Title: Back to the Beginning
Disclaimer: I don't own anything and am not profiting.
Author's Note: Please be kind as this is my first Veronica Mars fic. I just wanted to dip my feet in the VM fanfiction waters, if you will. It's just a short little ficlet so I could get a feel for the fandom.
It's not that Veronica doesn't understand Logan, because she does. He's tough and hardcore and harsh; she knows this better than anyone and maybe that's why he gets to her. Why he really gets to her. It's not that Veronica doesn't understand Logan; she just doesn't understand herself.
After Lilly's death she felt as though she wasn't living. She would notice herself taking heavy breaths evenly spaced out (20 minutes, 30 minutes, who's counting?), and would think that it was a sign that she was forgetting to breathe. Her eyes would glaze and shift and she would walk with her head down. People ignored her, at least at first, until Logan realized that taunting her was worse than being forgotten. Or so he thought.
Veronica likes to think that Logan started harassing her because he noticed how withdrawn she was, that he couldn't stand to see her like that and he used his best asset—his unusual ability to be such an ass—to pull her out of her reverie. She likes to think this because it hurts less that way and because then she wouldn't have to feel resentment towards him.
Maybe that's why she had no problem accusing him of Lilly's murder. She wanted to feel some sort of vindication. Veronica Mars always fought back, got even, no matter what the cost. Not with Logan. That week or day or whatever (it's all a blur) when Veronica thought Logan could have killed Lilly was payback for the year of hell. Only—when she thinks back—that year wasn't so bad. She wound up with a best friend, a few weeks of a whirlwind romance and the answers she was looking for. Okay, so maybe it was bad, but at least she is whole. For Logan, that week or day is probably on his list of "worsts". And she knows he is not whole.
When she sees Logan in school and feels him and smells him she wonders if he's changed. The snarky remarks are back and she likes to believe it's because he knows her and that this isn't her and that only he can bring her out. Even if he has to go back to the beginning.