Finn fucking Hudson. The thought of the sick bastard makes me throw the football a little too hard at Big Lips. Oh, no worries, the ball didn't hit his head. Finn totally ganked my ideas. His originality astounds me (okay, my vocabulary has taken a turn for the Rachel). He gets all of his wooing ideas from me. No, seriously.
Exhibit A: He knows I've had a crush on Berry since I saw her in that white dress at Jew camp when I was like, eight.
Exhibit B: I sang to her first.
Exhibit C: Giving her slushies is my thing. (He doesn't even know her favorite flavor. The other day I saw him hand her a cherry slushy, CHERRY. She hates cherry, which she reminds me of every time I take care of her when she's sick and she almost always barfs on me when she smells that cherry medicine I try to give her. I do it because she starts ranting and it totally distracts her from the fact she's miserable.)
That brings me to another thought: Since Finnessa is such a baby and completely afraid of getting a fucking cold, every time Berry gets sick, I have to take care of her (not that I'm complaining), and he's her fucking boyfriend. He has taken my daughter, my baby mama, Glee, and now Rachel. This is getting ridiculous. I'm going to have to do something about this while Rachel and him are still broken up. Now that Lauren and I are over (total bitch by the way), I can totally get with Berry. We are two good looking Jews anyway. It's only natural.
"Hey Berry!"
"Noah, can I ask you to please stop screaming? You are attracting far too much attention and you are only a few feet away, therefore, there is absolutely no viable reason for you to use your outside voice"
"Yeah yeah Berry. Hey, you want to go hang out, maybe work on that Glee project."
"Well I'd love to Noah. I've been thinking about that assignment…."
Oh yes, the gleam in her eyes meant he was getting some boob action. He knew it. That shit about waiting til she was 25 wasn't meant for him. Oh no. It was sure as shit meant for the asshole she really didn't trust. I guess Hudson's little tricks just weren't as good as the originals.