Pairings: Raph/Mikey
Warning: Mention of light T-cest (kissing) - Don't like don't read
I was listening to my iPod the other day and a song came up I hadn't heard in awhile. Without warning this plot bunny knocked me on my butt and demanded to be written. This is my first attempt at a one shot so I hope you guys like it!
Song Inspiration: "Everything You Want" - Vertical Horizon
***********************************************
Raph opened the throttle and kicked the bike into high gear. New York City flew past him in blurs of harsh neon and muted yellow, but the green terrapin hardly noticed. The biting wind cut through the heavy leather jacket he was wearing but still he pushed the bike faster. Raph caught a glimpse of their favorite rooftop.
"You can see the Empire State Building from here!" Raph snorted. "Ya can see it from almost anywhere…" "Yeah but from here you can really SEE it…It's so beautiful." Raph pulled his mate close, letting him rest his head against his chest. "Ya make it beautiful." They leaned in for a tender kiss…
Raph barely had time to screech the bike around the sudden corner. Whispering a bitter swear, Raph tried to shake his head of the memory. Picking up speed again he raced down the street before getting on the highway. He wasn't even sure where he was going at this point. The speed wiped everything away, to the point that all Raph could focus on was the pavement beneath his bike.
"How can you even see where you're going?!" "Jus' hold on back there! I'll show ya what she can REALLY do!" "YAAAAHHH!"
Raph let a small chuckle escape his lips. Revving the engine, he weaved his way in and out of traffic, missing the speeding cars by inches.
Finally the cold got to the red ninja and he pulled off the highway. Absently he pulled into a vacant lot and cut the engine. Pulling off his helmet, Raph swung himself off the bike. Turning, his breath caught in his throat. How had he ended up here? Gently setting his helmet on the seat of his bike, Raph slowly walked towards the abandoned building.
"Ok guys, the game is ninja tag. That means stealth-" "Yeah, yeah, Fearless. We got it already!" "Raph I didn't even-" "Last one in hatched from a rotten egg!" Mikey's laugh echoed through the empty building. "So much for stealth…"
Raph walked down the dilapidated hallway, listening to the groan of the rotted floorboards beneath his heavy boots. The moon reflected off the fine layer of dust covering the floor, like silvery velvet. Slowly, Raph continued towards the door at the end of the hall. The door hung open, creaking slightly as Raph pushed past. A small smile played across his face. Those damn hinges had nearly cost him a game of ninja tag. Quietly he entered the empty room, taking in the musty damp smell.
"We can't hide in the same place genius! We'll both get caught!" Raph grinned, cupping the soft face. "Wouldn't have it any otha way."
Tears pricked the corners of his eyes. Angrily he wiped them away with the back of his hand. It was time to go. Raph turned towards the door, catching a glimpse of the dirty window and froze. It's still there. Raph placed a shaking hand on the dusty windowpane. Traced through the dust were their initials.
M+R
Falling to his knees, Raphael let out a scream of anguish, letting his pain reverberate off the walls. Clenching his fists to his face, Raph let the hot tears fall.
It had been a year since Mikey had died.
**********************************
Leo sat silently watching the lair door. Raph had left without a word again, and it was all the blue leader could do not to dash out to find him. Raph needed space, Leo knew that, but damn if it didn't make him worry about his hothead brother. No it was more than that. Raphael was always on Leo's mind.
Even when they were young, Raph had managed to dominate the forefront of Leo's thoughts. The way his muscles rolled beneath his emerald skin as he hit his punching bag. His rough deep voice dripping with a heavy Brooklyn accent. The look in his eyes when he looked at Mikey…
Leo sucked in a sharp breath at the bitter memory. It had been so painful when he found Mikey wrapped in Raphael's strong arms. What hurt even worse was how perfect they were together. Mikey's bright personality had kept Raph's darker demons at bay, while Raph's strong presence gave the orange turtle a sense of belonging and security. The perfect couple.
Sighing, Leo leaned forward resting his elbows on his knees, his head left hanging. It had gone so wrong. Mikey had been everything to Raphael, and now he was gone. Without Mikey, there was no bright light for Raphael, and it was killing Leo to see that. Bringing his hands to his face, Leo replayed that night in his head.
It had been a routine patrol. They had taken the Battle Shell out for the night, hoping the added speed would get them home early for once. Leo and Don occupied the front, discussing which route to take, while Raph and Mikey sat in the back. Raph was itching for a fight, and Mikey was practically bouncing off the walls with pent up energy. Sighing Leo had given up trying to get them to listen to the plan. He and Donnie would figure it out.
Suddenly a beeping sound came from one of the many instruments Donnie had installed in the dashboard. Squinting at the locator, Don found a group of Purple Dragons in the middle of what looked like a shipment delivery. Raph cracked his knuckles menacingly, a cocky grin plastered on his face. Mikey's eyes were bright with excitement.
"All right guys let's do this," Leo said. "Watch each other's back. There are a lot of guys down there."
Mikey nodded eagerly while Raph scoffed.
"Tch! Watch your own back Fearless."
"Raph I'm not arguing this point with you. We can't afford to underestimate an enemy."
"Yeah, yeah, Splinta' Junior," Raph said, clearly annoyed.
Leo sighed. At least Raph hadn't argued any further.
As they drew close, Leo outlined the plan. They would split into teams of two, cutting off the Purple Dragons' exit on either end of the alley they were occupying, trapping them.
"Raph, you and Mikey take the Shell Cycle and wrap around the back. Don and I will cut them off from the front."
Raph grinned grabbing Mikey's hand and scrambled to the back of the Battle Shell. Mikey was the only one Raph let ride his bike with him, otherwise Leo would have gone with the red turtle instead. Raph was just too reckless.
With a shout the two brightly colored ninjas flew from the Battle Shell astride the Shell Cycle. Peeling around the corner, they flew out of sight, Mikey clinging tightly to Raphael. Leo felt his chest tighten, but quickly pushed the feeling aside. His focus was needed elsewhere.
Raph and Mikey gleefully rode towards the alley, weapons at the ready. Together they were a formidable team, combining Raph's strength with Mikey's natural athleticism. Raph skid the bike to a stop, whipping the rear wheel out in a wide semicircle, taking out four Purple Dragons in the process. Mikey leapt from the rear seat, his nunchakus a blur. With deadly accuracy Mikey began to mow down the gang members, his limbs twisting in graceful arcs.
Raph felt his heart swell watching his lover fight. Mikey may seem like a goofball, but watching him fight; Raph could see the genius of his youngest brother. Reading his enemies like a book, Mikey leapt through the air like a javelin, striking his enemies down with precise blows. Raph began his own attack, reveling in the feel of his muscles coiling before releasing his raw strength in his strikes. Together, he and Mikey were unstoppable.
Leo and Don had come careening around the corner, the smell of burning rubber thick in the air as the Battle Shell came to a screaming halt. The two turtles leapt from the vehicle, immediately cutting a swath in the wave of Purple Dragons. Everything had been going well, and Leo could already feel the relief that their plan had worked. He even taunted a few of the men before knocking them silly. Leo turned to throw another gibe at his adversaries, but the words died on his lips. He had made a grave mistake. Standing on the rooftops like silent gargoyles was a throng of Foot ninja.
"Guys we need to leave NOW!"
Donnie immediately began to back towards the Battle Shell, swinging his staff in great sweeping motions. He would be all right. Leo turned to Mikey and Raph. The two turtles were no longer grinning as the gravity of the situation became clear. Leo was about to run to them to help clear a path to the Shell Cycle when the Foot attacked. Flying down from the rooftop, the black villains flooded the space between Leo and his younger brothers. His plan had backfired. With a roar Leo tried to surge forward but was pushed back by numerous Foot. Cursing, Leo was forced to run to the Battle Shell. He only hoped Raph and Mikey could hold their own before he could help.
Raph had relished the challenge of the Foot ninja, but Mikey was already trying to back towards the Shell Cycle. With a huff of annoyance, Raph began to fight his way to the machine, all the while deflecting deadly shuriken and kunai. It seemed the Foot didn't want to get to close, and were relying on the long-range weapons to herd the turtles into a corner. Raph spun his sai trying to keep up with the barrage, but it was clear he wouldn't be able to get the Shell Cycle started without getting hit. Suddenly Mikey stepped in front of him, spinning his nunchakus faster than the eye could see.
"Get us out of here Raph!"
Raph wasted no time in running to the bike. Mikey kept the Foot back while Raph tried desperately to get the bike to start. He wasn't sure how Mikey was keeping all the hurled weapons at bay.
As if to answer his question, a shuriken came flying out of nowhere and lodged itself in the wiring. With a low growl, Raph yanked the offending weapon out praying the damage wasn't enough to keep the bike from starting. Turning the ignition, Raph let out a sigh of relief when the engine roared to life. Swinging himself on the bike, he was about to turn to his lover to grab him, but was glad to quickly feel Mikey settle behind him.
"Hang on!" he yelled.
Mikey had snaked one arm around Raph as they sped down the street. They flew past the dark houses, neither saying a word. The Foot seemed to have given up, but what had happened to their other brothers? Raph nearly crashed when his T-Phone went off. Leo frantically asked them where they were and if they were all right. Raph answered they had made it and were heading home. Hanging up he felt Mikey's arm tighten around his middle. Placing a comforting hand over Mikey's, Raph sped home.
Raph pulled into the garage, cutting the engine. Leaning back he felt something slick against his leg. Had that shuriken hit the oil tank? Looking down, Raph felt his heart skip a beat. Oil was not red. Whirling around, he was just in time to catch Mikey as he fell to the side.
Raph's eyes widened in horror when he saw his lover. Mikey had been able to stop the thrown weapons, but only by sacrificing himself in the process. Great gashes and gouges littered the young turtle's plastron, while some weapons still remained lodged in the sea green skin. Smiling weakly, Mikey reached a trembling hand up to cup Raphael's face.
"I love you," he whispered. Slowly, the bright blue eyes closed, and his hand dropped limply from Raph's cheek.
"MIKEY!"
*******************************************************
Leo jerked awake, a thin layer of sweat on his leaf green skin. He had watched Mikey die in Raph's arms that night. He had watched as the red turtle he loved fell apart before his very eyes, cradling their little brother. Bitter tears stained the blue mask on Leo's face.
The clank of the lair door opening snapped Leo's eyes to the entrance. Raph's hunched form slowly entered the lair. Silently he shrugged out of his leather jacket, moving to hang it against the wall. It was then he caught sight of Leo.
"You're back," Leo said, his voice cracking.
Raph took in the pained look on his brother's face. Raph could still feel the dampness of his own tears on his mask. Silently looking at the ground, he nodded. If he opened his mouth now, he would never be able to stifle the scream of rage building in his chest.
Suddenly Raph felt strong arms embrace him. Looking up, he realized Leo had leapt across the back of the couch, sweeping him into a crushing hug. Raph felt his knees go weak at the rush of emotion coursing through him. Leo pulled him even closer, his hand on the back of Raph's neck.
Burying his face in Leo's shoulder, the proud red turtle began to sob quietly. How Leo knew this is what he needed, Raph couldn't guess, but he wasn't going to pull away. Not this time.
Leo felt the hollowness in Raphael, his heart twisting for his younger brother. Never one to ask for help, Leo knew that Raph would hold everything in until it broke free, maybe even dangerously. If being his silent crutch would help the hothead ninja then Leo would happily take the role.
Leo gently rubbed Raphael's shell in gentle circles. He had done this when they were kids. Raph had always had nightmares, but unlike Mikey who would run to their master for comfort, Raph instead found solace from his imagined fears in Leo. Leo smiled gently at the memory, wishing he could make this all go away like a bad dream.
Raphael's breaths came in evenly now, the tears he had shed slowly drying on his cheeks. Raph felt his sadness ebb slowly away to a dull throb. He could bear this. Whereas Mikey's presence had been warm like the sun, Leo possessed his own light. Much like the moon, a gentle glow that soothed the soul.
Raph had always been secretly jealous of that light. Leo was everything Raph wanted to be. A leader, an honorable warrior, a caring older brother and good friend. Instead Raph found himself always at odds with his desires, and in being so, at odds with Leo. And yet here was his older brother once again helping him in ways he couldn't help himself.
Gently, Raph broke the embrace between them. With a weak smile he looked at Leo.
"Thanks bro," he whispered, before turning to the stairs and disappearing into his room.
Leo's arms hung limply at his sides, Raph's whispered thanks echoing in his head. Raph would never see him as anything other than a brother.
Leo slowly turned towards his own room, where he shed silent tears.
***********************************
6 months later
Donatello watched as his brothers moved about the lair. Leo had once again retreated into meditation, hoping to find solace within himself. Raph had begun his daily ritual of pounding his punching bag until near exhaustion. Don knew the only reason Leo was meditating out of the dojo was so he could keep an eye on Raph. Once too often the red turtle would work himself into a frenzy, bloodying his knuckles as he wildly punched his punching bag.
Don sighed. How could Raphael be so blind to the pain he was causing Leonardo? It was beyond the genius, how his strong leader could just sit silently by, nothing more than an emotional crutch for Raphael while suffering himself. Frustrated he got up and made his way over to his older brothers.
"Hey Raph can I ask you a favor?"
Leo opened one eye questioningly as Raph stood panting from his efforts.
"What do ya need Braniac?"
Don chuckled at the old nickname.
"Would you be able to help me with some of the security cameras in the southern quadrant? I need an extra pair of hands."
Raph put his hands on his hips, thinking it over.
"Ah fine…" he finally said, turning to get the small towel laying across the back of the couch.
Don turned his gaze to Leonardo, a silent "thank you" passed between them. Nodding, Donatello moved to gather his equipment and his nerve. This wasn't going to be easy, but Raphael needed to know.
…
A short time later, Don and Raphael were walking deep into the tunnels in the southern quadrant of the sewers. Raph hadn't said much, and Don didn't push him. Soon enough, there would be plenty to say.
After coming to the first camera, Don set his bag down, pulling a pair of pliers out. Raph turned to the camera and noticed the light for it was on. There was nothing wrong that he could see. Turning to Don, he was shocked when the purple turtle took the pliers and yanked several wires loose.
"Donnie what the shell-"
"Raphael, what do you think of Leo?"
Raph abruptly stopped talking. Where had this come from?
"Don, what are ya talkin' about?"
Don rubbed the bridge of his beak in frustration.
"Leo," Don repeated. "What do you think of him?"
Raph's face was even more confused. What was Donnie playing at?
"Well uh…he's a good fighter…and uh-"
"That's not what I mean Raph," Don said. "I mean, what do you think of Leo romantically?"
Raph snapped his mouth shut.
"Tell me Raph," Don pressed. "I need to know."
"Leo and I aren't like that," Raph hedged. "I mean, he's my brotha' and I love him like one. There ain't anythin' else."
Heaving a sigh Don leaned against the sewer wall and slid down it. This was what he was afraid of.
"Do you realize what you are doing?" he asked, looking up at Raph.
"What I'm doin'?"
"Yeah Raph," Don said. "What you're doing to Leo."
Raph's face scrunched in confusion. What did romance have to do with what was happening between him and Leo?
"He loves you Raph, more than a brother" Don said quietly. "He has for years."
Raph felt his face grow hot. The Fearless Leader and him? No. That couldn't be right. Leo was the perfect brother. He loved him sure, but platonically. They had never shared anything beyond that.
"Come on Don," Raph said laughing weakly. "Like Leo would even considah me anythin' otha than a brotha'."
Don glared up at Raph.
"You really have no idea do you?" he asked bitterly.
Raph's laugh stilled as he saw the serious look in Donnie's eyes.
"Don, I know that Leo has been helpin' me through….everythin' but really, he and I-"
"He's done more than you know Raph," Don laughed, but the mirth did not reach his eyes. "Who do you think cleaned your bike after that night…"
Raph blinked.
"Didn'…Didn' you do it?" Raph asked softly.
Don slowly shook his head.
"The only thing I did was repair the wires Raph. I was making my way to the garage when Leo came back down to the lair," Donnie shivered at the memory of watching the husk of his older brother covered in his younger brother's blood slowly trudge from the garage. It had haunted his dreams for months.
Turning his gaze back to Raph, Don continued.
"He spent the whole night cleaning his little brother's blood off of that bike because he loves you," Don said. "He has been supporting you from the shadows ever since I can remember. Dammit, Raph, the guy loves you and you didn't even notice!"
Raph slowly backed into the wall trying to process what Donnie had just told him. His bike had been spotless after that night. What would have been a killing blow to him, was taken instead by his older brother. And yet even with this knowledge, Raph couldn't bring himself to see Leo as anything other than a brother. He didn't know why.
The guilt was starting to bubble to the surface and Don could see it slowly creep across Raph's face.
"Stop," Don said forcefully.
Raph turned mournful eyes to his purple brother.
"I never knew Don," he said. "I never knew Leo felt like that and I can't even return those feelings. I've been hurtin' him…"
Don silently stood. Walking over to his red-masked brother, he put an arm around the emerald green shoulders.
"I know Raph," he said. "I know you don't feel that way, and really it's not your fault. But you need to let Leo go. He can't go on like this. Neither of you can."
Numbly Raph nodded. Leaning into Don for support, the two turtles rose to their feet. Don quickly fixed the wires he had pulled loose, and the two brothers made their way back to the lair.
…..
Leo couldn't focus. His pathetic attempts at mediation only left him more stressed and frustrated than when he started. Finally giving up, he made his way down the stairs to Raph's punching bag. He ran a calloused hand over the worn material, catching on the rough tape covering the numerous holes Raph had worn into it. Gripping both sides of the bag, Leo sighed leaning his forehead against it.
It was like that that Don and Raphael found Leo. Raph felt his gut twist at his older brother's forlorn figure. The subtle signs of exhaustion and stress stood out against his leaf green skin. Swallowing hard, Raph walked quietly over, placing a hand on his brother's arm. With a jerk Leo snapped his head up, locking eyes with Raph.
"Leo," Raph said softly. "Can we talk?"
Confused Leo only nodded as Raph led him to the couch. Don silently slipped into his lab, giving his brothers their privacy.
Sitting Leo down, Raph stood beside the couch nervously staring at the ground.
"Look Leo," Raph said, "There's some stuff I wanted ta talk ta ya about, and I uh…I wanted to say I'm sorry."
Leo blinked in surprise. Whatever he had been expecting it wasn't this.
Slowly he brought Raph to sit next to him.
"What are you sorry for Raph?"
"For neva realizin' you were hurtin."
Leo froze.
"I neva realized ya were hurtin' 'cause I was so wrapped up in ma own pain. I couldn' look past it. And 'cause of me, ya were hurtin'."
"Raph, you don't have to be sorry about that."
"Yes I do. I have to be sorry. 'Cause I can't give ya what you want. What ya deserve."
Leo closed his eyes. He figured it out.
Raph looked at Leo concerned. He never wanted to hurt Leo.
"Bro I…I can't love ya like that. Ya deserve someone who does, but I just can't…I… I…"
Leo felt the tears running down his face. Raph was trying so hard. Life really wasn't fair. Leaning forward he pulled Raph into a gentle embrace.
"Shhh Raph…i-it's ok."
The careful control Raph had tried to keep in place crumbled and he too broke into tears.
"I'm sorry Leo…you've done so much fa me an'….I can't….god why?"
Smiling through his tears, Leo began to rub Raph's shell in gentle circles.
"I don't know."