There had never been somewhere like heaven
And a heaven would not exist, even if the titans are gone.
Because people who worth your heart
is where heaven if formed.
This is it, the people cheers. Cheers and celebration fill the small land and fill the night. To them, they finally rid off a species that came above them in the food chain and cut off one of the possibility for them to beheaded. A happily ever after… after years and years of fear and sacrifices. The palace light in wave of colored flames, as the royals announce the grand victory of the human survivor. Then, one by one, the walls that protect humans for very much a hundred years, light up in bizarre torches, blue, red and much more color. As if the laughter and cries of relieve is not enough to express how the humans feel.
Wall Sina, Wall Rose, Wall Maria, dress in the courtesy of elders and soldiers…or should I say ex-soldiers, that vow to wipe clean the breeds of titans, line in neat formation, salute to this dream that does not seem real. Some cried, some smile, some shout of course. But they shout to the sky, where they believe the dead had went for, announcing this news that worth a million life, to their subordinates, friends and family… that fall under the titans.
"Why watch from here?"
Some rustle of the tree, and I feel a weight sit beside me.
Eyeing the view below and slowly I turn to watch the night sky.
"Don't you think the view is better here?"
The being beside me give me a clean flip with his eyes. I didn't look at him but I'm very sure that he did that. Follow by a small unnoticeable smile which did not go unnoticed by me. I start to wonder what will others react if he ever smile in front of them… they might freak out.
"you got a point. You can see the 3 walls here. And almost everything."
"Right? And you can also see the stars clearly…without the disturbance of the flames and stuff."
"Brats. Fucking don't understand the cheesy things about the stars. Talk 'bout that to your girlfriend."
"Never think that I would get one though, old man."
His brow deepened, as a sign he is piss, pissed being called old.
"I would fucking shove a feet into your face later when we get down."
I smiled.
He shift a little, closer to me. Until the space between us left merely a spoon worth of space. His warm heat radiate from his body, and I can feel him sigh.
"the war end like that, never expect it this fast." I say, as a soft gust of wind blew past, running through the dark locks of the person beside me. His hair already reach his shoulder, but he did not seem to want to cut it short back.
"as fast it is, we been through this shit 10 years plus. In my case, 20. This period of time is long enough for our flesh to decay."
"so, you admit you are old?"
He raised his hand, attempt to hit me, but then, he just let it be.
"show some respect, even if I'm not your superior now, brat."
I can't help but laugh inwardly.
"this is the first time I'm in an advantage even if I said something like that."
I laugh, he ignore.
And then, he turn back his attention to the all night fiesta down there. While I look at the starry sky above.
Silence envelope both of us.
This moment, just looking beside like a bystander, enjoy being a part yet not inside. It feels good in its own way, a moment like a hazy dream. Like something that would end… how long has it been? ten years are never too long or too short. Then, a minute of doing nothing feels so long even though it's only a mere moment of silence and leisure. A restless nights…
Making out the stars above me, remembering their names. They seem so close to my existence, maybe that's why I like and hate them now. A tune play along the name of the stars… I clear my throat, and start to hum the song, eventually sings out, break the silence with overflowing melody…
"Dark pallet prepared by the sky,
painting with blind black and hint of blue,
you hand your wishes and hope,
they hang the diamonds that sparks your heart
for you to hold your hearts and pray.
Shadows of the heaven,
they cover you to sleep,
sketch the dreams to somewhere,
somewhere beyond this land,
so you could close your eyes in peace.
May the wind sooth to your breathing
And may the land cradle your soul
As midnight gives you silent lullaby
As moonlight give you warm,
The stars watch for you,
So you will never be lost…"
I end the serenade with a satisfied grin marking my lips in a small curve.
"what the hell is that?"
"a serenade. I'm sure that I sang it well."
"Matches the stuff you are staring though." And he joins me, looking at the sky that shine brilliantly as night goes long. More stars glittered the dark canvas, making it look almost unreal.
"who taught you."
"hmm?"
"that song."
"Oh… my mom. This is just one of it. But it's my favorite. It give me a tranquil and calm feeling when I need it…or to feel it."
He only listen now. Without any words, we continue to be part of the silence in the night.
But I know.
There is so much to talk about. Yet it feels right not to say anything…
"but a few question is better you know?"
He only look at me, knowing what I was saying.
"the night doesn't continue forever, corporal."
He lower his head until we met each other gazes. We only heard each other now, not the festive, not the low chirping of life in the forest.
"then… do you love me."
His fingers now touch with mine, briefly at the side. His eyes show his determination. I can only sigh in my heart. Even when he ask about stuff like that he still sound like he is questioning a criminal… habit die-hard I guess? Thinking about that, a smile crept around the edge of my lips.
"don't make me wait for the ans…"
"Yes, I do. I always do."
That sent him into a stone for a moment.
"you are seriously fuck up…"
"you too, corporal."
"Then…why?"
He look at me, with that pair of eyes that see through numerous blood, war, humanity sins…that pair of eyes that remain stern these years, but now with a glimpse of sadness.
"I just made a choice. Life never let me choose that much… I know what's priority and.."
"But that's what bring you into this state!"
For the first time in my life, I witness the humanity strongest soldier leak a drop of tear, from the corner of his eyes. Never in my life I thought of this day coming…
"corporal?"
"You said you love me but oh fuck this choice you make isn't fucking helping me."
"You live."
"Ya, right I'm fucking living and…"
I move closer, and place my lips on his. Sealing what he would say, which I know. Soft and warm cuddle the both of us. We melt our self as a small tasting on the lip slowly become nibbles and whisper. Joining part of our soul, like it is natural between us. The kiss last for a while, until I decide to let go of his lips.
"Corporal…no. Rivallie. I love you."
We look into each other. Understand everything that are more than words. His grip on my hand become tight. He knows.
"And I'm sorry."
Another tear broke down from his already wet eyes.
So do mine.
"I'm sorry that I'm selfish. my choice is a selfish choice."
"Ya. You indeed is a selfish brat. Stubborn and all…"
"so I have another…last selfish request."
I glance at the sky, that slowly melt into deep shades of purple…morning is approaching. My time is vanishing through the countdown of the breaking dawn.
I breath in, and place our forehead together, softly touching and breath in each other's presence, while I whisper to him my last wish.
Him, the only man I would place in my heart eternally, if I had the time of eternal.
Like some tales I heard, there never was a good ending. But I know eventually… this man I love will reach one pleasant end... with another someone who is worth his heart.
Until that day… Rivallie.
The first ray of dawn, shone upon the humanity like a new light.
As I open my eyes, the sky, with shades of red, purple, pink and gold greet me, along with the foreign scenery of things they call mountain and valley.
I realize that I slept on a tree, leaving my guard down to the lowest. Then, something caught my attention. I was holding something in my hand, and then I found that it is a key of a brunette's possession. I can only stare at it. Stare at what he only left in this world until bits of a scene where he was so close to me in a night of stars arrange themselves in my memory. Fuck it…I do not cry, even when my mother died, even when my subordinate got eaten in front of my eyes. But now, stream of tears unconsciously flow down their path.
"… Damn you and your selfish request."
I wipe away the tears, and stare blankly at the sky…
"There you are! Corporal Rivallie! Everyone thought you were missing!"
"Damn it. Erwin was going to blow up you know, we have some problem."
"and…everyone was worried."
I look down from the tree I slept on yesterday, and saw the others that survive.
We still standing, even if it's only a few of us.
"it's still early for you shitty brats to worry 'bout me."
"Sir! Please come down now… the troops are seriously having a bad hangover after yesterday celebration! Hanji is wrecking on Wall Maria. Mike is messing with Connie in the freaking town central. And…"
"what! Don't tell me I fucking become babysitter for bunch of idiots?"
I wear the key around my neck, and promise to never put it down…
You know what, Eren? Screw your last selfish request…
I smile, looking somewhere out there.
"I want you to find someone else…and be happy."
But..if you are selfish, why can't i? Don't think I can find someone who can fuck my mind like you anymore…who say something 'bout eternal happiness after the titans are wiped out. Fuck them alright. There will never be heaven or stuff like that even if titans are gone…
"corporal!"
"corporal, where are you going?!"
"…"
So, First thing for me to be happy… probably is to ditch this bunch for a day.
"corporal!"
"Wait for us !"
The wind rush through my ears, as I turn on my maneuver gear.
My hand hold tight on the key as I run from a tree to another.
I'll be happy in my way. With you with me.
Forever.
Inside here…
Where I vow to kill all titans, and now where I will keep you as a part of me.
Until the day I meet you again.
Eren.
I love you.
….
"I want you to find someone else… and be happy…until your time ends here as well, I promise to meet you in the next life. Rivallie."
" I love you"