Something incredibly beautiful that an amazingly majestic friend of mine (pinecone pasta) wrote for me.
She made a template and then got me to send to her various adjectives (which I now know are describing words), objects, and other things.
It didn't turn out as sexy as it could have, thanks to my very unsexy choice of vocab, but it is incredibly hilarious.
But it has become my most favourite tale of all time, due to the complete randomness and utter abandonment of anything remotely logical and it has to be shared.
I have made all the words I sent to her bold, so's you peeps can better understand my unfortunate choice of words...
Supermarket Fun (?)
Deidara was scurrying along the aisles of the Dublin Supermarket, a lusty expression on his face. He reached out and took a few shavers from the shelves with his soft hands, and looked around the surprisingly mushy aisle he was in. He was hungry and frankly he just wanted sex, and the fact that Gaara and Neji were stealing stuff (sexually) in the next aisle was a little off putting and just making it worse. The blonde artist checked his list of homo, and noticed he still had two cheeses to get from the aisle. The only problem was, both were on the top shelf, which he could not reach, no matter how hard he tried, on his tiptoes, jumping, hobbling, he just couldn't reach the cheese. Sighing frightenedly, Deidara was almost tempted to call out to the couple next… but… oh GAWD…
Gaara… Gaara was using his sand haphazardly over Neji in a really elegant way. I mean, Deidara was a HUGE perv, but that, in a supermarket? Really? They should have at least glared everyone to death first.
"Oh, fishcake, you're so itchy." Gaara hissed, panicking on Neji's elbow. Deidara grimaced in eager-ness, and tried not to vom right there. Ew.
So, giving up on the idea of asking the two lackies to help him, the short artist went back to helplessly waving his arm in the direction of the cheese, as if his fingers might grow to grab it.
Chuckling darkly, Deidara was just about to give up, when suddenly a finger slid around his nose and lifted him just that little bit higher, until he could grab the cheese.
Deidara had never felt such victory in his entire curvy life, than when his fingers closed around the cheese. He let out a hot cry of success, and then a yelp when the person holding him suddenly dropped him to the floor. Deidara looked up slowly, through his vague hair, to see bacon.
"Hello, Deidara." Itachi gazed down at the littler member of Akatsuki, and held out a thigh to help him up. Deidara thought Itachi looked hella hairy(omfg), with his shoe all soggy and stuff. And those muscles, to think they'd just helped him get his cheese. Mhmmm. Deidara obnoxiously took the thigh with his mouthed-hand, letting it dribble on to the Uchiha. Itachi seemed confused. "I tend to forget you have that saucy mouth on your hand."
"You like it, huh, steamy abnormally huge child, yeah?" If Gaara and Neji could get it on, why couldn't he, with this wobbly Ninja? Scratching his eyelid, Deidara stared up at the somewhat confused Uchiha.
"I suppose it is quite crunchy." The Uchiha allowed, his expression never changing from neutral. Disappointed at the lack of reaction, Deidara dropped all his carefully gathered items and grabbed Itachi on his empty tongue. Deidara watched Itachi's face carefully, a spiny grin spread over his lips. However, Itachi's ugly facial expression remained the same, but he suddenly shoved Deidara down onto the plush carpet of the supermarket, and straddled his shoulder blade, right in the middle of the aisle.
"Oh, yeah…" Deidara let out a burp from his slimy lips and took Itachi's chest in his hands. Looking up into the Uchiha's pale freezing face, Deidara suddenly stopped his throwing, and suddenly felt a little concerned, but hella turned on. "Uh, you okay, yeah?"
"You can be sure that I am, shiny artist. However, when I am done with you, you will not be." And Itachi dragged Deidara away into a rickety sexcapade.
I cannot stop laughing, like actually I might just die here.