The Adventures of Gary Stu: Chapter One
Foreword: I started getting tired of obvious Mary Sue's, as well as just plain bad writing. So I decided to vent my anger at it by... umm… writing it.
This is humor, so if you recognize a story that I'm referencing to and decide that you like the story and therefore should flame me, save it and don't bother. Some of the stories I may reference to I actually enjoyed reading, or found to be well written. So I'm not necessarily insulting the story, just taking the piss out of it or mocking it for amusement … Of course, sometimes I AM insulting the story… because I hate it... passionately.
Actually, you know what? Fuck it. Flame me if you want to. I find flames hilarious. If you want to show how much of a tough guy you are behind a keyboard and a proxy, please DO SO It'll give me a few laughs.
/ / / - This represents a time lapse. You know, "Later that day".
The man cradled his crying newborn in his arms, looking at the young boy with a smile on his face that nothing could hope to remove. "What should we name him?" He asked his wife, who had just recovered from the extreme discomfort and pain she had just conquered. At that moment, a hooded figure wearing a brown robe entered the room, wooden staff gently clacking on the hospital floor as he walked with it, seemingly pointlessly because he could walk fine without it.
Neither the couple nor the hospital staff noticed the conspicuously dressed man who had no business being there as Mrs. Stu replied to her husband. "We will name him… Gary."
The man looked down at the boy, and repeated the newborn's new name.
"Gary Stu." At once, the baby stopped crying, and his eyes' irises started glowing white. The man stared in alarm at his son, the look of worry on his face confusing his partner, who could not see why her husband was looking at their new son as though there were a tumor growing on his face. "What's wrong?" She asked. The man did not reply; he was too busy watching as the glow faded from his son's eyes. When the newborn's eyes had calmed, the irises had changed from the brown they were previously into a bright red.
The man stared at his son in wonder, before movement drew his eyes to his son's baby manhood, which was lengthening before his very eyes, settling finally at five inches, which is obviously a perfectly normal flaccid length for a newborn baby to have, let alone any man.
All the while the conspicuous old man watched the proceedings, with a smile forming on his mouth, visible under the hood.
/ / /
Hi there. My name is Gary Stu, and I'm a seventeen year old from New Bark Town. Today I'm starting my Pokémon journey. You may wonder why I'm starting my journey at age seventeen, as opposed to ten like most people, thereby conveniently allowing me to embark on my journey after hitting puberty. Well, I didn't always live in New Bark Town.
Back when I was nine years old, I lived with my parents in a small town that no-one knows about, and conveniently enough, doesn't have a name. One fateful day, Mewtwo attacked, destroying the whole town and killing everyone… everyone except me. He used his powers to hold me down on the charred ground, flipped me onto my front, lifted my shirt and burned a mark into my back.
When the force holding me down left, I stood up and looked around. Mewtwo was gone, begging the question as to why he attacked to begin with. A few hours later, some of my family members from New Bark Town came by, saw the ruins, and took me home with them.
Since then I've despised the idea of becoming a Pokémon trainer, afraid that they would all be crazy, like Mewtwo. Over time, I slowly regained my enthusiasm at the idea. Which brings me back to today, I'm asleep right now, so give me a few hours.
/ / /
Gary opened his eyes and looked out the window, staring blankly at the sky before a smile crossed his face. 'Today, I become a Pokémon trainer' he thought to himself. He leapt out of bed, put some clothes on, charged downstairs, ate a bowl of cheap cereal, left a note on the kitchen bench explaining where he was, and then sprinted out the door into the large town. He took a breath in, admiring the completely scent-free air for some reason, and then headed off for the lab.
About twenty-five minutes later, he arrived at the lab, before heading through the doors.
"That you, Gary?" He heard a male voice ask. "Yeah." He replied, as the Professor strolled around the corner, before gesturing towards a machine with three Pokéballs sitting atop it.
"A Cyndaquil, a Totodile, a Chikorita, and…" He trailed off, Gary looked at him curiously.
"Well, we have another Pokémon. We have no need of him, and he's eager to be out of here…" The Professor was piquing Gary's interest, perhaps deliberately, so he asked what Pokémon.
"A Riolu."
"Riolu… Riolu, I know I've heard that somewhere…" Then it clicked, "Oh yeah! Riolu! The fighting type, yeah?"
"That's right Gary, how do you know about it?" "The internet." He replied, really not wanting to go into any more detail about how he knew about the pre-evolution of Lucario.
"Where is he?" In response to his question, the Professor reached into his pocket, and pulled out a Pokéball, before expanding it and opening it. A blue and black bi-pedal Pokémon materialized on the floor, before looking at the Professor.
"Riolu, I want you to meet Gary." The young Pokémon turned his head to the young man, and took a cautious step towards him.
"Uhh, hi." Gary said awkwardly. The Riolu walked into range of his arm, which he slowly extended towards the cautious Pokémon. He started gently scratching under the Riolu's chin, the Riolu looking uncomfortable at first, before relaxing and closing his eyes.
"I'll take him," Gary announced with a smile. "That is, if you'll come with me?" He finished, looking at the Riolu, which turned to look at the Professor.
"Gary is starting his Pokémon journey." He confirmed to Riolu with a smile. The Pokémon turned to look back at Gary for a second, before jumping at him and grabbing him in an ecstatic hug. "That's a yes then?" A squeeze was Gary's answer.
"Will you take on the Johto League challenge?" The Professor queried.
"Sure, why not?" Gary replied enthusiastically.
"Well, you'd better hurry then; the Johto League is quickly impending." The Professor warned him.
"Oh good, I guess that means I can spend months piss-farting about and not actually making any forward progress towards each city!" Gary replied with a smile.
"So you'll be saying farewell to your family and then leaving town?" The Professor asked as Gary headed out the lab.
"Family? Bah! I wanna get straight to my journey! Besides, I left them a note."
"And what did this note say?" Gary thought back, and then remembered.
"It said 'gon 2 profssrs 2 gte pokemonz k bai'." Elm just stared blankly at Gary in acknowledgment, perhaps having just violently lost a few IQ points.
"They'll figure it out," He assured the temporarily-retarded Professor. "Well I best be going. BAI!"
…
"WAIT!" Gary turned to see Professor Elm charging towards him.
"YOU FORGOT YOUR BALL SACK!" This time it was Gary's turn to become temporarily retarded, reaching down to check the equipment.
"No I did- oh… right… Pokéballs… thanks Professor." A brief smack could be heard as the young Riolu brought his palm to his face in exasperation, now knowing that the adventure he was about to embark on would be… interesting. Professor Elm emptied the contents of his ball sack into Gary's palm.
"You can get a belt to keep those on at the Pokémart in Cherrygrove." Gary decided that he would buy one, as he did not want to have to confront any more testicle jokes.
"And here's a pokédex," The Professor said, handing Gary a red rectangular plastic device. "It records data on Pokémon you meet. Professor Oak created it. He's been studying Pokémon his whole life you know."
"It'll be packed with info then!" Gary said, sure that he had an encyclopedia of Pokémon in his hand.
"Uhh, no… it's empty. He may have studied Pokémon his whole life, but he never got around to recording any of his findings in the pokédex; he was a bit distracted fornicating with a young boy's mother, and making valiant attempts to keep the boy away from the town by sending him on journeys."
"… well that's… that's uhh… Yeah, I'll be going now." Gary announced awkwardly, before turning around and heading out of the town, armed with the knowledge that Professor Oak is a playa.
And so with that, the new trainer headed out into the wild, ready to face his adventures, and his next adventure, on the road to his next adventure. Who knows what'll happen next? What mysterious adventures will young Gary Stu encounter on his… adventures? Only time will tell. Stay tuned and find out.
Covered in this chapter:
Dramatic birth
Traumatic childhood experience
Scar
Red eyes(FFFFFUUUUUU)
Roughly horse sized dick(FFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUU)
Rare Pokémon for a starter(Would have made female, but I want to avoid lemons if possible)
Character made same age as author ;)
Afterword: So, I plan to have him experience as much Mary Sue as I can manage without becoming suicidal as a result. So if you enjoyed this, feel free to suggest fanfics/stories/general writing cliché's/Pokémon-related writing cliché's in the reviews that I can draw Mary Sue/Gary Stu'ness from.
I got a bit carried away and ended up parodying the anime, too. Oh well, I enjoyed it
I try to keep the spelling and grammar correct, because it's something I hate to see done wrong, so I'm sorry if I've missed something and it's caused you psychological damage.
Hope you enjoyed. Read & Review, people.
PS: If you don't know what a Gary Stu/Mary Sue is, I'll try and explain it to you: A Mary Sue, (or Gary Stu for male characters) is a character that the author uses as a portal through which they can live out their sometimes twisted fantasies. Symptoms of a Mary Sue include:
Having no real/consistent personality
Having a tragic past
Having 0MG SUPA CO0L POWAHZ!1!11!ONE!1!
Etc, etc. There are various forms of Mary Sue, and these are addressed on encyclopedia dramatica's (Warning: satirical and deliberately offensive/racist wiki, however their information can be surprisingly accurate, and if you can take the offensiveness on the chin, it can be a really funny site.) page on the subject. I will specify one kind of Mary Sue here, and provide an example.
The Canon Sue. The Canon Sue is the result of an author taking a canon(from the source) character, and turning them into… well… turning them into said author. A sadly perfect example of a Canon Stu is the fanfic "Soul Guardians" by Latiasfan1. If you choose to look at "Soul Guardians", bear the author's username in mind while you read it. Latiasfan1 is a tragic example of Gary Stu, but that aside, I enjoy his writing… no seriously, he's a good author… just that one slight-enormous problem of his characters all being HIM.
Finally, Read & Review. Chapter two is ON THE WAY… or all ready uploaded… depending on the time at which this sentence is being read.