It was pitch black on the castle ground, but Lily didn't mind. The stars were shining and making Zodiac symbols. It was beautiful, the stars and the moon shining together and moving in a perfect rhythm. Everything seemed to move just for her, the leaves on the trees, the grass and the moons position. Even if the smell from the forest wasn't the best it didn't matter so much, not right now.
Her hands were cold but Lily stayed were she was, lying with her back against the freezing grass. It wasn't the best idea, being out with just a t-shirt and shorts when it was about to be winter. Lily loved the cold because in Surrey it never snowed. That was one of the reasons she loved Hogwarts, the snow. Her parents always made her come home for Christmas break so she never got the chance to experience the snow, but her parents were dead now so she was going to stay for Christmas break. If someone asked Lily would say she stayed for Head duties, but that was a lie.
They would just say I'm sorry if Lily told them about her parents, and she never liked that reference. Like, it wasn't their fault her parents got murdered, it was her own fault. Just because she was a stupid witch her parents got murdered. They didn't deserve to die, Lily did. Her parents couldn't even done something to protect themselves. If she had just been there, then maybe, just maybe, they would have killed here instead. And then it was James and his stupid dad, who had killed himself trying to protect them. Lily had come there in the last second, seeing James dad having his back turned towards a death eater and getting hit by the killing curse. She hadn't looked at James, Lily didn't know if he knew his dad had died trying to save her parents. Some months before that she had thought that they could be friends, but now it just sounded stupid.
The castle was quite. Not a single student except Lily broke the curfew, and that was a surprise. She walked back to the common room which she shared with the Head Boy. When Lily found out that her enemy, okay they weren't enemies but she didn't like him very much, Lily laughed, thinking it was a joke. But no, it wasn't. James Potter were the Head Boy. Ironically, I know. To her surprise they had grown really close the past months. She told the parents to the painting on the wall and with a horrific sound the painting opened.
It was dark in the common room. The fire were light but except for that it was pitch dark. Lily saw a shadow something lying on the red sofa. Nervously she walked towards it and tried to make out the lines of the person. If it was one of James new girlfriends she would punch her, and she meant it. "Lumos" she whispered and a small light lit up at the end of her wand. "James?" Lily said surprised shaking him so he would wake up. It took a while before he woke up. With a confused expression he looked at her only to hug her "Lily" There you are!" but the hug only lasted for a second before he let go. "Did you…did you wait up for me?" Lily said, looking down at her hands. After not speaking to someone after weeks felt a little bit more awkward than she thought it would. He didn't answer so she stood up and turned off her light whispering Nox.
"Yehey, I tired so I'm just going to…" she started but got cut off before finishing "What is it Lily? What did I do wrong?" James asked looking at her with a sad expression. Lily couldn't help feeling a little bit guilty "What do you mean" she tried to sound normal and play dumb, which didn't go so well. "Don't play dumb with me Lily. I thought we were starting to become friends and then you just choose to ignore me for weeks!" James said, starting to rise his voice. Lily started to get seriously irritated "So it's my fault is it? It's always Lilys fault" she said, her voice also rising. "But you want to know what the problem is? I can't talk to without feeling guilty, okay?!" Lily said waving her hands in frustration. "Guilty? Of what?" his voice was soft now and his angry expression changed. "Do you know how your father died James?" she asked looking straight at him. "He died in a death eater battle" James said, looking sad and depressed again. "He died trying to save my parents. I saw when the death eater casted the spell and I didn't even try to help or save him" Lily said thinking that maybe it was too much to tell him. He was quiet for a long time before he said "I don't blame you Lily, and never will. I stayed up waiting for you because I care about you" their eyes met. James hazel eyes meeting Lilys green ones. And just like that everything made sense. All their fights, it was like when you did a puzzle and you found that last piece that you had lost ages ago.
"I know you don't feel the same but I love you. I never really gave up on you. But I can't just walking around with these hopes that maybe you will return my feelings. So I want you to say exactly what you feel about me" Lily couldn't read his face, like she usually could. But I didn't matter. She knew what she felt, what she had felt all along but never wanting to admit. She loved James Potter. That's the reason Lily never told him about his fathers dead, she was afraid he would hate her. "I never told you about how your father died because I thought you would hate me, and I could never bare to look at myself knowing that you hate me. All the times I said I hated you, I never meant it" he looked at her and she looked at him. "I love you James" it came more out of a whisper. She thought James was just going to stand there and stare at her with his mouth open but before she could their lips meet. And that was the best goddam kiss Lily ever had felt.