That night he laid beneath me; his hands showing mine where to touch. It had been so sudden that I found myself on top of him looking into his mostly empty eyes. Something had broken. Something important. Something many would call a heart. "Just do what you want to me… I don't care anymore…"
His heart had shattered completely, but at that point, my heart was beating uncontrollably; my face beet red. I had always wished to be so close to him, but it was just a crazy want. In reality, it wasn't supposed to happen. Something was wrong. Very wrong, and yet, I tried to ignore it for my own pleasure.
He turned his gaze away from me, but I pretended not to notice as I touched his soft skin and kissed his neck. It was another thing I've always wanted to do to him, but it wasn't anywhere near as wonderful as I imagined. Not because of the feel of his body, but because it was like he wasn't even there. Not truly. And all of a sudden tears just began running down my face against my will to suppress it.
I tried to stop it. I tried to keep pretending, but he realized almost immediately, turning back to me with cold eyes. Cold empty eyes. "Why are you crying? I thought you wanted to do this to me."
"I do." My own voice shook, and I choked a bit while tears obscured my vision, "But you don't. You don't want this. I'm not him so-"
"I told you I don't care anymore. Touch me. Fuck me. Just use me, Xephos."
"No… " My voice shook even more. "I can't. It's not supposed to be this way."
"I don't know what you mean. You love me, right? You've got feelings for me, right?"
"But none of that matters if you don't feel the same!" I choked again, but I tried desperately to wipe the tears away. The taste of salt was so bitter, and it wasn't helping. "This isn't right! This isn't fair! I love you so much, but you don't care! This doesn't make me happy! Being a throw away replacement for him doesn't make me happy!"
His expression didn't change at all as he watched me break down. He was listening, but only to his own thoughts that had been swimming in his head all this time. Behind those dead eyes, he hadn't completely shut down. "Happy, huh?… I've forgotten what it feels like to be happy… To smile… To feel loved…"
The plastic look on his face and unfeeling sound of his voice sent waves of despair through me. While I was showing physical signs of pain, he held it all inside. "What do you mean you've forgotten when I'm here?… When I'm…"
"Love is so one sided. There's always someone who feels it while someone else completely ignores it. I hate that. I hate it so much."
"Sjin…I know exactly how you feel, I-"
"I miss Sips…." His voice trembled and dread hit me like a train, "I want Sips. He should be here. Not you. Not… you…"
Watching tears spill from his eyes, I could feel my heart crumbling into a billion pieces and my only want was to run away in order to escape the utter soul crushing feeling… so I did. At least I tried. Backing off; watching him curl into a pathetic ball, I scrambled to get out without looking a second more. Everything was so wrong. It really wasn't supposed to be like that.
I tripped over the clothes thrown about and then over my own two feet trying to reach the outside where I could finally fall to my knees shaking uncontrollably. I didn't know how to deal with it. I didn't know how I would ever recover from complete and outright heartbreak or how I'd eventually go back in to help him when I couldn't even help myself.
A/N: I have a bunch of different stories in one document I've been trying to finish. I started this one before Cheat Police came out so it's full of angst. Sorry about that.