Blissful Misery

by miss.slyth

Bella has been abused all her life. Can the man her parents hate most save her? ExB graphic lemon, written for the Secrets and Lies contest.

Title: Blissful Misery

Age Of Characters: Bella; 17. Edward; 27.

Pen Name: ElyzaDeath

Disclaimer: I didn't come up with Twilight. The idea sparkling vampires are all on Steph.

AN: I wrote this originally just for the hell of it, with no intention of entering it in any contest. Then I found the Secrets and Lies contest, changed a few minor details, and here it is :P It was meant to be lol.

BPOV

I guess you could say Edward and I were the definition of forbidden love.

Forbidden; adj.
1) not permitted: not allowed by order of somebody or by law.
2) out of bound: to which entry is not allowed, only to a specific person or group of people.

Love; v.
1) feel tender affection for somebody: to feel tender affection for somebody such as a close relative or friend, or for something such as a place, an ideal, or an animal
2) feel desire for somebody: to feel romantic and sexual desire and longing for somebody
3) like something very much: to like something, or like doing, something very much
4)show kindness to somebody: to feel and show kindness and charity to somebody
5) have sex with somebody: to have sexual intercourse with somebody (dated)

Yep, that pretty much described it all.

One, Edward was ten years older than me; he was twenty-seven, and I was only seventeen. It wasn't too big a difference, not to us, at least, and I would be legal soon enough. But that wasn't the only problem.

My father, police chief Charlie Swan, knew about Edward and I. As of late, that is. And to say he was infuriated, sickened, and had more malice in his heart for Edward then Hitler did for the Jews, would be an understatement. He gave Edward a week to move back to Chicago, where he moved back to Forks from, before he would put a restraining order on him, put him in jail, and kill him the minute he got out. He wasn't exaggerating, either.

The feud was actually more personal than Charlie and Renee, my parents, hating Edward for "violating" their daughter. Our family was supposed to hate the Cullens. Before either Edward or I were born, Renee had a thing with Carlisle, who was a little older than she. She didn't see a problem with it, and Renee's parents were really cool and accepting, they thought Carlisle was a nice young man, and that he and Renee would make a good couple.

But Carlisle's parents really didn't like Renee's. And Carlisle, a major kiss-ass to his father, promptly dumped Renee on her sorry ass.

And only to make matters worse, he ended up marring Esme, Renee's sworn enemy. Making the couple number one on her most-hated list.

So, Esme and Carlisle lived happy lives, having three kids, first Edward, then Emmett, then Alice. The year Alice was born, was the year I was born, to Charlie and Renee. Renee chose Charlie, who was the only guy to dump Esme, instead of it being the other way around. Their relationship seemed forced sometimes to me, especially on Renee's side. Mostly on Renee's side. Charlie was truly in love with her, but they fought quite a bit, so it only seemed forced on his side when they were fighting and he was hiding it.

I grew up in Phoenix, but we just moved back to Forks, where I was born, and where Charlie and Renee grew up.

And then I met Alice, Emmett, and most importantly, Edward.

Renee never expected the Cullens to still be here, but they were, and there was nothing she could do about it.

Throughout the years, Charlie grew a hatred for the Cullens, too. He'd never liked Carlisle, he always one-upped Charlie, so the feud came easy for him, too.

As for the Cullens, they were sad about the feud. They said no mean words about my family, and they completely accepted me. If only I could say the same of my fucking parents. Judgmental, jealous, pig-headed ass-holes.

They weren't happy about the age difference between Edward and I, but they knew we loved each other, and Esme was a lot younger than Carlisle when they married, so they understood.

They mostly weren't happy about my father's insane, sadistic threats. They wanted Edward and I to be safe. Carlisle wanted to hide Edward out, let me finish school, and reunite us. But that would never work. I knew my father, and if Edward did leave, he would find him and kill him anyway. Edward needed to hide, and he couldn't tell anyone where he was going, not me, not even his family. Which I hated. I knew there was only one solution, as much as I hated it.

I had to kill Charlie. And probably Renee, too.

Renee was a fucking sadistic bitch. She took out her pathetic life's frustrations on me. When I was younger, it was just verbally. Some of my first few words were expletives.

When I grew older, it was harsh spanks for every little mistake. When I grew up a little more, it was full out fights. I didn't care that she was my fucking mother, I fought that bitch back. Until I actually got good at defending myself and she started using Charlie's handcuffs or heavy dosages of "sleeping pills". No sleeping pill knocked someone out like that.

And, even though he never laid a hand on me, Charlie was equally at blame. Because he knew. He knew all about what Renee did to me. I showed him bruises, cuts, and scars, telling him everything, thinking he'd listen, that he'd keep me safe.

But, he told me how stressed my mother was. That it would die down. That he would talk to her, and it would stop. That he loved me.

Motherfucking liar.

I drove to the Cullen's house, tears streaming down my face.

I made my decision. I would tell Esme and Carlisle what my parents did to me, and I would tell them my plan to keep Edward and I safe. The only way to keep us safe.

Edward found out about Renee's cruel abuse the first time we started getting intimate. We hadn't had sex yet, but we were... getting to know each other.

His hand snaked up my shirt, but I stopped him.

"What's wrong, baby?" he asked, stroking my hair. I smiled at his concern. I wanted to continue, I just didn't want him to be too shocked by what he saw.

"I haven't told you everything, Edward," I whispered, my eyes and throat stinging with pent up tears, threatening to spill over any second, especially if I kept talking. My knee-jerk reaction, was to think of something completely random, like the cheesy Dr. Pepper commercial, or laundry detergent that I would never want my clothes smelling like, or something equally as fucking stupid.

"Tell me Bella," Edward said, pulling me close to his chest, rubbing my back. "You know you can tell me anything."

"My mother...," I started. "I...just don't be shocked okay?"

He nodded as I pulled away from him. I figured it would actually be a little easier to show, then explain, as opposed to explaining everything to him, then showing him the result of everything I had explained.

I pulled my shirt up, letting him see the front side first. There were long, raised gashes, results of angry, drunk Renee, then there were thin, white lines, healing much better. There were cigarette burns, giving my body unattractive, uneven, puckered polka dots. There were half-moon shaped nail marks, where she dug her nails into my skin, telling me what a fat whore I was. Then there were ones I didn't even remember getting. Sometimes, I would get drunk, or high so I would either not feel it, or not remember it. And sometimes, there were the fucking sleeping pills.

"Oh my fucking Lord, Bella," Edward whispered, caressing my sensitive scars. "What happened to you?"

"Renee... gets mad sometimes," I said simply, standing up to turn around, so he could see my back. I wasn't as familiar with the scars back there. I knew they were there, but I never took the time to examine them. What was the point? Look at my marred, ugly skin in the mirror so I could feel fucking bad for myself? Where the hell would that get me?

"You're saying," Edward said, shaking with anger, his nostrils were flaring and his voice was intimidatingly low, "that you'refucking mother did this to you? And you never told me?"

"I'm telling you now," I huffed, reaching to pick my shirt back up. He stopped me, grabbing my hands and pulling me back down to him.

"Bella. Oh, god, I swear, I'm getting you out of that house. I'm going to keep you safe, I fucking swear it."

"Edward," I sniffled. "You can't. I have one more year left there, then I'm gone. We'll be together. No one can stop us."

"No, Bella. Please, I hate this. I can keep you safe," Edward pleaded, rubbing his long fingers over each scar.

The conversation pretty much went on like that for the rest of the night. I ended up falling asleep in his arms, my tears running down his strong chest.

Soon enough I was pulling up to the Cullen household, fresh tears staining my cheeks.

I wiped them away the best I could, but the evidence was still there.

Esme answered the door, her smile soon turning into a worried frown. She enveloped me in a hug, asking me what was wrong.

"Can I talk to you?" I asked softly.

"Of course, dear, come on in," she said, wrapping her arm around my shoulder, leading me through the door. "The kids will be back in about an hour."

"Is Carlisle here?" I asked, hoping he wasn't.

"Yes, he's in his office, do you want me to go get him?"

"No, no, I was just wondering," I said quickly. I took a deep cleansing breath. "I'm just going to get to it. You and your family are amazing. You're the most genuine, loving people I've ever met, and I can't thank you enough for accepting me, despite my awful family. I know you guys have never judged me because of my parents. And you guys have never even said a harsh word about my family when I'm around."

She opened her mouth to protest, but I cut her off.

"And all I've done is wreck your family and put you in danger. I've caused the worst for your family ever since I've stepped into you guy's lives, but you've never complained. But you don't realize what a threat my family really is. How much danger I'm putting you and your husband and your children in. They're angry, sadistic people, and it makes me sick to my stomach when you stand up for them, talking about how it's not their fault, they're good people who've held a grudge. It's not true."

"Bella, dear, what are you saying?" Esme asked, her worried face, getting even more anxious.

My cheeks flushed, nervous about what I was about to do. What Esme was about to see. I lifted my shirt off, and settled my eyes to the floor. I didn't want to see her face when she saw my repulsive, mutilated skin. Everything from the new, red ones, the brownish-red scabs, the pink marks on their way to scarring, and the white, permanent stains on my skin. Not to mention the not so permanent, but just as painful bruises, ranging from the new dark purple and blue ones, to the older brownish yellowing ones.

I turned around, letting her see the rest. There were more on my legs, but I was pretty sure she got the picture.

"Oh, sweetheart! How could they?" Esme exclaimed. I looked up at her slowly, to see her eyes watering, on the verge of tears spilling.

"It's only Renee, but Charlie knows what she does, and, in my opinion, that's just as bad."

"It is, sweetie, it is," Esme said in a shaky voice, tears falling freely down her cheeks. She stood up to embrace me, not even caring about the fact that I didn't have a shirt on. It was a light hug, I was pretty sure she didn't want to hurt me. "Would you feel comfortable showing Carlisle? He's a doctor, and he's got a daughter, honey. But if you would feel uncomfortable, you don't have to."

But, before I had time to answer, speak of the devil, Carlisle appeared in the doorway.

"What's going on honey?" Carlisle said, not noticing me. "Oh, Bella. What happened?"

Esme gave a quite recap of my story, as Carlisle listened with a horrified face.

"Oh, Bella," Carlisle breathed. "You can't possibly think that. We love you like a daughter, and the fact that Renee did this to, and Charlie stood by and watched, makes me sick. I swear, Bella, this will happen no longer. I wish you would have come to us sooner."

"Oh, honey. No offense, but obviously your parents are not suitable to keep you in their home. I never thought they were suitable, but I never realized... oh, Bella, I never would have guessed... I'm so sorry."

"I assume Edward knows about this?" Carlisle asked, raising one eyebrow, daring me to say otherwise.

"Yes," I answered quietly, a heat rushing to my cheeks. I pulled my shirt back on, suddenly feeling queasy. A year ago, not one person knew about what my parents did. I felt so vulnerable with so many people knowing my secret.

"And what did he have to say about it?" Carlisle pressed on.

"He was quite... livid about it. We argued for hours, but I told him what I planned on telling you. That I'm nothing more than a danger to your lives, and that I only have one more year there. I'll get through it, I've gotten through it for the last seventeen years, one more is nothing. I want you guys to," I took a deep breath, closing my eyes, "move on. We'll meet up again, I'll make sure of it. I love you all too much. But right now, what with my parents irrational, sadistic hatred, it would be better for you and your children to stay away for a while..."

"I admit, Bella, when Edward confided in us about your relationship, I wasn't very pleased. But the fact that he did tell us, as opposed to sneaking behind our backs, made us believe that it was a serious relationship. I knew your family had problems with us, and the problem we were concerned with was that maybe you were going through a rebellious phase, going out with the very last person your parents would approve of. The oldest son of the family they hate. I was afraid you would break his heart. He never showed much interest in a love life, he never had a connection with anyone. Then there was you.

"Once we met you, right away we realized you weren't a normal, rebellious teenager. You weren't dating our son to get under your parents' skin. You were so mature for your age, already grown up. Now we know why. But, we do love you, sweetie. Edward is the happiest we've ever seen him. He loves you. We love you. Alice and Emmett love you. We're not leaving you here to fend for yourself. I understand the threat Charlie and Renee pose on us, but not as much of a threat as they are to you. Answer me this; has the abuse been getting worse as you've gotten older?" Esme asked, finishing up her speech.

"Well... yes. Once I started fighting back, and actually leaving a mark, Renee brought out the handcuffs. And the... sleeping pills. Which were the worst." Your mind going hazy and dark, your eyelids drooping as you settle into a forced sleep, waking up hours later, bleeding at beaten, in searing pain, wishing you never had to wake up again.

"Dear god, Bella, that's horrifying," Carlisle breathed, shaking his head back and fourth. "I can't believe you've gone through that. No one should go through that."

My cheeks burned. "Did I say that out loud? All of that?"

"Yes, Dear. One more reason we're getting you out of that household straightaway. I assume you would have no problem not seeing your parents again?"

"I'd have no problem at all with that, but that's not the case. I have to deal with this, it's my battle to fight. And it will all be over soon, I promise."

"Bella," Esme said, stroking my cheek, I reflexively flinched back, because that's what Renee does before she smacks me. I've gotten more used to Edward's touch, I don't flinch away from him, not often at least. But with other people, it was a lost cause. "Oh, Bella. You're a part of our family, we love you. You battles are our battles, and we're going to help you out of them. Your parents will no longer harm you."

"They'd have to be dead in order for that to happen," I laughed darkly, remembering my ludicrous plan. Kill my parents. Even if I had a shot in hell at killing a sadistic bitch and a trained police chief, I don't even think I would have the heart to do it. And then I'd be the one buried six feet deep.

"That can be arranged," a smooth voice called out from behind me. "I assume you told them. You have no idea what I mean when I say I'll do anything to protect you. I hate that you won't let me."

I stood up, clinging onto Edward for dear life. I never wanted to let him go again.

Carlisle was the first to speak up. "Esme, darling, we're going to be late for our lunch."

"You mean the doctors conference luncheon in Seattle?" Esme quipped, rolling her eyes. I could tell she didn't want to go, but she did. For Carlisle. Because that's what love was; sacrifice.

Esme and Carlisle soon left, leaving Edward and I with the house to ourselves. How convenient.

"Bella," Edward breathed into my hair. "I love you."

"I love you more than anything, Edward," I said, smiling. How true that was. Edward gave my life meaning and I couldn't ever repay him for that. He was the sole reason I wanted to wake up now.

Edward and I walked hand-in-hand up to his bedroom. I knew what was coming...

The second he closed the door, I was promptly pressed up against it. "I missed you."

I closed my eyes, feeling Edward's soft, warm lips all over the tender flesh of my neck. He made his way behind my ear, licking and sucking until I was in complete bliss. He nipped at my sensitive spot, earning a throaty moan from me.

I opened my eyes and looked around. I loved being in Edward's room. It was so much different from his apartment, it was more... innocent? I wasn't sure, it just made me feel like we were on the same page, if that even made sense.

The age difference didn't matter to us, though. It was something we naturally overlooked.

I grudgingly pulled his face from my neck, immediately missing the contact. That feeling was quickly replaced as I pulled his face to meet mine, his warm, luscious lips moving against mine passionately. I shuddered as his tongue lightly swept across my lower lip, I opened my mouth, begging for his entrance. Instead, he took my bottom lip into his mouth, lightly sucking on it.

I felt my eyes roll back, my breathing becoming labored. My God, he was amazing with his mouth... and his tongue... and his hands... Oh my.

He took one final nip, causing me to whimper before meeting both my lips again. I attacked his soft, full lips hungrily, opening my mouth for better access. Edward wasted no time exploring my mouth with his tongue. Our tongues fought almost angrily for dominance, but it felt too damn good not to submit to his once more.

"Bella," he whispered against my lips, pulling back only slightly.

I wrapped my legs around his waist as he carried me to the bed, lavishing my neck with kisses, ranging from light and feathery, to open and animalistic.

"Edward," I sighed as he laid me on his soft bed. When I was with him, all my problems faded away. With Edward, it was bliss.

I felt how hard he was, turning me on even more. I shifted until his cock was lined up with my center.

I rocked my hips against him, looking for some relief for the both of us. Edward's hips bucked up to meet mine. I became even more aroused hearing his groan.

He got off of me, quickly unbuckling the belt of his pants. In one "smooth" motion, all that was left was his shirt. In haste, Edward tore his shirt off, popping off all the buttons. I'd be lying through my teeth if I said that didn't make me even wetter.

I struggled to get my top off, a little more carefully than Edward did, before he came back. I was still self conscious of my scars, no matter how many times Edward assured me how beautiful I was, or how strong it showed I was, or any other comforting things he'd said to me. I saw them how they were; flaws. Hideous flaws. Mutilated skin.

Edward pinned me to his bed, kissing my neck over and over again. His strong hands felt their way up my sides, eliciting a moan and shiver from me. I arched my back so he could unclasp my bra, flinging it across the room.

His soft lips attached themselves to my breasts, hardening the pink buds even more. His tongue worked its way from the underside to the hardened tip of my nipple, repeating it over and over again. I moaned his name, arching my back to him. He switched nipples, giving the second one the same attention he gave the first. The contrast of his warm moth over my breast to the cool air lightly blowing over my now wet, sensitive bud was maddeningly pleasurable.

I felt him unbuttoning my jeans, yanking them off. All that was between us was my flimsy, lacy panties that barely covered anything. I closed my eyes, forcing myself not to think about my scars as Edward kissed his way down my stomach. I didn't think, I only felt. And it felt so fucking good. I let out a breathy whimper as he took the hem of my panties in his mouth, slowly pulling them down.

Soon, however, his impatience got the best of him and he yanked them off almost as ferociously as he did with his shirt.

I smiled at him, realizing there was nothing in between us, nothing to get in our way. Nothing to stop us. He wasted no time plunging right into me. I screamed his name, clawing at his back. It never ceased to amaze me how big he felt. Hell, it never ceased to amaze me how big he was. I heard him groan as he started rocking us back and fourth. It was good, so good, but I wanted more.

"Harder, Edward," I squeaked, panting already. This man sure did know how to get me worked up, that was for sure.

He smiled evilly in response. He pulled out of me, as slow as possible, before slamming back in. He waited. And, yet again, he pulled out and slammed back in even harder. I screamed, lifting my legs to wrap around his waist, holding him inside of me.

Breaking the lock of my legs, Edward started thrusting faster and faster, groaning and grunting something inaudible, my name, I assumed.

"Ah! Edward!" I shouted. He was making a noise that was somewhere between humming and growling. On any other occasion, I'm sure I would have found it humorous.

Soon, the sound of sex filled the room. The sound of our hot bodies slamming together in sync, his skin slapping against mine. The sound of his guttural moans and grunts, my screams and chanting of his name.

He was going harder and faster, his jaw clenched. I could tell he was waiting for me to get my release before he got his. I focused on his beautiful face, contorted with pleasure, bliss, and concentration.

I could feel it in my stomach that I was getting close. A steady pressure was building, waiting for release. I focused on nothing more than the feeling of Edward inside of me, thrusting into me, pumping in and out harder and faster.

My breathing became even more labored and shallow and my moans steadily increasing. I was getting closer. So close.

"Edward..." I moaned, signaling for him to go faster, telling him how close I was. With a few more thrusts of Edward's cock, the coil in my stomach snapped, the pressure released as I shuttered, my muscles spasming as I rode out my orgasm. Edward followed soon after, getting even louder than before. I felt his hot come fill me up, making me all the more glad that I was on the Pill.

"God, Bella, that was amazing," Edward panted, kissing his way from my neck, to my jaw, to my lips.

"Only you could make missionary that good," I laughed.

"That was just the warm up," Edward smirked. "You just wait to see what I have in store for you today."

The best thing about Edward's age difference? He was a complete sex god. In, like, every way imaginable. I was, of course, a virgin when I met Edward. I was nervous, but Edward did calm me a lot. It wasn't anything rushed, and I didn't have to worry about his reaction to my body. Well, not so much my body as my skin. He made it something special, something I could look back on and smile about. He was romantic, and took his time, and made it amazing.

"I love you, Edward," I said, looking up at him.

He smiled, a genuine, bright smile. "I love you, too, Bella. More than you could imagine."

"I think I've got an idea," I said, truly happy. I felt like my life was an oxymoron. Alone, I felt nothing. I was numb. It felt better that way. With my parents,I was angry, miserable, or hurt. When I was with the Cullens, I felt happy, complete, loved, and with Edward, I felt all I did with the Cullens, but more, passionate, blissful, amazing. So my life in sum? I would have no idea. My life was enigmatic.

I cuddled up to Edward's naked body, thankful for him. He was my life. My purpose.

"You're beautiful, Bella," he whispered.

"Only to you, Edward," I replied, not caring what the rest of the world thought of me. If Edward thought I was beautiful, I felt it. Everyone else could call me whatever they wanted, and it would never matter.

"If only," Edward said, making me laugh. I had no clue what he meant by that. "You have such a misconception of yourself. If you were just a little less irresistible, I'd rest so much easier."

"And why is that?" I laughed, placating him rather than correcting him, my curiosity getting the best of me.

"I have many reasons," he said, leaning down to kiss my nose, "When I'm at the hospital, and I have to focus on a patient, all I can think about is you and just how badly I want you. When you're at school, I can't help but worry over all the boys falling over you, trying to win you over."

I opened my mouth to protest, but he cut me off.

"Don't deny it, Alice tells me you've got them lining up to go to prom with you, all waiting for a chance. You're too beautiful, you can't help it."

"So, basically, you're jealous?" I quipped, grinning up at him.

"Basically," he agreed.

"Well, I believe I share quite a few of your obstacles. When I'm at school, I can never focus, because you're the only thing on my mind, and I can't help but think about you and all those nurses just fawning over you, incessantly throwing themselves at you," I admitted, feeling slightly foolish for admitting that, although he relayed mostly the same information to me only moments ago.

"Someone's got a case of the green eyed monster..." he teased.

"And someone's got a case of the one eyed monster," I laughed, reaching down to feel that he was already getting hard again. "You're insatiable."

"And you love it," he said, leaning down to kiss me.

"I do," I agreed.

"I can't wait until you say those words to me in a white dress and a ring on your finger," Edward said, reminiscing about our wedding day. We agreed to get married next fall a, small wedding, planned by an eighteen year old, Edward's sister, and my maid of honor, Alice. Carlisle would be giving me away, which brought tears to my eyes when he suggested it.

"And you're in a tux, leaning down to kiss Isabella Cullen for the first time, rather than Bella Swan."

"I can't wait to kiss her," he said, running his thumb across my lips. "And I can't wait to make love to her, giving her a new life and everything she could ever want."

"Is it weird that I'm getting jealous?" I asked, laughing a bit.

"Not at all, she's a beautiful, smart, loving woman, and the only one I could ever want for the rest of my life."

I playfully smacked his arm, rolling my eyes.

"So you want it rough, huh?" he asked, rolling over so that he was on top of me, straddling my hips.

I merely nodded in response, eager for dominate Edward to emerge.

"Get up," he commanded, jerking me up almost playfully. I looked up at him, his green eyes smoldering. He held me by my shoulders, close to his sculpted body. We continued to stare at each other until he broke down and kissed me hard on the mouth.

I whimpered, reaching own to stroke him.

He jerked my hand up, raising one eyebrow at me. "Did I give you permission to do that?"

"No, Master," I said, falling into character immediately. Edward was a bit reluctant on the whole BDSM approach, what with my past and all, but I couldn't think of better idea. I didn't relate what we did and when Renee did, that was two separate worlds for me. Besides, that would be just gross if I did.

"Hands on the desk, spread your legs," he commanded. I did as I was told, and as I'd done before.

"How many, Master?" I asked, bending forward, giving my backside to him.

"I think five should do it this time," he said, placing one hand on my lower back. I shivered at the touch. "Count off."

I braced myself as I felt the first lash hit my rear. "One," I panted.

Again he struck, I whimpered a little. "Two."

The third came as quickly as it ended; harsh, but quick. "Three."

I moaned at the fourth, my skin becoming sensitive. "Four."

The last blow was the hardest. My knees gave out slightly as I squeaked out the last number. "Five."

"Good, Isabella, good," he said, leaning down to place soft kisses over the sensitive skin he just got through spanking. I shivered in delight. He always knew how to do that to me.

Without warning, I lost all contact from him. I knew better than to look back, though. I gasped as I felt his soft, tousled hair tickle the skin inside of my thighs. His tongue started lapping up the wetness that seeped out of my core, causing me to shutter with pleasure. His tongue slowly unraveled me, weakening my knees. He continued his slow, long licks, applying a little more pressure each time.

I felt him focusing his magical tongue solely on my clit, sucking, licking, nibbling at the sensitive little button. I was on edge, trying not to come. Only Edward could make me come this fast, he knew my body better than I did. His tongue started flicking upward, hitting the most sensitive spot each time, causing me to whimper, my hips bucking upward.

"Ah... Edward.... Master," I panted, desperate for release. He plunged a single, long finger into me, slowly pumping in and out. My moaning increased, my knees buckling.

"Not yet, darling," Edward taunted, letting me know I wasn't allowed to come yet. It was hard, but possible to hold off for a minute or two most.

"Please, Master, I'm so close," I pleaded. "So close..."

"Hold on, Isabella," he said, plunging another finger into me, going faster. I couldn't take it much longer. I arched my back, chanting his name over and over again.

"Mmmm," I moaned, biting my lip.

"Come, dear," he finally commanded. I let go immediately, coming hard on his fingers, my muscles spasming as I rode out my mind blowing orgasm. Orgasms only Edward could give to me.

"Thank you, Master," I panted.

"Stay there," Edward commanded. "I'll be back. I'm not done with you yet."

I rested my head on his desk, basking in post-orgasmic bliss. My breathing calmed and I wondered where Edward could be.

I heard voices in the hallway, and I froze. I would be beyond mortified if anyone aside from Edward came in and saw me. It was bad enough Edward's parents saw me shirtless today.

"Bella!" I heard Alice's voice as she threw the door open. "B—oh God! That is forever etched into my brain... scar... Bella?"

I frantically looked around, lunging at Edward's bedsheets to cover myself up.

"Bella, what happened?" Alice said, making her way over to me, despite what she just saw. "I swear to God if Edward—"

"No, no, Alice, not Edward. Could you honestly think that Edward could?" I asked.

"Well, not before I saw you in a submissive position and a bright red ass," Alice snapped bluntly. Well, Alice was blunt, if anything.

"No, Alice," I said, "can we just drop it?"

"No, we can't drop it!" she shouted, startling me a little.

Edward walked in, clad in his boxers and a grey tee shirt, holding a glass of ice. "What the fuck is going on?"

He set the glass down and walked over to me, wrapping me in his strong arms. "What happened, baby?"

"Alice walked in on me," I answered, blushing.

"Doing what?" he asked, laughingly.

"Naked, bent over your desk, asshole!" I laughed back, smacking his arm.

"Bella, please tell me what happened to you," Alice asked, looking at me with big, brown eyes. "It hurts that you hid something like this from me, but it does kind of make sense..."

"That I'm constantly making sure I'm covered up? Well, there you have it. But, I've got to get home, or I'll be in trouble. Angela can only cover for me for so long."

"We will talk about this Bella," Alice said as she walked out of Edward's room.

"I hate for you to go back there, baby," Edward said after I got dressed and headed out. "I fucking hate it."

"I know, but it's not like it happens every night. I'll just clean up around the house, cook some diner, and go to bed. That'll earn me a nice peaceful night," I said, hoping desperately my words were true. "I'll be thinking about you."

"I love you, baby," Edward said, leaning down to kiss me goodbye.

"I love you, too, honey," I replied, reaching up for a kiss of my own.

*~~~*

The car ride home was silent. I thought about Edward, wishing I had more time to spend with him. Soon enough, I told myself.

I opened the front door, looking around for anyone. I knew Charlie was still at the station, but I wasn't sure where Renee was.

I spotted her sleeping with a book on her lap on the sofa. It brought tears to my eyes. She looked... normal. Like a mother should. Like a mother who didn't mercilessly abuse her daughter.

I walked silently to the kitchen without thinking. I pulled a long knife out of the wooden knife holder. One of the knives Renee used on me many times. I walked over to her, looking down on her sleeping form.

I grabbed her hair and yanked her head up. Without a second though, I pressed the sharp, cool blade hard against her throat, quickly jerking my arm back with all my strength. Something I should have done years ago. Tears fell from my eyes. It was fast. I hoped she didn't feel much. I hated her and she caused me years of suffering, but she was my mother. I hated myself for this, even if there was no other way.

My arms were slack at my sides, the bloodied knife dripping onto the carpet. I didn't even hear the door open.

I did, however, hear the ear-shattering bang of a gun being shot. I rippling pain coursed through me. I felt myself being drained. I felt cold.

"Oh, God. Bella," I heard before everything went black.

*~~~*

I heard muddled sounds. Like I was underwater. I was dying. I couldn't move. I couldn't scream. I wondered if God was deciding where to put me, and I was merely waiting. I've been a good person, but I've committed adultery with an older man and killed my mother. Hmm... that one was a tough one. Hey... even in death, I could be sarcastic. That was a plus... I think.

"Bella!" I heard my name echoing through the blackness. It was Edward's voice. "Oh, God, Bella..."

I heard some more mumbling. Nothing audible. Until I heard the words I never wanted to hear in my entire life or death.

"Kill me! Fucking kill me, you bastard! Shoot me like you did your fucking daughter! Oh, God, Bella... Bella, Bella, Bella. Bella Cullen."

Then I heard the shot. My father shot Edward. My father shot me. He killed us. I wasn't sure if it was a favor or not.

I just wanted it to be over... I wanted to be with Edward.

"No!" I heard... Edward yell? Was he alive? I wanted so desperately to tell him how much I loved him... one last time... if only I could.

"Edward, thank God." Carlisle! Carlisle saved Edward! If I somehow made it to Heaven, I would watch over the Cullens... maybe even be their guardian angels if God let me. They'd be some spoiled mortals... would I get fired for that?

"No, Carlisle," Edward sobbed.

There's an ambulance coming over, Edward, don't give up yet. Don't," Carlisle commanded, sounding a lot closer. I hoped he was hugging Edward, holding onto him for me. Ambulance... was there a chance? At my survival? Was my time not up yet?

I listened to Edward's sobs, giving me the only feeling I've felt since the shot. I felt a twisting, churning feeling. I wanted more than anything to comfort him, hold him. The ambulance arrived, taking me away from Edward and into a room where the only sounds were sirens, frantic men, and static shocks. I could almost feel them... almost.

*~~~*

I awoke to the sound of a rhythmic, steady beep. It got slowly got faster and faster as I became more aware of my surroundings.

"Edward?" I croaked, noticing the sleeping form next to my bed.

"Bella!" he exclaimed, tears in his weary eyes. "Oh, Bella, I thought I'd never see you again."

"If it weren't for Carlisle, you wouldn't have ever seen me again, you moron!" I shouted in both happiness and anger, tears welling in my eyes. I reached my weak arms out to him. He wrapped his arms lightly around me, being extra careful with me. "God, I love you so much, Edward. I have no idea what I would do without you."

"How do you think I've felt for the past four days?" he asked, his breath in my hair, a sensation I never thought I'd be so ecstatic to feel.

"Four days?" I asked, pulling his face back to examine it. He had dark purple bags under his eyes, like he hadn't have a good nights sleep in a week. "Have you even gone home, Edward?"

"Of course not," he said, like it was the most ridiculous question in the world. "Bella?"

"Yes?"

"It's all over now," he said, smiling. "It's all over."

I smiled sadly. For it to all be over, I had to kill my mother, and my father had to be killed by my soon to be step-father, after shooting me, of course.

"They said Charlie shot just above and left of your heart. For a police chief, that's a pretty big miss," Edward told me, stroking my probably greasy hair.

"I think he did it on purpose. Once he realized it was me. Sure, he'd let this go on for years, but I don't think he ever wanted me dead," I said, happy that he did save me, and that he didn't kill Edward. He had the opportunity to kill the one person he'd been wanting to kill the most, and he didn't.

*~~~*

A month later, I was still healing, both physically and emotionally. I was in therapy for not only undergoing abuse my entire life, but also killing my mother, hearing Edward telling my father to kill him, something that never left me and I was sure never would, and Charlie being shot by Carlisle.

I was emancipated so I could stay with the Cullens without being adopted by them, and three months away from being eighteen, no longer a minor. Edward and I could finally be together and everyone would know it. We're still getting married, just a little later. After everything I've gone through, I'm in no mood to rush into marriage, and, surprisingly, Edward agreed.

I had to go to court, not only for emancipation, but to justify the murder, so I didn't have to go the jail. I had to take my top off and show my disgusting skin to an entire courtroom. I broke down in tears, and got my therapy increased. My therapist was pretty cool, though. I told her almost everything, because she had to keep my secrets. Of course, I wasn't the most trusting person, so I summed my relationship with Edward up to that I was in love with him and planned on making my move my eighteenth birthday. No way was I taking chances. Besides, I was in therapy for my family life, that's all she needed to know about.

My sex life is still amazing, even though Edward has to be a little more careful. Not for long.

We'll be moving to Chicago, soon, we think. Either there, Seattle, or Denver. Anywhere but here or Arizona, two places with more bad memories than I could take.

I was scared to have children, scared that I would end up like my mother. I swore I'd never lay a finger on them, but who knows? No one plans that kind of thing, do they? Edward assures me I'll be an amazing mother, but I'm not sure.

In sum, I was finally starting to understand my life. I was finally less of an oxymoron and more of a person. The Cullens were the family I'd never had and never even dreamed of having. Carlisle and Esme have accepted me as their daughter, no matter how messed up I was. I did things normal kids did. I went to Esme with things I could never go to Renee for. She had insisted I call her "Mom" but that was a hard word for me, and she understood.

I was happy. And it felt strange to have my life so in order. But who knows how long it'll stay like that, so I'm enjoying it while I can. While I don't have to worry about anything else for now. All I had to worry about was weather or not I had bad breath in the morning when Edward woke up as ready as he always is. Well, that wasn't my only problem, but that's not my point.

My point is that my misery is finally gone, and for the first time, I'm actually feeling hope. Hope for Edward and I, and hope for a future. And it felt good.

AN: That was so long! And it flowed pretty easily. My original ending was a lot different, but my friend insisted I change it, so for now, I did. But I plan to post my alternate ending for this up later, so keep an eye out for it. The lemon will even longer since I didn't have room for it in this one, and, obviously, the ending is different. Much different.

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