Every Time
by: TheGirlTwoDoorsDown
Every time Tony Stark looked at Peter, he saw Julian.
Julian Edward Davis was born 3 AM September 12th 2001 to Elena Marsha Davis and Anthony Edward Stark at Mass General Hospital. Tony wasn't there for the birth much like how he wasn't there for the pregnancy. It wasn't anything personal, but when Elena told him about the life growing inside of her, they both agreed that he could be a fun uncle, but he shouldn't take responsibility as a parent. They mutually decided that he shouldn't get attached and therefore, attending his birth wasn't necessary. Tony was in California now and that was a long way to travel for a person who he wasn't really going to be invested in this baby besides financial support. It was also, the day after 9/11 and everyone was in grief. Tragedy had befallen the United States and a child being born wasn't going to change that. Rhodes was sobbing and Tony was drinking his troubles away. This wasn't to say that Julian came into the world alone. Elena gave birth surrounded by her family and friends. Her mother and stepfather were looking at Julian in her arms and cooing at their first grandchild who they would be happy to sneak sweets when Elena said no. Elena's sister took photos with her fancy camera of Julian's face squished against his mother's chest. When Julian Anthony Davis came into the world, his biological father wasn't there, but that didn't matter, because he was loved.
Elena texted the photos that her sister took to Tony's private phone. He appreciated them, but it probably would have been better if he didn't know what the kid looked like at all if he wanted to not be a big part of their life. Elena countered that uncles know what their nephews look like. Every week at least she'd send him an update. It was definitely for the best that Tony was removed from their immediate family life as he was still really dependent on alcohol, he partied too hard, and while working kept the worst sleep schedule. Besides, what good role model had the nickname 'the merchant of death'. He agreed to pay for everything the kid needed, but it was wisest for him not to be emotionally there. Tony was addicted at 16 years old and the kid didn't need that riding on his shoulders. Also the press would be a bitch if they found out, so it really was best that Tony wasn't involved.
Elena and Tony met at MIT. She was entering her freshman year while he was a junior so they were actually the same age. He knew who to buy cocaine from and she knew where to get the best weed so they were friends. Whenever they would hang out, Tony would try to get her into the harder stuff by saying she should live a little, while she would try and get him to use the less harmful things saying that he should live longer. She always won as they hung out in her room and all she had was either weed or alcohol so the two of them settled on getting cross-faded. She would always try and get him to see a therapist for his emotional issues, but Tony was too prideful to admit that he couldn't solve his emotional problems like they were calculus. She would then talk about her biological dad and Tony would feel guilty for complaining about Howard.
After he graduated, they lost touch. Tony had a company to run and keeping in touch with college friends wasn't high on his list of things to do. It was New Year's Eve when he saw her again. There was a massive new millennium party thrown for all the tech giants. Stark Industries wasn't a tech company yet, but they invested heavily in Google and Apple so he got an invitation. Elena came in wearing an elegant floor length black gown with a slit up the side; hair pin straight down her back. She looked very different from Tony's memories of her in a sweatshirt with her curly hair starting to dread by itself in the back. He struck up a conversation and it felt so natural. One thing led to another and Julian Davis came into the world nine months later.
He only met the kid once. He was in Boston for a company meeting and was taking a break grabbing a bite to eat at sit-down chain restaurant when Elena and a 4-year-old who clung to her leg walked in. Tony noticed her a couple seconds before she noticed him, but they both had the same reaction to freeze and contemplate pretending this never happened. Eventually, she walked over and said hi to Tony. She introduced the kid behind her as her son Julian and tried to get Julian to shake Tony's hand. The kid ran behind his mother's legs and tried to become invisible. She apologized and said that Julian had a difficult time with new people. Then she started telling Tony about Julian sobbed and clung to her leg on his first day of kindergarten. He was an utter momma's boy. While she was telling Tony about their upcoming trip to Disneyworld, Tony couldn't help but look at the kid and see what he got from which parent. The brown curly hair and the lips were definitely his mother's. The jaw and the eyes were his. The ears were from Howard Stark. The kid had his grandmother's hands. Tony didn't know Elena's parents, but that's probably where the eyebrows and the knobby knees came from. The waiter came over and gave a children's menu with a box of crayons and the kid grabbed the blue crayon with his chubby hand and drew blue trains all over the menu. The kid showed Elena his masterpiece. She found some way to compliment the awful art and the kid's face lit up. Elena asked Julian to tell Tony about Thomas the Tank Engine and the kid went on and on about the size of the axels and why trains used to be colorful and how much he loved the Thomas movie. Tony was absolutely mesmerized.
Then Julian got kidnapped. They were in line to buy churros in front of the Cinderella castle because Julian had been incessantly begging for one and Elena felt like treating her son as they were on vacation. One-minute Julian was hanging onto her finger, the next he was gone and a stranger was walking away. Elena ran to tell the nearest employee to try and find her missing son. Apparently, kidnapping happens a lot at Disneyworld. She never saw him again. Sobbing in the security office of the happiest place on Earth, she called Tony and told him what happened. She said he deserved to know. Tony knew that Elena was shrewd and would call the person with a moral obligation to help protect her child and the money to track him down. Tony had Pepper call a PI immediately to get on the case, but they never found anything. Every week Elena would ask Tony if anything had been found until Tony just asked the PI to update her personally. Her constant asking was sympathetic, but annoying so he removed himself from being the middle man. He fell out of her life once more.
It was really bad, but Tony had forgotten about Julian and Elena until Afghanistan. It had been five years and he didn't have time to be sad about his child who he wasn't the dad of anyway. He drank and partied and invented things. Women came in and out of his life like a revolving door and he was okay with it. He made stuff that blew up and then got paid the bid bucks for it. He was living the good life. Then he got kidnapped and then Yinsen raised questions that Tony didn't really want to answer. He technically had a family, but he didn't set aside anything but money for them. He had a son that was kidnapped, his baby momma who he hasn't talked to since the kidnapping, Rhodes, Obadiah, and Pepper. Only three of those people he actually talked to. Then Obadiah tried to kill him and the number went down to two.
God, he regretted not getting to know Julian when he had the chance. His only interaction with the kid was a short meal where the kid hid from him because he didn't know who his deadbeat dad was. He hasn't actually held a conversation with his son. It pained Tony to admit it, but he was worse than Howard. Way worse than Howard. At least Tony's dad made the bare minimum effort of physically admitting he was his kid's father. Tony couldn't at least do that. He had to excommunicate his offspring out of his life instead of doing the responsible thing and trying to be somewhat involved. And then he let his own child get kidnapped and taken to god knows where. If Tony had been there, maybe the kid wouldn't have been taken. The person wouldn't have tried to mess with him rather than a single mother. Julian would still be around and with his family. The guilt ate at him like maggots in a bullet wound.
When Tony learned that the vigilante in Queens in sweatshirt and sweatpants was a teenager he was surprised. They just keep getting younger and younger. When he realized that the spider-kid was Julian's age, he felt that sense of responsibility rear its irritating head around, and he had to make sure this idiotic teenager was safe. He made him a fancy superhero suit with way too many features for the kid to possibly use for the next couple of years. There was an AI, a heater, a parachute, a GPS tracker, and an instant kill feature: all of them just to make sure the stupid kid made it back to his aunt's the next day. She made the effort to get to know and parent a kid that wasn't hers. It was the least Tony could do to make that kid get home safe.
When Tony Stark first laid eyes on Peter, he saw Julian. He just couldn't help it. Peter looked so much like the aged-up photo of Julian that for a split-second Tony wondered whether this random kid in Queens was his long-lost biological son. They had the same eyes, nose, jaw, and eyebrow. It was very freakish. Should he tell Elena about this kid that had her cheekbones and slightly curled hair? Then, he snapped back to reality and lied to his aunt and convinced a teenager to go to Germany to fight half of the Avengers.
What a role model.
Tony desperately wanted to be a part of this kid's life, but it was never meant to be. He desperately to fix his mistakes with this kid. Maybe if he raised Peter right Julian could forgive him. Maybe if treated Peter like he wish he treated Julian everything would be fine and his heart would stop feeling so heavy whenever he saw the kids face. He didn't need his therapist to tell him that using a random kid an emotional substitute for the kid he couldn't bother to raise was unhealthy. The therapist did tell him that though. Turns out Elena was right that shrinks weren't just wasted money.
Then of course after the battle in the airport the kid had the bright idea to quit all of his classes and go superhero full time. Then he chased down an alien arms dealer, jumped off of the Washington Monument, and then lied to him about not going after said arms dealer ruining an FBI sting operation. So, Tony took back the suit. He felt like a parent scolding a child for the first time in his life. God, that's was a really unhealthy emotion for him to be feeling towards this kid. He is not their father and never will be. Then Tony gave the suit back because the kid saved the plane and actually took down the bad guy. He wasn't Peter's actual parent so he could get away with rewarding some reckless yet noble behavior. The next day he got an earful from Peter's hot aunt about how she's appalled at his behavior. He knows that it's ridiculous to think that way, but he can't help but feel like she's implying how bad of a father he would be to his son even if he did have the chance to raise him. They agreed to limit the amount of superhero hours and that Peter has to restart all of his extracurricular activities. She also manages to get a real Stark internship out of it. Tony admired her for her foresight. An internship from a fortune 500 in high school looks damn good on a college application.
Tony set up an interview with the head of the engineering department who was charmed by the sweet boy immediately. He may have been getting a lot of coffee, but he also got to have a first look at all of the medical and energy technology they were creating and have a hand at improving it. Tony and Pepper were visiting the New York offices while Peter was working. They just wanted to personally check in and see what each office was doing. They did the customary greeting and did the boring stuff and almost moved on. He overheard Peter talking to the engineering head about how he made a wrist shooter to be like Spiderman. When Peter's boss asked for more info, Peter's face lit up just like Julian's when the little boy got to go on and on about the history of Thomas and whatever his coach cars' names were.
Every time Tony Stark looked at Peter, he saw Julian, and that just wasn't fair to Peter. It wasn't fair to look at someone and saddle them with the expectations and dreams of a lost child. Peter wasn't Julian and Peter already had a family. A small one, but a family nonetheless and Tony didn't need to intrude on someone else's life.