Neither Miss Silly Goose nor Miss Anthrope own Dragon Ball or Dr. Who.

And we are actually not stupid...per se...the silliness in the story is intentional. That said Enjoy, laugh, and read on gentle reader.

And now without further ado, the story!

Goku sighed very loudly. "Why do I have to stay here? I want to get up!" He began to pull at the bandage on his leg with his free finger. Chi Chi furiously stormed over to his side.

"Don't you dare touch that bandage Goku!"

"But Chi Chi…" he whined.

The door flew open revealing a doctor followed by two nurses.

"Well, how is the patient?" He asked good naturedly.

"All better and ready to go sir!" Gokou exclaimed happily. Chi Chi whacked him in the head.

"No, he is not, don't listen to him doctor!"

"Don't worry Mrs. Son, we won't release him in this condition. But we have made a most interesting discovery we thought you might be interested to know." He sat beside Goku's bed. "You see, we did some bloodwork as you know, and the results came back and it appears you sir, are Scottish."

"What's that?" Chi Chi asked and Goku looked on blankly.

"It's a nationality of course, you know people from Scotland, and here you thought you were Japanese." He chuckled amiably, "well I'll leave you to revel in your new found heritage and be back to check on you later."

Goku and Chi Chi looked at each other confused for a moment.

"I thought you said you were the last of some extinct alien race. You've been lying to me all this time! I can't believe I trusted you!"

"Wait, Chi Chi! I didn't lie, King Kai told me I'm a saiyan, I got here in a spaceship!"

"Sure you did." She scoffed and walked out of the room muttering to herself.

"Hmmm, strange." Goku thought to himself, and had a brilliant idea. "King Kai!" he thought desperately, and the strange nasaly voice answered.

"Yes Goku, what is it now?"

"King Kai, you told me I was a Saiyan, but the doctor just told me that I'm Scottish, so which is it?"

"Oh, dear," King Kai said dramatically, "I was afraid you might ask that some day, but, now I suppose I must tell you the long and terrible story of the origins of your people. Do you have time?"

"Yeah, sure."

"Good, it all started with a blue box, and a strange Gallifrean called the Doctor."

The red light blinked on and off as the regular beep of the alarm blared.

"Systems failing captain, oxygen low."

"How are the test subjects fairing Cornwall?"

"Too well Captain, they are a hardy lot and uncooperative as ever."

"Indeed, a most inconvenient mess."

The captain paced the room a few times muttering to himself and twisting his well groomed mustache. "Lost in the blasted reaches of space.." he could be heard muttering, "Civilized world lost, blasted barbaric troublemakers, why did they have to be…"

A sudden explosion rocked the ship.

"Report!"

"We've lost the left rear fuel tank Captain!"

"Blast! Then we will have to land. Lieutenant Smith, are there any nearby planets with promising atmosphere?"

"Yes captain. An unnamed planet lies ten thousand miles South of us. The air is oxygen saturated, cold it seems, and I detect no intelligent species."

"It will have to do, at least we will not have to deal with more barbarians."

"Henderson! Steer us on. And be quick man!"

"Aye Captain."

The captain paced, his twitching fingers the only indication of his agitation. The ship lurched suddenly.

"We've entered the atmosphere sir."

"Good, make ready to land."

With a great thud and creak of tearing metal the ship came to a halt. Just as the noise began to quiet down, an ambivalent wheezing sound filled the smoking wreck, and a blue police box materialized in the midst of the stunned officers. The door opened and out stepped a tall man with an absurdly long scarf. He looked around and broke into a huge grin.

"Oh good! I do love a party! Come along K9."

The captain walked up to the lighthearted newcomer twisting his mustache with keen glint in his eye.

"Forgive my manners, but who are you?"

The stranger looked up from surveying a smoking gear board.

"Oh, excuse me. I'm the Doctor of course. And this is my computer K9. Say hello K9."

"Hello."

The captain looked abashed. "How very curious. Cornwall, call one of your mongrels to fetch tea and cake. Should have some left buried in this wreckage." He growled under his breath.

"Good, good! I was feeling peckish." Said the Doctor smiling. "Wouldn't you agree K9?"

"Negative. Master."

"Yes, yes. Of course you're not."

Within moments a general commotion was heard in the hallway. The captain turned an agitated eye to the door as Cornwall entered with a laden "mongrel".

"I'll no' be servin tea ta ye simperin jackanapes!" yelled the irate servant.

The Doctor turned to the captain. "Oh, is this your man then, he is quite spirited."

"Hardly a human being." Said the Captain with distaste, "Only a Scotsman."

"If Ye're a human bean, than Im glad Im no' one!"

"Enough" the captain barked, "We'll have that tea now."

"Ye can have it over me cold dead body! Or are ye tae scared to fetch ye'r precious goodies?!" challenged the angry server, and threw the tray at the captain.

"You know we really ought to do something about that, this is the third time this week that this has happened." Muttered the Captain, "It is unbefitting for an officer in her Majesty's service to walk around with crumbs on his lapel all the time. Do stop hopping like that Watson it is most unattractive."

"Hot! Hot!" Cried Watson who was covered in tea and juggling the pot.

"Oo, ye poor wee bairn. Are ye gaen to cry over spillt tea, or man up and come fight me!" taunted the Scottish prisoner.

"Good show! This is much better than tea isn't it!" laughed the Doctor to K9

"Inderminate."

"Oh you're no fun K9. Say Captain! Your man is very spirited, and seems slightly resistant to your cause if I may say so, and I am wondering why he decided to join this mission."

"We didna choose ta be here, no! doon the road I war walkin when these dafties, ca the feet frae under me, and put me en chains when I was doon. Twa the same fer the others!"

The Doctor walked to the irate man.

"So you are saying you are here against your will? And that there are in fact more of you?"

"Aye."

"And what do you have to say to this then Captain? Did you take these men prisoner against their will." Asked the Doctor.

"Of course I did, what else would we do with bloody Scots."

"You mean then to tell me that they have commited no crimes?"

The captain sniffed, "No crime, other then disgracefully bad manners. No, no, they are simply test subjects. Her majesty decided that tests needed to be done to discover a cure for incivility. As you've seen, we've had precious little progress in our experimentations."

Just as he finished speaking there was a great clang, and a hatch opened directly in front of the crew.

"Emergency hatch has opened Captain."

The Captain was suddenly dropped on his civil posterior when the chained Scot went rushing past him with a great hoot of victory.

The Scot turned when he was a good half mile away, "Catch me if ye can ya tea addled ninnies!" He yelled, than disappeared in the thick alien brush.

The Doctor turned to his computer, "Spirited chap that one. Wouldn't you agree K9."

"Unable to process, master."

"Say Captain," The Doctor turned to the again standing man, "Where do you keep the rest of your test subjects?"

Just then there was a great clang followed by shouting and laser shots. Cornwall burst onto the seen with mangled uniform and short of breath.

"Captain…Sir…the prisoners have escaped!"

"What?! All of them?" the Captain growled.

"Yes sir. Terribly sorry sir."

The captain growled and appeared like he might become violent when the Doctor stepped between them with a disarming smile.

"Well I'm certain there is nothing to be angry about, especially when Cornwall here is being so…civil…" he let the last word trail off.

The Captain turned a smoldering eye on the Doctor before straightening his uniform and sniffing. "Yes of course. Quite right."

Cornwall visibly breathed a sigh of relief.

"Now to business!" exclaimed the Captain with a twist to his mustache. "Men at the ready! We will not allow her majesties tests to fail. After the prisoners!"

The men all filed out guns at the ready with the Doctor and his computer dog sauntering behind.

"Ah K9 this should be fun."

"Affirmative master."