Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. Sasuke does. *says it with a straight face* Don't worry though, this isn't SasuNaru, I just felt like using that disclaimer.
Christmas with the Akatsukis (Tobi is Tobi, not Madara, not some other Uchiha creep) (Sadly, Sasori is dead) (Yes, Tobi is very respectful and hyper in this story)
Summary: It all started with Tobi having such a bright idea in the gloomy Akatsuki lair...
"Leader-sama! Can we have a secret Santa exchange for Christmas?" Tobi, the mischievous lollipop faced Akatsuki member asked his leader excitedly. He was new to this organization, and tried to look for ways to insert his own awesomeness into such a dull and boring group. Even though they were all S-ranked criminals, they really didn't know how to have fun. Or maybe it was because they were S-ranked criminals, they didn't know how to have fun. They probably spent all day deciding who to kill, who to torture, or who to capture.
"No." Pein refused to acknowledge the request made by his underling. "No," he repeated, firmer.
"Please?" Tobi made puppy eyes towards leader-sama. "Can we please? Zetsu already volunteered to be the Christmas tree on the 24th!" In reality, Zetsu had agreed to no such thing. In fact, Pein was the first person Tobi told about his plan. No one else knew.
Immediately, Pein considered the idea, backing away from his initial attitude. Yes they were S-ranked criminals, probably the most dangerous ninjas in this world. Yes they handled their killings with ease. Yes they were superbly awesome. But they really didn't know how to have fun. This might be a good experience for all of them, especially the fact that they get to see Zetsu with sparkly lights all over him. A once in a life-time chance...
Yes, this would be a good idea, even if it was nothing more than for the mere amusement for the leader of the feared ninjas. "Very well."
"Deidara-sempai! Deidara-sempai!" The ever-hyper Tobi dashed to his partner-in-crime. "Do you want to have a secret Santa exchange this year with all the Akatsuki members?"
"Tobi, I'm busy right now, yeah!" the blond replied angrily. In reality, he wasn't busy, he just wanted Tobi to go annoy someone else. Then, what Tobi had said clicked in. "Wait...secret Santa? What's that, yeah?"
Tobi shook his head mockingly. "You don't know, Deidara-sempai? I guess even the great-" He got no further than that.
"Tobi, if you don't tell me right now, I will blow a hole where your head is, yeah."
"Alright, alright! No need for that now... Anyways, the secret Santa exchange is where you trade gifts in secret for a week. You don't tell the person that you're the one that gave the gifts. At the end of the secret Santa period, we tell that person who gave the gifts. Simple!" Tobi ranted off excitedly. "So will you, Deidara-sempai?"
The blond suicide bomber looked at the orange lollipop head in exasperation. "What's in it for me, un?"
"Leader-sama says you can send anything! Including explosives," Tobi added in teasingly. In truth, Pein had agreed to no such thing, but hey, a little twist in the truth always works wonders.
And indeed it did. "Count me in, un!"
"Kakuzu-san!" Tobi went off to deliver news to the next member of the Akatsuki. "Kakuzu-san, are you going to participate in the secret Santa exchange this year?"
The money hoarder gave him a look that clearly said 'do you think I'm an idiot?' Tobi remained oblivious to the glare and kept jumping up and down.
Whoever gave him sugar is going to get it... "We'll have to spend money, won't we? So of course not, we don't have money to waste on this!"
"But Kakuzu-san, you don't have to buy anything! You can make something with your jutsu and give it to your person!" Tobi tried again.
"And if we can sell the gift we get?" Kakuzu raised an eyebrow.
"Yeah!" Tobi could tell Kakuzu was a mere push away from agreeing. "You can get cash as your gift too!"
Kakuzu's eyes immediately lit up. "Alright, I'll join this...trade."
"Konan-san!" Tobi bounded off to the only female member of the Akatsuki. True, he used to think that Deidara was a girl, but he later changed his mind when he saw his flat chest. And when Deidara threatened to bomb him for thinking that.
The blue-haired girl turned to face the happy-go-lucky Akatsuki member. "Tobi...what brings you here?"
"Konan-san, would you like to join this year's secret Santa exchange?" Out of everyone, Tobi was Konan's favorite Akatsuki member, how could she possibly say no?
"Of course, some excitement would be nice for this dreary group." The origami girl smiled.
...well, that was easy.
"Who's left..." Tobi muttered to himself while walking down the hallway of the secret Akatsuki hideout. "I asked leader-sama, Deidara-sempai, Kakuzu-san, Konan-san... Hmm...there's still Hidan-kun, Zetsu-san, Itachi-san, and Kisame-kun..."
He stopped dead in his tracks and noticed that he had arrived at Zetsu's door. Making a snap decision, he turned the doorknob and walked in, with a cheery smile plastered on his face. Not that anyone could see it with the mask covering his face.
"Zetsu-san, did you hear about the secret Santa exchange?"
The green plant guy turned and faced the ever-happy Tobi. "Yes we have, in fact." It was the white Zetsu speaking.
"Are you going to join?" Tobi started hopping around. "Are you? Are you?"
Zetsu shrugged. "Why not? This could be a nice experience for the Akatsuki."
Score! Another easy win here!
"Hidan-kun, have you heard about the-"
"Yes, I heard about that shit. I'm guessing you're going to be asking me to join too?" Hidan growled angrily. "In case you can't see, I'm in a really important ritual right now!" And yes he was; Hidan was covered in blood, with a scythe sticking out of his chest, his eyes were closed in a prayer, and his clothes were half ripped.
"But are you going to participate in this Akatsuki event?" Tobi pushed forward, despite the fact that this Jashinist could easily slice him in half, or curse him dead.
"Wait, who said anything about an 'Akatsuki event'? Who agreed to this?" Hidan tried to rise up, but then remembered the scythe in his chest. "Fuck this," he muttered under his breath, ripped out the scythe, then stood up. "Who haven't you asked yet?"
"Just Itachi-san and Kisame-kun," Tobi replied, undaunted by this man's horrific appearance. "Even leader-sama agreed to it!"
The masochist gave a little cough, spattering blood everywhere. "Wait, even that idiot of a leader agreed?"
"I'd prefer it if you don't call me idiot, Hidan," came a cold voice from behind the Jashinist.
"Leader-sama!" Tobi cried happily. "Tell Hidan that you agreed to the secret Santa exchange!"
Pein gave Hidan a cold glare. "Yes, I have agreed to this. And yes, you will participate." He added the last part just as Hidan opened his mouth to argue. Hidan snapped his mouth back shut, then muttered angrily, "Yes, Pein-sama."
Since Itachi and Kisame were out on a mission right now, Tobi couldn't ask them, but had Pein request that they come back immediately for "a matter of utmost importance". Of course, Itachi and Kisame had come back right away and had a private meeting with Pein to talk about this "matter of utmost importance", and their mission's report.
When the two most powerful members of the Akatsuki came out of Pein's room, Tobi approached them and before he could utter a word, Kisame growled, "Leader-sama ordered us to, so yes, we will join in your stupid idea. Although why he would agree to that stupid plan is beyond me."
"Really?" Tobi started jumping up and down like a maniac. "Yayzers!"
Seven days of Secret Santa...don't expect me to update every week :D This is just a side fic I had an idea for.
Please review! Reviews will make Tobi happy!