She was giddy with excitement, her stomach doing somersaults as she thought seeing them again, being in the same room as them, being able to run her hands through their hair again.
Growing up with the McManus boys hadn't been the easiest of experiences… nor the most pleasant, especially being the only girl they let into their little group of friends. But Barrie Hogan wouldn't be without them in her life, if she could help it.
Unfortunately for her, she couldn't.
They'd left Ireland when they were 18, leaving her behind for a new life in America. She's been… heartbroken was the only word that began to cover how she felt after they'd left.
She'd always had them in her life, ever since she was a girl. They'd always been there - Connor with a protective arm around her and a sympathetic shoulder for her to cry on, Murphy mainly being the only one terrorising her or unknowingly breaking her heart when he hooked up with one of his many girlfriends in front of her. The whole town had known about her crush on him, Murphy was seemingly the only one oblivious to it, especially when he threatened to beat up whoever it was who'd made her cry. She'd huffed at him, shoving her way past him and traipsing up to the room he shared with Connor.
Connor had always taken care of her – from when they were just kids, 8 years old with Murphy waving worms and throwing bugs at her, Connor shoving him away and telling him to leave her alone. Right up until they left, when Murphy had got her in a headlock and messed her hair up, Connor dragging him off her as he wrapped his arms around her and pressed his lips to the top of her head. She'd had tears in her eyes the whole time and she'd clung to him, silently begging him not to go, not to leave her there on her own.
He'd known. He'd picked up on her energy, caught the way her hands her were shaking as they grabbed the back of his jumped, heard the ragged breaths coming from her as she tried to keep her composure. He'd only let go of her when Murphy had clambered back out of the taxi and shoved him out of the way, pulling Barrie into his arms and whispering promises of visits and phone calls into her ear. She'd nodded wearily, letting him wipe her eyes and kiss her cheek.
She'd glanced past him, her eyes landing on Connor again and her bottom lip trembling dangerously as he'd smiled weakly.
She hadn't realised how much she needed them, how much she loved them, until they were going.
She wasn't sure whether the sickly feeling in her stomach was the result of too much alcohol the night before, or the thought of never seeing them again.
Her eyes fluttered closed and her teeth sunk into her bottom lip as she thought about the night before they left, the memory still clear as day in her head, despite the copious amounts of alcohol she'd consumed and the nine years that had passed.
The twins - after trying persuade Annabelle for weeks and weeks - had had a going away party at The Anvil. Barrie, of course, had been stuck between the pair of them all night, only moving when Angela O'Doyle had decided to make a play for Murphy.
Barrie had glared at her, but kept her mouth shut. She wasn't about to put a claim on Murphy now - he was leaving, what was the point? Still, her heart and stammered and her breathing had become erratic when a little over an hour later Murphy had pulled her to the side, only to tell her that he'd miss her, that he was sorry for behaving the way he had to her over the years, and had told her to try and see what had been right in front of her all along - Connor.
He'd told her to give his brother a chance, and Barrie had watched as he walked away, confusion and realisation washing over her all at once.
He'd always been there, right in front of her eyes, for as long as she could remember.
When Murphy had his first girlfriend, Connor was the one who'd turned up at her house with a bottle of whiskey he'd swiped from his mother - for which the both of them had later paid the price - and watched Grease with on repeat for the rest of the night, even trying to sing along with her.
He was the one who, after her grandfather passed away, stayed at the cemetery with her in the pouring rain, putting his coat around her when she hadn't even realise she was shivering.
He was the one who'd broken Jimmy O'Malley's nose when stood her up in favour of going out with another girl.
He was the one who'd held her hair back when she was 15 years old and drunk, crouching in front of a toilet and crying with worry about what her parents would think. He'd snuck her into his room that night, ignoring Murphy's grunts of annoyance as Connor had grabbed a bucket to keep by his bed as he'd climbed in with her.
Connor was always the one taking care of her, making sure she was alright, making her laugh.
She didn't know how she hadn't noticed it before.
She'd kissed him that night, after downing a few shots of vodka for courage. She'd taken him home with her, too.
She felt her cheeks flush as memories of that night clouded her mind…
He felt her trembling beneath him and he pulled his lips away from her neck, pulling back and looking into her eyes. "Are ye scared? We don't have t-" "Not scared. Nervous," Barrie interrupted him with a whisper. "I want to." "It's ye first time," Connor paused and Barrie laughed embarrassedly. "Can understand if ye change ye mind 'bout it. Can just say bye like normal people." "That obvious, eh?" she covered her eyes with her hand and Connor grinned, reaching out and swatting her hand away. "Whole town knows yer've been savin' yerself for me brother," he smirked at her. Barrie sighed, reaching her hand up and trailing her fingers gently down his cheek. "No," she shook her head slowly. "Been savin' meself for someone who loves me. Murph doesn't love me… But you do, don't you, Con?" she looked up at him. It was more of a statement then a question and he gulped, nodding his head as he hovered over her. "How long ya known that for?" he asked, his eyes narrowed in curiosity. "Didn't till just now," she bit down on her lip and fought a grin as Connor's cheeks flushed pink. "I love ye too, ya know that, right?" "Not like ya love Murph, though," he shook his head. Barrie moved her hands up his chest and smiled when he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "Quit ticklin' me," he murmured. She giggled, her hands resting on the back of his neck and her fingers clasping together as she tried to pull him towards her. "Kiss me, Con," she whispered with a sigh. "Please, kiss me. I can pretend I ain't losin' the pair of you tomorrow if ye stay with me t'night. Please stay, Connor."
"…Ye know I'll be gone a while, don't ye?" Connor whispered, lowering his head towards her and watching as her eyelids fluttered closed. "Don't know if I'll be comin' back home." "I know, Con, I know," Barrie shifted her head upwards and brushed her lips against his before bringing his ear towards her lips. "I trust ye. I know ya won't hurt me. Please, Con. I don't want it t'be with anyone else. Yer the best person I know," she kissed his cheek softly and felt him shiver when her breath his cheek. Connor pulled back slightly, brushing her hair out of her face before he leaned down and kissed softly, smirking as he pulled away. "Gonna make sure ye don't forget me in hurry."
She grinned at the memory, biting her bottom lip and shifting in her seat to stop from whimpering.
He'd been true to his word – she'd never forgotten that night. She never would, either. She remembered everything about it – the taste of alcohol and nicotine on his breath, something that she shouldn't find as delicious as she did. The way she'd wriggled underneath him as his lips and hands travelled down her body. The way he'd kissed and nipped at her skin, her fingers clawing at his shoulders and the bed sheets bunched up in her hands. The way he'd touched her, the way he'd kissed her… The sounds he'd made.
She sighed happily, closing her eyes and leaning her head against the cab window.
She needed to see them again, it had been way too long. Eight years and seven months, to be precise, not including their flying visit home three years earlier while their mother was ill.
She'd only swung by the house that time to say hi, let them know she still thought about them and still missed them.
She hadn't expected to find Murphy pinning a girl to the kitchen counter. She hadn't expected the sickly feeling of jealousy to still bubble away in her stomach.
She certainly hadn't expected to end up in bed with Connor again, but somehow she did. She'd blamed the whiskey for what she liked to think was a momentary lapse of judgement on her part, but she knew she would have fallen into bed with him had she been sober.
Connor was addicting. His voice, his eyes, his smell, his taste. Everything about him made her nerves stand on end and her whole body tingle the second he got close to her.
She knew, without a doubt, that the second she saw him again she'd have exactly the same reaction. She could go years without seeing them, but she'd always feel the same.
They were her boys.
They were tied to her childhood, to every good memory she had. She loved them. It didn't matter to her how long it had been since she'd seen them – she could go fifteen years without seeing them and she knew she'd still love them just as much as she always had.
You don't forget boys like the MacManus twins.
She bit her lip to suppress a giggle as the taxi rolled to a stop and she looked out of the window excitedly, the small Irish pub seeming full of life. Trust them to find a place like this…
She shook her head, handing over some money to the driver and grabbing her small – but heavy – suitcase out of the back.
They were going to be so surprised, she couldn't wait to see their faces!
Getting their whereabouts from their mother had been difficult at best – you didn't toy with Annabelle MacManus, you didn't cross her and you didn't answer back. Connor and Murphy had been somewhat afraid of her growing up. She loved them, but she didn't let them get away with anything. She was firm and she was strict – she wanted the best for her boys.
But she'd always had a soft spot for Barrie, being one of the only girls who the twins had classed as a friend and not as a plaything had worked to its advantages at times and the three of them soon realised that if they got into any trouble, all they had to do was have her smile sweetly at their mother and say sorry, and they'd be let off the hook almost immediately.
Barrie had remembered that over the years she'd still been visiting Annie, and she'd used that soft spot to get their address from her. She'd made her promise not to tell them she was coming, she wanted it to be a surprise and after much begging, pleading and bargaining, Annie had surprisingly agreed – providing Barrie gave her something in return, of course.
She chuckled as she thought of Annie's only condition and she dragged her suitcase behind her as she pushed the door open and stepped inside the crowded bar.
She paused as the conversation halted when the door slammed shut behind her, the men sitting at the bar eyeing her curiously but soon going back to the conversations when she gave them a cheery wave. She pulled her suitcase along behind her and looked around.
"Excuse me?" she asked politely, tapping an older man on the shoulder. "I was wonderin' if ye could help me… I'm looking for some friends of mine, Connor and Murphy MacManus?"
"Who wants ta know?" a voice – a very familiar voice – asked from behind her and Barrie turned around, sucking in a breath when she saw Murphy stood in front of her. The frown on his face dissolved and a look of shock took over, his eyes widening and his cigarette dropping from his mouth to the floor. "No fuckin' way!"
"Hey, Murph," she grinned somewhat shyly, letting out a quiet squeal when Murphy wrapped his arms around her waist and lifted her into a hug. "Put me down!"
"I know I must be dreamin' coz there's no way yer in me arms right now, girl," he whispered into her ear, eliciting a shiver from her. "What the hell are ye doin' here?! Wait until- Connor! Connor! Get the fuck over here!" he yelled over his shoulder, putting Barrie back on her feet.
"The fuck you yellin' about now?" Connor grumbled, turning round in his seat and frowning when he saw Murphy talking to someone, his brother's body blocking his view of the girl. Connor watched as Murphy whispered something into her ear before stepping out of the way, a smirk on his face as Connor instantly shot out of his seat. "Barrie Hogan, as I live an' fuckin' breathe! What are ye doin' here?"
"Can't come and see me boys?" Barrie raised an eyebrow as Connor reached her, and she flung her arms around him before he could do anything about it. "Lookin' good, Con!"
"Hey," Murphy frowned. "What about me?"
"Ye always looked good, Murph," she smiled, tucking her hair behind her ears as she pulled away from Connor. "Con just improved. So what's a girl gotta do to get a drink bought for her, then?!"
"Sleep wi' one of us," Murphy smirked. Barrie's eyes widened in amusement as she looked at Connor, who shifted awkwardly and rubbed the back of his neck, trying to keep the grin off his face as he coughed and looked at Barrie.
"What ye havin' then, girl?" he asked her.
"Just a beer will do!" she grinned, pushing her suitcase over towards Murphy. "You take it, I'm gonna help Con wi' the drinks."
"Aye, boss," Murphy rolled his eyes and dragged her suitcase over to their table, a fresh cigarette between his lips as he watched them both. Connor was leaning on the bar and Barrie was next to him, leaning back with her elbows resting on the bar as she watched Connor, a smile on her face. Murphy shook his head.
This was the last thing they needed, for her to turn up. He couldn't believe his Ma had told her how to find them – it was too dangerous for her to be around them, they had to keep their heads about them, keep clear minds… Something neither of them had even been able to do around Barrie Hogan.
He watched as Barrie tapped Connor's foot with her own, placing a hand on his arm as he turned to look at her and grinned, leaning in close and planting his lips on her cheek. They lingered there longer than normal and the blush that crept up Barrie's neck onto her cheeks made Murphy eye them suspiciously. Surely Connor wasn't hitting on her already? He hadn't made a move on her in all the years back home, but she's in Boston for less than ten minutes and he's trying it on. Murphy shook his head with a smirk as Connor made his way back over to their table, pushing a pint over towards Murphy.
"What's she doin'?"
"She wants ta buy us a drink," Connor grinned, shrugging his shoulders and sighing happily as he took a drink of his beer. "Got a face like a smack arse, Murph, ye alright?"
"Just wonderin' what she's doin' here. Ye don't think Ma sent her, do ye?"
"Course she fuckin' did," Connor scoffed. "Ye buy that shit about wantin' ta see her boys? Bad time for her ta turn up," he shook his. "Gonna have ta lie low for a while, until she goes back home. Can't be gettin' her involved in our shit."
"No intention o' getting' her involved, look what happened last time I got someone into it," Murphy mumbled. "Maybe we should tell her ta go home or get a hotel or somethin'."
"Ye know many hotels round here?" Connor raised an eyebrow. "'Sides, if the shit hits the fan, she'll be safe wi' us. Safer than on her own, any road."
"Ye sure about that?" Murphy frowned. "She could stay wi' Smecker or one o' the boys."
"M'not sendin' her off to a strangers house, she'll ask questions," Connor shook his head. "She's fine wi' us. She's changed, hasn't she?"
"Yeah," Murphy eyed her as she leaned over the bar, drawing the attention of several of the men sat around the bar. "Ye reckon she knows wha' she'd doin' to them, bendin' over like that?"
"Not a clue," Connor chuckled. "She was never like that, thinks she's one o' the lads."
"She was never one o' the lads," Murphy shook his head.
"Aye," Connor sighed, looking at Murphy as he picked at the beer mat in front of him. "Ye know, Murph, there's somethin' I never wrapped me head round…" he paused, leaning over the table and pointing discreetly towards Barrie. "She loved ye back then, and ye were a right arse to her. Never understand why. Ye always had a thing for her."
"Aye, an' you loved her," Murphy shrugged his shoulders. "Was an arse for a reason, had ta give you a chance but you never fuckin' manned up an' made a move. Time I realise ya weren't goin' to, was too late for me to try. We were leaving. No point," Murphy paused, watching as his brother covered his mouth in a poor attempt to hide his smirk. "What?"
"Night before we left, after she'd said bye to you and she was cryin'," Connor turned around and made sure Barrie was out of earshot as he leaned over the table towards Murphy. "She kissed me. Spent the night wi' her," he admitted. Murphy eyed his brother carefully and leaned back in his seat, taking a drag of his cigarette and pointing a finger at him.
"Bullshit," he shook his head. "Yer a fuckin' liar."
"Ask her yerself," Connor shrugged his shoulders. "She'll tell ye."
"Hmm," Murphy smirked, crushing his cigarette on the table. "Barrie, get ye arse over here, girl! Need ta ask ye somethin'!"
"What the fuck are ya doin'?!" Connor hissed, his teeth clenched as he saw Barrie turn around, three empty glasses in her hands and a bottle of whiskey tucked under her arm. She turned to grin at the old man before making her way back to the table.
"Ye said to ask her!" Murphy chuckled, waiting until she'd sat down and slid their glasses over to them before he spoke. "Since when d'ya drink whiskey?"
"Since you two fuckers left me back home wi' little else ta do but get drunk of a weekend!" she grinned, unscrewing the bottle and grabbing their glasses back to pour it out. "What'd ye wanna ask me Murph?" she raised an eyebrow at him and Murphy looked towards Connor, who was glaring at shaking his head. Murphy grinned, resting his elbows on the table as he turned to look at Barrie.
"I hear ye were shaggin' me brother before we left. Neither o' ya's think to tell me this before now?" he asked, his eyebrows raised. "Thought I was the love o' ye life, Barrie. M'hurt."
"I'm sure ye'll survive, Murphy," she rolled her eyes at him and grinned at Connor, punching his arm lightly. "And aye, I did. Last time ya's were home, too. Yer still the best I ever had, Con," she shot him a wink and he laughed, reaching a hand out and messing her hair up. "What's it t'you anyway, Murph? Ye were never too interested in what I got up to."
"Your Da know?" Murphy asked. "Surprised he didn't chase Con outta town the next mornin'."
"He knows," she nodded, her eyes drifting to Connor as she bit her lip. "Me Mam knew, too. Weren't exactly quiet about it while it was happenin'. Weren't too bothered about it, though – I'm a grown woman now, can sleep wi' who I want."
"Ye weren't a grown woman first time round," Murphy paused. "They not mind that he took advantage o' their only girl?"
"He didn't take advantage, I had ta tackle him into my room!" Barrie giggled. "But no, they were fine. Said they knew from early on it was goin' ta happen wi' one of ya's. They had a bet on with your Mam, too, over which one it would be. Yours won."
"Me own Ma bet against me!" Murphy laughed.
"Knew ye weren't gonna man up, Murph," Connor grinned.
"Can't believe yer Mam allowed her to come knowin' yer've been knockin' boots wi' this one on more than one occasion," Murphy shook his head with a smirk. "Nice girl like you alone wi' us two scoundrels. How'd ye get her to agree?"
"…She really didn't tell ya's, did she? Didn't think she'd keep up her end o' the bargain," Barrie shook her head, a sad smile on her face as she avoided their intense stares. Murphy shot Connor a confused look, but he simply shrugged his shoulders in reply as they both leaned towards her. "Personal space, please, lads," she held her hands up and turned her hairs behind her ears. "Me Mam passed a few months ago now, s'why I'm here."
"Why did no-one tell us?" Connor frowned. "Ma never said anythin' or we woulda-"
"I know she didn't, I asked her not to," Barrie interrupted him. "Didn't think she wouldn't, though. Thought ya's might have ta pretend not ta know but from the looks on yer faces, that ain't actin," she chuckled quietly. "Made her a deal. Wasn't copin' too well back home wi'out me boys there, so me Dad said I could use some o' the money Mam left us and do wha' I wanted with it. Well, I wanted to see ye, didn't I? Bribed ye mother to tell me how I could fine ye both."
"That's why she told ye were we are," Connor grinned. "What was your end o' the bargain, what'd ye bribe her with? Had to be somethin' good."
"Oh, it is," Barrie snickered, taking a gulp of her beer as the twins watched her curiously. "Want me ta bring at least one o ya's home wi' me, make an honesty man of ye, she said," she giggled at the looks on their faces and she reached or the pack of cigarette's lying in front of Murphy, lighting one for herself before taking a drag as she started speaking again. "She think I'm gonna chase after ya again, Murph," she pointed a finger at him, before she turned to look at Connor. "But she says yer the one I'm gonna bring back wi' me, Con. Says yer the one who'll follow me ta the ends of the earth, coz ye never forget ye first love!" she shot him a wink and Connor huffed, clearly embarrassed as Murphy laughed loudly, slapping his hands against the table.
"Yer fuckin' blushing, ye girl!"
"Leave 'im, Murph!" Barrie sighed at him. "He's a sweetheart," she slipped her hand under the table and found Connor's, lacing her fingers through his. Connor grinned back at her, giving her hand a squeeze as he caught Murphy eyeing them curiously.
"If ye never forget ye first love, does that mean ye never forgot me, Barrie?" He asked with a smirk. Barrie frowned when she felt Connor let go of her hand and he shrugged his shoulders when she turned to look at him.
"Who could forget you, eh, Murphy?" she reached out and gently tapped his cheek. "Yer incorrigible, Murphy MacManus. Always gettin' me into trouble. Woulda done anythin' ye asked me to. Grown up now though, realised what a bastard ye really are!"
"What?!" Murphy spluttered. "Yer callin' me a bastard when ye went out Tommy Nolan! …Aye," he smirked when Barrie groaned and shook her head. "We know all about that, our Ma told us. Said she caught ya's in a pretty compromisin' position round the back o' the church!"
"That's a lie!" Barrie gasped. "Was round the back o' the high school," she grumbled as the twins laughed loudly. "Can't believe she ya's that, God! Were ye checkin' up on me or somethin', lads?"
"Murph asked about ye a lot," Connor shrugged his shoulders, grunting when he received a quick kick in the shin from his brother.
"Con was broken hearted when he found out ya'd moved on ta Tommy," Murphy shook his head and Connor glared over at him. "What possessed ye ta go out wi' that loser?!"
"He wasn't that bad!" she laughed quietly. "Got me in some trouble though, I'll tell ye that now. Mam and Dad hated him."
"What kind o' trouble?" Connor pursed his lips, his voice lowering. "Ye alright, Barrie? Didn't do anythin' to ye, did he?"
"No," she scoffed. "We got drunk one night not long after ye's had gone last time ya were home…" she paused. "We ended up across town in some backstreet tattoo place, him and his mates dared me ta get one. Didn't know what ta get," she huffed, lifting her hips up and wiggling her jeans down slightly.
"Barrie!" Murphy hissed. "Ye can't go givin' us a strip tease in the middle o' the bar, put ye clothes on!"
"Relax," she rolled her eyes. "He told me ta get the name o' someone who meant the most ta me," she grinned, pointing at her left hip. "He weren't too happy with the end result!"
"Is that-" Connor's eyes widened. "Is the me name?" he whispered, his fingers tracing over her hip softly. "Jesus, Barrie."
"Mhmm," she hummed, watching him as he stared at the swirly lettering inked on her skin. "Had ta go back the next mornin' when I was sober and I realised it weren't finished. Me Mam went ballistic at me, screamin' and tellin' me I was banned from seein' him again. Me Dad blamed you two fuckers, said ya's had been in me from day one."
"Can't believe ye got his fuckin' name markin' ye body," Murphy scoffed, his chair scraping across the floor as he grabbed the bottle of whiskey from in front of Barrie and unscrewed the lid, lifting it to his lips and drinking it right from the bottle. Barrie looked at Connor, confusion written all over her face as he smirked and sat back, shrugging his shoulders as he gestured to his name on her hip.
"Murph," Barrie whispered. "I went back the next day, I told ye it weren't finished," she shook her head, pulling down the right side of her jeans and pointing to her hip.
"What, is it his fuckin' middle name, too?" he snapped.
"Will ye just look at it, ye massive arse!" Barrie chuckled, grabbing hold of his chin and pulling his head down. Murphy's frown relaxed into a smile when he saw his own name there, the black ink slightly faded. "S'why I regretted it, didn't feel finished. Couldn't have one without the other, didn't feel right. That was the last I saw o' Tommy, too! …Ye couldn't really think I'd get Con's name and not yours? Ye come as a pair – kinda like me boobs!" she grinned and Murphy snorted out a laugh, raising his eyes and tipping his pint to his lips.
"Aye, they've gone bigger as well," he winked.
"You keep yer eyes on me face, Murphy MacManus, or I'll be telling ya mother what a pervert yer've turned into!"
"Missed ye, Barrie," he smiled softly, reaching out and patting her knee.
"Miss ye too, Murph," she laughed, biting her lip before down the whiskey in her glass. "Come on lads, drink up! We've got some cathcin' up ta do!"