Inheritance
Valentine's sucks
Disclaimer: I solemnly swear I own nothing but the plot, my laptop, and the smugness that I have taken Kanda's ego to a whole new level.
Kanda Yuu is in for some big changes in his life. They start with Valentine's Day, the Lunar New Year, a trip to Japan (aka Akuma central), a Moyashi, an Usagi, and the fact his last name's 'Kanda'.
--
The sun was shining. The birds were singing. The flowers were blooming. Romance was in the air. Wasn't spring just beautiful?
WHAM.
Or not.
Yuu was having a horrible day. First off, he overslept, and Kanda Yuu, the badass samurai exorcist of the Black Order, does not, repeat, does not oversleep. Yuu was one of the freaks of nature known as morning people. He prided himself on his internal clock, which never failed to wake him at exactly 5.15am every morning, so he could monopolise the bath area and have a good half hour of peace and quiet for meditation, then about an hour of decent training before the sun had even risen.
Never until today. Yuu had woken up with the disgusting springtime overly-cheery sunshine shining in his eyes through his (broken) stained glass window, feeling like a million Usagi were running around screaming inside his skull. Yuu guessed it was maybe 10 o' clock, from how bright the sun was. He stared at the ceiling lethargically, feeling like crap, wondering if he should even bother getting out of bed today when-
WHAM.
"Yuu-chan!! Wake up! It's a glorious new morning, and I betcha' never guess what day today is!!"
Brilliant. Freaking, bloody brilliant. Lavi's voice was loud as hell, thrice as annoying as usual and just the right timing to make Yuu wish he didn't wake up at all this accursed morning.
"Yuu-chan!! Yuu-CHAN!! YUU-CHAN!! I know you're in there!! I checked the entire Order already! You don't think you can hide from me, right?! Not today! Come out or I'm coming in!!"
"Kuso," Yuu cursed under his breath, pulling on his coat and grabbing Mugen. That bloody rabbit! He was definitely going to die. Yuu's head was ringing from the idiot's obnoxiously loud voice. When he was done with the Bookman Junior, he was going to become the 'dearly departed', late Bookman Junior, Lavi. Oh, yes. Self-proclaimed 'Best Friend of Kanda Yuu (the Infinitely Awesome Murderous Sword-Wielding Exorcist)' status be damned.
"I'm counting to ten, Yuu!! One, two, three!"
"Dammit," Yuu growled, grabbing his hair tie and attempting to pull his hair into his ponytail.
"Four, five, six!"
"Shut the hell up, damn rabbit!!" he shouted, giving up on his hair and flinging the hair tie onto the unmade bed.
"Seven, eight, nine!"
Yuu lunged for the door.
"Ten! I'm coming in!" Lavi announced, turning the handle. Yuu reached the door just when Lavi opened it.
"Out! Out of my room or die!"
"Yeeek! Yuu-chan! Why so violent so early today?!" Lavi yapped, scrambling backwards as Yuu stood in front of his door protectively, Mugen drawn. Lavi didn't mention how he was never inside Yuu-chan's room to begin with, but Yuu looked like he was just waiting for an excuse to kill someone, something or anything, him in particular.
"…So loud…Today (censored) sucks… I need to kill something, slowly and painfully…" Yuu muttered, partially covering his face with one hand, eyes squeezed shut. Lavi had the sneaking suspicion that that was directed to him and took his cue.
"Uh, anyway, I'll be going now!" Lavi laughed nervously, scampering off before he could incur Kanda Yuu's wrath. Wise of him.
So Yuu was left in an empty corridor, very unhappy because he was forced to get up, extremely annoyed because once he was up, there was no way he could go back to sleep, and very pissed off because he felt like crap. He stood there for a while, wondering what he should do.
He finally came to the conclusion he needed to do something about it.
--
Lavi regrouped with Linalee and Allen in the cafeteria, panting, because he ran all the way from the seventh floor. He held up a hand to stop them from asking anything first, doubled over, panted some more, straightened and took a deep breath.
"Before you ask, yes, I did find him. Again, before you ask, I don't think it's humanely possible to get him to peacefully participate in Valentine's Day today… I think he's got a hangover or something… he seemed to be having a headache… and sensitive hearing…" Lavi rattled off.
Allen and Linalee nodded slightly. Allen had guessed as much, BaKanda was always a wet blanket when ever fun and festivities were involved. Linalee knew Kanda didn't like being around so many people, so it wasn't much of a surprise, but she still harboured a small glimmer of hope that he would decide to join in one day rather than sulking in a dark corner.
"I'll go get out of my uniform then," Linalee told the two boys.
"We'll come for you later, Linalee!" Lavi grinned enthusiastically. Allen nodded, smiling.
Linalee walked out of the cafeteria, checking to make sure no one was looking and activated her Dark Boots and flitted up to her room. It was against protocol, but they were just so useful and so much faster than walking up so many flights of stairs. She opened her door.
"Linalee," Yuu greeted unhappily, looking up from his seat on the floor next to her bed. His hair was down and slightly ruffled and he looked like he didn't get enough sleep.
"Kanda!" she exclaimed, hurriedly shutting the door. If her brother ever got wind of this… Oh boy…
"The Supervisor, right?" Yuu asked tiredly, even though it obviously was. He closed his eyes and tilted his head back so it rested on her bed. "Anyway, Linalee. I… argh, I can't say it…" He held out a small folded square, and Linalee took it slowly. Did Kanda feel that way about her? What would she say? What would her brother say?
She unfolded the note slowly. Yuu didn't look up at her, eyes still firmly shut.
-- (No, this is not a KandaXLinalee fic)--
Sigh. Tap. Sigh. Sigh. Tap. Sigh. Tap. Sigh. Tap. Sigh. Tap. Tap. Siiiigh…
"Lavi! Stop sighing already!!" Allen almost screamed. Lavi's face was on the table and he hadn't stopped sighing and tapping his empty plate with his fork since he finished eating.
"I'm thinking, Moyashi-chan," Lavi said with an explanatory air. Sigh. Tap. Sigh. Tap. Sigh.
An anger mark grew on Allen's cheek as he continued to stuff his face. Breakfast was the most important meal of the day after all, he concluded. And Lavi was ruining breakfast.
"Don't you have better things to do? Or go think somewhere else. I'm eating here," Allen told the Bookman Junior, while simultaneously shovelling down huge amounts of food.
"Hm…" Lavi wandered over to the ordering partition connected to the kitchen. "Jerry!'
The flamboyant chef popped his head out of the little window thing. "Lavi! What can I do for you?" Jerry squealed. Lavi sweatdropped but smiled anyway.
"I was wondering… you didn't happen to serve Kanda any coffee, right?"
Jerry thought for a moment before shaking his head. "Don't think so. Unless he asked for it, I wouldn't give it to him, because he'd just waste it. Why?"
Lavi waved his hand dismissively. "Nah, just checking. Thanks Jerry!" He walked slowly back to Allen's mountain of dishes, head bowed in thought. So… it wasn't a hangover (1) …
--
Linalee's eyes widened as she looked over the note, and re-read it to be sure, and re-re-read it to make very sure she wasn't hallucinating.
--
"What could it be?" wondered Lavi out loud. Allen barely glanced at him, happily munching on Jerry's wonderful mitsurashi dango. An idea that was jaw-dropping genius worthy hit Lavi like a speeding bullet train. Lavi had never guessed! Until now…
"Allen! Hurry! We need to find Linalee! Now!"
--
"Please don't make a fuss, Linalee," Yuu asked, still not opening his eyes. "I need you to h-he- get those things for me."
Why in the world would Kanda, THE Kanda Yuu, ask her for help with the weirdest shopping list she'd ever seen? (And she'd seen a couple of the Science Department's orders, and she'd thought those were weird.)
"Wha- what do you need these for, Kanda?" she asked, surprised.
"Something I don't want to drag you into," he answered vaguely. "But you can see why I need you to do it. You have the Boots as well. It would be fastest if it was you."
Wow, Kanda put a lot of thought into this, for him, Linalee was amazed. He usually didn't think so much when doing things, relying on brute force, intimidation and, (she'd seen this only once though), his good looks.
She looked at the note, looked at Yuu, looked at the note again, looked back at Yuu, stared at the note…
"You're dying to ask, aren't you?" Yuu said gloomily.
Linalee took a deep breath.
"Kanda, I know you're single, so why in the world, heaven and hell included, do you need pregnancy prevention pills?!"
--
Allen nearly choked on his dango as he was dragged bodily out of the cafeteria by Lavi, who seemed in some sort of hurry for some unknown reason. He couldn't help but notice Lavi was looking around every two seconds, as if he was going to get in trouble…
Hold that thought.
"Lavi! What are you dragging me into this time!!" Allen asked in horror. Last time he recalled something like this, he was attacked by Kanda, Komurin and Akuma simultaneously.
Lavi stopped, and looked at Allen with all seriousness.
"We, my friend, must save the Dark Order's Princess Linalee from the evil clutches of the ice demon king in need of anger management sword master Yuu-chan!" Lavi cackled maniacally, completely dispelling the serious aura he had been emitting until half a minute ago. He whipped out his Hammer and motioned for Allen to hold on.
Allen nearly fell face flat onto the floor in exasperation.
--
"You wouldn't believe me if I told you," Yuu said flatly. Linalee thought a bit, and then gasped in horror.
"Kanda! Are you- are you actually a girl?! And- and you think you're pregnant?!"
"Hell, no!" Yuu snapped, feeling his masculine pride being torn to shreds in front of him. "I am male! Male!"
"Oh. So…"
"It's complicated. Just go already," Yuu bit out, feeling the small, minuscule, tiny, microscopic reservoir of patience he had begin to run very dry.
"But… we need permission to go out of the Order, and they take weeks to process!" Linalee protested. She didn't want Kanda or her brother getting into trouble…
"This cannot wait," Yuu said seriously, finally opening his eyes to look at her, trying to convey the gravity of the situation she didn't understand.
"Kanda, if you want me to help you," Linalee huffed, putting her hands on her hips. Yuu winced slightly at the word 'help', and Linalee sighed internally at his insane amount of pride. "You have to at least tell me what's going on!"
There was a terse silence, and Linalee doubted whether he would actually answer when he got up and went to look out her window, his back to her, and suddenly, Linalee wasn't sure that she wanted to hear her friend's answer to the obviously sensitive question. The words he whispered were so soft she could barely hear them, drifting on a slight wisp of a spring breeze.
"I'm becoming a monster."
--
A/N: Yo! (Review, please!) Hoped you liked it! (Review, please!) I called Kanda 'Yuu' in this chappie,(Is it ok? Review, please!) and I shall continue to do it for the rest of the fic,(Review?) because later,(Please?) since Kanda is a surname,(Pretty please?) and I will be referring to his family,(Pretty please with the Moyashi's dango thrown into the deal?) I want to avoid confusion. (Allen: HEY!!) Also, for fun, try reading bits of the fic out loud. (Yuu: Don't you dare.) It's fun. (Yuu: Oh, hell no it isn't!) Example, "Yuu guessed it was about 10 o' clock, from how bright the sun was."(REVIEW Please!?)
(1): Yeah. Hangovers from coffee. It's not impossible. I get them, and since I 'am' Kanda, (See OBOE: Operation Black Order Exorcists (Written by R3d and B1ack)) everyone's favourite Yuu-chan gets the horrors of coffee hangover too.