertion.
"I did what I had to." Thomas spoke to justify his attempt to blackmail his former lover.
"Yes. But from the looks of things it wasn't really was it? Under- butler of Downton. That's a step up from last time." The Duke said with some optimism on Thomas' part.
"In eight years." Thomas scowled, thinking of what he could be now had the Duke not gone back on his word to take him away from that house and instate him in his own.
"Well I can't see Mr Carson retiring, so you'll have to wait a while to advance further." The noble man mocked him, seeing that his previous tactic of civility had not the desired effect on his acting valet.
"I'm happy where I am." Thomas retorted, winning a bout of laughter from the Duke who had only ever known Thomas to harbour two singular emotions in his hardened heart; envy and hatred.
"Really? The ambitious, cold hearted, blackmailing Thomas Barrow I once knew is happy? I'm sorry I'm struggling with that image." The Duke's eyes followed the corner of his mouth as they lifted to the ceiling thoughtfully.
"It's true." Thomas said to assure himself as much as the Duke. The only happiness in his life was brought with the renewed friendship of Jimmy, whom he had wronged over a year ago by hoping for something more than the footman was willing to give him. He was happy with their reforged bond but even that brought pain equal in power to the joy of their closeness, a closeness that cannot be cemented by lover's kiss or touch.
"What's changed?" The Duke demanded to know of him.
"I have." Thomas presented himself proudly.
"I doubt it." The noble tilted his head sceptically. He may have believed it if Thomas acted more civilly towards him at the start of their conversation, but alas it was not to be.
"I'm sure Your Grace." The under butler sighed, knowing of the duke's stubbornness and that he would not believe in a transformation of character, even after the eight years they had been parted. The under butler returned to his duty of clothing the Duke, who proceeded to fasten the buttons of his shirt.
"You're so distant." The Duke softly remarked, in criticism as much as in observation.
"What else would I be towards you?" Thomas searched for an answer as he came around the front of the Duke and brushed his dinner jacket.
"I have a few ideas." The Duke whispered, as suddenly all went quiet and the world seemed to pause as the Duke leaned in towards him, the warmth of his breath against the under butler's cheek made Thomas bite his lip as a shudder passed up his spine.
"Your Grace?" Thomas gave nothing away as he raised his head.
"Come on Thomas, don't act naïve now." The under butler deigned to avert his gaze and continue with his job, wishing to remain as naïve as the Duke claimed him to be. However his eyes were brought up into the dark lure of the Duke's as Thomas felt a gentle but leading touch of fingers beneath his chin, and felt his lips being drawn to the other man's. The space closed between them and formed into a tender kiss, filled with such longing although it but lingered for a second. It was a taste, but a taste was all that the Duke wanted, all that he allowed Thomas to endure as he reluctantly withdrew his lips from the under butler's and touched their foreheads together. Deep breaths escaped them in fear of revisiting what had long been gone from their lives, and the pleasures that they both knew were within their grasp if they chose to submit to this moment.
"See. That wasn't so hard was it?" The Duke whispered.
"What are you doing?" Thomas managed to find his words through the torrent of emotion emanating between the bodies of the two men, it had been so long since Thomas had been wanted in that way, so much that he was ashamed of his arousal at a mere kiss. An embarrassment which anchored his feet, unable to move himself away from the Duke's breath pounding upon his quivering lips.
"When I knew I was coming back here I checked to see if you were still working here. I was daunted to hear that you were, but to see you again diminished all those thoughts because I can see you have changed..." The Duke pulled away and Thomas' entire body slumped forward lifelessly. The Duke surveyed his former lover and raising his hand traced Thomas' pale cheek with the back of his finger. "You're more… just more than you were. Even as you are now; so defiant, so beautiful. Like a wild stallion longing to be tamed."
Thomas did not hear the Duke's words, there was only sound, his thoughts were amassed with all that had passed and all that remained with him, thoughts of the Duke, of Jimmy, of his loneliness and suffering in the failure that had been his life. He curled his hand about the Duke's which remained on his cheek and brought it away from him, stepping back decisively to put distance between them. "Don't..." He turned away, smoothing down his front before his hair. He did not know what to do, what the Duke was asking of him seemed impossible despite their history. He no longer knew this man, only his deeds. His treachery and coldness stayed with him, but only in thought, not in person as the man who came up behind him, taking his shoulders in his hands and whispering sensually into his ear.
"Don't tell me you haven't been thinking about me for the last eight years, that you haven't missed my skin against yours."
"I…" Thomas choked.
"Can you?" The Duke challenged.
"I've missed…" The under butler stuttered, adjusting the tie about his neck, the tension threatening to suffocate him.
"Yes?"
"I missed what we had." He admitted with a heavy yet desperate heart, in yearning for freedom from his dejection.
"That makes two of us." The Duke teased the ends of Thomas' hair with his fingers, stroking the back of his neck, Thomas relaxing his head back into his delicate touch.
"What do you want?" He exerted in a strong gasp which he took to release his pleasure. It sounded so stupid, it seemed obvious what the Duke wanted from him, but a need to believe it was not so made Thomas ask.
"I want what you want- what we had."
Thomas felt a grip upon his ear as the Duke nibbled the flesh desirously. "I can't." Thomas turned and faced him in defiance. O'Brien had once told him that he could not hold a grudge, he knew now that she was wrong. This man deceived him, and now he sought to use him once again. The audacity of the proposition sickened him.
"Why not? It's only for a few days. Just a bit of fun." The Duke tempted him. Not removing himself from the close proximity he held with the under butler. "You remember." He teased at Thomas' memory with a devilish grin.
Shaking the Duke, and all memory he wished to arouse in him, off Thomas moved around him and quickly gave the back of his jacket a brush, a gesture which hopefully spoke louder than a verbal refusal which he could not give. "They'll be waiting for us downstairs." Thomas told him, trying to control the tremors in his voice.
"Yes, dinner, of course. It'll give you time to think about my proposition. I'd like an answer by tonight. After all, it doesn't do to postpone these things." The Duke gave him a confident smile, blissfully unaware of his inappropriate actions during a visit meant to be in support of a grieving household.
"Yes Your Grace." Was the only response Thomas could give, as the Duke followed him from the room, as opposed to what he would have liked to have said; more along the lines of 'bugger off'. Yet it was obedience as much as intrigue that kept him from saying it, also perhaps the need to feel that he was still wanted; that someone wanted to be with him- though not by the man he would choose- it may turn out to be what he needs during a time when he felt so hopeless, so afraid that he would never experience love again.