This is the product of being in Kiss Me, Kate the musical and thinking about what songs would fit the members of the Enterprise crew. Songs are as follows (I recommend that you listen to them to get the feel because I did get lazy and it's hard to describe how a song should be sung): "I Hate Men", any Kiss Me, Kate musical preformance should do; "Best Friend" by Harry Nilsson; "For Your Entertainment" by Adam Lambert; "Love is Dead" by Kerli Kiov (lyrics changed); "Sandwiches Are Beautiful" by Bob King (I do like Lisa Sanders' style though); "Give It All" by Rise Against (lyrics changed); "You're Gonna Go Far, Kid" by the Offspring (lyrics changed); "Girlfriend" by Avril Lavinge; "I'm Sorry" by Brenda Lee (lyrics changed); "Without You" by RENT; "Marry You" by Bruno Mars; and "Crazy Bitch" by Buckcherry (lyrics changed).

Whew! Disclaimer/Warning: not mine, no profit, some language and reference to sexual acts without description, dubious consent in acts, slash of the Spirk kind, TOS references ahoy!, yada, yada, yada...E&R!

This was seriously the Shore Leave from Hell. And number one on his list of Things Never To Be Mentioned of Again, Like, Ever. And number one on his list of Recognition of Overuse of Denial But I Seriously Don't Care (in order of most important, not chronological).

But it just so happened to take place on the Best Day of His Life (So Far).

It all started when he, Spock, Bones, most of his Bridge crew, plus Scotty and Nurse Chapel, beamed down at the same time to enjoy the illogical event of rest and recuperation. So, logically, Spock was only there to keep an eye on his trouble-magnet of a Captain seeing as this place was credited with Stardate 2258's most peaceful and least hostile planet in all of the Federation universe award (Jim forgot the actual name, and couldn't be bothered to ask Spock for it since Spock pretty much knows everything).

"Clearly, Captain, as evident from a year's worth of previous experience, one can never expect anything to go as planned with your influence involved," were Spock's actual words in trying to deny the possibility of an emotional reason for beaming down with them; Uhura rolled her eyes at him, even.

Unfortunately, what he said was true. At least, today it was.

Still, Jim grinned at him and playfully smacked his arm (it was their thing, like making out with Uhura on the transporter was their thing even though they only did it once and Jim was so not jealous-no, really, he wasn't). "Really, Spock, this place is the safest I'll ever be. What could possibly go wrong?"

One would have thought by now that he would have learned a healthy illogical superstition of those words, but since he clearly didn't, why should he start now?

Apparently, the abduction of him and his entire group was a good enough reason.

Spock arched an eyebrow at the phaser that was pointed in his face, along with the rest of them, and turned to look at Jim. The blonde huffed, putting his hands up in the universal sign of surrender. "Alright, fine, I concede your point,"

"I am pleased you have seen the error of your ways, Captain,"

"Oh, shut up, you two," Bones grumbled from Jim's other side. "I don't fancy dying because our abductor doesn't appreciate you fools blabbering your mouths off the entire time,"

"Follow us," one of their completely swathed in black cloth company commanded, poking them in the ribs for full measure.

"You watch what you do with those phasers," Jim threatened immediately.

The same guy only laughed, cutting off the rest of his otherwise intimidating sentence. "Or what, Captain? You'll kill us? We do not fear death," Jim scowled in return. "March,"

While they were being led out of the more populated areas and into the dusty, desert-like plain that by definition attracted little life, Jim moved so that he was close enough to brush against Spock while they walked. He ignored it. "Speculation, Mr. Spock,"

"I have not enough information to go on, Captain," he murmured, eyes looking elsewhere than where his body suggested. It looked like he was merely taking a stroll and viewing the country-side instead of conspiring with Kirk. "But I do doubt their likelihood of using lethal methods. It appears as if we are wanted alive and in optimal condition,"

"My thoughts, exactly," he mused, rubbing his chin. "Any ideas of how to escape?"

"Not at this moment, Captain," Jim made a non-commental sound, distancing himself as he judged their next move. None came to mind, and before he knew it they arrived at what appeared to be their destination. The middle of nowhere.

"Stop," the leader said, and walked in front of the group. "Holo-cuff them,"

"What's the use of that, we're obviously not a threat," Jim said, struggling to remain cordial.

"No, Captain, you most certainly are not a threat, the rest of them are. Which is while they'll be restricted the use of their hands to prevent their escaping or interference in any way," Jim stilled as he looked around to verify that. Everyone of his crew was being chained by the hovering clasps around their wrists behind their back. Everyone but him. This situation was starting to give him a very bad feeling.

"What are we doing here?" he asked to change tactics.

"We are waiting," the man replied calmly.

"Waiting, waiting for what?"

"You will see," he merely answered and no amount of cajoling or threats could get him to speak again.

"God, this is boring," he complained out loud. "How long have we been standing here?"

"Approximately thirty minutes and twenty-six seconds, Captain," Spock replied faithfully.

"It was a rhetorical question, Spock,"

"...I see,"

And, then, finally, the tell-tale sign of a transporter beam picked the members of the Enterprise crew up. Jim, being the only one that could make full use of his appendages, logically and immediately dove for cover to begin searching for some kind of weapon he could use. The only thing nearby was a rather heavy-looking piece of tipped-over decor that would make a lovely blunt object. He took it and ran with it-metaphorically, not literally yet, seeing as he hadn't identified a target.

In fact, his target stepped out from wherever he had been hiding behind him, neatly plucking his would-be weapon away and capturing his fists.

"Let me go," he growled, squirming around to try and break his grip. "I'm the goddamn captain of the USS Enterprise, and this is my crew you've taken. And there will be hell to pay if you do not let me go, this instant!"

The man chuckled. "Still, JT, or I'll have to spank you," the matching deep voice spoke. And, oh, god, please let that not be who he thought it was. He hoped to god this was all a nightmare because he couldn't kid himself, he would know that voice anywhere. It was literally encoded into his thoughts.

But how was he even alive?

"What do you want?" he asked mournfully, stilling as he was told in his slumped surrender. He was let go as soon as his body complied with his orders like always.

"Why, a performance, of course. When have I ever asked you to do differently?" Jim grit his teeth and stubbornly refused to rise to his bait or look at him. He would not expose that or any secret, if he could help it, that belonged on Tarsus IV- "Well, there was those times in my bedroom of an altogether different kind of performance, but that doesn't count now, does it, JT?" Kodos mocked, stroking his cheek. Jim flushed deeply and glanced quickly at Spock, watching him with his intense dark eyes. He felt the distinct urge to apologize. He shook himself clear of that.

"Where are my manners? Please, honoured guests, find a seat," he gestured to the theater-like row of seats displayed along the back wall and they reluctantly did so. He claimed a spot on a throne-looking piece of furniture, higher and closer to the action of Jim on centre stage. "Let's refresh ourselves on the rules, shall we, JT? It's been such a long time since we've played,"

"That's because you were supposed to be dead! I saw them, I watched them burn your body, you sick-" he spat and received a jolting electric shock in return that cut off what else he wished to say with a rather mellifluous yip. Spock moved against his restraints, almost jumping to his feet, but even his strength could not break their bonds.

"Oh, JT, don't you remember?" he tsked, shaking his head sadly. "I make the orders, you follow them, and everybody is happy. Otherwise, well..." Jim fell to his knees, under further pressure of electrical pain.

"I must demand that you make no further moves against Captain Kirk, lest you wish to receive your own harm," Spock very nearly growled at that point.

"How wonderful! He's almost as fun as you are," Kodos declared happily, sparing Spock only a moment's notice. "I think I'll save him for last. Let's start with her," He pointed to a wide-eyed Uhura.

"No!" Jim shouted, spasming against the next shock.

"Yes!" he hissed forcefully and Jim suddenly sprang up and stumbled right in from of her Swahili face like a jerky puppet. She stared unblinkingly at him, seemingly cold but sympathetic, and nodded. He sighed and hung his head in response.

"What song comes to mind, JT?" he prompted. Jim scowled, eyes glinting with thinly suppressed rage-but not at him.

At her.

"I hate men," he bit out, grinding his teeth and snarling. "I can't abide 'em even now and then. Than ever marry one of them, I'd rest a maiden rather. For husbands are a boring lot and only give you bother...Of course," he paused, slowing the tune with an almost regretful air. "I'm awfully glad that Mother had to marry Father.

"But I hate men!" He stomped away, to the obvious relief of the flushing woman in question that had no idea that she gave off such caustic vibes. Uhura sank back in her chair and pressed a hand to her forehead.

But Jim was not over. He strolled along the row, almost amicably, if it weren't for the cold looks he kept passing a few men seemingly at random. Spock was never one of them. "Of all the types I've ever met within our democracy, I hate most the athlete with his manner bold and brassy," he thumbed himself with a puffed out chest and a few uncontainable snickers could be heard but they quickly shushed up at Spock's not-glare. "He may have hair upon his chest but, sister, so has Lassie. Oh, I hate men!" he finished, throwing his hands up in the air with a cry of frustration. Not a minute later, Jim was himself again, bent over and panted for breath. The song did require strenuous amounts of air to keep up the charade of violent anger.

"Excellent! Now, this one," Kodos clapped, pointing to Leonard. Jim growled, but his body seemed to move once again on its own accord rather stiffly.

He coughed into his hand, posture straight as he stood in front of Bones. He grinned, something that at least looked much less artificial than his anger, and made a sweeping hand gesture to the country doctor. "People let me tell you 'bout my best friend: he's a warm-hearted person who'll love me till the end. People let me tell you bout my best friend: he's a one-boy, cuddly toy, my up, my down, my pride and joy. People let me tell you 'bout him he's so much fun, whether we're talkin' man to man or whether we're talking son to son. Cause he's my best friend. Yes, he's my best friend,"

Both men looked rather embarrassed at the end of that.

"Ha ha!" Kodos cheered, even more pleased by Jim's sheepish flush. "Her!"

"No," Jim rasped, shaking pale when he came face to face with Nurse Chapel. "Please, no, not her," The songs he sang were always based on his observations, and to an extent, feelings about a person. And she was one of two he did not want to expose those to, especially in front of a crowd. It would destroy her and likely him as well.

"Good god, man, this is torture!" Bones shouted, seeing his obvious distress.

"It's entertainment, Doctor! Right JT? Sing my song and prove it to them," Jim sighed, preferring even that embarrassment over this one.

His grin that formed could not, in any way, be described as innocent. This was the lazy, crooked grin of James T. Kirk, womanizer. He sauntered slowly, one agonizing step at a time, hips cocked to dangerously seductive levels. Uhura gaped at his sexual appeal; even Spock could not look away. "So hot, out of the box, can we pick up the pace? Turn it up, heat it up, I need to be entertained. Push the limit, are you with it? Baby, don't be afraid. Imma hurt you real good, baby,"

Jim began crawling onto Kodos' lap; Kodos looking inordinately pleased with himself like the proverbial cat and canary to Spock's displeasure. His hands tightened. "Let's go, it's my show, baby, do what I say. Don't trip off the glitz that I'm gonna display. I told you, Imma hold ya down until you're amazed. Give it to ya til you're screamin' my name!

"No escaping when I start, once I'm in I own your heart," he purred, rubbing against Kodos and gasping between words in undeniable pleasure. "There's no way to ring the alarm, so hold on until it's over. Oh! Do you know what you got into? Can you handle what I'm 'bout to do? 'Cause it's about to get rough for you. I'm here for your entertainment.

"Oh! I bet you thought that I was soft and sweet. You thought an angel swept you off your feet but I'm about to turn up the heat. I'm here for your entertainment!"

Everyone had never been more glad that Jim stopped right then and there, because they were definitely sure they did not want to see him turn up the heat. They probably would not have been able to handle it.

Jim detached himself, almost regretfully, and stood at the foot of his throne, head down and awaiting his next command like a well-trained dog. It burned an ugly image in the eyes of the Enterprise crew. They did not know what power this Kodos guy had over him, or why he called him JT, but they knew they never wanted to see their Captain so vulnerable ever again.

"Good boy," Kodos mumured, expressing an emotion far more tender than anything yet they've heard or expected from the maniac. "Now back to her,"

Jim picked his head up, snapping towards the Nurse again and giving her a savage, twisted, mocking, unbearably cruel grin. "This is the hardest part, when you feel like you're fading. All that you have has become unreal, collapsing, and aching.

"All you want," he pointed at her. "All you want is right here," he turned his finger back on himself with a smirk that she clearly knew the meaning of as her eyes watered. "But love don't live here anymore. Love is dead, love is gone, love don't live here anymore. Love don't live here, anymore.

"I know what you feel when you see me beside him, right by him. It must be so hard for you to deny it, and hide it. Oh, all you want, all you want is right here. But love don't live here anymore. Love is dead, love is gone, love don't live here anymore. And love don't live here anymore." He slumped over, pressing a hand to his head as he repressed a sob. "Oh god, oh god, I'm so sorry Christine,"

"It's okay, Captain, I understand," she said softly, monotone through her tears.

"Enough of that, carry on down the line, JT," Jim reluctantly made his way over to Scotty, sitting beside her.

"Sandwiches are beautiful, sandwiches are fine. I like sandwiches, I eat them all the time. I eat them for my supper and I eat them for my lunch; if I had a hundred sandwiches, I'd eat them all at once. I'm a roaming and a rambling and a wandering all along, and if you care to listen, I will sing a happy song. I will not ask a favor and I will not ask a fee, but if you have a sandwich-won't you give a bite to me?" he finished as quickly as he could.

"Oh, no, dinae go an' apologize, Captain," he said before Jim could do more than open his mouth. "It's a ver'a true song an' I kinda like it. You might hafta teach me it, sometime,"

"Move along," Kodos waved imperiously, sounding bored by his pleasant reception.

Jim slid his hands along the railing to get to the next person, dragging his feet along tiredly. Sulu was next. He had a sharp look in his eye like he was prepared to hear anything Jim might sing about him and ready to forgive him if it was unflattering in any way. But he was suprised by the companionly way he threw an arm around his shoulders and proudly belted out with a devil-may-care gleam that he last saw on Nero's drill, "We give it all! This is the reason why I sing, so give it all. Well it's these reasons that belong to me. Breathe, the air we give, the life we live, our pulses racing distances, so wet my tongue, break into song through seas of competition. So, please, believe your eyes. A sacrifice is not what we had in our minds-we're coming home tonight. Home tonight,"

Hikaru blinked at him, trying to find something to say, but he moved on without a word from him or Kodos. Apparently, Chekov was next.

"Show me how you do, you're getting better all the time. And computing transport functions is an art that's hard to teach. Another clever job sets off an unsuspecting mob, and as you step back in the line, we all jump to our feet. Now dance, fucker, dance! Man, they never had a chance-and no one even knew, it was really only you. And now you steal away, take 'em out today. Nice work you did, you're gonna go far, kid! Trust and see!"

Pavel blushed, though, from his enthusiastic praise in song or something else entirely, he did not know. Jim didn't have time to see. He sank to the ground, taking a moment of rest, leaning against the railing by their feet.

Kodos didn't seem to care. "And, finally, our dear Spock. Serenade him, JT,"

"No," Jim barely breathed, eyes rolling to glance back at him in his most pathetic pleading yet. "I can't-I haven't-" he shut up too late. The gleam was already in Kodos' eye.

"Oh, what secrets have you been hiding, JT, you naughty boy? I'm sure Spock would love to hear them. Now, do as I say," Jim pushed himself to his feet by his willpower alone, grunting as he worked his way over to the first chair by Kodos' seat.

"Hey," he began weakly, giving a little wave. Spock nodded in return. The simplest of motions, yet it conveyed as much as Sulu's look. Jim relaxed visibly and his face split into an impish smile. "Hey! You, you! I don't like your girlfriend. No way, no way! I think you need a new one. Hey, hey! You, you! I-" he stopped suddenly, relief evident along with his confusion before he realised his body was taking time to morph into a sombre, contrite state. He kicked at the ground, hands clasped loosely behind his back, and glanced up shyly.

"I'm sorry, so sorry. Please accept my apology! I didn't know I could be so cruel. They tell me mistakes are part of being young, but, that don't right the wrong that's been done," his body reverted again; hands wrapping around himself as if he was cold, his expression turned to him being close to tears. He closed his eyes, and sighed as if what he felt was inevitable and irrevocable. "The earth turns, the sun burns. But I die, without you."

That smile returned and he placed his hands on his hips. "You're so fine, I want you mine. You're so delicious, I think about you all the time. You're so addictive.
Don't you know what I can do to make you feel alright?"

He clamped a hand over his mouth, but the words still came out. He tossed imploring eyes to his tormentor, but Kodos was far too entertained and intrigued to think about letting him go. "I..can't-stop!" he gasped out, continuing his song. "I can see the way, I see the way you look at me and even when you look away I know you think of me. I know you talk about me all the time again and again. And again and again and again,"

"So come over here, and tell me what I wanna hear," his fingers crooked in a "come hither" motion. "Better yet, make your girlfriend disappear. I don't wanna hear you say her name ever again. And again and again and again. Cause she's, like, so whatever, and you can do so much better. I think we should get together now, and that's what everybody's talking about."

He paused, turning on the charm with a softer grin and resting his arm on the railing to lean closer to him. "It's a beautiful night. We're looking for something dumb to do. Hey, baby, I think I wanna marry you. Is it the look in your eyes? Or is it this dancing juice? Who cares, baby, I think I wanna marry you-"

"Jim," Spock said, his expressive eyes so warm that they startled his Captain into momentary ceasing of all song. "T'hy'la. You may stop now,"

And Jim did. He stared and stared at his First Officer, mouth gaping as he felt his mind reject Kodos' hold on him and start to encompass his new master. He shivered, shutting his jaw closed and smiled in awe and joy. "Spock, I-"

"No!" Kodos roared, flying out of his chair and shaking Jim. "I can not lose you!"

Spock growled, this time for real, holo-cuffs straining with a ear-splitting screech. Kodos released Jim and put a hand to his head in distress. "Everything, I have lost everything," he howled with pain, sinking to his knees.

"Captain, I suggest we leave," he said, switching to professional officer in the second it took to stand up and straighten.

"It's not that simple, Spock. If I leave him now, he'll die," he said in that tone that suggested he still carried a touch of fondness towards whoever it was directed. Spock stiffened.

"Then I reiterate my statement. It is nothing less than he deserves after the way he treated you and his history as Kodos the executioner," he said tightly. The crew looked at him in shock. Spock, the peace and life-loving Vulcan? But Jim knew better, turning that fond look on him.

"Now, Spock, he is our captor. Wouldn't it be logical to first demand the keys to remove our chains and our location so we can return to the Enterprise before we condemn him to death?"

Spock quirked his eyebrow. "Forgive me if I seem disinclined to forgive him, Jim, but that is what I meant to imply,"

"Oh, of course," he said softly, faking belief on his emotional-response denial. "Silly me,"

Jim reached down and pulled Kodos up by the collar. "You heard what we said, Kodos. We are perfectly willing to let you die this very moment. But if you cooperate, I could be persuaded to give you leniency. You know how this works," he snarled into his face. The elder man cowered.

"Oh, JT, spare me! I am but an old man with many regrets; most of all, loneliness. It is the burden that you and I shared those nights long ago-"

"Shut up," he snapped, inwardly feeling a pang of that emotion he could never fully suppress. "Pleas will do you no favours,"

"I'm sorry, JT, so sorry," he cried. "You are right to leave me to die, it is no better than I deserve,"

"Where is the damn key?"

Kodos reached into his pocket and proffered up the chip that would fit into the slot for his crew's release of bondage. He snatched it and worked on their bonds. "I'm sorry you all had to go through this," he muttered as he passed through, finishing up.

"Don't be sorry, it wasn't your fault," Uhura said, echos of agreement behind her, landing a fierce glare on the body of Kodos. "What are we going to do with him, sir?"

"If he wants to die, then I'll let him live. So that every day he wakes up, remembering why he is still alive, he knows that reason is to suffer," Jim said, turning his communicator on. "Kirk to Enterprise, party of eight requesting beam up,"

Jim made sure Kodos was safely secured in the Brig before he took his landing party aside into an empty briefing room to sit them all down for the necessary talk. He sighed, rubbing his face. This was a part of his heritage that he had denied for so long, practically forgot about since it never came up after Tarsus IV, when he first learned what he was, and nobody pressed to hard to know what he had been through.

"So, I guess, you guys all know I'm a Singer by now..."

"Da," Chekov spoke up, cheekily to diffuse the tense situation. "But not a wery good vone, sir,"

"Alright, you brat," he said, but he did laugh. "That's not what I meant. Apparently, being birthed in space is one of the external conditions that can turn the gene on in humans, or so I'm told," Bones nodded in the background. "So, basically, I'm hardwired to find a Ringer-someone who knows my Name, which can be anything that I wasn't born with-and comply to their wishes mostly through...entertainment, we'll say. My body chemically accepts this connection so I'm rewarded when I please my Ringer and punished by the firing of my own nerve systems when I disobey.

"Anybody can call me by the same name and it won't affect me because they're not my Ringer, the person who discovered my Name. So I can function normally. I want to make that clear, this in no way impedes my ability to command. If you think there will be a problem, or you are uncomfortable by this fact, speak now," he dared the room but no one so much as blinked. He felt a wave of relief course through him and he finally took a seat, Spock at his right like always.

"Okay, good. I was hoping none of that scared you off. You're the best crew I could ever wish to find. Any other questions?"

Sulu brought one up. "How is it, then, that Spock was able to get you to stop? I thought Ringers were Singers' soul-mates, or something,"

"That's true. Ringers are supposed to be our soul-mates, but I guess the Name he had wasn't my True Name," he grinned like a true sap at Spock, whose affections were returned in the light of his eyes. "When, if a Singer finds a Ringer with his or her True Name, he or she can reverse the connection on the Ringer by separating from them permanently. In psi-null species, this is dangerous, because the mind isn't able to withstand that much pressure all at once. Which is why, if I maintain some contact with Kodos he will live instead of dying like he would have if we left him.

"Are we good?" he asked, tone returning to professionalism. They nodded. "I'd like a word with Spock, if you don't mind. Dismissed,"

McCoy waited until everyone was out. "Jim, I want to see you for an evaluation as soon as you are done. The way Kodos was using you can't have been good on your systems and you don't want that on my conscience if you refuse to come. Don't think I haven't noticed how run down you look," He grinned sheepishly at Bones' warning. "And Mr. Spock, make sure he comes straight to Sick Bay, no funny business. You have no idea the things he'd make up that "got in the way" to prevent seeing me in a professional sense," With a nod of commitment from him, the Doctor took his leave.

Jim turned to Spock, rising from his seat. "I know you wouldn't dare use this against me, Spock, but I don't want you to think that Singers have to preform...well, duties for their Ringers, because that is a myth and I wouldn't want to make you uncomfortable with-"

"Jim," Spock interrupted, shutting the Captain up out of that and the very personal use of his name. "I know that not to be a myth, and even if your attempt at falsehood was passable, I do not think you understand what t'hy'la means,"

"No," he said, shivering. "What does it mean,"

"Friend," he moved his right hand out in front of him from behind his back and curled his pinky. "Brother," his ring-finger followed suit. "Lover," his thumb reached to hold the others down. "Or, perhaps, in even more accurate terms, soul-mate," he caressed his fingers against Jim's, who had unconsciously mimicked the act.

"I know that," he gasped, tingling at the touch. "That's a Vulcan kiss."

Spock parted from their touch and Jim tried not to feel its loss too much. "So you see, Captain, I would very much enjoy partaking in making you...sing," his voice had gone a touch deeper on the word before returning to normal, acting as if he had done nothing out of the ordinary. "I believe the good Doctor has requested your presence, at this moment,"

"Was that a dirty joke?" Jim asked, stuck on that impression, with a smile of shock.

"I do not know the meaning of a "dirty joke". Words are not tangible, therefore not able to be-"

"That was a dirty joke!" Jim exclaimed, smile a full-blown beaming grin. "Wait 'til Bones hears about this-he'll never believe it!" His laughter accompanied him all the way to Sick Bay and a bemused but not-looking-a-gift-horse-in-the-mouth Leonard.

Of course, that was until he found out it was true the hard-no pun intended-way.

"Hey, you're crazy, Spock, but you fuck so good I'm on top of it when I dream I'm doing you all night-scratches all down my back to keep me right-oh, hey Bones," Jim panted, barely seeing his friend over the possessive Vulcan body pinning him down and shielding his nakedness from view. "What-oh, god, yes-what brings you here?"

Truth be told, he didn't remember any more. He just turned on his heel and walked away grumbling about "brain bleach" as the door shut on their sex noises.