*Set during New Moon

Disclaimer: Never have, never will. Life sucks huh?

EPOV

I had found this wheezing computer in the corner of the attic I have been cowardly hiding in. It has taken two months for me to bring myself to do this.

My dear Bella,

My whole being reacts to the words as I type them. A fierce agony thrashes at my chest where my silent heart lies. A numb throbbing pain rises in my throat, but not from thirst. This stinging in my throat is familiar now, the result of the tears that can never fall from my eyes. Trapped.

I catch my reflection in the screen and feel a surge of anger. On the inside I am falling apart, writhing in torment and flinching in pain. On the outside I am still. Emotionless and still. And perfect. My features are just as inhumanly perfect as they have been for the past 97 years, and it disgusts me. I ball my hands into fists on the keyboard. I want to be capable of looking as broken on the outside as I feel on the inside. I have never in all of my existence wanted to be human so much as right now.

I am sorry, love. So, so sorry.

More than she would ever know. My hands began flying over the keys with all the things my heart wanted to say.

I was selfish Bella. I kept you when you were never mine to keep. I endangered your life with my every breath and told myself I could save you. "She needs to be saved" I told myself. That kept me with you. It gave me the excuse I needed to allow myself to be selfish enough.

I paused and took one deep, unnecessary breath, my head bowing over the yellowing keyboard.

I had once thought I knew almost everything there is to know, being a mind-reading vampire and all. I thought I understood love, even before Bella came along. I had seen it in the minds of others time and time again. I thought I understood pain. I thought I had experienced pain in its most excruciating form. I thought I had experienced frustration and anguish and self-loathing.

I was wrong. I hadn't fully grasped any of this, until now.

But I knew, Bella. I knew that you would only ever need saving from me. And so I had to leave. I will never forgive myself for leaving you there in amongst the trees, believing every ridiculous lie that had just fallen from my mouth. The look on your face will haunt me for the rest of my painfully long existence, and I am deserving of it. But you will move on Bella, eventually. Don't ever be afraid to move on, it's the way things were intended. As for me, Bella, I have finally been strong enough to save you.

I took hold of the mouse and shifted the cursor toward the 'send' button. I closed my eyes and imagined pressing it as I tapped 'delete'.

-Fin-

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