authors note - this story my ideal series finale for south park if the series had ended after season 2 so as a result it may contradict established facts in later episodes after season 2 and the movie which also came after season 2. also this is my first story so i apologize if its not any good of if there any grammar errors also this fanfic is written as if it were a script for and episode of the show
(cartman Kyle Stan and Kenny at the bus stop)
cartman - i'm bored you guys
stan - me too
kyle - same here
kenny - (muffled speech)
cartman - theres a slayer concert this afternoon that sounds totally kick ass kenny
stan - well i guess theres nothing better to do
(at the concert slayer playing angel of death)
cartman- this song kicks ass way better than that stupid hippie crap
(kenny crowdsurfing on top of the moshpit)
stan - wooo... you go kenny
kyle - yeah rock on kenny
(kenny falls into the moshpit and gets crushed to death)
stan - oh whats the point of even saying that anymore
kyle - you're right he'll probably come back to life tommorow like usual
stan - lets just enjoy the rest of the concert for now
kyle you're right stan
( 1 month later)
(cartman Kyle and Stan at the bus stop)
stan - you know what kyle
kyle - yes stan
stan - i can't stop thinking about kenny cuz usually when he dies he comes back to life the next day but i haven't seen him since we went to the slayer concert last month
kyle - yeah man i was thinking the exact same thing as you
cartman - come on you guys get over it kenny hasn't been here for a month so he's probably never gonna come back
kyle - shut up fatass
cartman - don't fuckin call me fat you smelly greedy jew
kyle - hey just because i'm a jew doesn't mean i'm smelly and greedy
cartman - everyone knows that jews are smelly and greedy and evil
kyle - no they don't
stan - come on you guys just chill out
( at the school cafeteria)
chef - hello children
cartman kyle and stan - hi chef
chef - how's it been goin
stan - well kyle and i haven't been able to stop thinking about kenny he's been gone for a month
chef - i'd been wonderin' what happened to him
cartman - are you going to show them how to get over it
kyle - cartman
cartman - kike
kyle - don't call me that
chef - children children just settle down
kyle - but what's really weird about kenny is that he's died multiple times in the past but usually he comes back to life the next day but this time he hasn't come back to life
(stan and kyle go on to describe to chef all of kenny's previous death's to chef )
chef- was there anything you noticed that was different from his previous death's
kyle - come think think about it usually when kenny dies we say
stan - oh my god they killed kenny
kyle - you bastards
stan - but we didn't say it last time he died because we got so use to it happening but i don't see how that has anything to do with it
chef - well i guess cartman's right children there seems to be nothing i can do to help
cartman - ha see i told you guys kenny was never coming back
kyle - all right fine you win
cartman - so does that mean i get all your jew gold
kyle - i don't have any gold
cartman - all jews say that
stan - this is third time you guys have argued about this just stop arguing and chill out
( the next day)
(cartman Kyle Stan and Kenny at the bus stop)
cartman - hey kenny you're back
kyle - ha you were wrong cartman
cartman - but you admitted i was right yesterday so you were wrong to
stan - chill out you guys
kyle - stan didn't we say oh my god they killed kenny you bastards yesterday
stan - yeah we did hey are you thinking
kyle - yeah why dont we kill kenny then say oh my god they killed kenny you bastards a certain number of day later then see if he comes back to life the day after
stan - we'll start tommorow
( the next day)
(stan and kyle shoot kenny)
( 8 days later )
stan - oh my god they killed kenny
kyle - you bastards
(the next day)
stan - kenny's back
(stan and kyle shoot kenny)
( 3 days later )
stan - oh my god they killed kenny
kyle - you bastards
(the next day)
stan - kenny's back
(stan and kyle shoot kenny)
( 5 days later )
stan - oh my god they killed kenny
kyle - you bastards
(the next day)
stan - kenny's back
(stan and kyle shoot kenny)
( 10 days later )
stan - oh my god they killed kenny
kyle - you bastards
(the next day)
stan - kenny's back
(stan and kyle shoot kenny)
( 2 days later )
stan - oh my god they killed kenny
kyle - you bastards
(the next day)
stan - kenny's back
kyle - i think we can safely prove that saying oh my god they killed kenny you bastards does bring kenny back to life
stan - yeah but why
cartman - we can see that doctor that figured out my mom's a hermaphrodite
( the boys go to the south park genetic engineering ranch)
dr alphonse - hello children do you like my new 65356 assed spider
stan - ahhh... i guess it's cool kind sorta but we've been intrigued by our friend kenny for the past few weeks and eventually we discovered that whenever he dies saying oh my god they killed kenny you bastards brings him back to life the next day
kyle here let us show you
(stan and kyle shoot kenny)
stan - oh my god they killed kenny
kyle - you bastards
stan - we'll come back tommorow with kenny
dr alphonse - ok children bye
( the next day)
dr alphonse - well children you're back and your friend did come back to life but i'm not sure if we can figure out why i'll get a sample of kenny's blood to see if that can proove anything
( 1 hour later )
stan - so what did you discover
dr alphonse - well i discovered that kenny has a very rare disease called reaperbreath
cartman - sounds cool
dr alphonse - no it's not cool reaperbreath is when whenever someone breathes out their breath can kill you instantly which must be the reason why he's always covers his mouth and nose wearing that orange parka
stan - i don't think we've ever seen kenny's face or heard his voice without his mouth covered
dr alphonse - so for all we know hearing kenny's voice uncovered may give us a clue
kyle - but we can understand kenny anyway so how much difference does that make
dr alphonse - well even if it doesn't i've been working on a cure for reaperbreath for the past few weeks in addition to working on my 65356 assed spider. i haven't tried it out so this gives me an excuse to do so
stan - ok
dr alphonse - so children you'll need to wait outside for a little while otherwise you might get killed by the reaperbreath but you can look through the window to see if i'm dead or not
( after dr alphonse gives kenny the possible cure)
dr alphonse - now i have to uncover his face
( uncovers kenny's face )
dr alphonse - now for the moment of truth will i die
kenny - hey you cured my reaperbreath it feels nice to not have wear that thing anymore. hey can see my friends i have to tell them something
dr alphonse - the experement worked kenny wants to see you
kenny - hey guys
stan kyle and cartman - oh my god we can see kenny's face
stan - why didn't you tell us you had reaperbreath
kenny - i've been trying to tell you guys for years but because i have to cover my face ever since i was born my voice has always been muffled and people have always misinterpreted what i've said
kyle - so why does stan a i saying oh my god they killed kenny you bastards bring you back to life
kenny - whenever i die i go to heaven and whenever you someone says oh my god they killed said person or said group you bastards thats the magic code word that brings them back to earth but it takes a day for that for that message to reach heaven
stan - so what's what's heaven like
kenny- it's totally awesome in heaven you can have anything you want
cartman - but what about hell
kenny - hell is the same thing except that all the bad people go to hell and all the good people go to heaven
stan - but wouldn't it get boring after a while
kenny - in heaven or hell you never get bored
cartman - heaven and hell sound totally cool and i want to go there and you better not be making this up
stan - why don't we try the same experiment we tried on kenny on the the entire town
kenny - why don't we go home first then i'll call up the mayor thank you dr alphonse
dr alphonse - thats all right
(kenny calls up the mayor)
mayor mcdaniels - hello this is mayor mcdaniels who is this
kenny- i have a scientific experiment i want to perform on the entire town
mayor mcdaniels - i like the sound of that that'll give us more attention so what's your idea
kenny - to prove that the afterlife is real
mayor mcdaniels - well how the hell are you supposed to proove that
(kenny goes on to describe to chef all of his previous death's to mayor mcdaniels as well as all of his experiences in heaven and how saying oh my god they killed said person or said group you bastards is the magic code word that brings them back to earth from heaven)
mayor mcdaniels - fine i'll give you a chance so how the hell are we goin to do this
kenny -gather everyone to the town hall get fill the town hall with electric chairs and get a switch that will active them all at once and then i'll flick the switch off then i'll say oh my god they killed everyone else in south you bastards a certain number of days later then see if they come back to life the day after and if they do get them to kill themselves again then put a video camera in the town to film it then send the video to the united nations let everyone in the world know
(the next day)
(all the towns people are gathered at the town hall then get electrocuted and get sent to heaven)
random townspeople - where are we
trey parker - well you're all in heaven hi im trey
matt stone - and im matt
trey parker - and together we created the universe
matt stone - and you're gonna love heaven because in heaven you get to do whatever you want and you never bored
cartman - oh my god heaven is real kenny was right
kyle - you're right cartman
stan - i agree
(8 days later)
kenny - oh my god they killed everyone else in south park you bastards
(the next day)
random townspeople - where are back here we want to be in heaven again
(kenny and mayor mcdaniels describe their plan to the townspeople who go participate in it)
(townspeople get electrocuted)
(6 days later )
kenny - oh my god they killed everyone else in south park you bastards
(the next day)
(the townspeople come back to life )
(1 hour later)
( the townspeople get electrocuted again)
(9 days later )
kenny - oh my god they killed everyone else in south park you bastards
(the next day)
(the townspeople come back to life )
(1 hour later)
( the townspeople get electrocuted again)
(2 days later )
kenny - oh my god they killed everyone else in south park you bastards
(the next day)
(the townspeople come back to life )
(1 hour later)
( the townspeople get electrocuted again)
(12 days later )
kenny - oh my god they killed everyone else in south park you bastards
(the next day)
(the townspeople come back to life )
(1 hour later)
( the townspeople get electrocuted again)
(4 days later )
kenny - oh my god they killed everyone else in south park you bastards
(the next day)
(the townspeople come back to life )
(1 hour later)
( the townspeople get electrocuted again)
mayor mcdaniels - i think we have enough examples for the united nations
(3 days later )
(all the world leaders watch the the video)
world leaders - oh my god reincarnation is possible
head of the UN - now that we know bringing people back to life is possible by saying oh my god they killed such and such. we should try kill everyone on earth then bring them back to life
kim jong il - does this mean we get to nuke the entire worl
head of the un - no we don't know what the after life is like for all it could be horrible. we'll drop normal bombs on all the buildings so that so that everyone will run outside so everyone will be exposed to the posion gas bombs so everyone will does everyone else agree
world leaders - agreed
kin jong il - ok
( 1 week later )
head of the un - looks like the plan worked im the only human still alive so lets say the magic words oh my god they killed every other human on the planet you bastards
( the next day )
head of the un - looks like everyones back
( 3 days later )
head of the un - looks like everyones killed themselves again
(head of the un commits suicide and goes to heaven)
(in heavan)
cartman - hey trey and matt
trey parker - yes cartman
cartman - ive been meaning to ask you but whose my other parent
matt stone - your mom is your mom
trey parker - and your father is gerald broflovski
cartman - noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo i don't want to be up in heaven for an enternity knowing im a jew i hate jews can you guys sent me back to earth and give me amnesia
trey parker - no
but treeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey
trey parker - all right fine
matt stone - thats the 4000th kid we've done that to today
(back on earth)
cartman - who am i what is this place
other kids who wanted to go back to earth with amnesia - none of us know who we are of where we are either
narrator - so in the end cartman and all the other children who wanted to be back on earth with amnesia would all have kids and would all go on to rebuild human civilization while all the the other humans lived in eternal happines in heaven
epilouge
(100 years later)
kyle - hey cartman you're back in heaven
cartman - oh my god it's an actual ancient jew the ancient jewish people fascinate me
kyle - you seem a bit odd cartman
the end
authors note - please leave me a review positive or negative id be interested to see what you think