A large Shinra transport van with a hastily-drawn Gestahlian Empire crest drawn on the side slowly traveled down the desert road heading to Figaro castle.

"Who builds castles in the middle of desert?" asked a man sitting inside the van. He wore a brightly-coloured military coat. "How is it even possible to live here?"

As though in answer to him, a strange flat creature emerged from the dunes, looking like a ray fish. For a few moments, it studied the van, as though evaluating its chances, then waved its long tail threateningly and went back behind the dunes.

"Perhaps the castle is located on a rich Mako vein", answered the man sitting opposite him without even lifting his head. His hair was very long and completely white, and he held a sword of at least equally impressive length.

There was a dull thud, the car shook slightly, but continued to move.

"What was that?!" the man in the bright coat exclaimed.

"We hit something small and green, General Palazzo", answered the driver. "Nothing impor..."

A sound of broken glass was suddenly heard through the intercom, then some strange, raspy gurgling noises. The van stopped abruptly. A barrage of some small things hit one of the sides, as though a child was playing with a toy machine gun.

"Cactuars!" Palazzo screamed, jumping up from his seat. "King Edgar never told us of any Cactuars! Emperor Gestahl shall surely know about this! I'll report it to him!"

Kicking open the van's back door, Palazzo jumped down on the road.

"Cloud, look what happened to the driver", said the white-haired man nonchalantly as he got up and walked around a bulky mechanical suit that Palazzo called "Magitek Armor". "Zack, come with me."

"Yes, sir!" the young foot soldier in Shinra uniform responded. "Will do, Sephiroth!" said the third man, with a scar on the cheek and an enormous sword on the back. All three followed Palazzo outside.

They saw the general of the Gestahlian Empire in a rather unflattering situation: lifting his legs high, he awkwardly ran from a green cactus-like creature that barely reached the height of his knee. Three or four more Cactuars surrounded the van, obviously intending to avenge the death of their brother who was hit by the car.

With one look, Sephiroth directed Zack and Cloud to go around the right side of van, then turned left to help Palazzo. The latter twisted sharply, whispered something, and the Cactuar that followed him simply vanished.

"Die, you abomination!" Kefka screamed and made a cutting move with his arm. The Cactuar appeared again and fell on the ground limply. Palazzo jumped to the creature, grabbed the morning star from his belt and viciously struck the already-dead body; green liquid splattered all around.

Sephiroth winced, then turned his attention to the nearest living Cactuar. His bright blue eyes flashed as he drew his sword.

"Cloud, status report!" Zack said, blocking a headbutt with the wide blade of his sword.

"The driver was hit pretty bad", Cloud sighed as he leaned out from the car cautiously. "So many needles in his body, probably a thousand of them."

"Does the potion help?"

"He'll probably live, but only if we can quickly get him proper medical help."

Zack turned around and hit the Cactuar with blunt side of his enormous sword; the stunned creature was thrown back several meters. He ran to the driver's cabin and handed Cloud a small satchel.

"SOLDIER reserve stock", he explained. "I can't remember how long it's been since I've last refilled it, but I think there's still an Elixir or two left."

Cloud gripped his machine gun tightly and shot straight through the broken windshield. A Cactuar that got too close to the car gave a strange scream and jumped to the side.

Someone jumped onto the cabin roof; the next moment, the Cactuar was hit by a big ice ball.

They heard Kefka's shrill voice. "How dare you stop a general of the mighty Gestahlian Empire, a Magitek knight, on his way?" After the ice ball, a fire ball flew towards the Cactuar, tearing the desert creature apart.

Sephiroth emerged from the other side of the car, two more dead Cactuars hanging from his belt. The last monster tried to flee, but Zack caught up in two jumps and crushed it with one hit, again using the blunt side of his sword.

Palazzo jumped down from the cabin roof and punched the hood angrily.

"Just look at that!" he fumed. "I've got sand on my boots! Hey, you!" He turned to Cloud suddenly. "Come here and clean them!"

Cloud looked at Kefka, utterly dumbfounded.

"I beg your… pardon, sir?" he asked.

Palazzo sprang on the hood, grabbed Cloud by the collar of his uniform and dragged him outside, completely breaking the remains of the windshield.

"Listen again, and listen closely, boy", Kefka drawled slowly, as though talking to a toddler. "I have got sand on my here boots. Clean them. Now!"

"Private Strife does not serve in the maintenance staff", said Sephiroth in a cold, even voice. Cloud shot him a quick look, half-grateful, half-bewildered. "Also, as a Shinra infantryman, he answers to me, not to you, General Palazzo."

"Then you order him to do that!" Kefka shouted. "What was your name… SOLDIER First Class Sephiroth, wasn't it?"

Sephiroth looked straight at Kefka, then slowly took one of the dead Cactuars from his belt, threw it in the air, and with four quick swings cut off all the creature's limbs and split its body in half. Not a muscle moved on his face. The general shivered a bit.

"I'll let this… small misunderstanding pass, General Palazzo, if you apologize to Private Strife right here and now", Sephiroth continued in the same even voice, putting his sword back on the belt and still looking at Kefka. Kefka reached for his morning star, but then grinned widely, baring his teeth, and shoved Cloud aside. Zack caught him in the last second and helped him to his feet.

"Ah, forgive me graciously, uwee-hee-hee!" Kefka laughed, making a face and pressing his fingers together under his chin. Climbing back into the cabin, he turned to the driver, who lay on the passenger's seat, breathing heavily. "The so-so-progressive Shinra employees refuse to abide by the obsolete customs of our Gestahlian Empire, so my boots will be cleaned by… you!"

Sephiroth and Zack exchanged a look. Zack shook his head in disbelief.

"What are you looking at? Get back to the car. I'll drive", Kefka said, suddenly calmer.

"Is the general going to actually make this guy clean his boots?" Cloud asked as they climbed into the van. The engine started. "He's so weak, he can barely lift his hand!"

"I don't even want to think about it", Zack said.

Sephiroth remained silent.

Kefka's driving was as reckless as his general personality. The van sped forward, weaving and occasionally even jumping. Sephiroth, Zack and Cloud sat, looking at their phones.

Something's wrong with his head, Cloud wrote to Zack.

Genesis is the epitome of sanity compared to him, Zack texted to Sephiroth simultaneously.

Yeah, that's true, he added to Cloud.

His reflexes are as quick as the SOLDIER's, Sephiroth answered. The Gestahlian Empire seems to have discovered a similar process independently of Shinra. Though the mental stability leaves much to be desired - their procedures are far from perfect.

It's interesting why they contacted us. As far as I understand, we're searching for some woman who fled the Empire. Perhaps she's a Magitek Knight too, or whatever they call it, and they don't want to waste a whole army trying to get her back?

It's possible. If this is indeed the case, it's interesting what would the Shinra scientists say about her.

Thanks for standing up for me, sir.

I couldn't do any different. Our whole organization's honour was under threat.

Do you want us… to fail, like with Angeal and Genesis?

I didn't say that. There's even no guarantee that this woman is indeed in the Figaro castle.

How's the driver, I wonder…

If you did give him an Elixir, he'll live. Even if this Palazzo drives this car like that.

In this case, I'm not sure I'd live, myself. I'm already feeling sick.

Look in the window. It might help.

"Figaro is on the horizon." The silent talk was interrupted by Kefka's voice. There were no strange overtones in his voice anymore.

"Roger," Sephiroth said blandly and looked at Zack and Cloud.

We are the honorary guard. If we aren't attacked, we don't take active part in anything.

Yes, sir.

Got it.

The van stopped at the castle gates. It seemed it was seen from a distance, since as soon as Kefka got out of the car, the gates opened, and three guards emerged from them.

"General Kefka! King Edgar is expecting you."

With an imperious gesture, Palazzo showed the others to follow him. Cloud made a face, but after seeing his commanding officers complying, walked slowly behind them.

The guards led them through two sets of wide stairs. Under the sky, at the big doors that led to the throne room, a tall, lean young man in a bright blue suit with mantle waited for them, surrounded by more armed soldiers.

"General Kefka!" King Edgar said brightly. "What brings you, loyal servant of Emperor Gestahl, to my humble castle in person? And with such… illustrious companions?"

Edgar's eyes lingered on Zack and Sephiroth's swords for a moment.

"Sephiroth. SOLDIER, First class", said Sephiroth, correctly understanding Edgar's unspoken question.

"Zack Fair. SOLDIER, First class", added Zack, smiling brightly. "And Cloud Strife, Shinra Peacekeeping Forces."

"Shinra?" Edgar asked thoughtfully. "How interesting. My small domain attracted the attention of the electric company that has half a world connected to its grid!.."

"Out with your pleasantries", Kefka cut him off. "Tell me, your majesty…" continued he in a mocking voice, "are the roads patrolled well in your glorious kingdom? We were attacked by Cactuars on our way here. Cactuars, King Edgar! So close to a human settlement! They injured one of my people, by the way!"

Edgar made a sign to a healer girl.

"That's sad to hear, General", he said. "Where is the wounded?"

"Down in the car", Kefka waved his hand as he fidgeted impatiently. "Let Stroud… or what was his name…"

"Cloud", Zack interjected.

"...show where he is", Kefka pretended not to hear anything. "And now, to the point, King Edgar. A girl of no importance recently escaped from us. We heard she found refuge here.

Cloud, accompanied by the healer and one of the guards, hurried down the stairs. Edgar smiled broadly.

"Oh, this wouldn't have anything to do with this "witch" everyone has been whispering about, would it?" he asked.

"Lies! She… merely stole something of minor value. Is she here?" Kefka answered quickly. Perhaps a tad too quickly.

"You see, there are more girls here", Edgar answered, still smiling, "than grains of sand out here. General, do you seriously think I can keep track of them all?"

"They're both lying", Sephiroth whispered to Zack. "And both know that the other is lying."

"You want me to do that for you?" Palazzo asked calmly, without even a hint of irony. Zack almost snorted.

"I hope that was just a failed attempt to joke?" The smile quickly disappeared from Edgar's face. Now he looked like a real king - assured, slightly arrogant, ready to command his loyal forces at any moment.

"Perhaps it was. That would be a pity if something happens to your precious Figaro, Your Majesty, uwee-hee-hee", Kefka grinned, baring his teeth.

"Do not threaten me, General." Edgar's eyes flashed menacingly.

"I did?" Kefka waved his hand. "Gestahlian Empire never threatens its allies. I'm just… expressing my concern. What if this girl, whose existence you deny, has already secretly infiltrated your castle and is now preparing to steal something from you? Or do something even worse?"

Kefka theatrically threw back his hair, tied in a loose ponytail, turned away from Edgar and stepped towards Sephiroth and Zack.

"Let's go. We've got things to discuss", he said.

"I hope you do understand that this man, who by some strange accident calls himself a king, is lying through his teeth?" Kefka asked as he climbed back into the van with the two SOLDIERs.

"Yes… General Palazzo", Sephiroth said after a pause. "And I also understand that you were lying through your teeth as well."

"And what did you want? For me to tell all the truth before all that throng of people?" Kefka asked mockingly.

"You can tell the truth to us. Without witnesses." Sephiroth turned off the intercom. "Of course, if you want us to play a more active role in this operation."

Kefka pouted, then waved his hand impatiently.

"If that's how you want it… Emperor Gestahl gave me permission to share some secret information on a need-to-know basis. The girl, who is highly likely sheltered by this Figaro, is a Magitek Knight."

Told you! wrote Zack, hiding his phone under a Magitek armor's cannon.

"Besides", Kefka leaned closer and lifted his index finger, "she's extremely dangerous. She hasn't been taught to fully control her powers yet… so she carried a special device on herself. But now, this device has been broken or destroyed, and only gods know what she's capable of without it."

"An adversary of unknown strength and danger. Now I understand why have you contacted the SOLDIER. This is our specialization", said Zack with feigned carelessness.

"If an adversary is there at all", Sephiroth shrugged. "General, your tale is quite plausible… but under such plausible, but ultimately contrived pretexts, wars are usually started.

"Very perceptive of you, SOLDIER First Class Sephiroth", Kefka answered grumpily. "As far as I know, you're the hero of such a war yourself - the Wutai War."

"Let's assume you're right", said Sephiroth in the same calm voice that so infuriated Palazzo. "Still, the only evidence that a runaway Magitek Knight is hiding here is your own words. No intel data, nothing."

"If you aren't inclined to believe my words, I offer you a chance to collect intelligence data yourself", Kefka locked his fingers into a triangle. "I give you full freedom of action… until tomorrow morning. If you fail to procure any data you deem convincing enough, I shall act on my own accord!"

"Agreed", Sephiroth said tersely, and two SOLDIERs climbed outside.

"Ooh, until tomorrow morning", repeated Palazzo and run his hand down the chestplate of a Magitek armor, almost caressing the machine.