A/N: I had to. So much angst lately within the Brittana community... People who are getting this in their email updates because they're keeping up with "Never Knew I Needed You" or "Starts With Goodbye" I am sorry. I just couldn't focus on them, though I swear I've been writing. I just really needed to get something like this out. Let me know what you all think. It changes POV in the middle but it's obvious so you shouldn't get confused. ;)
Brittany was sitting sadly underneath the piano, her elbows resting on her knees and chin in her hands. Tears were streaming down her face, running unchecked, and she didn't care, not one bit. How long had she waited for Santana to come to her senses, to realize what they had together? And now that she had... She couldn't do anything about it. She might not be that smart, and her moral compass might not always point due north, but she knew what was right and wrong.
Artie was good to her; he brought her fun little odds and ends he thought she might like, such as the pink compact mirror she now kept in her pocket. He was nice, and he always used kind words. He could make her laugh with the silliest things. Sometimes he gave her odd looks when she regaled him with a tale of her dream from the previous night or a new theory she had on the Boogey Man, but for the most part he understood her. He was also a good kisser, and that was nice, too. But he wasn't Santana.
Santana was good to her, too, in her own way. She kept bullies at bay and made sure Brittany was doing what she was supposed to be doing, at least when it mattered. She gave her things too, like the charm bracelet she'd felt too guilty to wear for what felt like ages, having once worn it every single day, even in the shower. Maybe she wasn't always nice to everybody else, but she was nice to her, and that's what was important to Brittany. And now that she knew why she was such a bitch all the time, well... That mattered so much more. And Artie could make her laugh, sure, but Santana could make her laugh so hard she gasped for air, or pee'd her pants... (Well, like twice.) Santana listened with rapt attention when she told her stories, or talked about her cat's latest adventures. Without a doubt, Santana knew how her mind worked, understanding and even feeding into her thought process regularly. And nothing, nothing, compared to the sweet lady kisses of Santana's.
And she knew in her heart that she loved Santana more. Sure, she loved Artie, too, but Santana was and always would be her one true love, like almost every princess and her prince or lobsters. That was what they had, and Brittany wasn't dumb enough not to realize that. But she couldn't see a way out of this, not without hurting Artie, and she didn't want to do that. Santana wasn't the only one who was stuck, even if the brunette couldn't see that right now. Brittany was just as frozen, just as trapped by her emotions as Santana was. Just as hurt.
She heard the door to the choir room open, and she sniffed, quickly wiping her face. Glee was over for the day; she hadn't expected anyone to be in here. When there were no footsteps but only the soft sound of rubber rolling across the linoleum, Brittany peered out from under the piano.
"What are you doing here, Artie?" she asked softly, rubbing her nose on her sleeve before trying to fake a smile. He stopped his wheelchair in front of her, leaning down so that their faces were level.
"I came to talk to you," he replied gently. He appeared concerned over his girlfriend's state, his brow furrowing as he looked her over. "Are you alright? Why don't you come out of there, Brittany."
"I don't want to," Brittany said truthfully, her voice still low and lifeless. "I just want to stay under here. You could come down with me, but..." She waved a hand haphazardly, gesturing to his chair before she let it drop into her lap again. Artie smiled at her, giving a soft chuckle.
"That's okay. Listen, about today... When you and Santana and Ms. Holiday sang that song..."
Brittany's lip quivered and she felt more hot tears pooling in her eyes. Great. Now Artie was going to be mad at her, too.
"I get it," Artie continued on, his smile remaining, although now it was slightly sadder. "I guess I've suspected something for a long time, but I wasn't sure. But watching Santana sing... The way she cried, and not "boo-hoo I'm drunk" crying, that truly heartwrenching, from the depths of your soul crying... That kind of confirmed everything. She loves you."
"She does," Brittany agreed, nodding her head slowly. Tears managed to come forth despite how much she wanted them to stop. Why was Artie telling her this, to make it harder? To tease her? She watched his face, waiting for him to laugh or make a mean face. He didn't though, simply looking at her pensively.
"Why aren't you with her?"
"What do you mean? I'm with you. I love you," Brittany answered. That much was pretty obvious, she felt.
"You're with me, and you may love me, but come on..." Artie's sentence trailed off, and he looked down at his lap. "Your love for her is deeper."
"How do you know that?" Brittany asked, her voice barely audible. Her breath hitched in her throat, her chest suddenly feeling very tight. She wanted to tell him that it was true, and that the choice between them would not be as hard if she weren't already dating him. But she didn't, instead swallowing hard, her eyes trained on Artie's face.
"Look, I may have glasses, but I'm not blind," he said, giving her a look as if she should just know how he knew. "You two have always been close... The closest Santana's ever let another person. I see the looks you two give each other, the way you used to take every opportunity to touch her or be near her, before we were dating. I know about your sweet lady kisses, even if you think I don't. Did you know you say her name every time we have sex?"
At this Brittany winced, having tried very hard not to let Artie catch her and Santana in the act, but obviously unable to hide it from her subconcious. Artie didn't seem too caught up in that fact though, an understanding smile on his face as he carried on.
"I see the way your face lights up when she sings, how you stare at her adoringly when she says something particularly Satan-like."
"She's funny," Brittany interjected, unable to stop herself, starting to speak faster, her cheeks flushing. "And smart. And beautiful. And talented. She's everything." Artie nodded his head in agreeance, conceding to these facts. He knew that to Brittany, Santana was everything.
"See how you just acted there? Would you ever talk like that about me, to her? If it were the other way around?"
Artie posed his questions rhetorically, as they both knew the answer to that was a resounding "no". He sighed deeply, reaching for her hands. She allowed him to take them, sniffing once more.
"It's okay, Brittany. I may be just a stupid boy, but I'm not that dumb. And I'm not down with standing in your way."
"What?" Brittany asked, confused. She couldn't hope that he was meaning what she thought he was, it would be too much, too good to be true.
"I'm officially breaking up with you, on one condition."
"What's your condition?" Brittany questioned slowly. Artie tugged on her hands, and she came out from under the piano, kneeling in front of him. He took her chin in one of his hands and angled her face upwards.
"That you go straight to Santana. Tell her you love her back. And you make your lady love legit." Artie beamed at her, and once she understood he was truly saying what she thought he was, she grinned back, squealing slightly.
"Thank you, Artie!"
Without thinking about it she leaned forward, hugging Artie around the waist and squeezing. He just laughed, patting her on the back and embracing her for the last time as boyfriend/girlfriend. He pulled away from her, still laughing.
"Okay, okay! Go get your girl, crazy woman."
"Thanks, Artie. Really," Brittany said again, standing up and looking down at Artie apologetically. He didn't act hurt, but that just made this even more bittersweet. He was letting her go so she could be with the one she truly loved. "I don't know what to tell you... I don't want to be happy to break up with you, but..."
"Nah, it's cool, yo. Artie won't stand in the way of true love," he said with a sly smile. "Besides, it's not pimpin' if your girl is in love with someone else."
"Not at all," Brittany agreed, grinning widely still. She couldn't believe her luck. She knew that even if they weren't together, Artie would always be a good friend of hers, even for no other reason than that he set her free.
"Well don't just stand there. Sapphic lovin' awaits!" Artie crowed, pointing towards the doorway.
At this, Brittany flew from the room like an uncaged bird, soaring through the empty halls of McKinley High. She knew Santana wouldn't be here, not this late, and knowing exactly where she would find her she ran out the front doors of the school, hopping into her car and driving ten over the speed limit until she reached her destination. She barely put her car in park before she jumped out of it, racing up the front steps of the Lopez house. Santana's parents were never home, so she let herself in, thundering through the entryway and great room, up the stairs. Screeching to a halt outside Santana's door, she knocked loudly.
"Santana, I need to talk to you... I know you hate doing it, but it's important," Brittany said, her voice muffled on the other side of Santana's bedroom door. Santana was laid out on her bed, clutching a pillow to her chest and crying softly. She shut her eyes tighter, willing her friend to just disappear.
"Go away," she whispered, her voice raw from crying and, she'll admit it, from screaming out of frustration and pain.
"I know you probably said something like "go away" or "leave me alone", and I'm just gonna tell you that's not happening. So I'm coming in."
There was nothing she could do to stop it, so she didn't bother, the blonde letting herself in, shutting the door softly behind her. She could feel her weight shift on the mattress as she sat down near the edge, and before she knew it a hand was resting on her calf.
"Santana..."
"Brittany, I'm not doing this with you. Why should I?" Santana said, the agony of the entire situation too much to bear. She couldn't fight back the bitter tone of her voice, and she could almost feel Brittany flinch. "I love you more than he ever will, and that's fine if you don't think that, because I know it's true. So you can be with Artie. I'll be waiting for when he finally breaks your heart like I know he's going to. Because he is just a stupid boy. A stupid boy who will never understand you like I do. He will never love you like I do. And you're going to realize that."
"San," Brittany said softly. The hand on her calf was rubbing her skin now, and Santana jerked herself from Brittany's grasp, her touch practically burning. She sat up, not caring enough to wipe the tear tracks from her cheeks as she looked at her friend deploringly.
"Do you think this is easy for me?" she asked, her face contorting from inner turmoil pouring forth into actual words, the source of her agony staring right back at her. Brittany bit her lip, shaking her head. "It's not," Santana answered her own question, chest heaving as she fought to control herself. "I love you."
The fact that she said it again, that she put herself out there to be rejected again made her burst into fresh sobs. She fought Brittany's embrace as the blonde tried to comfort her by taking her into her arms, unable to tolerate her being so close and knowing she couldn't have her.
"I. Love. You," she said once more through her ragged breaths, each word more painful than the last. She looked at Brittany and shook her head sadly. "I said that; I said that to you. I've never said those words to anyone before. And I said them to you. And for what?" She paused, her eyes searching Brittany's. "For nothing. I'm exactly where I was before, scared and alone, hurting. So no, Brittany, I don't want to talk to you right now. I can't."
"Santana, you really have to stop talking!" Brittany said suddenly, her face strained.
"Then you try it! You do the talking!" Santana yelled, throwing her hands in the air.
"That's what I came here for," Brittany explained, giving an exasperated sigh. "I know what you said is true." She paused, a slow smile spreading over her lips. Santana watched her, not quite trusting this line of conversation, not after what had happened earlier. "And I love you back. I love you more than anyone else in this entire world, Santana. And I want to be with you. And I'm going to be with you."
Santana stopped breathing. It was as simple as that, the act of taking air into her lungs suddenly too hard to do once the words left Brittany's mouth. They were crushing, in the best way possible. Brittany scooted closer, taking Santana's face into her hands and gazing into her eyes, earnest blue searching shocked brown. Santana allowed herself to reach a hand up to place over one of Brittany's, almost clutching the hand on her cheek.
"You are?" Santana finally managed to say, her voice choked with emotion. Her head suddenly felt like it was swimming, and she was glad Brittany had ahold of it in that moment. The blonde nodded calmly, her face serene but the undercurrent of uncertainty obvious.
"If you still want me, the way I want you. If you still love me the way I love you."
"But... Artie?" Santana questioned brokenly. Her tears were threatening to spill over again, starting anew as Brittany's words sank in. It was almost too good to be true.
Brittany smiled, angling Santana's face to hers so that she could press her lips against the brunette's, and Santana melted into the kiss. It was the most tender gesture either girl had experienced, and Santana allowed the tears to flow freely once more. This was what she had wanted to badly, what she had ached for and tormented herself over for years. Not just a hook-up. But something real. Brittany was right, this was better with feelings.
She felt Brittany's tears mingle with her own as they melded closer, Santana wrapping her arms around Brittany's waist as the blonde deepened their kiss. When they had to stop for air, Brittany pulled back, smiling through her tears. Santana smiled back, letting a watery sob escape her lips as Brittany answered her with a coy grin.
"Artie's just a stupid boy."