Hello there lovely readers. So, I came up with this idea, (different from my magical world) and I had to write it down. Its about a mash up of two song, Daylight by Maroon 5 and Bones by Ginny Blackmore. Hope you like it. Thank you for reading.
Quinn's POV
My couch felt more comfortable than ever, the cushions are well placed under my back, and the blanket that was wrapped loose on my skin created the best comfort for me to sleep. However, my thoughts were running in a nonstop track field, and I can feel myself tired, but I cannot give up.
I sighed and move my gaze towards my flat screen hanging on the wall. My eyes followed the small red speaker icon in the left corner of the screen. My fingers grazed the mute button on the control, but I was not ready, I was not ready to hear her voice, so I did pause the live show that was about to start and threw my head back on the couch.
Thinking about her makes me weak, looking at her beauty makes my skin shiver, and nevertheless, listening to her voice makes my heart melt. My eyes close instantly, trying to focus on something else. Something that can keep me away from thinking about her. Moreover, the live show started and I know her face is going to appear the next second I press play and the paused streaming continued its course.
I don't know why I keep paying attention to the media. I buy every magazine that says something about her, something simple like in a trivia about what she is wearing, whether it is hot or not, or reading an interview about her next single. I have them all; even if what I am going to read will make my heart skip a beat.
I promised myself to stop doing that. Feeling obsessed with the one and only Santana Lopez, Grammy winner Santana Lopez. However, I cannot contain myself. I feel like every time I wander through her Twitter account and the magazines, I am calm, as if she is with me and for a short amount of minutes, I don't miss her.
I can't believe everything started with a simple touch at Schue's non- wedding. Here I am, five years later and I can tell you that it was more than a two-time thing. At first we were second-guessing what was happening between us. College kept us away for a while and after a year, she appeared again in my dorm, and by that time, we had lost count.
We knew how we worked together, keeping our feelings away from our friendship, trying to maintain it from what we think was going to destroy it, by not speaking about how we felt for each other. I knew her, and she knew what we felt, but we never spoke about it.
Life got in our way, and we kept living it like it's meant to be. One day, I received a call from my photography professor and he placed my pictures in the gallery at Yale's. A recognized photographer from New York saw it and he became the one to teach me all the tricks of the trade I know in the present day.
Santana's manager discovered her two weeks after I started practicing with Neil Peterson. Her first single was recorded in a few weeks and in a matter of forty-eight hours, was number one on the local radio. We stopped meeting for two months and before I knew what was happening, another year has passed and our lives started to run with it.
We are living our dreams, and we know it is time for us to be happy, at least that was what I told her when she appeared one day, followed by paparazzi in my new studio near Central Park.
After that, we tried to lose count again. We saw each other every week on Wednesdays. Santana would reserve a hotel room for us to meet and let our frustrations and desires turn into that beautiful thing only we know how to create for each other.
Everything was perfect, until our busy schedules started to interfere with our weekly meetings and responsibilities. After a while we tried to see each other every two weeks. Then our fame and life got in the way again and we ended up meeting once a month.
I remember that room very well. The view of lower Manhattan is plastered through the glass walls of the building. I would receive a call or a text message on Tuesday morning from her manager, letting me know a car would be waiting for me Wednesday at nine so I can go to meet her.
The Tuesday morning calls stopped while she was on tour. When she came back, a tall blonde-haired woman with gray eyes was holding her hand in all the magazines. My heart crumbled into pieces. Not only is the blonde a beauty, she's also a recognized actress and they became the it couple.
We have had a conversation about this before. Her having a girlfriend, being famous and people intruding her privacy. She said that she'll know the right time to give the media something to talk about. After her tour and before she won her Grammy, Santana was in the news and all media supporting gay marriage and equality. I was proud of her, I was, but I couldn't understand why she didn't want to share that life with me.
Santana's manager called over a year, asking me to meet Santana in the same room at the same time. I was angry and devastated, but I relented and met Santana in the same room we have devoured ourselves for the past three years.
Moreover, even though she is cheating on her perfect girlfriend, I accepted to play along. I felt different when she was with me but I was missing her so much that after our big fight, we ended up in bed. In the morning, my body lay on the cold, empty bed.
Six months, I haven't seen her for six months. And I am sure she won't even recognize me. My hair is not long anymore and it's not even blonde. I decided to have a little time for myself. After the New Year's, I gave myself a makeover, from head to toe, including my now red hair. I felt content with myself, and in a weird way, I still am. I wanted to be a new person. Not the same Lucy Quinn Fabray. But those changes lasted only for a while. Beth is still my happiness and I am so proud of her. However, every time Santana's name crosses my way, my world melts and I feel like I'm the old Lucy Quinn Fabray all over again.
I lifted my head and stared again at the pause screen on my wall, looking at the host of the show. Santana is going to be interviewed. I took a deep breath and put my finger on the play button, but at the same time, there was no strength in my finger to do the swift movement.
I was not ready to hear about her fiancée and how amazing their wedding will be in a few days, but I do miss her voice apart from her songs. I need to know what is going to happen. I need to end all the pain that rested in my heart for five years. I need to put an end to this. I need to stop loving Santana Lopez.
Suddenly, my finger pressed the button and the happy face of the host started to move on my screen.
"Good afternoon and thank you all for watching E! Chanel. Tonight we have all access to Grammy winner, Santana Lopez."
As soon that the host said her words, Santana's beautiful face appeared and with her right hand, she waved at the camera. My heart was beating fast, and I didn't notice that the blanket that covered my body was now in-between both of my fists. My knuckles were white and I took a deep breath and fixed my gaze back towards the flat screen.
"Thank you for having me. How are you? Nice to meet you."
Her voice is warm to my ears, her hair is in a ponytail, and she is wearing a tight black dress. I paused the show for a second and my eyes scanned her body. Her left arm was resting on the armrest, and I had to force myself to press play again, before my eyes get lost in her perfect legs.
"I'm excellent, thank you. So, tell us Santana, how are you?"
"Everything is wonderful!, We just got back from tour and even though my team and I are exhausted, we have amazing fans I didn't know I had that many. I swear I'm not that cool."
Santana chuckled and I found myself having trouble breathing, listening to her melodious voice.
"Well, Santana, you just don't have your regular fans that buy your music and attend your concerts, you also have many followers in the lesbian community. How does that make you feel?"
"Oh my." She said laughing. "I would be lying if I don't say that is amazing. I feel protected by them, you know? They have my back and I got theirs we are a team."
"Definitely, the best thing is they approve your fiancée."
My heart beats faster and I roll my eyes.
"Yes, they are that nice. They love Gabrielle as well because of her work. It's incredible, all the feedback we receive. And we are happy to help fight for equality as well."
"Blah, blah, blah. Now you are the perfect couple. Everything is a fairy tale in the media. I know about that, I've been faking having a boyfriend, for six months," I growled at the television. "The same six months you have planned your wedding and I haven't received a call from your manager."
"Speaking of Gabrielle, is everything ready for the wedding? Is there something you can tell us about?"
Santana laughed while nodding her head. "All I can say is that we are having our bachelorette's on Wednesday night and everything will be ready for next Saturday."
"Are you ready for this big step? You have been busy, nonstop for the past five years, is Santana Lopez ready for marriage?"
"Oh, I am. We are and I know our fans are as well."
"Are you going to be okay with all the attention you guys will be receiving after you get married?"
"You know, we came into this world to fulfill our dreams. It has its pros and cons, but if there is something we can't prolong, it's love. So it's time for us to achieve our dreams, get married and be happy."
Tears were rolling down my cheeks and I quickly cleaned them away.
"After the break, Santana will talk about her album and we will show you a few clips of her worldwide tour. Don't go away because Santana will tell us if she'll keep her last name or if she'll become Santana Jenkins. Also, don't miss an exclusive of her wedd-
I stared at the black screen wiping my tears off my face with my shirt's sleeve. How can I be so stupid? How?
My phone rang loudly and I jumped instantly. I looked at the screen and noticed it was my assistant and best friend calling. I slide my thumb on the screen, before clearing my throat and composing myself.
"Good afternoon, Alexis."
"Hey Quinn, I just wanted to check on you."
"Oh, well thanks, I'm okay." I tried to convince her, but she knew me well.
"Are you watching it?" I closed my eyes, muttered and hummed low enough for her to hear at the other side of the line. "Want me to cancel appointments on Saturday morning?" She asked politely.
"No, don't cancel anything. I turned it off. I'm okay. In fact, I need to stay out of media on Saturday. Everything will be okay."
"I know you, this... You know we had this conversation before."
"And you know what my last answer is going to be, Alexis."
She took a deep breath. "Well Quinn, I don't know what to tell you then."
"Thank you for calling. It's been a horrible Monday, we should open on Mondays."
"No, please, nobody likes to work on Mondays." I chuckled. "Don't be one of those bosses."
"We'll see." She laughed. "What do we have for tomorrow?"
"Quinn, tomorrow is the shoot on Fifth Avenue."
"I forgot about that. Are you ready? What time will they be there?"
She yawned. "I'll meet them with Jane at six; you can show up at the office after the make-up is done. At six thirty, we'll be taking everything down there. The magazine needs the morning rush of the city in the picture. Basically everything will start around seven or eight."
"Great! I'll see you there then. I'm going to get something so I can sleep, see you tomorrow, Al."
"Try to rest Quinn, night."
I threw my phone next to me. I noticed I still had the remote in my hand. My finger hovered over the power button and I quickly closed my eyes and pressed the small circle.
The host was laughing and Santana was laughing as well. I let my eyes close, not wanting to look at her. My mind travelled to her smiling face. Instantly, I could see in my mind the way her nose scrunched and how her eyebrows furrow, leaving a beautiful and single dimple on her cheek.
"Why do you have to be so beautiful, Santana?" I was ready to turn my screen off when I found myself tempted to look at her for the last time, but I had to have a little decency, so I let my eyes close, I wasn't ready.
"All of them will be there. It's going to be an amazing bachelor party." She said in-between chuckles.
"Including, best friend and one of the top five best paid photographers in New York City, Quinn Fabray?"
I couldn't let my eyes stay shut anymore, they were talking about me and I had to rewind it a little so I can pay attention to her face when the host asked her that question.
Santana nodded and looked at the host with a smile. She asked the same question and for a second I wish was said differently or never asked. Santana arched her brow and with a smirk, well plastered on her face responded.
"We have busy schedules but I'm sure, if she has time, she'll be there." Santana smiled politely to the host, but I knew well that plastic and fake smile of hers.
I turned off the TV, and threw the remote towards the floor. "But I'm sure if she has time she'll be there." I mocked her voice, wiping a tear that escaped my eyelid. "Yes! Because I am the one that doesn't have any fucking time for you!"
I grabbed a cushion from my back and pulled my face in, screaming like a little kid. I picked up my phone and called Alexis.
"Hey, are you okay?" She quickly said.
"Don't want to be alone. Can, you... Come and stay the night?" I said slowly.
"Sure Quinn, I'll be there in twenty."
I gather my things from the living room and set the bed, took some sleeping pills, a towel and some things for Alexis in the morning.
I walked towards the door and found a tall brunette with her hair in a messy bun, pj's, two cups well placed in a tray and a duffel bag around her shoulder. She smiled warmly at me and I led her in.
"Hot chocolate?" She said placing her duffel bag on the couch. I nodded, thanking her and she sat on the armrest of the couch, taking short sips of her chocolate. "Quinn, I-
"I know what she said. I turned on the TV one more time after I hung up on you. I needed to see her one more time. I wasn't strong Al. Why have I always done these things? I need to visit a doctor, my masochist level is indescribable."
"Quinn, you are in love." She said slowly. I met her eyes and I turned so she couldn't see my tears.
"I wish I wasn't." I whispered and she walked closer to me.
"I know, honey. Now let's go to sleep okay?"
She grabbed the cup from my hands placed it on the table along with hers, and then we walked towards my room. I can't remember when the last time she stayed with me was but I know that on horrible nights, she's always here to ease my loneliness.
"I hate Tuesdays." I said placing my head on her chest while she wraps her arms around my body. "Don't want to work tomorrow."
"Yeah, that's why we always have big events on them. You almost forget that it's a Tuesday." I nodded and she started playing with my short red hair. "Now sleep Quinn, you are not alone. Besides, I need to wake up early tomorrow; my boss will kill me if I explain why I am late. 'You see, what happened was that my best friend had a rough night and-
"I bet that reason will be good enough." I chuckled and poke her side slowly; I was fighting with my sleep, thank God for the pills.
"Good night, Quinn." I moved my head towards her and even though her skin is not tan and I know perfectly who she is, I stared at her. "What?"
"Can you, let your hair down." She smiled at me, and granted my wish, knowing why I asked her that. Her hair falls on top of her chest and I intertwined my fingers in her curls, closing my eyes happily, trying to trick my mind, but not my heart.
"Wake up, breakfast is ready, plus I figured how to use your expensive coffee machine, so there's coffee as well." Alexis giggled while shaking me slowly.
"It's not that hard." I said rubbing the sleep off my eyes. "What time is it?"
"Five o' nine. Now wake up. We have a big day ahead." She stood from next to me and started to leave the room. "Quinn Fabray is shooting the new Vogue spring collection; I need to see that shit."
I laughed and got up from bed and started to get ready for work. After a few minutes, I found her ready in my living room, dressed in her professional clothes and looking beautiful as always.
I grabbed my coffee and sat next to her. "Why don't I love you again?" I asked her and she almost choked on coffee.
"Well, first, because you are in love already. Second, I don't do celebrities. Third, you are my best friend and that will be gross. But thank you for saying I look nice, in that weird way. You look nice as well."
"You're welcome, and yes, for when they take pictures you know the rules." I nudge her and stood up. "Let's go to the office."
"Yes boss, ready to smile for the paparazzi's cameras while we take pictures on Fifth Avenue?"
"I guess. Let's have fun."
"Should I hold your hand? You'll be on the newspaper first thing tomorrow morning. 'Photographer Quinn Fabray is gay! Fabray, 23, was spotted with assistant Alexis, this morning leaving the photographer's apartment holding hands." She said in a reporter's clear voice and I laughed.
"They'll eventually find out that I'm gay, but not with my assistant and best friend."
"Like those things don't happen."
"Sure." I grabbed her hand anyway and she smiled like a dork. We walked to our cars and left my apartment.
I met Alexis again in front of the building where my studio is in front of Central Park. The structure has many offices, one per floor. Mine was the penthouse with a beautiful view of the immense green rectangle of the park in my window.
As soon as we walked into the elevator, I put my key on the button and it started its course in my studio.
We walked in turning on the lights and opening the big black curtain that covered the big wall glass in the right area of the loft.
"Ready for the Tuesday picture?" Alexis walked towards me with a Polaroid insta-camera in her hands. She made this a habit. Every Tuesday, when she knew I was going crazy because of a possible call from Santana's manager, she would take a picture of us and pinned it to the wall. Then she said the same thing. Week after week, and made me feel better when that Tuesday passed and I saw my picture come Wednesday morning.
Al walked towards me and stood next to me with a grin on her face. I rolled my eyes and smile sarcastically.
"Hey, change your face." I smiled and she took the picture. "That's better." She grabbed the small square that slipped out of the camera and placed it behind my desk on the wall, accompanied by many more. Each one representing another week and month without Santana. I smiled at Al and she repeated the same without missing a word. "Tomorrow you'll see that you made it through today."
I hugged her and we stared at the pictures on the wall. Some of them were smiling, some with my head on Al's shoulder, laughing hysterically, and just being silly, showing my red eyes from crying a lot. And then there's my favorite. When Shelby brought Beth on a Tuesday morning. The best Tuesday I ever had was spent with Beth.
"Morning, ladies." Jane walked into the studio knocking on my office crystal door. "The models are here, I am going to start with makeup. I sent the crew to Fifth Avenue already, Quinn."
"Thanks, let's go Al." We all left my office and we started getting ready.
"I think Jane has a crush on you." She whispered taking my camera bags and placing them around her neck. "I see how she looks at me with jealousy. Ask her out."
I looked over my shoulder and she smiled at me. "No dating co-workers."
After a few minutes, we left the building and we were ready to start the shoot. Alexis and the crew left everything ready for me, and when the traffic started, my work started as well.
The three, tall Vogue models walked in the cold weather of February with beautiful and revealing colorful dresses.
"Okay one more time." After a few more takes, the models slipped out of their warm blanket and started posing again. I could see people on the other side of the streets with cameras taking pictures of what I'm doing.
"Your fans are taking pictures while you take pictures." Al said laughing.
I smile not removing my eye from the camera. "I'll take a picture of them as soon as I finish this."
"Lauren, place your hand in Fan's hip." She did as I said and I took the last picture. "Perfect, ladies. Thank you very much."
My crew instantly wrapped them in blankets and the small crowd from across the street started to applaud. I turned towards them with a toothy smile and pointed the lens to their direction, it's a habit.
"Smile!" I yelled and they raised their hands and grinned harder. I took a picture and started walking towards them while the crew packed everything in our truck.
After I greeted them, I removed my phone from my pocket and stared at it. It was eight thirty. "Let's go." Alexis said grabbing my wrist and driving my mind off of what was another Tuesday without the early call.
Alexis entered my office with a cup of Starbucks in her hand and sat next to me. "There you go, boss." She handed me the coffee and I smiled, placing the memory card in my computer to start working on the pictures. "Fabiola sent you an email. She wants the pictures tomorrow morning in her office so she can start picking which one goes in the edition."
"Thank you, ma'am."
After I fixed the light in the pictures and picked the best ones, I placed them in a folder and started to check them one by one.
"You are good at this, Quinn." I smiled and blushed a little. "I love that one." The tall blonde has a hand inside her dress' pocket, while taking off her sunglasses with the other. The line of yellow taxis was behind it and she looks happy.
"She looks hot."
"You are so gay." Al said quickly.
We started laughing and suddenly, my breath was caught in my throat. Alexis and I stopped laughing immediately when my phone started vibrating from inside my purse. We looked at each other when the first ring stopped. We slowly move our heads towards my purse and I was ready to cry.
It can be anybody, Frannie, Mom, Shelby, Fabiola from Vogue, Jane. However, my heart was telling me that if it was for work, they'll call the office and not my personal phone. My mind tried to push these thoughts away by thinking that one of my family was calling. But when I looked back at Alexis' face, my fear grew.
"This is the seventh time it rings." She said slowly. Mom, Frannie or anyone would let the phone go off after that many rings. Except when it's from her.
I move my hand towards the left and grabbed my bag. It was the eleventh ring when I grabbed my phone and saw the contact name. It was Santana's manager, Kevin.
"Are you going to answer, Quinn?" She said when the fifteenth ring echoed louder in the office.
I took a deep breath and accepted the call, not knowing what I was going to say or worse, if she was the one calling from his phone.
"Hello?" Kevin's voice came from the other side of the line and calmed me a little, just a little. "Quinn?"
I was shaking and Alexis placed a hand on my shoulder. "A- h... Yes,"
I cleared my throat and shut my eyes. "Good morning, Kevin, how are you?"
"Wonderful, how are you Quinn?"
"Fine. Thanks."
"I am in a hurry and I am glad you decided to pick up your phone-
"Tell me already, Kevin." I whispered.
"You know why I am calling. Santana wants to meet you. If you agree there will be a car waiting for you tomorrow at nine o'clock, same place." Alexis wiped a tear that rolled down my cheek and I threw myself in the chair. "Quinn, are you there?" Kevin said worried. "Do you agree?"
I shut my eyes and nodded. Al shook my shoulder away and mouthed "talk."
"Yes, Kevin."
"Thank you, Quinn. Bye."
I dropped my phone on my lap and buried my head in the crook Alexis' neck, crying desperately. She moved her hands back and forth on my back and I felt how she was moving her leg to the sides, meaning she was pissed.
I wanted to say no. I wanted to say no.
"Quinn, it's not your fault." She said as if she was reading my mind.
"I can't go. I just can't get in the car, walk into the hotel room and wait for her to appear there."
"Quinn... Just
"No! I can't, Alexis."
"I understand, but, what if she needs to tell you something important?"
I removed my head from her neck and tried to look at her with my puffy eyes. "Yes, Alexis, she'll tell me that she's getting married on Saturday. I fucking know that already." I stood and started walking back and forth in the office.
"I know how much this hurts for you. I've been there every Wednesday morning as well, but can you please try it one last time."
"For what? Explain it to me! What am I going to do after they get married? I will not live like this." I stood in front of the wall with all the pictures of us and grabbed the last one we took and I cut it in half.
"I am sorry to tell you this Quinn, but you have lived like this for the last five years. Go and tell her what you feel, how much you love her." I sat on the couch and buried my hands in my face and kept crying. "Tell her you are not a toy, you are not something that she can call like the fucking famous artist she is and get everything easy for her. Tell her to grow up and if she doesn't want to be with you, then go ahead marrying Gabrielle and leave you alone!"
She took a deep breath and sat next to me. "I am sorry, Quinn, but I've seen you suffering for the past three or four years. I don't want you to suffer anymore. I don't want this for you. For nobody! Go and tell her what you feel, and do it for you."
I stood and pressed a kiss on her forehead. "We need to get the pictures done and send them to Fabiola."
"Quinn, don't shut me out."
"Thank you, but the phone is ringing." She rolled her eyes and left my office to check on the phone. After a few seconds, she came back and reclined her body in the crystal door.
"Be a bitch, whatever, you know I'm right. But have some respect for yourself." I stood abruptly from my chair and in seconds, I was facing her. She raised her head and pulled me in her arms. "Think about it." I nodded and rubbed my eyes. "Now pick up the phone, a seven-year old is on the line."
I chuckled and cleaned my face walking back to my desk. I took a deep breath and picked up the phone.
"Good morning. How can I help you?"
"Um, hello, I was looking for a red-head, she used to be blonde." Beth comforting voice calmed me instantly.
"It depends whose calling, she is busy today, but I'm sure if you tell me your name she will try to schedule something for you." I chuckled and she started giggling.
"My name is Beth and I want to speak with her!"
"Oh, Beth! Young lady, I apologize. I am free for you any time, why didn't you say that before? How are you baby girl?" I was smiling hard and I was glad tears stopped rolling down my cheeks.
"Good!" She laughed. "Am I getting better? Did I sound like a real customer of yours?"
"You are excellent, best customer ever, sweetie."
"Mommy, she said I'm her best customer ever." Beth said to who I assume is Shelby and I smiled.
"We'll let her know when you need your appointment, darling." I heard Shelby's voice next to her.
"Okay Quinn, I need an appointment on Saturday in the afternoon, until Sunday noon." I smiled widely and giggled. This is the best thing that could happen today.
Beth was growing up every day, and she is so smart. She was five when Shelby told her about me, she said she understood, and now, we are friends. That day was crazy, but definitely one of the best days of my life.
"Well, excellent, Ma'am I have an appointment in the morning, so that sounds perfect."
"Okay! Can't wait to see you! Bye!" My heart melted with happiness and she passed the phone to Shelby.
"Sorry Quinn. We're on our way to school and she said she wanted to ask you herself. Were you busy?"
"Hello, don't worry I will always have time." She said that to Beth and I heard her squeal a "yes".
"I need to do something on Saturday for work; can you take care of her for a day?"
"You don't have to ask, tell her I can't wait to see her." I smiled and I heard Beth saying in the background: 'I haven't seen her since last year, Mom. Is February.'
"Well darling, you guys have an appointment now." Shelby said and I laughed. "Saturday is a perfect day right?"
"Oh, yes, Shelby. You saved my life."
"You're welcome. Beth say bye to you Quinn," Beth grabbed the phone, chuckling. "I'll see you on Saturday, can we watch Nemo?"
"Yes, Beth, whatever you like. I love you."
"Love you, Quinn. Bye." Shelby chuckled and grabbed the phone again. "We'll see you on Saturday, Quinn. Take care."
"Thank you, Shelby!"
"No worries, bye."
Alexis entered my office with a smile on her face. "Can we take another picture?" She asked pointing at the wall behind me.
"No." I said smiling.
"Are you going to see her tomorrow? Tomorrow is her bachelorette's party. She said it on TV."
I shrugged and kept looking at the pictures on the computer screen. "Yes, it will be tomorrow, but I really don't know anything about her."
"You are going, right?" I stopped looking at the screen and gave her a quick nod.
"Beth is coming to stay the weekend with me. No matter what happens tomorrow, my daughter will be there on Saturday to make it better." I smiled at her and continued to work on the pictures.
I grip the corner of the sink hard. The expensive gold watch on my left wrist tells me it's eight forty-nine. If anyone from outside could see me now, they'll say that I am ready for one of my gallery nights. Those nights are when my face would hurt from all the smiling. My clothes fit perfectly on my body, the fabric laid on my skin without a wrinkle. I have worked for this, for how I look now. I'm not sure what I am trying to imply or try to show her, nevertheless, I couldn't appear at the penthouse simply dressed.
There is something telling me otherwise. I have a bad feeling about tonight. However, I have this huge tingly sensation in the palm of my hands that I cannot ignore.
I have so many things to say to her, yet I also want to argue and leave the room as soon as I see her face. But again, something was pulling me towards her and I couldn't help myself. At least just for tonight.
My phone beeped and when I opened my purse I saw a text from Kevin that read: The car is waiting.
I took a deep breath and walked towards the elevator. Once outside I notice the big black SUV. A young man pulled out of the driver's seat and opened the door for me. I politely smiled at him.
"Good evening, Miss Fabray. You look beautiful as always."
"Thank you. How's everything Michael?" I said, entering the car. He held the door after answering and in seconds, we started driving towards the hotel. I close my eyes and let my memories fly to the countless times I've been in this same car. I caressed the thick material of the seats, and I couldn't help myself to feel anxious.
I think deep down, I know this time is going to be different. For better or for worse, but different. I knew I needed this. I need closure. For all I know is that when I wake up in the morning my future will be written.
Santana's POV
I look at the perfectly painted double black door in the distance, hesitating if I'm going to get in or not. I have planned this day for months, and until now, everything turned out how I wanted it to be. My acting is flawless and for the media and my fiancée, I'm in my bachelorette's party.
I have to admit that I know how to play my cards in my favor, at least that's what I think. However, I honestly think she wouldn't show up. Michael texted Kevin, letting him know that she was in the car; and I felt myself lucky because there is a possibility that Quinn is behind that wall.
I walked closer to the room. I don't even have to look at the number to know where I need to go. Fortunately, for us, there are just two rooms on the top floor. I waited in front of the door. My black hoodie still covering my head, I place my hand in my jean's pocket to fish out the card key.
I took a step back. What is going on? Why was I holding on? I know what's going to happen. I didn't come here thinking it's going to be another one-night stand. I came here to see her one more time and I have a feeling that it's going to be the last.
I knew this day would come, but for some reason it seems unreal. Time flew in front of my eyes and I did not have time to appreciate what was happening.
I move closer and slide the card on the modern lock. The red light on top of the gold lock turned green and I placed my left hand on the doorknob and stopped for a second without opening the door. I held my hand in front of my eyes and saw my engagement ring. I took a deep breath, removed the silver band from my finger, placed it in my hoodie pocket, and zipped it securely.
I slowly opened the door, looked into the small living room at the corner of the room, and noticed it was empty. My heart started to beat faster as if it wanted to run. She could have just gotten into the car, but that doesn't mean she's here, inside this room. My eyes scanned the large space quickly until I found her figure in the balcony and started to pace slowly towards her. She was ten feet away from me; my heart wanted to bust out of my chest already. I moved my head to the left side of her body and saw that her left hand was slyly resting on top of the stone railing.
My legs can't register the movement and my hands are sweating cold. I stare at her for a moment and was amazed by how close she was to me. My eyes traced her back slowly, stopping to appreciate her posture and figure. She has red pumps, with a tight, black skirt wrapped around her upper waist, falling above her knees. A white, long-sleeved blouse covered her torso and her chestnut hair was resting on her shoulders in curls. I've never seen her so grown up. So sure of what she is, and my stomach jumped a little.
Quinn stretches her right arm, and I noticed her fingers were wrapped around a small glass that probably has an inch of whiskey inside. She drank a little from it and started to play with it, moving her wrist in perfect circles.
I know it is cold outside, yet she looks fine standing there without a coat or a scarf. As if she was waiting and nothing else mattered. Quinn left the door ajar and I started to walk towards the glass and put my fingers on the edge intending to slide it open. Instead, I let my fingers rest on the cold material. I took a deep breath and slid the door open.
She moved her head slowly to the right, not passing her shoulders and drank the rest of the contents of the glass. Quinn slyly placed the empty cup on the railing and held her hands together. I have to tighten my knees because I can't walk towards her.
A few seconds passed and I found myself approaching her slim figure and I forced myself to stop right behind her back, because my arms were ready to embrace her. A slow breeze danced through her hair and her scent was all over me. I had to shut my eyes because it's been so fucking long since I enjoyed the way she smells.
My mind tricked me for a second. I could still smell her perfect blonde hair. I opened my eyes slowly and found her chestnut hair moving freely with the cold wind. Her calming scent filled my nostrils and brought back so many memories, so many simple moments with my best friend. This is still her. Same Quinn. My Quinn.
I didn't know what to do or what to say, so I took a step back and stood next to her. My face was down and I could feel how just by standing next to her my body started to feel warm and serene.
"Are you cold?" I whispered. My eyes traveled her side and I fixed my eyes on her face. She looked at the sky, to the railing, to her hands and when she turned her eyes towards my face, I wasn't strong enough to keep eye contact.
"Is that the first thing you're going to say?" Her voice was low and she grabbed the empty glass from the railing in her hands, turned slowly and walked inside.
When the door closed, I led out a breath I didn't know I was holding and brushed my hand on my hair. What was I thinking? I closed my fist and bumped the railing slightly. I need a cigarette so bad now. When I turned, I saw her standing in front of the door looking at me with the glass filled again with the same substance and her left wrist resting on her right elbow.
I looked at the floor and entered the warm room. I removed my hoodie and walked closer to her. She lifts her gaze and as soon as our eyes meet, my chest jumped, sending butterflies straight to my stomach.
"Can we start all over again?" I said slowly and she arched her brow. "How are you?" I said quickly and she rolled her eyes at me and turned around. I quickly grabbed her wrist and she stopped abruptly. I spun her around, pulled her close to me, and wrapped my arm around her waist.
Quinn drank the rest of the whiskey and placed it on a table next to us. I thought she was going to push something or me but after she placed her cup, and stood still.
I caressed her lower back and her arms were instantly around my back as well. "How are you, Quinn?"
She looked at the ceiling and smiled sheepishly. "Good, I think." Our faces were mere inches apart, she smiled warmly at me and I pulled her closer. "You don't smell like cigarettes." She said looking at my lips and then back at my eyes.
"I quit." I simply said and she took a deep breath and nodded proudly. "You look so different."
She smiled and turned her head to the right. "You don't like my hair?" It came out as a whisper and she blushed shyly.
I cupped her chin and made her look into my eyes. "I love your hair."
She pushed me slowly and I let her go. "Please don't talk about what you love." Her voice was raspy and it hurt my heart a little.
"Quinn, I didn't
She turned around taking a deep breath, and afterward, Quinn was in front of me again. She placed her hands on my neck. Her thumbs caressed my cheeks and I closed my eyes when her lips met my cheek. She nuzzled my hair and I pulled her close to me, resting my face on her neck, after a few seconds, I ran the tip of my nose over her soft skin, inhaling softly and her scent eased my nervousness slowly.
She pushed her body back and grabbed my left hand in her hands. She pulled it close to her face and noticed that I don't have my engagement band on my finger.
I removed my hand from hers, she started to walk towards the door, and I followed her quickly. "Don't go, please." I said and she grabbed the doorknob.
"Why Santana? Tell me why shouldn't I leave."
"Quinn, we have time to talk, I
"Oh, so now you have time to talk." She turned furiously and my heart started to beat faster again. "When did you realize that? Before or after you took off your engagement ring? Here I am again. 'Serving You As Your Mistress', a novel by Quinn Fabray. What a lovely label, Santana."
I ran my hand through my hair and she walked closer to me. "You know that is not what I think you are."
"Well then explain it to me Santana because I assure you that I'm lost!"
"I missed you." I whispered and she scoffs loudly.
"It took you six months to miss me this bad?"
"No, I- I always think of you, Quinn."
"Enough with the lies, Santana." She breathed. "Just tell me, for the first time, tell me what you want to do with me." Her voice breaking with every word escaped her lips.
"I've been busy, Quinn. And with the tour and everything. It's been a little complicated
"A tweet is complicated to write? Or a simple call to your best friend?"
"This is the main reason about all of this, Quinn." I sat on the couch and she walked towards the big glass and stared at the buildings. "When we started this
"This." She laughed.
"Just let me talk, Quinn." She nodded and I buried my hands in my face. "Everything feels different with you, Quinn. First, I thought it was going to be a two-time thing, I thought this was going to be easy for us. Then all of this happened, fame and shit." I threw myself back in the couch and sighed. "We took different roads, Quinn, and I got scared, I didn't want to lose our friendship."
"Well, can you explain what friendship we have right now, Santana?" She turned towards me with tears in her eyes. "Because we are no longer friends. We cannot have a regular conversation or joke like how we used to. We have a lot to say, and we keep our mouths shut. Pushing everything away and I just can't do this anymore." She sat next to me and wiped the tears off her face.
We just sat there, without saying anything and I swear I've never heard silence so loud in my life. Deep breaths weren't enough anymore, my heart was about to bust out of my chest and I had to break the silence.
"This is why I'm here today. I don't want to see you like this anymore. And believe it or not, this breaks my heart." It was time for me to wipe a tear that escaped my eye. "I know I am a selfish bitch but at the same time I cannot do this to you anymore. You deserve better, Quinn."
"You're damn right, Santana." Her voice was like a hoarse whisper and she moved to the edge of the couch. I looked at her face and she wiped a tear away from my eyes. "But at the same time, I cannot stay away from you." Hearing her say these things makes my heart melt. "I buy every magazine, Santana, watch every show you appear in. I stalk your Twitter every day. I just can't live without you, San and it's been horrible."
I pulled her close to me and she rested her head on my shoulder while I wrapped my arms around her slim body. She rested her hand on my stomach and I kissed her temple.
"I stalk you pretty much as well. I have a room in my house full of the pictures you took. I know when you are going to travel to take pictures out-of-town. Yesterday morning I was on Fifth Avenue when you were shooting the spring collection of Vogue." I could feel her smiling on my chest and I continued speaking. "I try to always be in touch with what are you doing. I've known you my whole life, Q, I can't push you away, and I can't do that now."
"Do you love her?" She whispered. "Do you love Gabrielle?"
"I love her, but I am not in love with her." I entwine my fingers in her chestnut hair.
"Why are you marrying her on Saturday then, Santana?"
"Because now with all the media I think I have no other choice."
She raised her head and pressed a kiss on my neck. "I want you, Santana. I'm not trying to play the victim here and I don't even want to fight head to head with you. I just know you're not happy. I know when you're happy, I know how you smile when you're happy and I haven't seen that in a while. Not even in magazines or in the TV."
"I'm not happy. Quinn."
"I'm not asking much, Santana. I don't want you to take me out on a date, I don't want to appear in all the magazines holding your hand, I don't want to explain to the media how our wedding would be. I don't need your last name, or a white picket fence, all I ever wanted is to keep your damn arms around me like this and just stay with me."
I closed my eyes and ran my fingers over her back smoothly. Tears rolled down my cheeks and she noticed how my breathing started to change. She knew I wasn't going to speak. She knows I'm a coward when feelings are in the way. So she pressed a kiss on my chin and broke the thick silence.
"I do want you to say something though. I want you to say I'm the prettiest girl your eyes have ever seen. I want you to say that I'm the best thing your heart had ever known; tell me you want to make this better in between us. At the end, it's not complicated, Santana. I just want to feel your arms around me. I wish that you can see who I really am. I can give you everything you need, and you don't have to fake anything with me."
I was sobbing now and she rested her head down my chest to listen to my heart. "I know what you feel for me San, I know even though you never told me before, even if I'm dying to hear those three words, I know you all too well. I know you better than any actress, or any of your staff. I am real San and I want you."
"Quinn, I don't know what to do. All I know is that I don't want you to leave you in the morning. I don't want to keep meeting you every month in a hotel room. I want you next to me, twenty-four seven. I want to be the one that holds your hand and not that douche you're dating."
She chuckled and caressed my cheek. "He is just something to give the press something to talk about." She cleared her throat. "I hate Gabrielle, you know? I can't stand that other woman is touching you."
"Sorry." She lifted her head and stared at me. Her perfect hazel eyes became red from all the crying and yet remained so beautiful. I moved closer to her lips and I was waiting for any movement, any signal that I can close the distance. She licked her lips and goosebumps covered my tan skin. "I can say many more things to you if you want. I am tired of this. You are the prettiest girl my eyes have ever seen. Your heart is pure and flawless and I'm sorry for making you go through all of this." Tears rolled down her cheeks and my thumb collected them in seconds. "In fact, Quinn, I want you to know that you are the only girl in my heart."
She licked her lips again and her scent was driving me crazy. "Do you really mean it, San?"
I ran my fingertips through her neck and moved closer to her lips. "Can you forgive me? I know I've never said this before, but I just want to let you know that no matter what happens after this night, I need you to know that I'll try to fix this." I whispered calmly.
Quinn furrowed her brows and looked down. "Why now, Santana? Why now?"
"You deserve the right to know, Q."
"What do you mean?"
"I love you." I whispered. She shook her head and pushed me away from her but I kept her firmly in place. "Not like that, I am in love with you. I always have. And maybe this won't change much but me
My mind went blank when she pressed her lips with mine and I moaned instantly. Six months, more than a hundred and fifty days without her and here I am moaning like a fourteen year old. My lips grazed hers slowly, my hands were placed on her curls, and she hummed something on my lips.
I savored her lips. Taking time to nip and suck them in perfect rhythm. She moved her head to give me more access to her delicious lips. Quinn's hands were placed on my neck; she moved them to my shoulders while she sucks on my bottom lip.
"Get up." I murmured on her lips and she quickly stood and with a swift movement, she removed her heels and placed them on the couch. I did the same and grabbed her hands, pulling her closer to me.
I smiled and lifted my head to meet her lips. I tangled my hands around her neck and she placed her head down so our lips could meet.
"I missed you, San." She said after kissing my lips deeply.
"I missed you too, babe," I said moaning lowly. She kissed my chin and moved her lips towards my ear. "I missed your voice, how you smell." She moved my face forcefully and bit my lip in a swift movement. "I- missed your eyes."
Without breaking the kiss, I walked her towards the bed and she turned to me, pushing me to the soft mattress.
She placed her hand on her back and unzipped her skirt slowly and smiled at me. I quickly removed my shirt and jeans. She stopped for a second to look at my body. I beckoned my finger towards her and she straddled my hips.
I let my hands fall on her perfect skin. I pressed a searing kiss on her lips and I started to lift her blouse over her body.
Her warm body was pressed to mine instantly and I turned us around so I was on top of her.
I licked down her neck and stared at her beautiful face for a second. Her hair was spread across the white sheets and her hands were on top of her head. She was panting, and I pushed my body down to kiss her jaw. She removed my bra and kissed my chest.
"You are so fucking beautiful." I said against her ear and she scratched my back stopping on the hem of my underwear.
"Take it off, now." I stood and removed my underwear while she removed hers.
Straightaway, I was reminiscing about all of this. Having her nude body so close to me makes my heart feel something I've never felt with anyone before.
I slid her legs open and our centers met, making us both shiver at the contact. I pressed my hands next to her neck and started to grind her body slowly.
She moaned loudly this time and I had to kiss her lips to ease the throbbing on my stomach, but it didn't work, my stomach was burning. Quinn's whimpers were beautiful and my eyes were looking everywhere on her face. From how she furrows her brows, how she leave her lips parted, how the veins on her neck were visible, the sexy way she tries to control her moans, how she moved her head and down looking for air, how her teeth nibble her bottom lip and I had to pick up the pace when my slow movements weren't enough.
I was moving a little faster now. Circling my hips and hitting that spot she loves. We know each other's and it's amazing how well we know our bodies. I placed her leg on my back and led my elbow fall next to her neck. I kissed her slow and fast, taking time to switch the speed while moving my tongue along with her.
"I love you, Q." I mumbled again her lips and she pushed my face away a little so she can see my eyes.
"Say it again." I stopped moving and smiled at her. She frowned and slid her hand on the back of my neck. "Did I tell you to stop moving?" I chuckled and she pecked my lips several times while I maintained the pace. "I'm waiting, Lopez." She growled and I started to move a little faster.
She moaned and tangled her fingers in my black locks. "I love you."
"I love you too." She said wrapping her arms around my neck. She moved her hips and placed her other leg on my back and I had to smile because she does this when she's almost there.
I knew what was going to happen next and I know how she likes to control her movements when she is about to come. So I whirled us around and she slid her hand from my ass to my knee and started to move faster.
My moans echoed in the room and she grabbed one of my breasts and kissed it slowly. Nibbling and sucking on my hard nipple.
I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't keep up with her pace and her thrusts were slowing down, so I placed my hands around her back and pushed her down. Her hair was falling on top of my face and her eyes were shut.
I cupped her face, pushing her hair back and kissed her deeply, while our bodies jumped in electricity and pleasure at the same time. My body was tense and she was panting. Her chest was up and down while my hands kept her in place. I kept moving my hips slowly now and then.
"Oh, fuck!" She breathed on my neck while I caressed her back. "Every time feels better." She gushed in my neck and I smiled.
"That's what makes years of flawless sex." I said, tracing my fingertips on her back.
I moved my hips and she growled at the sudden contact. "Don't do that! Unless you want round two, I'm still sensitive."
"I do want round two and three, babe."
"Okay, now it's your turn. Work on me, San."
"As you wish."
I slid down the bed and looked for my hoodie in the living room. I grabbed my phone and walked back near the bed.
I have eleven missed calls and three unread text messages from Gabrielle, and one from Kevin. I unlocked the phone and read them.
-I am so very drunk right now Tanny!
-My bachelor party is better than yours is
-I'm at Lena's, see you tomorrow ILY
-Santana, you're staying at Puck's. The pictures we took earlier are now in the media. Everything is perfect.
I pressed the button and turned it off. It was four fifteen in the morning and we were exhausted and I couldn't be happier with Quinn.
I walked back to the warm bed and rest my body slowly next to her. My body weight was on my left elbow, as I admire her beauty. Quinn was sleeping on her front; the white bed sheets were covering her waist. Her bare back was visible; her left arm was stretched next to her while her right was on top of the pillow.
My leg caressed hers and she didn't move. I decided to cover up her back but I stopped for a second and closed my eyes. My fingers rolled up her spine all the way to her neck. I stopped there and move her beautiful red locks from around her silky neck. I felt like gravity pulled me closer to her, and instantly, I was enjoying her scent.
My fingers traced her left shoulder and down her mellow flesh. I chuckled when I noticed she still has her watch on her wrist. I slowly took it off and placed it on my own. I kissed the small lines around her wrist the watch occasioned and she stirred slowly.
"What time is it?" She yawned and turned around pulling the bed sheets to cover her skin.
"Four thirty." I said opening my arms. She wrapped her arms around me and I gave her a chaste kiss on her lips.
"Are you leaving now?" She whispered.
"I- not yet." I managed to say and she kissed my neck.
"Have you slept?"
"No, I'm fine. Plus I need to look horrible in the morning. Just for when the press takes pictures while I get home."
"Right, your bachelor's party. How was it? Fun?" She giggled and I didn't find it funny, not at all.
I took a deep breath and she intertwined her fingers in my hair. She always does this, and I knew this helps her to sleep. Like her scent is the best thing for me to sleep.
"Are the rumors true?" I said rubbing my fingers on her back.
"What rumors, my love?" She said and I held her tight.
"That you are planning to get a tattoo?"
"Not yet." She said yawning.
"Go on and sleep, Q."
"I don't want to wake up alone. I've been waking up alone for a long time." Her words tear my heart and I kissed her lips.
"I've missed your lips." I said trying to change the subject and she smiled softly.
"I know... you need to be punished about this, S." Her yawns were more prominent and I noticed her breathing changed.
"What kind of punishment would you like?" I teased her and she smiled.
"A kiss." I kissed her one more time and afterwards, she fell asleep.
I took a deep breath and I looked back at the clock. Quinn's tight grip loosens and she slowly breaths now. I kissed her forehead and held her closer.
All I want is in here, wrapped in my arms. Why don't I make things easy? Why does life have to be so complicated? I moved my head slightly to her face and I found myself lost in her perfection, and I had to stare again because she looks so beautiful in my arms. I know this is our last night. I don't know what is going to happen. But If I get married, she will not meet me again, and I wouldn't blame her.
I was fighting sleep. My body is tired and so comfortable around her that it's hard for me not to fall asleep. However, I cannot sleep, because in the daylight I will have to go.
I know there are only a few minutes left for the sun to come and make its appearance. I just need to keep holding her close like she told me. I turned towards the window and saw the sky. The dark was fading slowly and the colors are beautiful. I have to admit, I never hated them so much in my life than in this moment.
The stars are fading away and what everyone calls night, was escaping slowly from me. I wish somebody would slow it down so I can stop the time and not let this night be just a memory. A tear rolled down my eye and it fell on the pillow.
I was in love with Quinn. There was no doubt anymore. This makes it too hard for me to leave. How did I leave her the first time? This looks surreal.
I stretched my arm and texted Kevin a simple message.
-I am in love with her.
I turned my phone off again and stared at the ceiling. Maybe he knew. But he also knew that I didn't talk about my feelings, and I was hoping to get the real meaning behind those words. She's all I want. I held her close one more time until I couldn't fight with my sleep any longer.
She pressed light kisses on my face and I smiled.
"Good morning, you freak." I said and she giggled.
"Why am I a freak?"
"You were watching me sleeping!"
She smiled. "No! Okay! Whatever." I kissed her lips and she hugged me. "You're still here." She whispered. "Thank you."
I turned and looked at the clock. It was ten forty and the daylight was standing in our room. I don't want to pick up my phone to see all the missed calls from Kevin or .
"I meant what I said last night, Q." I poke her nose and she simply smiled. "Don't know what is going to happen, or how is going to happen, but my feelings for you are real." She hugged me tight. "However, I want to hold your hand in the magazines, I want to have your last name, and I want to get the whitest picket fence ever. I want all of that with you."
"I love you." She said and I kissed her softly.
"I love you more, Lucy!" She giggled and I closed my eyes, remembering everything one more time.
"I will never get tired of that. You can say it any time."
"Okay." I took a deep breath and her smile faded from her face.
"Thank you for staying for a while. By this time I'm usually alone."
"It's okay, babe."
I kissed her forehead and rolled down from the bed. I got dressed quickly and turned my phone on. It buzzed like a million times and I sent a quick text to Kevin letting him know I'm ready to leave. My phone buzzed again and I turned it off.
"Is he downstairs?" She asked, seated on the bed with the sheets covering her torso.
"Um-hum."
"Thank you." She whispered and I walked towards her, fully dressed.
"I'll see you soon."
"Don't make promises you can't keep, S."
"This time will be different."
"How different, Santana?"
I kissed her deeply and she moaned slowly in my lips. I brought her bottom lip towards my teeth and she smiled.
"I love you." I whispered on her lips and she caressed my cheeks. She pecked my lips and I forced myself free, removing my cold body from her warmth.
"Don't marry her, Santana." I kept my eyes on the floor as I walked towards the door. I touched her gold watch on my wrist and looked back at her.
"I will return this to you, Quinn." She grabbed her wrist noticing the missing object. "And when I do, I am not leaving as soon the daylight covers your apartment."
Well this is what happens when Alex is feeling meh. A sad Quinntana story! However, I have to admit that I loved writing this.
Thank you, now the big question... Would you like this to be a two chapter? Three? Four? This was going to be longer, but 11K was enough, for now. Just let me know if you would like more of this. For the readers of DYL, I have the first chapter of the sequel ( Ruthless Love ) written already. Just going to wait for my beta. Thanks, A. :3 Drop me a review and let me know what you think. Love, Alex.