Summary; ok I don't own Csi New York :( neither do I own the song. What I done here was I put my ipod on shuffle and wrote a fiction for the first song I got, but I didn't write it in the time frame of the song (cause I'm a real slow typer :\) so thats it really..... err.... enjoy? Oh yeah warning there is character death in this. The italics is the ghost or the memory of her speaking. And the XXXX represent different paragraphs. :) please R&R.

Song tittle; Me Vs The World

Artist; Madina Lake

Pairing; Stella And Mac

Mac knelt down, placing the flowers on her grave. They were emerald green, just like her eyes had been. He sat down in front of the headstone, trying to control his emotions, he was used to hiding them from everyone. Only one person was ever able to see though his fake exterior, and now that person was gone. Gone from his life. Forever. He couldn't believe she had passed away only three days ago, it felt more like an eternity. Now he had even more trouble sleeping, his dreams now haunted by her screaming for his help. He closed his eyes, allowing a solitary tear to slide down his cheek. He had never told her how he felt about her, and now he never would be able to. People had told him to think about the future, but he couldn't even start to imagine one without her in it, she had always been there for him. Though thick and thin. Good times, and bad. She had been the only one who could read him like an open book, the only one he would let read him, the only one he would let close.

" I miss you" he whispered, his voice hoarse. Now his tears were falling thick and fast, burning his eyes as they departed on their journey down his cheeks. He made no attempt to stop them, he just let them roll down his face, and fall to the ground.

XXXXXX

He closed his eyes and he could see her. He let a small smile form on his face, letting the scenes play out in his mind.

Flash back

He saw himself slaving away over paperwork at his desk, he saw her walk in and yell at him telling him to get some rest. He saw himself smiling as he looked up and saw her with paperwork in her hands.

"I didn't want you to work alone" she said as she put the paper work on his desk, pulled another chair next to his and sat down.

XXXXXX

Mac snapped open his eyes expecting to see her. But instead he was near blinded by the bright sun. He couldn't do this anymore, throwing his head back he screamed at the sky.

"Why???? Why her??? Why now???" he broke into hysterical sobs, screaming why over and over again until it felt like his throat would tear at the same time he felt someone beside him.

"You really should get some rest you know." a voice said. He turned his red eyes towards the stranger. He fell back in shock. It couldn't be her.

"Don't blame yourself" she continued "You heard what Flack said, it was my own fault, I should of waited for back up, I'm sorry" she spoke in a soft tone, her eyes full of sorrow. She looked Mac in the face as the sound of approaching footsteps became louder. "It's time for me to go" she said smiling, her jade green eyes twinkled in the sunlight.

" Don't go" Mac spoke softly, he blinked and she was gone. " Come back!!" he commanded as someone placed their hand on his shoulder. He turned hoping it was her. Flack looked down at the older man sympathetically, he squeezed Mac's shoulder. Mac knew it was time to go, he straightened up and stood beside his friend. Both said nothing as they looked down and read the headstone. The one that Mac had inscribed himself.

Stella Bonasera, 1967-2009

Loving friend, caring colleague, My secret soul mate.