Disclaimer: Characters are not my own. But then, you know that. Carry on.
Warnings: Non-magic AU. Oneshot. H/C, fluff, language, and my first attempt at writing a slightly more in detail intimate scene.
AN: This story is inspired by Owl City's A Christmas Song (look up the lyrics; it's not the chestnuts roasting on an open fire one) and Adam Lambert's I'm Here for Your Entertainment. I incorporated some of the lyrics into the story, so bonus points if you see them! POV alternates between Harry and Draco. Mentions of Ron/Hermione, Ginny/Blaise, Neville/Luna, Dean/Seamus, and Sirius/Remus.
Harry buried his hands in warm coat pockets, shivering slightly. He carelessly kicked a snow pile, his mood darkening as his mind turned to the one thing he'd been trying to avoid, the reason he was out walking this late on Christmas Eve in below zero weather. Last night he'd broken up with Ginny; in retrospect he probably shouldn't have done it right before Christmas. He'd gone over for dinner at the Weasley's but the awkward pauses and the dirty looks Ginny had thrown him had been rather off-putting.
He sighed to himself, shaking his head. Maybe he shouldn't have told her the real reason he had to end their relationship of two years, but it just slipped out. In that moment Harry could remember wishing that magic were real, because he would have given anything for some sort of spell that would have made Ginny forget what he'd said. But it was out there now, and he couldn't take it back. And now there were no plans for Christmas, nothing to do, no one to come home to, and since all his friends were in some way connected to the Weasley family, there was no one to talk to, either.
Draco pulled his jacket around him tighter and rubbed his hands together. He hadn't even put on gloves before leaving the house and he was starting to realize how stupid that had been, but did not care enough to go back to the empty apartment to grab mittens. It had been a few months since he'd moved out of his ex-boyfriend's place, and while at first Draco had enjoyed being single, he was finding it exceedingly lonely to have no one at home to talk to, no one with whom to share the events of the day and other random thoughts.
He trudged on, lost in melancholy thought, throwing his hands in his coat pockets in an attempt to warm them. So lost in his own mind, Draco almost didn't notice the other man sitting by the sidewalk as he passed a large snow bank. The man looked somewhere around his own age of twenty; jet black hair peeked out from underneath a fur pilot hat, and he wore an extremely miserable expression as he stared out at the street beyond. There was so much bewildered pain in the man's face that Draco could actually feel it; the strength of such an emotion brought him to a sudden standstill. He racked his eyes over the despondent form sitting legs tucked into chest in the snow, and knew he could not just pass by this stranger.
"Excuse me...are you okay?"
Harry blinked, noticing for the first time the man standing before him.
"I'm - No." Harry choked out the words, tears slowly dripping down his cheeks.
Draco nodded, unsure of what to say. "Do you mind if I sit?"
Harry shook his head reflexively, roughly dragging a hand over his eyes. When he opened them again he blinked in surprise. He hadn't actually expected the man to sit beside him.
Draco sat in silence. He knew from experience that most people found silence disconcerting, and that if he waited long enough, most often the other person would begin to talk just to stop the quiet that spoke so much truth. Draco couldn't help a flash of smugness that rushed through him when, at long last, a subdued voice addressed him.
"I tried so hard to make it work. I thought if I just threw myself into making her happy, I'd somehow make myself happy too. But no matter what I did there was always something off about it. I was never truly happy. I had it all - every single thing that the world tells us we need to be happy, I had it - but I was still so miserable inside and then when I realized why, it was like this light turned on and I couldn't change it and I didn't want to change it. And I realized I had to break up with her. I did. Yesterday. And now my whole life is just gone, everything and everyone gone, because I can't be the person they want me to be. I can't live a lie, I just can't. And I don't know how to pick up these pieces. I don't know how to do this..."
Draco listened to the stranger's rambles in thoughtful silence, letting the man talk himself out. When, at length, the other became quiet, Draco spoke for the first time since sitting down.
"I know it's cliché of me to say this, but I really do understand how you are feeling." He felt rather than saw the other man turn to look at him, but Draco kept his eyes on the street. "A couple of years ago, a childhood friend asked me out. Pansy was everything any man would ever want in a girlfriend. And everything else was working out perfectly. Life was perfect - I was well aware that I was living the dream - but it was someone else's dream. I wasn't happy with any of it. I couldn't put my finger on it, but something was missing. I wasn't happy in my job. I wasn't happy with Pansy. And no matter what I did, I couldn't make myself feel the things I thought I should."
Draco paused for a moment to collect his thoughts. He wasn't sure how to articulate the rest of the story; he wasn't even sure if his hunch about this man was right. He took a breath, but before he spoke he heard a low voice utter a question.
"What did you do? If you don't mind me asking."
Draco blew out his breath heavily. "Well...it wasn't easy. And it took a lot of soul-searching, and a lot of courage. But last year, I quit my job to become a writer, I broke up with Pansy, and just...started living life the way I wanted to, no matter what anyone else thought about it."
"It sounds easy when you say it like that." Harry took a deep, shuddering breath, turning the stranger's words over and over in his mind.
Draco laughed lightly, quietly. "I suppose it does. But it - it wasn't as easy as it might sound. There were some days in there...bloody hell, clawing my way out of the "perfect" life and into something so foreign and unknown...there were some days I wondered if it was worth it."
Harry's breath caught. "And - and was it? Worth it?"
Draco didn't pause to consider. "Yes. It was all worth it. Because for the first time in my life, I like who I am and what I am doing with my life. And that makes me happy."
"And are you - are you happy with who you're with now?"
"Well, I was." Draco smiled sadly. "We're not together anymore."
"I'm sorry to hear that."
"Don't be. We both knew it wouldn't last. We were...each other's stepping stone, so to speak."
"Oh." Harry didn't know what to say to that.
"Can I - can I ask you something?" Draco was unsure if he should pry this much, but he wanted to know if his hunch was right.
Harry heard the hesitant tone and felt a stab of curiosity. "Sure."
"What's the reason you broke up with your girlfriend?"
Harry took a sharp breath. He hadn't expected that question.
Draco heard the sharp intake of air and wondered if he'd overstepped the boundary. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."
"No - I'll tell you." Harry felt surprise at the words that fell from his lips, but was even more surprised when he felt the truth of the words hit him. He did want to say the words out loud. And it didn't matter if the other man didn't like his explanation; he was a stranger, someone he would never see again. It didn't matter what he thought.
"I broke up with her because - because I'm - I'm gay."
Draco forced himself not to react to the other man's words, even though he felt like cheering and jumping up and down with glee. Instead, he turned to look at the dark-haired stranger, letting his eyes speak what his lips could not. Out loud he asked, "Is that the first time you've said it aloud?"
Harry softly gasped at the stranger's gaze. He couldn't decipher the look, but it made him breathless with emotions he didn't understand. Blinking rapidly to clear the fog that had crept over his brain, he answered the question quietly. "Second time."
"I'm honored you chose to place such trust in me." Draco saw the other man's eyes widen in shock at his words and understood why. He did not expect such acceptance, he thought to himself.
They sat in silence once more, the air between them full of companionship. Draco felt at peace for the first time in weeks. A thought occurred to him, and he turned to look at the other man, extending his hand. "My name's Draco, by the way."
Harry took the proffered hand, smiling shyly. "I'm Harry."
"Nice to meet you." Draco held Harry's hand a moment longer than was necessary, and then released him. He couldn't be sure, but he thought he saw disappointment flash in the other man's eyes at the loss of contact.
Harry looked away from Draco, his mind churning. He didn't know what to do with the emotions now building inside of him. "Thank you."
"For what?" Draco understood, but wanted to hear Harry say it.
"For sitting with me. For listening to me ramble on about my life." Harry forced himself to look at Draco even though he wasn't sure he wanted the other man to see what he knew his eyes showed.
Draco nearly stopped breathing at what Harry's gaze portrayed, and almost leaned forward to capture the other man in a kiss. He stopped himself at the last moment, however, as reason kicked in. This stranger needed to work out his emotions in his own time; it would do them both no good if he rushed things. "It's Christmas," Draco said instead.
Hurt washed over Harry at Draco's words, although he couldn't quite figure out why. "It's the best Christmas gift someone's ever given me."
"I'm happy I could help," Draco smiled at the stranger and held out his hand. "Feel up to standing? My butt's frozen stiff."
Harry let out a bark of laughter and accepted Draco's hand. "You're not wearing gloves!"
"I left in a hurry. Didn't remember them until I was already a block away."
"Why in such a rush?"
"I guess I wanted to stop thinking for a while. Thought a walk would help."
"I know the feeling."
Draco smiled kindly. "I reckon you do."
Harry shuffled his feet, glancing down at the sidewalk. The air had become slightly awkward. "So….um, thanks again."
Draco heard the uncertain tone and thought he picked up a note of longing as well, but didn't act on this insight. "Happy Christmas, Harry."
"Happy Christmas, Draco."
Harry sighed, snuggling further into his armchair and crossing his arms. This wasn't working. Throwing off the blanket draped across his legs, he stood up and began to bundle up in winter gear.
Stepping out of his flat and into the cold, Harry shivered and hugged himself as he started walking. Christmas lights and decorations were out in force, covering his neighbor's yards and homes and even the little shops that littered the street here and there. He took a deep breath of the chilly night air, letting it out slowly and wiping his face clean of snowdrops and salty tears. It had been exactly a year since his encounter with Draco, and he still could not stop thinking about him. The longing and loneliness that thoughts of this man brought still made him breathless.
Stamping his foot in frustration, Harry let out a low growl. He shouldn't be so unhappy, damn it! His life had turned around for the better since last Christmas Eve. The Weasley family had come around, and now accepted him once more with open arms. Ron had finally proposed to Hermione, and their wedding would be sometime in June. Even Ginny had found happiness; she'd been going out with Blaise Zabini for a few months now and Ron had told him that Blaise had mentioned looking for a ring. He'd reconnected with some old school mates of his and had learned that Neville Longbottom had married Luna Lovegood and that Dean Thomas and Seamus Finnigan were adopting a kid together from the United States. He'd also been reunited with his godfather, who'd finally been cleared of all charges and released from prison; and last week Sirius had told Harry about his boyfriend, an old schoolmate by the name of Remus Lupin. Plus, Harry had changed jobs several times until he'd found a career that suited him: although being the youngest detective on the force, he'd already gained a management position and the respect of every other bobby in his station. He'd even dated a few guys. None of the relationships had lasted, but Harry had gained confidence and now knew what kind of man he was looking for. And through it all, every minute of every day of the year, he had wondered about Draco.
Harry shook his head. Blinking a few times to clear the fog of his thoughts, he looked around him and let out a gasp of surprise, stopping in mid-stride to stare at the patch of sidewalk he'd nearly passed. "This is where I met you," he murmured quietly.
Draco paced up and down the small stretch of his hallway, his frustration building. "Fuck it," he announced, marching over to the entry way and rummaging around for his boots. Stepping out of his apartment, he started walking, his footsteps hurried and full of longing. He had no excuse to feel so depressed, and on Christmas Eve of all days. His family had finally taken steps to accept his "lifestyle" as they called it, and his job and friends were just as wonderful as they had ever been. He'd even gone on a couple of dates recently, and they seemed like nice blokes. But still, something wasn't quite right. "Sodding Harry," Draco moaned. He couldn't get the other man out of his head and it was starting to become annoying. He had not seen Harry since that night exactly a year ago, but he could still remember every detail about him perfectly. He wondered how he was doing and if things had gotten better for him. And he couldn't stop wishing that he'd kissed him. Draco shook his head, softly whispering to himself. "I can't believe I've fallen for someone I've only talked to once."
Draco continued walking, eyes trained on the snowy sidewalk and mind wandering, until he crashed into something solid. With a startled "Ooof," he fell, only noticing when he hit the ground that he'd fallen on top of another person. "I'm sorry," he grunted as he untangled himself, rolling over and sitting up. He froze as a snow-covered head lifted and looked at him. "Harry?"
Harry's breath caught as he stared at the blonde man in front of him. "Draco?"
Draco's voice failed him. He simply gazed into the dark-haired man's eyes, letting his expression show his emotions; Harry responded in the same way, and a spark of electricity rushed between them as soft snowflakes fell.
Harry didn't know how it happened. One minute he was staring intently into the blonde man's brilliant silver-flaked eyes, and the next his lips were moving against Draco's. He supposed one or both of them had moved forward, but he couldn't remember who and he didn't quite care at the moment. He was drowning in sensations he didn't even know existed as his mouth hungrily attacked Draco's lips, tongue, neck, and anywhere else where skin happened to show.
Draco groaned, desire building quickly as Harry moved to lie on top of him; he could feel how aroused the other man was and it only made the fire consuming him burn hotter. "My apartment is only a few blocks away," he murmured huskily.
"So is mine," Harry countered in the same tone.
Draco bit back a growl. "I don't care where, just – oh Harry…"
The blonde's words, coming out in a low moan, sent shivers up and down Harry's spine. "If you don't – stop snogging me – so help me I will not – be responsible – for my actions," he grunted out between kisses.
Draco grinned as he pulled back. "Public sex not your thing?"
Harry caught the playful tone and grinned back. "No but it will be if we don't move someplace else quite quick."
Draco stole one more kiss before springing to his feet, pulling Harry with him. "My place is three blocks from here. Yours?"
"Five. Yours it is then."
The blonde laughed and grabbed Harry's hand. "Come on then."
Harry smiled as they walked, hand in hand, along the sidewalk. He kept stealing glances at the other man, blushing and looking away when Draco's eyes caught his own. He was hyper aware of each touch: his hand in Draco's, the way their hips would brush as they walked, the way their feet sometimes collided as Harry stumbled along.
Draco was barely aware of opening the door to his apartment; he was only conscious of the fact that they'd closed the door before Harry pushed him against the wall and kissed him roughly, his tongue colliding with his own and then he was lost in sensations so strong he wasn't sure he would survive. Somehow, he had enough presence of mind to pull away for a moment to ask Harry a question, one he wasn't sure which answer he wanted.
"Have you – "
"Done this before?" Harry breathlessly finished his sentence.
"Y – Yessss." Draco moaned as Harry rubbed his knee between his legs.
"Depends on what you're talking about," Harry huskily breathed out. "I've sucked and been sucked off. But never went further than that."
"Do you want to? Go further I mean."
"Fuck yes."
"I'm going to give it to you 'till you're screaming my name," Draco warned playfully, lightly biting Harry's ear.
"Turn up the heat, I'm not as soft and sweet as you might think," Harry responded as he bit down, none to gently, on Draco's shoulder.
Draco answered by kissing him again, tugging at Harry's shirt. He felt the dark-haired man lift his arms in reply, and he broke the kiss long enough to pull the T-shirt off. Vaguely he wondered when they had taken off their winter gear, but Harry's insistent pulling on his own shirt effectively cut off that train of thought.
Soon their clothes were spread across the room, having been thrown aside in their haste to press skin against skin. Harry stumbled slightly as Draco pulled him, mouth still pressed to his own, in the direction of what he assumed to be the bedroom, and then seconds later his stomach dropped as the blonde pushed him on the bed. Breathless, Harry watched as Draco slowly climbed on top of him, dragging his hands over every inch of his body. He squirmed, breath catching in his throat.
"Can you handle what I'm about to do?" Draco teased Harry, his fingers just barely stroking the dark-haired man's entrance.
"Stop teasing and pick up the pace, damn it!" Harry meant to sound annoyed but the words came out in a breathy sort of moan.
Draco responded by breaching Harry, his finger slowly, gently, caressing deeper. He heard a sharp intake of breath and then felt the other man relax, fully surrendering to his ministrations. Silver eyes met emerald green and didn't waver. Draco felt mesmerized; the emotions displayed within Harry's gaze were so intense, so real, that it took his breath away. This, this was the one part of sex that he'd never had before. The emotional intimacy that connected them now was tangible in their identical expressions and the very air around them as their eyes stayed locked while the blonde leisurely prepared the brunette.
Coherent thought was a distant memory for Harry. All that remained in his head were emotions and sensations so powerful he thought he might burst inside from the intensity. "Draco…"
The sound of Harry crying out his name rushed though the blonde and he knew at once what his lover wanted. Kissing the other man's knee once, he changed positions, slipping his fingers out and heard Harry utter some form of protest at the loss of contact and then almost immediately after a sharp intake of breath as Draco slid into him.
Harry felt a slight burn at first before overwhelming pleasure took him and he gasped. "More of that. There." He felt himself moving along with Draco, awkward at first and then in rhythm, and his string of moans were swallowed as the blonde leaned forward to capture his mouth.
Draco could feel how aroused Harry was as he lay on top of him, their hips clashing as often as their lips. He himself was so far gone at this point it was almost painful. "Let's go," he half whispered, half moaned into the other man's ear.
The tickle of Draco's breath against his ear and the sound of his words were enough to send Harry over the edge, shouting out the blonde's name as he came in a rush of heat and fire.
The sound of Harry screaming his name and the way his face scrunched up in pleasure as the orgasm hit him was enough to pull Draco over the brink as well. He shuddered violently, jerking his hips and throwing his head back as he cried out his lover's name.
Each of them clutched the other tightly as waves of pleasure washed over them again and again. What seemed like both mere seconds and an eternity passed before the water receded, leaving them breathless and sticky as Draco collapsed on top of his dark-haired lover.
Harry lay with the weight of the blonde on him. He felt sated and happier then he could ever remember experiencing. It may have been minutes or perhaps hours later, but at last he broke the relaxed silence, saying, "This was worth the year-long wait."
Draco grinned lazily, knowing it would be felt instead of seen. "I couldn't agree more."
"Was it – was it as bad for you as it was for me?"
Draco twisted his head to look at Harry. "What do you mean?"
Harry blushed. "I didn't mean – that. I meant the wait. This past year. Did you think about me – about this – as much as I thought about you?"
Draco's breath caught. He leaned forward and kissed the other man. "That depends. How much did you think of me?"
Harry blushed, looking away. "Every day. Several times a day."
Draco turned Harry's chin until their eyes met once more. "I thought about you just as much. Maybe even more."
Harry looked into the blonde's eyes and saw the truth of his words. "Really."
Draco knew it wasn't a question by the tone but responded anyway. "Yes. It may have only been a brief encounter, but I fell for you that night, Harry."
Harry's breath hitched. "Why didn't you tell me you were gay that night?"
Draco sighed. "I wanted to. So badly. I just – I could tell that you were struggling with a lot of different emotions and I wanted you to figure things out on your own. I remember thinking – I didn't want to screw up my chance with you."
"But – but how did you know that you'd get another chance?"
At this, Draco stared at Harry quizzically. "I gave you my business card. It had my number on it. Didn't you find it?"
Harry's mouth dropped open. "What? How? When? I never found one!"
"When I helped you stand up I slipped the card in your jacket pocket. You didn't notice me do it. As I recall you were more focused on noticing I wasn't wearing any gloves."
Harry frowned, Draco's insinuation lost on him as he thought, and then his eyes lit up in realization. "Oh. That was the jacket I spilled my Christmas dinner on the next day. I ruined it. I thought I'd gone through all the pockets before I tossed it but I must have missed one."
"No wonder you never called. I thought you just weren't interested or had found someone else."
"Then why didn't you – "
"Move on? I tried. But you're a bloody hard man to forget, Harry."
Harry smiled shyly. "Right back at you, Draco."
Draco smiled, and then turned serious for a moment. "So, if I asked you out on a date tomorrow, would you say yes?"
Harry laughed. "After what we just did – " He paused to stroke his hand along Draco's arse cheek – "Do you even have to ask?"
"I find most blokes tend to disappoint me when things are left to assumption."
Harry pressed his lips to the blonde's forehead. "Assume away," he softly said. "I rather fancy you, you know. I'm not going out on a date if you're not joining me."
"I rather fancy you as well. Spend Christmas with me?"
"Bloody wanker. As if I would go anywhere else. Of course I'll spend my Christmas with you."
Draco smirked. "Once I'm in I own your heart. Don't say I didn't warn you."
"Too late. I'm yours. What're you going to do about it?"
Draco didn't bother with words.
Harry got the message anyway.