Modest. Devoted. Obsessed. Subservient. The outward qualities of Miketsukami Soushi. What most people only saw, from his determined modesty of his own actions, his devotion to his master, his obsession with his master, and his slightly wayward subservience to his master. His master. His master. His entirely, and no one else's.
I suppose I should introduce myself. Normally, I would not bother, but it is required. Hmph. My name is Shirakiin Ririchiyo. Nice to meet you. I would usually not bother with that, either, but . . . Miketsukami has changed me. For the better, I surmise, though I was perfectly fine before he came along. And let me say this before people misunderstand the purpose of my writing this: I only wished to practice my handwriting. Nothing more. This topic was simply convenient.
Even as I write this, the skies pour their sorrows onto the roof of Ayakashi Kan. As if the skies themselves mourn Miketsukami. You think that's a tear? Of course it isn't. I merely dripped water there. And there. And there.
Naturally, nobody saw the other sides of Miketsukami that I did. The sides of him that held so much pain from his childhood. The part of him that so desperately wanted children, a family, someone to love him. I saw everything. Everything, and yet, not enough. I always wanted more. Always.
The water isn't tears. Now I write this under a tree, and the rain drips down from the leaves. But after what Miketsukami suffered, a little fall of rain can hardly hurt me now.
He suffered so. In his last moments, he was so brave. So noble, for my sake. I never gave as much as I took. As much as I hate to admit it, perhaps I did rely on him more than I thought I did. So when I woke and couldn't reach him, of course I had to go to him. I had to atone for my behavior. Maybe this is my punishment for pushing everyone away all my life. I didn't give him all I could. And now I can't give him anything at all. I thought I'd have regrets in my life, but I didn't think they would be anything like this. I am the worst. He loved me wholeheartedly, and I couldn't give him all of myself. What kind of person does that make me? Super sadist? Or just a messed up masochist?
How can I keep living? Act like nothing happened? Not that it would be a problem with my bad habit, but I am not that cruel. I simply haven't gone outside my room for days until now. Miketsukami would tell me to eat. No, he would try to feed me. Hmph. As if I need feeding.
However, there is no point in wondering what he would do. He's gone. He's gone and I have no one to protect me from anything. Not even myself. The reason I came to Ayakashi Kan was to be alone, but I never knew isolation was so . . . empty. I guess . . . Miketsukami really was an important person to me. I guess I'd been more lonely than I thought. I guess a part of me really had been damaged from childhood.
Goodbye, Miketsukami. I have not properly mourned you, or properly said goodbye, but we will be reborn, and I will stay by your side. We'll meet again, no matter what it takes. Next time, I won't let you die protecting me. Next time I'll give you something. I'll give you me.
I love you, Soushi.
A/N: Did you get the Les Mis reference? And sorry for not posting anything lately, I literally forgot. That's so sad. Please review! And I can't wait for the next update of Youko x Boku SS!