Legal: I do not own nor am any way associated with DeGrassi or NOW magazine. This fic is for entertainment purposes only; the opinions in this fic are not necessarily my own they are simply what worked for the story. This fic deals with some sensitive issues and may trigger things for some readers so please read with caution.
Important to know before reading:
*Adam never died
*Drianca never broke up and Clare and Drew were never anything but friends
*This is a future fic taking place five years after Clare's senior year at DeGrassi
*It's a little long and you may need tissues at some parts
*Whole thing is in Clare's pov
Within the Sounds of Silence
"Okay Tom has the museum break in, I want in depth interviews with everyone you can get your hands on and take one of the photographers I want pictures of everything."
It's Monday morning and we're in the daily rundown meeting, it's a little after seven we're all drinking coffee and getting our assignments for the week from Claudia. She's the editor of NOW Magazine and I've been employed here since graduating Columbia last year.
"Next up we have an exclusive interview with Lucas Valieri, this is the first interview he's been willing to give since his conviction and you all know he was released last week. So who wants this one?" Claudia asks and my hand shoots up.
"I'll take it, I know Lucas…kind of, we went to the same high school but I know his sister and ex, even babysat for his daughter a couple of times before she moved to Paris," I tell everyone.
"Okay Clare takes that one, as in depth as you can get Clare I'd like to make it a series if possible and hopefully Lucas will be willing to talk to you. Everything you can get, life before prison, in prison, after, how he feels about what he did, does he have contact with his daughter. See if you can get interviews with other people too," Claudia tells me and I jot it all down on my laptop.
We finish the meeting and Claudia gives me Lucas' e-mail which is the only way we have of getting a hold of him right now. She said he's being very private but that's understandable, on the other hand I'm a good reporter and I have other resources, after a little digging I find Jane's cell phone number and call her.
"Jane Vaughn," she answers. I know she's married and working as an entertainment lawyer in Los Angeles but she uses her maiden name still.
"Hi Jane it's Clare Edwards from DeGrassi," I tell her.
"Clare, hi it's been a long time, last I heard you were going to Columbia and engaged to some guy," Jane says.
"I graduated last year and ended the engagement six months ago. Actually I'm calling because I work for NOW Magazine and Lucas granted us an exclusive interview, right now all I have to get a hold of him is an e-mail but I was hoping you'd know how to find him? I'll be doing the interview I thought it might be easier since he knows me, sort of anyway."
"Oh good I thought it would be good for him to talk about it after all this time and I am really relieved you'll be doing the interview because you'll handle it delicately. He lives in an apartment building that my mom manages," Jane informs me.
She gives the address of the apartment building, the code to get in and Lucas' apartment number. She says to call her back if I need anything and we talk a few more minutes before hanging up. I gather my laptop and purse and then leave the office, Lucas' apartment building is in Regent Park which despite the name is a neighborhood of mostly low income apartments and housing. After finding a parking spot, making sure my car is locked and all my valuables are out of it, I put in the door code and go up to the third floor knocking on Lucas' door.
"Just a sec," he calls and then opens the door clad in naught but jeans!
"Oh my look at all the rippling muscles!" I think to myself biting my lip before I even manage to look up and meet his eyes.
"Hi Lucas," I smile, he's still just as hot as he was in high school, maybe more so. The youthful arrogance is gone from his eyes, replaced by wisdom. You can see the years prison added to his life but he still looks hardly 25 and he's 27 now. He looks at me with a puzzlement and a hint of familiarity, he's trying to place me. "Clare Edwards, Darcy's little sister, often referred to as Baby Edwards or St. Clare," I remind him walking into his apartment and turning around extending my hand to him.
"Oh yeah I remember you," he says closing and locking his door with 4 different locks. "Spin looked out for you, Jane liked you and I think you babysat for Izzy," he comments shaking my hand.
"I did but I'm here on business, you granted NOW Magazine an exclusive and I work for them so I'm here for an interview," I explain looking around the sparse apartment. There's one bedroom and the only thing in it I can currently see is a bed on a box spring, no frame or headboard. The open kitchen has a fairly large wood dining table that looks even larger because there are only two chairs around it. He has nothing in his living room it's just an empty space right now, there isn't even a TV.
"The interview was Jane's idea, she thought it would help, I am glad to see a familiar face even if you look entirely different from what I remember," Lucas comments.
"Well last time you saw me was nearly ten years ago when I was a freshman at DeGrassi" I remind him.
"Yeah how'd you find me by the way?" He questions pulling out one of the chairs at the dining room table and motioning for me to sit down.
"I found Jane's cell number and called her," I reply.
"Smart but then you always were, sorry there's nowhere else to sit Mom's looking for some second hand furniture we can afford. Can I get you water or anything?" He asks.
"No I'm okay thanks, shall we start? I know you plead guilty and there wasn't a trial and the little bit of interviews you did do didn't go much in depth mostly they focused on the crime itself. If it's okay with you I'd like to go more in depth than that," I tell him as he sits down, I keep a soft smile on my lips and phrase things carefully because I know this can't be easy for him.
"You can ask me anything you want I just don't guarantee an answer," Lucas replies with a bit of a smirk and I smile.
"Fair enough, ok going back to that day tell me everything you can remember, everything you felt and thought," I begin. Sometimes the key to a good interview is just getting the person to talk and not to ask a lot of questions.
"Izzy was visiting for the summer, I had to work but I managed to switch to day shifts. She was going to a summer day camp and I got her up that morning, it was just another morning, we ate breakfast and got ready to go. She packed her own lunch because I didn't know what she wanted to eat," he says with a sad smile as he remembers that morning a little over five years ago. "She'd been going to the camp for a little over a month, she was only going to be with me for another three weeks. She didn't talk too much about the camp but I didn't think much of it. I was going to take her to Wonderland that weekend, she was really looking forward to it," he tells me and his smile takes on a hint of pride, his eyes flashing at a memory; perhaps Izzy's smile when he told her or a grateful hug from his somewhat estranged daughter at the time.
I had never really put much thought into Lucas, what little I saw of him between 12 and 14 was a mean bully that cared about no one but himself. Okay I admit at 14 I found a physical attraction, not that I would have acted on it or he would have glanced my way. I heard a little from Spinner and Jane about her revelations on being molested by her father and I know that impacted Lucas' behavior and attitude a lot and he began to change. More so when Izzy and Mia moved to Paris and he wanted to be a part of their lives still.
I've been typing and recording everything he says, the recording is for my notes in case I miss something. Lucas gets up pacing to the little window in his apartment and gazing out to the skyline, he doesn't seem reluctant to talk to me but I know the memories will just be more painful from here.
"You got off late that day," I prompt him hoping to get him talking again.
"Yeah there was an incident at work, one of the employees was caught stealing and we had to call the cops. It was a whole mess and happened at the end of day, I had to stay for paperwork and talking to the cops, I lost track of time. I should have been paying attention, asked Mom to pick up Izzy or something, then maybe…" his sentence drifts off his tone melted by regret and sorrow.
He stays silent, looking out the window but he's not seeing outside he's seeing whatever is in his mind. He's leaning against the window sill and is partially turned toward me. His face is hard to read, it's almost blank but in his eyes I see tears. I stay silent too, waiting for him to continue and fascinated by the deep set emotions in his dark brown eyes. I see a depth of character in him in this silence I've never seen in anyone, I wonder if it's always been there under the surface or if it was cultivated in the years since the day he's now thinking about.
"I raced to the camp and signed her out explaining why I was late. They said another boy's parents hadn't picked him yet either and he and Izzy were watching a movie in another room. I went to the room and found the boy sitting alone in the dark but not Izzy. I went searching everywhere, there were a lot of rooms and most were locked not that it stopped me because I can pick locks. And then I found her, in a store room being held on a table with a hand covering her mouth while a man, a camp counselor, was molesting her! She was so young and this man was defiling her! I lost all thought and common sense at that point, entirely taken over by rage and anger. I grabbed him by the back of the neck, threw him to the ground and just began beating him. My intent was never to kill him but I couldn't stop, I heard Izzy screaming and crying but I couldn't stop. I always felt guilty that I never protected Jane from Dad, and I blamed her for his leaving and I know now that was a part of the anger I was feeling at that time. Even if that had never happened to Jane this man was taking away my daughters innocence and I would kill to protect her. I only regret that I didn't get there in time to keep him from touching her at all."
He falls silent again, no longer staring out the window but looking at me and I stopped typing several minutes ago to just listen to him. I'll type it up later with my notes from the recording. When he was talking about what the man had done to Izzy and his father had done to Jane his face was red with ire, his fists clenched in anger but no longer. He leans against the windowsill with his bare feet crossed and his thumbs hooked in the pockets of his jeans. The late morning sun glistens off his bare and sculpted chest, which I must admit is somewhat distracting. His face however has a sort of resolute peace to it, he doesn't regret what he did, I believe he'd do it again if it came to that. Despite the brutality and violence of his act he did it out of love, to protect his daughter and protecting our own is our most primitive instinct. Protecting our own at the cost of others if necessary. I certainly would never condone the taking of another life and yet Lucas' actions were almost chivalrous, a man was hurting his daughter, robbing away her innocence and Lucas reacted.
I was a senior at DeGrassi when it happened, I read about it in the paper and I thought what Lucas did, while tragic, was heroic. I wish someone had been around when Darcy was raped or Asher was assaulting me, neither of our assailants ever saw any kind of justice. The loss of another life is always sad but the man Lucas killed was a child molester, after the story came out eleven other girls came forward with stories of abuse, so I can't say that I cried for the man or even felt bad that he died.
"By the time they pulled me away he was already dead. Izzy ran to me and I can still feel how she clung to me, my anger started to fade a bit. I was still enraged but holding Izzy I was concerned for her and felt such a need to keep holding her, protect her. My hands were bloody and it got on her clothes, you know to this day that's the image that most sticks out in my mind, my bloody handprint on the back of her shirt in that assholes blood. When they were dragging me away in handcuffs I saw it and I wanted to take it off of her, I felt like he was still dirtying her because his blood was on her clothes. I plead no contest as soon as I was at the station, I wasn't going to drag everyone through a trial I killed a man, not in self-defense but defense of my daughter. I plead guilty and the judge gave me ten years," Lucas tells me but he's talking in a matter-of-fact voice, he's trying not to think about the emotion and that's not what I want, I know the facts I want to know how he feels.
"Did you think the sentence was unfair?" I ask.
"No I took a life, even if he deserved it, I thought the sentence was fair and I was prepared to serve my time. I never regretted what I'd done but I didn't think I'd just be let off either, I beat a man in front of witnesses, in front of my daughter. I expected to be called a monster, I expected that man's family to hate me for killing him. I didn't do any interviews then and the few questions I answered from the press were always in the presence of my lawyer. I never did hear from his family, they might have written or tried to contact me and it was hidden from me I don't know," Lucas tells me walking back to the table and sitting down again.
"Do you want to know if they ever tried to contact you?"
"No," he shakes his head looking down at his hands folded on the table.
"What about Izzy do you have contact with her? She's thirteen now isn't she?" I question and he looks up at me with a bright smile.
"Yes she understood what I did, so did Mia, my mom, Jane and most of my friends, I heard from a lot of them I hadn't heard from in years. Guess that happens when you become famous or in my case infamous. Izzy wrote to me every day, every couple of weeks I'd get a package filled with letters and pictures from her, it made prison bearable. She couldn't visit me but she was at the gate when I got out, she ran to me and holding her again…" his sentence trails off again but there's such a happy and serene smile on his lips, his eyes glisten with happy tears. "Holding Izzy in my arms I knew I was free and starting a new life. I've been lucky my time could have been worse than it was and I was granted probation at my first hearing so I only served half my sentence."
"I even thought about contacting you when I heard, I wish someone had been around for me and Darcy like that," I confess and he looks me in the eye now, his forehead wrinkled and eyebrows pinched together in concern.
"I knew Darcy was raped on the ski trip were you…"
"No it never got that far just harassment by my co-op boss; anyway I'm supposed to be asking the questions. Can you tell me about prison? Think back to your first day and what went through your head? What were you feeling?"
"Honestly I don't remember feeling anything; maybe I was shielding myself, preparing myself for the next few years. The only thing going through my head was how to survive. My first day there I got this," Lucas says showing me a scar on his side about four inches long. Without even thinking I run my finger over the scar and he tenses up while his skin gets covered in gooseflesh. "Haven't felt a woman's touch in five years," he reminds me and I bite my lip.
"How'd you get that scar?" I ask him clearing my throat and hoping that I'm not blushing.
"A fight over food, the food is terrible but it's all there is and some guy, low in the prison society, had an extra roll and another guy wanted it. They got in a fight over it and when I tried to step in I got knocked into a table corner. It's one of many I got while in prison, they're kind of everywhere, constant reminders I guess."
"I don't see a single other scar," I remark staring at the muscles on his torso, he chuckles lightly and I look away because now I know I'm blushing.
"I can show you every single one if you like, they all have stories all though some are more interesting than others," he comments and my stomach growls.
"Uh maybe tomorrow, I think I need lunch and I need to transcribe all these notes. You'll have final approval over anything printed as was the agreement. So can we pick this up tomorrow? I still have a lot of questions, as I said I want to go very in depth if you're willing," I tell him.
"Yeah tomorrow is good," he grins.
"Great but let's meet at my apartment, here's my address," I comment scrawling my address on a napkin. "Incidentally is Izzy still in town? I won't interview her for the article but I would like to see her."
"Yeah she's still here, she's staying with my mom I'll talk to her maybe you can come for dinner tomorrow night," Lucas offers.
"Sounds great, I'll see you tomorrow then just come over when you're awake," I tell him.
I pack my laptop grab my stuff, Lucas walks me to the door and I smile at him before turning to down the hall. I'm not sure what I was expecting, I knew Lucas would have changed from the bully I remember but I still wasn't expecting that. I saw so many sides to him, so much vulnerability and strength, compassion and love, anger and pain. Not to mention there was certainly a physical attraction on my part, of course it didn't help that he was half dressed for the whole time. I can't be attracted to the subject of a story, it will make it biased and my editor will throw it out. Not to mention it breaks our ethics code and I could be reprimanded at best and lose my job at worst if someone were to find out.
I drive back home, eat a quick lunch and transcribe what's on the recorder into notes and use the notes to build an article. Truthfully I have enough to submit for an article already but nothing is due until Thursday and I want to see Lucas tomorrow. I'm up until after midnight and then I jump in a shower and go to bed, I'm woken up by my doorbell ringing.
"Who in the heck could be at my door at this hour?" I ponder noting that it's hardly past six, I throw my robe on without closing it and call that I'm coming. I expect it to be the building super or something, only I see Lucas when I look through the peephole. I run my fingers through my hair before opening the door. Lucas looks surprised and then grins as he looks me over the Dead Hand t-shirt of Eli's I still sleep in.
"Sorry, you did say to come over as soon as I was up didn't you?" He questions while I close my robe.
"Yes, I did come in," I tell him stepping aside, "I just wasn't expecting you so early I was up late."
"Guess I should have mentioned that they woke us up at five every morning and now I'm used to it," he says.
"Yeah that would have been good to know, no worries have a seat I'll put on some coffee and some clothes," I tell him going into the kitchen and starting the coffee maker.
"I don't mind if you interview me like that," he says as I scoop ground coffee into the top, "that was the sexiest thing I've seen in five years," he tells me and I bite my lip and blush, "didn't know you were into Dead Hand."
"I'm not, can't stand them actually, the t-shirt belongs to the ex-fiancé it's what I always slept in so I took it. The coffee's going and help yourself to anything in the fridge or cupboards I'll be out in ten."
I rush into my room and lean against the door rolling my lower lip between my teeth. I'm attracted to him, very attracted to him and that's a major problem. I take a deep breath and pull on some jeans and a light blue V-neck. I'm horrified when I look in the mirror, my hair is going everywhere, I don't know how that could possibly be sexy, and then I scold myself for being worried about it. I brush my hair and put on some deodorant before going back out. Lucas is sitting on the sofa with a cup of coffee; he looks over and smiles at me when I appear. I pour myself some coffee and join him on the sofa, grabbing my laptop and digital recorder so I can record everything and transcribe later.
"I talked to Mom by the way she remembers you and said she'd love for you to come over to dinner tonight. Off the record of course," Lucas comments nodding to my laptop and recorder.
"Of course," I nod turning everything on.
"Izzy didn't remember you but she was young last time she saw you. So where should we begin today?"
"Tell me about prison, you never quite told me about your first day only that you were a casualty of a fight. Tell me about your first day, being shown your cell, what did you think of that night?"
"Izzy, she was almost all I thought about but she got through that first night. I did what I did to protect her and thinking about her kept me going that first night, and most other nights."
For the next seven hours Lucas talks about his first year in prison, how he found his place among the gangs and hierarchy of prison society. How he looked forward to his packages from Izzy, letters from Jane and his mom's weekly visits. He tells me Jay would visit him once a month and sneak him in cigarettes and chocolate which are like a currency inside. I decide not to include that in the article so Jay doesn't get in trouble. Lucas tells me that Johnny visited and a few times and sent Lucas books every few months. Jane would visit every time she was in town and even Spinner came to see him in that first year. When he talks about having to turn off his emotions to survive he chokes up, and when he tells me how that first year seemed to take forever, but when he made it through alive and relatively unscathed he knew he was going to be okay his tone has a sorrowful pride in it. I hear about his first trip to the infirmary and how he lost weight in the first few months because he could hardly stomach the food. He tells me about his closest friend inside dying in a fight and Lucas tears up, actually he's crying or on the brink of tears for a lot of it, especially when he talks about everything he missed. People's birthday's he could only celebrate by calling from prison or writing, spending time with Izzy, Jane's college graduation.
"I think we should stop for the day," I tell him when I see it's after one and neither of us has eaten aside from coffee and some cookies I got from the cupboard.
"Yeah I should eat, so should you actually, are you coming to dinner?" He asks.
"Yeah of course," I smile.
"Good, my mom is in the same apartment building, she lives on the first floor apartment 1L and dinner is at six," he says.
"I'll see you at six," I grin walking him to the door.
Once he's gone I grab crackers, cheese and celery stalks for lunch before sitting down to transcribe my notes. I begin to but hearing it all again on the recorder without Lucas here I can really listen and some of it is so heart breaking I start to cry again. I give up transcribing and just write, for another four hours straight I just write. I'll have to edit it and cut out parts later but that's fine. When I see that my laptop clock says five I save what I have shut it down and get ready for dinner. I almost dress up like I'm getting ready for a date but I stop myself, this is a casual dinner not a date. I put on a knee length red skirt and an indigo sweater, fix my hair and put on some light makeup then drive to the apartment building where Lucas and his mom live.
"Hey come on in dinner's almost ready," Lucas smiles when he opens the door to his mom's apartment. He's wearing the same jeans as earlier but a nicer shirt. As soon as I step into the apartment I can smell the wonderful dinner Evelyn made.
"Hi Clare, so nice to see you again," Evelyn smiles as she comes out of the kitchen wiping her hands on her apron before shaking my hand.
"You too," I grin and see Izzy get up from the sofa. She's a gorgeous girl, she looks so much like Mia with long dark curls but I see her father in her too. I can see how she's turning from a child into a young woman as she enters her teen years. She goes to her father sort of hiding behind him and looking at me shyly. "Hi Izzy, I knew you when you were younger before you went to Paris, it's nice to see you again," I smile at her. She nods and smiles back timidly before Evelyn asks her to help set the table.
"Mia wanted me to say hi, she's glad you're doing the article, I think we all are," Lucas tells me.
"I'm glad you chose my magazine to give the exclusive to. I still have a lot notes to transcribe from today but we can meet tomorrow afternoon if you're up for more," I tell Lucas.
"Yeah that works for me, I still have a lot to tell you," he responds with a grin.
Evelyn calls us to the table and we sit down to eat. The food is very good and the conversation is light, mostly small talk between me and Evelyn about our jobs. Izzy doesn't say much but she talks a little about Paris and about how happy she is to have her dad back. Lucas asks me about Eli, actually he says the ex-fiancé but he didn't know Eli's name. I tell them a little of the long and sordid history of my relationship with Eli. I stay for a couple of hours and Izzy's warmed up to me by the time I leave. Tonight was fun and it was nice to talk to Lucas and not have it be for work and about his time in prison. However it only reinforced that I am not only attracted to him physically I think I have real feelings for him!
"Our sales are the highest they've been in six years thanks to your article on Lucas Valieri. How much do you have? We're making it a series I want everything, as much as you can get, if Lucas is willing to keep the interviews going," Claudia tells me dropping a paper with our sales numbers this morning on my desk. "There's already talk of you being nominated for a Gemini, possibly a Pulitzer for this article alone, well done you've made everyone at this paper extremely happy and ensured your career."
It's early Friday afternoon and our latest issue hit the stands this morning, the first of my articles on Lucas was featured as the centerpiece. I was rather proud of it and Lucas had approval before it even went to Claudia so I guess he liked it because he didn't change anything or ask for anything to come out. We'd been meeting for the last five days and my feelings just got stronger every time I was around him.
"I'm meeting with Lucas in a couple of hours and I still have a session on the recorder to transcribe. I have enough for at least three more articles; I'll talk with Lucas today but I'm sure he's willing to keep going," I inform her.
"Excellent, I can't believe the rapport you've built with him in so short a time; he was so closed the whole time he was inside. You sure you were only acquaintances? You're not sleeping with him for information or something?" Claudia asks me.
"No of course not, and we were barely even acquaintances but I was a familiar face and knew some of the same people so I guess that helped," I reply.
"Well whatever you're doing keep it up," Claudia says and walks back to her office.
"No problem I'll just keep internally thinking of kissing him every time there's a moment of silence and telling myself I can't get involved."
I sigh and start packing up my stuff, we're meeting at Lucas' apartment today since Izzy's leaving and he wants to spend all the time with her he can, understandably. I stop and get lunch before going to Lucas' apartment; Izzy opens the door when I knock.
"Hi Clare, I have to go Grandma's taking me to the airport but I'm coming out again at Christmas will I see you?" Izzy asks.
"Yeah I'd like that, your dad has my number and here is my e-mail address and phone number so you can get in contact with me yourself," I tell her giving her my business card. She hugs me and then her father before saying goodbye and going down to Evelyn's apartment.
"She read the article, she loved it, I think she read it three times. Mom had to buy her another copy so she could take it home," Lucas enlightens me.
"I'll be sure to send her copies of the remaining ones, assuming you're comfortable with continuing," I comment.
"Your first article makes me sound like a hero; if all your articles sound like that we can go on forever. Besides I like seeing you every day," he replies and I bite my lip thinking he's flirting and then telling myself I'm crazy.
"Well you are a hero in a way, anyway the articles are telling your story in depth so people understand what you did and what you went through. My editor and everyone at the paper is thrilled, she wants me to keep them going as long as I can," I comment setting up my laptop and the digital recorder on the table, I sit down and Lucas remains standing. "When we left off yesterday you were telling me about celebrating your 25th birthday in prison," I prod him.
"Yeah, 25 doesn't sound old, it doesn't feel old either but it does when you're in prison and thinking about how many more birthdays you might be spending in a cell. I got a package from Izzy that day, among the letters was a birthday card and a picture she drew, hang on," Lucas says walking back to his bedroom.
I hear him looking through a box and papers, after a few minutes he comes out again holding a crayon drawing. It's a drawing portraying stick figures of Izzy and Lucas, stick figure Izzy has a cake for him and she draws them outside but it's raining, obviously Izzy missed her dad and was sad she couldn't be with him on his birthday. Lucas gives me the card she sent with it too, she talks about missing her dad and how she wishes she could celebrate the birthday with him. She also thanks him for saving her and calls him her hero, lamenting that it isn't fair that he's kept away from her.
"That was the hardest thing for me, not seeing Izzy grow up, not even seeing her a couple weeks a year and when you spend birthdays and holidays mostly alone that's what really breaks you. Not spending my birthdays or her birthdays together was hard but not being with her on holidays…" his voice cracks and he stops talking. He looks so sad, wounded like the pain is fresh and I get up, putting my hand on his arm and caressing his skin lightly.
"Kiss him, kiss him Clare you've been dying to kiss him just kiss him," my inner self tells me and I bite the inside of my cheek to ignore it.
Lucas starts talking again, changing the subject and talking about a fight now. He talks for three more hours hardly taking a break, I don't even type and hardly ask questions, I'm mostly watching his face, how his expression changes when he talks about different things. After telling me about having the flu for three weeks and wishing he had his mother's care and her chicken soup I decide to end for the day.
"That's enough for the day I think, I still have notes to transcribe from yesterday," I tell Lucas shutting down my laptop and turning off the recorder. "We can pick up on Monday, if that works for you," I tell him closing my laptop and turning around to find Lucas right behind me and so close that I can feel his breath.
"I'd rather see you tomorrow and not talk about this stuff, just spend time together. I like you Clare, I'm immensely attracted to you and it's not just because I've hardly seen a woman in five years," Lucas informs me before cupping my face and pulling me to him.
Our lips join in this immensely passionate kiss, my entire body lights in this excitingly electric fire by the feel of his lips. One of my hands grips his shirt as the other reaches behind him clasping the back of his neck. I exhale into the kiss and deepen it by parting my lips, I want the kiss to last forever, I want more but my pragmatic side takes over and I push him away.
"Lucas we can't, I want to I'm attracted to you too, very attracted but there's a conflict of interest. I'm supposed to remain unbiased as a reporter I can't tell your story if all I'm thinking is about the next time I can kiss you, or making love to you. N…"
"You've thought about making love to me?" He grins cutting me off.
"Yes a lot but that's not the point," I argue.
"Right the articles, you're an amazing writer Clare I'm sure that you can find a way to keep the articles unbiased," he contends.
"Even if I can my editor can't find out about us or I'll be taken off your story. And we've only been spending time together for a few days; we didn't really know each other before. Not to mention that you haven't seen a woman for five years, although I don't know who else you've seen since you've been out but how can I trust that you're not rushing into this? I ended a two year engagement six months ago and I've only been on a few dates since then. As deeply physically attracted as I am to you, as much of a connection as I feel I can't just fall into a relationship, I have to trust that there's something real and more than just you needing the feel of a woman and a compassionate e…" I cut off my own sentence with a gasp as he pulls me to him pressing our bodies together.
"This," Lucas says and kisses me again, "is real Clare. Everything I feel for you is real and deep. I've been locked up for five years, I've had five years to think about what I wanted, about who I was, about what I was going to do when I got out. When you have all that time to think it doesn't take days or weeks to know that something is real and truly know what your heart feels, it only takes moments. You've felt it too, the connection, don't deny it Clare, don't be afraid life is too short for that. Tell me this isn't what you want and I'll never bring it up again, tell me you never want this," he pauses to kiss me once more, "and I will never bring it up again I'll finish the interviews with you and we'll stay friends. Although I don't promise I won't keep dreaming of you every night."
I don't even think and when my pragmatic side starts to argue I tell it to shut the hell up. Combing my hand into his dark brown locks I bring our lips together for a blissfully erotic kiss of new love!