This is the sequel to God what have I done?
Thanks for the reviews keep them coming...
Disclaimer: Don't own them, if I did, Leo would get more screen time, Margaret would finally get the COS of her dreams, CJ would actually get laid, and well, Josh and Donna would finally realize what we all have and ACT ON IT!
Spoilers: Third Day Story.
"Josh?" a deep voice asked jarring Josh Lyman from his thoughts. The day had been long and he was so terribly tired.
"Mr. President?" he answered suddenly aware of the sea of secret service agents. The bullpen was dark and quiet and he hadn't heard anyone come in.
"It's after 8. I told you all to go home an hour ago. Where's Donna?" he asked putting a fatherly hand on his arm. He's exhausted...
Josh stood at Donna's desk with a file in his hand not quite sure how to answer that. She should be at home, recovering in a comfortable position but in reality she was dozing on his couch while he worked.
"She's asleep in my office." He said sheepishly. I'm gonna catch hell for that.
"Why didn't you go home? I ordered you all to go home." He asked raising his eyebrow a bit.
"I had a few things to finish." He answered putting the file down and looking towards the dimly lit office. Inside his mind he remembered CJ earlier that day. 'You know when they say that this jobs comes at a cost?' They both understood it, all too well.
He looked at his shoes, feeling guilty. "Go home Josh. Take that girl home. You're both due some time off."
"Yes, Mr. President." He answered his head hung low.
"And Josh?" Jed Bartlett asked looking at him with loving concern. "Just tell her. Life, suddenly has become too short." Fitz dead, Leo nearly dead, Donna almost dead... Josh shot...
"Sir?" he asked looking at him strangely. He knows...
"You've both waited long enough. Christ, you both nearly died for me. Go—take her home, get her comfortable and tell her you love her." He ordered holding his voice back.
"But—" Josh began the administration... The scandal...
"But nothing Josh, we'll survive. Give her our love. Abbey and I... She deserves so much..." he said retrospectively. "It's time. We've all given up so much."
"Yes sir." He answered walking towards his office. Yes it is...
The sun had set and his office was mostly dark. Josh watched the steady rise and fall of her breasts and thanked God that she had been brought back to him.
Her face was slack, peaceful. She looked so beautiful. He came so close to losing her that he wouldn't let anyone come between them again. Telling CJ earlier that day that he was going to Andrews to get her was a no brainer. No one expected him to not go. Wild horses couldn't have kept him away. CJ was Chief of Staff now. She was da man. He was alright with that because Gaza had given him something to really think about, and all those nights watching her broken body sleep, had given him so much to be thankful for. He had seriously reevaluated his priorities.
Everyone was so happy to see her. Many gave him the evil eye for bringing her back to the West Wing. He didn't care. He wanted her to be as close to him as possible. She was the only thing he cared about, even more than democracy. Taking her home to sit alone was not an option. Maybe he was selfish, he didn't really care.
"Donna?" he asked quietly leaning next to her. He wanted to touch her but was suddenly afraid.
At the sound of his voice she smiled. He repeated her name, his face close enough to kiss hers. He inhaled and smelled her perfume, mixed with his cologne. His suit coat covered her and the mixture was more than good, it was perfect. Together, soon. He thought.
"Josh, uh," she said wincing at moving. "What time is it?"
"Around 8. The President sent everyone home. Let's go. Let's go home." He said brushing her cheek with his fingers.
"Home. Hmmm." She said dreamily.
She sat up stiff. Her face contorted when her arm had barely lifted her torso to the seated position. "You alright?" he asked softly.
"Incision pain. I'll live. I think its also a bit of jet lag, and bumpy couch. Oh, don't look that way. I'm really fine Josh." She said pouting.
"This is all because of me." He said looking down at their interlaced hands. I wish I could take it back, had I known I would have never let you leave.
"Don't Josh. Don't say that anymore. Look at me." She told him, defiant even in the dim light. "You cannot blame yourself. I didn't blame President Bartlett for going to Rosslyn and you can't blame yourself for this. Now, help me up Joshua and take me home."
"Kay." He said feeling better that the old Donna had come back.
"I won't break, here, put your hands there." She told him taking his hands and putting them under her arm pits. "Lift. You remember. I helped you. Now, you can feel me up with no pressure."
"If I have to." He mocked sitting her in her chair and grabbing his backpack. My Donna is back!
They slowly wheeled out of the building, secretly watched by the leader of the free world, who stood on his balcony flanked by his wife, who held him tenderly.
"I told him it was time to tell her." He said quietly.
"Do you think he will?" Abbey Bartlett asked watching him gingerly put her into the car while he collapsed the chair putting it into the trunk.
"Yes. A wedding in the Rose Garden would be nice wouldn't it?" he asked her.
"Yes, it would. You're right. Things are changing Jed. Some for the better, some not so much."
"Yeah. I'm going to talk to him Monday about getting someone to challenge Russell." He told her holding onto her.
"Got anyone in mind?" she asked as they walked back into the residence.
"No, but I trust Josh, and if he does, he isn't saying anything." He answered. "Yet."
Traffic was light, given the fact that it was a Friday night in Washington. Josh was unusually quiet. Every few moments he'd glance her way, as if to check if she were real or a dream.
"It's been busy today." She said breaking the silence.
He sighed. "Yeah. Crazy day." Way to go Mr. Fulbright Scholar!
"Wanna talk about it?" she asked him looking towards his face, noticing the lines of worry.
"Not really." He answered giving her a quick glance.
"I'm not going to disappear Josh. See, flesh and blood." She said touching his hand. He jumped at her touch. "Hey, it's alright."
"I know."
"You can talk to me, I'm not gonna break."
"CJ's the new Chief of Staff." He told her looking towards her with concern.
"Wow." Was her answer as she grabbed his hand. She ran her fingers up and down his forearm as he drove, trying to calm him.
"Yeah. Leo knew I didn't wanna be the guy. Not yet. CJ came by and she said it's alright to want to focus on other things." He said looking into her eyes. On you, you and me.
"Oh." She said blushing. She knew what he meant without him ever saying a word. Good.
He took his hand and brought hers to his lips. "Feel like food?"
"Starving." She said smiling. Food was good. "But I usually feel like a woman."
"Funny. Chinese or Pizza? Bet your all snitzelled out."
She rolled her eyes at him. "You have no idea."
He gave her full dimples feeling more at ease than he had all day. She returned his smile with one of her own, minus the dimples, and he couldn't have asked for anything more.
They pulled into his condo and she looked at him. "This isn't home."
"My home Donnatella. I have one word for you. ELEVATOR."
"Good thinking Joshua. A man of your age couldn't carry me up four flights of stairs."
"I'm not that old." He smirked helping her into her chair.
"No, you're not." She smiled mischievously. You're just right.
"Glad you see the truth of that fact. I am actually a, first class, blue ribbon, prime USDA political dynamo. I am da man." He said puffing himself up as he pushed the button for his floor.
"And all the Lyman Ho's from every state are in awe." She smirked back.
"As long as you find it so, the world shall revolve once more." He said leaning down and kissing her forehead. "Bask in the glory of my presence Donnatella."
"Get any faxes lately or is this going to be a new thing for you?"
"Two in fact this morning, praising my incredible physique and intellect." He countered.
Looking at him up and down, "Hmmm, well, I do say that gray does nothing for you. Now jeans however, but I can't be certain. I'd have to do a little recon for that. But maybe we can schedule a photo shoot, a calendar perhaps. Let me check your blotter for next week. Maybe we can fill some time in between brokering a peace accord, a senate vote and maybe lunch."
"You don't know how much that is so not funny." He said opening the door.
"I do in fact. Maybe an underwear calendar. You collection of boxers would go over great with the DNC." She said laughing. He immediately was at her side when she grabbed her chest wincing.
"Take it easy." He ordered closing the door.
"It'll pass. So Pizza or Chinese? Pizza as long as there is beer. I am desperate for something alcoholic." She said as he helped her to the couch. She watched him pamper her by propping her foot onto several pillows.
"No beer. You've got a 'sensitive system' now. Plus I don't need you puking. I had Ginger come over and make up the spare bedroom, all your girly stuff has been brought over and put away. You are not going to give me that face. The rules are going to be the following." He began as he pushed the wheel chair over to a spot where she couldn't reach.
"Wait a minute!" she yelled.
He wagged his finger as he picked up his cell. "No, shower first, food then rest."
"Fine, nurse Rachette but I get to pick the movie." She pouted.
He helped her wrap her cast and laid out his favorite Harvard T-shirt and boxers sitting on his bed waiting for her to finish showering. He had spent the last twenty minutes pacing. He had heard her crying while she washed and was more than once tempted to go in after her.
He changed into a shirt and jeans and waited.
"Donna?" he asked through the door.
"I'm fine. Hand me the clothes." She told him her wet hand coming out from behind the door.
A few minutes later she emerged looking past the point of exhaustion. He sat her on the bed and brushed her hair, a thing he had wanted to do so many times in the last six years. She let him feeling worn out and emotional.
"I swore I wouldn't cry." She said in an almost whisper.
"It's okay. I did my share when I came home." He told her taking his time.
"You look good, you know?" he said as he put the brush down. She leaned against him. He wrapped his arms around her protectively.
"Super model good?"
"Yeah. Claudia Schiffer on the hood of a car scantily clad good." He said running his fingers along her forearm. He could still see the bruising from the iv lines.
"Good answer Joshua. Do you know how I missed you?" she asked looking towards the living room.
"No, you had the dashing Colin, who flew from Israel to ravish you in the hospital bed."
"Josh, a wee bit jealous?" she asked turning toward him.
"No, why would I be jealous of his having sex with my assistant and then coming to mark his territory." She could feel him stiffen.
"Josh, don't." she said trying to look at him, he wouldn't allow her to turn.
"It was a mistake. I knew that before, during and after. I was so lonely." She said, "If it hurts I'm sorry. He wasn't you." She said it. She had said the words out loud. Colin wasn't Josh.
"What?" he asked looking at her face from her profile. He held her tighter. Did I just hear that right?
"Let's just say: the during, well, I wasn't actually thinking of him." She admitted blushing all kinds of red.
"Ah, I see, so those post coital emails. Naked and sore.." he smirked from behind her.
"Joshua. Don't make this any more embarrassing." She said trying to get up.
"So, while Heathcliff-on-the-moor was actually... well, I never thought you'd resort to that." he teased looking suspiciously at her ear. "Fantasized about someone else while, actually...." But he had. When he was with Amy, he pictured Donna, every time.
"Joshua!" she said completely mortified.
"Hungry?" he said whisking her up in his arms.
"Oh yeah." She said still blazing red.
"So how was he on the Gomer scale?" he asked looking at her as she devoured her slice of pizza and looked at his cold beer.
"Shut up Josh." She said reaching for his beer.
"No beer. Medication time missy." He told her taking out her bag of pills.
"Joshua!" she pouted.
"Rule no. 1, always listen to me."
"What's rule number two?" she asked as she took the antibiotic and pain killer.
"Always obey Rule no. 1." He said satisfied. "Boy this beer is good. Did you pick a movie?"
"Kate and Leopold. Unrequited love." She said daring him to complain about that. She stuck her tongue out and smirked at him.
"Sure. Let me get you a blanket. It's chilly and you are still damp from the shower." He told her as he got up, taking his beer with him. Her face was satisfaction enough.
"CJ called while you were in the shower. She said we have off until Monday." He told her laying the quilt on her legs. She sat halfway on the couch and he sat behind her, pulling her towards him. "Lean on me Donna. I've waited a while to do this for you."
"No problem. I'm glad we have off, I don't feel much like working or entertaining. I'm tired." But happy to have you in my arms. To feel you again when I thought I was going to die.
"Hurting?" he asked as he leaned back against the couch.
"Yeah, jet lag, rods, reels, pins, you know, the usual." She said smiling.
He laughed and it felt good to feel her against him. "Relax, I'm gonna take care of you."
"Good." She asked looking at the credits. "Josh, if I say something you have to promise not to freak out."
He immediately stiffened. "You're freaking out."
He swallowed. "Kay, what?"
"I missed you. I had to say it again." She began to cry again. His arms wrapped tighter around her and she sagged against his chest and let the tears fall. She could smell him, his natural scent and was so comforted and aroused by it a soft moan escaped her. "I needed this. I needed this so much. It's all I thought about."
"I know the feeling. The hospital..." he said shivering. He hated hospitals so much but for her he would have braved Hell.
"Josh, I was so scared." She admitted shifting to her side and laying her face on his chest.
"I know. So was I." he told her. I couldn't lose you, not when I had finally gotten the courage to tell you.
"You were?" she asked sniffing and looking up at him.
"Oh yeah." He told her looking deeply into her eyes.
"Promise me something?" she asked staring at him. They stared for a few moments when he answered her.
"Anything."
"Next time you want to send me anywhere, you come too. If I'm gonna get blown up or shot, I want you there with me." She asked the tears running down her face.
He wiped them away and said the one word she needed to hear. "Done."
He pulled her close and they watched Meg Ryan and Hugh Jackman banter much like they did.
They didn't make half way through the movie. He had lifted her up and carried her to the spare bedroom and tucked her into the crisp clean sheets. "Goodnight my Donnatella. I love you."
She smiled in her sleep much as she had done when his voice has spoken to her while she was unconscious. He kissed her forehead and went to his own bed knowing that they were going to be alright, no matter what would come next.
He had left the doors open because of her emotional state he knew what was coming. He had been jarred from sleep by the fact that she had screamed. He was halfway down the hall when her screams began again. They were so loud and full of terror he knew she had to be in the middle of a nightmare, something he knew all too well.
"NO!!!" she cried, "Not Josh!!!"
He reached her as her screams continued, "You can't... I love him! JOSH!!!!"
Donna was on her hands and knees crouched on the floor. How she had got there she wasn't sure. She wanted to die. "Donna!" Josh cried out in the darkness. He couldn't find her and knew from experience throwing a light on would more often than not make it worse.
He found her on the floor, shaking uncontrollably. "Wake up! It's me."
She was still in the throws of it. He shook her then. Her eyes opened wide and unfocused. She frantically touched him, pulling off his shirt.
"Old scars Donna." He told her lifting her face to see his. He kissed her forehead as she had done dozens of times when it had been his turn.
Throwing her arms around him she wept. He pulled her onto his lap and soothed her. "I'm here."
"Oh, Josh." She cried against his bare chest.
"Sh, sh." He continued until she was all cried out. How many times had she done the same for him. Too many, it was time to return the favor. "I'm not going anywhere."
"Come on." Was all he said and she wrapped her arms around his neck.
He had heard the words he had longed for her to tell him, shouted at the top of her lungs as he ran down the hall. He leaned up, lifted her and walked towards his bed. She had slept in it many times while he was recovering, especially after a bad dream and he could not think of a better place for her to get some sleep. They both needed comfort and there was only one way to do that. Be together.
He sat her on the edge of the bed, went to the kitchen and got her some water. He remembered how she would not think twice about pulling him close in the night. She knew that's what he needed. He knelt in front of her, "Hey."
"I hate this." She told him staring out passed him.
"Been there, done that." He told her putting his hands on her knees. "Did you hurt yourself?"
"I don't think so. Pride mostly." She admitted looking at him sadly. She put her hand against his cheek and ran her fingers through his hair.
"Let me get you a shirt." He said getting back up. He had fallen asleep in his jeans and noticed that fact when she grabbed at his belt loops. "Donna, wait. I'll be right over there."
She looked fearful. He turned on a small lamp on his dresser and took out a tank top she had left him. He handed it to her and turned his back.
"You can turn around now." She said quietly.
"Drink some of this. It'll help. Do you want me to make some tea?"
He asked resuming his position on the floor in front of her. He ran his fingers along her knees trying to not seem to upset by her screams. It had been his worst nightmare, hearing her scream in terror like that. And he was upset. Upset that he could do nothing but stand there and watch her shiver.
"No, not now. Just stay with me." She hiccupped. "I can't go back to sleep. I'll dream.
"Was it that bad? I remember when my were that way. Wanna talk about it?"
She pulled him up to rest against the bed. She ran her fingers along the scar, faded but still ever present. His chest had regained its strength and was beautiful save the long jagged scar that marked his nearly dying.
"Don't. It's old and I'm fine." He told her. Trying to soothe her he asked, "You show me yours, I'll show you mine.." then he wiggled his eyebrows.
She laughed. He missed that laughter. He was so afraid he'd never hear it again.
Yet the look in her eyes was foreign to him. She stared at him, her hand never leaving his chest. Then his breath caught in his throat when he watched her lift the tank top just shy of her breasts. Two angry red lines running parallel to her waist. She leaned back so he could see them. "Ok."
He turned the lamp beside his bed on and laid next to her. "Do they hurt much?"
"Sometimes. The one on my side hurts the worst. That's where they put the chest tube, to re-inflate my lung. The others are not so bad. Yes, Joshua, you can touch them. I won't flinch."
He did and she cried out. "Cold hands! Jeez!"
He felt like he was sixteen again. "Sorry." Then he chuckled. "I hate that they had to do this." He wanted to kiss them, to make them fade.
"I'm alive. That's all I care about." She answered as his fingers ran along the redness.
"Let's get you back into bed. You need to rest." He told her wanting to touch her but stopping himself. He wanted desperately to kiss away those terrible boo boos. But if he started he wouldn't be able to stop.
"Like I haven't heard that somewhere before!" she quipped. He smiled.
"You sleep. I'll watch you."
"Promise?"
"Oh, yeah. There's no place I'd rather be." He told her moving a stray hair from her face.
He pulled the covers up and tucked her in. "Donna, I meant it when I said I wasn't going to take you for granted."
"I know."
"No, you don't, or I mean you might but let me say this." He said as she sat back up inches from his bare chest. "When I saw everything on TV, saw Andi, and thought you were dead, I couldn't breathe. I couldn't move. I was finished. I—"
She put her fingers to his lips to stop him. "Sh, I'm here, I'm alright."
"With steel pins and rods and scars to match mine."
He was holding her hands putting them to his cheeks. "I thought I'd never get to see you smile, or watch you put your hands on your hips and smirk at me ever again. I couldn't stand it."
"Don't Josh." She pleaded with him. She couldn't do this now. She wasn't strong enough to fight him off. She wanted to have him say the words, but wasn't really expecting to hear it.
"No, I have to." He affirmed.
"You flew across the world for me." She said to him humbled by his faith and devotion to her.
"Red lights Donnatella." He said smiling.
He could see tears welling up in her eyes. "Then Colin came." He watched her stiffen, "then it got awkward. I thought, I'm too late. I blew it."
She was crying then. "He..."
"He told me a lot. I only knew him a few hours and he had us all figured out. We sat and waited for you in surgery and he knew I was in love with you."
His words hit her like a ton a bricks. "I knew one thing. I wouldn't waste any more time. If you chose him, I'd get over that. But when Dr. Lahey came out and asked for one of us to see you, I assumed it would be him. Then he looked right at me and said, no... Mr. Lyman. I could have kissed him, in a purely platonic way of course. You wanted me. I looked at Colin, and he well, figured you had made your choice. I really felt bad for him. Okay, not really."
She sniffed and played with his hands as they ran along hers. "I walked into your room that night and well, I knew what I had to do. I knew the moment Leo told me to go. I know that I'm lost without you, and I don't mean as an assistant. Although as an assistant, I couldn't—"
"Oh shut up." She said throwing her arms around him.
"A'Kay, but as far as professions of undying love go, I am da man!" he said kissing her forehead.
"When I was unconscious, I heard your voice. It brought me back." She said looking at him with a tear stained face.
"To me." He stated as fact.
"To you." She reiterated. "Red lights, Joshua?"
"Super sonic red lights." He whispered as he cupped her face. "I love you Donnatella."
He kissed her softly, gently not wanting to hurt her. Desperation, longing, passion, and love flowed as his lips touched hers. His lips, soft and exactly what she had imagined caressed her cheek and back again taunting her to succumb to his kisses, which she did. Minutes later, they broke apart breathlessly.
"Oh, Joshua. I love you so much. Why did we wait so long?" she asked looking at him, feeling how his heart was beating so hard.
"Donna, the waiting is over." He said crushing his lips against hers.
He broke their embrace when his heart was racing. He knew she was still too hurt properly respond to his touch. "Donna. We.have.to.stop. You aren't strong enough."
He smiled when she pouted. She laid down on the pillows while he smoothed out her hair. God how he loved her hair, her face, her arms, hell he loved everything. "Don't go. Stay." She pleaded with him.
"I'm not going anywhere." He said taking off his jeans and slipping into bed with her. "Come here."
She snuggled against him and felt that the world could go to hell as long as Josh was at her side. She didn't care about anything, just the feel of his skin against her, the soreness of her lips after his kisses and the fact that Joshua Lyman, Bulldog of the Democratic party loved her, and told her so.
Let the nightmares come, she thought. I can handle them now.