Sheldon Swifties XLIX: "Game of Chairs II…The Bloody Board…"
Summary: Like my Immortal Beloved bits in my Buffyverse stories, these are fragments and short bits, some longer…Just to fiddle with ideas, possibly forming longer tales later.
Disclaimer: All is Chuck's…
Leonard's and Sheldon's apartment, living…Or, some might say, given the nature of the activity presently ongoing…
Dying…Room…
"Ok, the die are cast and…"
"Wait, wait Sheldon, let me do it like Ciaran Hinds' Caesar in 'Rome'." Leonard, eagerly…Solemn look of upturned, Fate-facing head…
"The Die…Are Cast."
"…As I said, yes…" Sheldon frowned. "And you move seven spaces…Oooh…Fork in the Road. Take your card of Fate and choose your destiny, sir."
"Hmmn…" Leonard eyed handwritten "Card of Fate"… "Sheldon?"
"Yes, sir." Nod.
"How is this an unbiased Fate for anyone but you?"
"Let me see…" Penny grabbed at card.
Just as I thought…Glare at an Amy Farrah Fowler doing her level best to seem utterly innocent of the darkest treachery…
"Sheldon?" Leonard continued. "This card offers two fates, both clearly biased in your favor…Just like the last three we've encountered."
"Really? Well, that maybe be your opinion, Leonard…But it sure sounds like a whiny Job complaining to Fate for his bad luck to me."
"With a little push from someone's fairy girlfriend…" Penny, darkly.
Two can play at this kinda thing, "bestie".
"Yes, it does seem Leonard has trouble accepting the harsh pseudorealities of the struggle for academic power as encompassed in this game." Amy noted primly.
"Excuse me?" Leonard, frowning… "If I may present my possible choices to the board for arbitration?"
"Some people just haven't got what it takes to fight their way through, I guess." Sheldon shrugged.
"Agreed. Whine, whine, whiny, whine, whine…" Amy.
"Hey!" Penny glared. "I know who wrote those cards! I recognize your handwriting! You're bi-assed, just like Leonard said!"
Though God, I hope that didn't involve him looking…He's been doing much too much looking at her caboose this past year.
"Oh, please…" Amy frowned. "Spell it…"
All looking at her…
"Whoa…Amy FF for the harsh…" Howard noted from his seat.
"…And…Define it…" Amy…A bit nervous at her own boldness. But, hey, this is but dress rehearsal for the real struggle to come.
Literally…I mean this is just a board game version…
Wait till the real battle for Physics chair begins…And knives…Or my case, disposable scalpels…Come out.
Penny staring, open-mouthed…
"Amy?" Bernadette eyed her…
Raj, simply horrified.
What, oh what is happening here? What are we becoming?
"Oh, put your bras and panties on, babies." Amy glared. "It's time someone challenged our resident blonde bully. Who despite her flawless skin and movie goddess' waved hair, uses her feminine attributes to rule our group with a lovely and smooth iron fist."
Eyebrow raise to Sheldon who beamed in acknowledgement. Turning it back on the enemy's right –hand (ed) minion…Nice.
Well played, Dr. Fowler…Well played…
"Leonard?!" Smack of said lovely and smooth iron fist on table. "Are you gonna let her talk to me like that?"
"There we go…Whine, whine…Did you think I was talking just about Leonard?" Amy, archly.
Whoa… "Amy?!" Bernadette, nervously…
"You little…Half computer…" Penny began…
"Stop! Oh, for the love of Krishna…Or Jesus…Or whoever you like…Stop!" Raj pleaded.
"Guys…" Leonard urged… "Penny, Amy, please…"
"I'm not the one throwin' insults around…" Penny, grimly… "Tell her to stop trying to use suckin' up to get Leonard on her side."
Ok, ok…Leonard hissed. "Lets calm down a bit…Now…" he raised voice…"Listen to this, fellow competitors and judge if I've made a mistake… 'Dear friend, Fate has dealt you a blow. Your most recent paper has been condemned as a rank plagiarism of the work of the famed Sheldon Cooper. Your academic career hangs in the balance…Withdraw said paper or face the verdict of the academic court. Sheldon is assigned ten of your career points.'"
"That sounds fair to me…" Sheldon shrugged.
"Fair? Ok, now the other 'Dear friend…Fate requires that due to academic budget cuts you either seek employment in Zimbabwe at risk of death through malaria, Ebola, or execution by the local dictator or become junior assistant and gofer to the eminent Dr. Sheldon Cooper. Sheldon is assigned five of your career points and all career points you gain while acting as his assistant.'"
"Actually I considered that a step up, given your career path…" Amy noted nonchalantly.
"Remember when you and Bernadette realized I fit the profile of every bully you two knew in school?" Penny glared her way. "Well you were absolutely right." Cold stare…
Wow…Bernadette stared. "And this is just the board game they drew up together to encourage Leonard and Sheldon to put their names forward for Physics chair one day…" she hissed aside to Howard who shook his head.
Excellent…She darkly grinned. "You forfeit your turn by rejecting the Fate card, Leonard…It's Howie's turn. Roll 'em honey…."
"Hey!" Penny… "I…We…" she eyed Leonard.
Yeah, sure…You're telling me what to do in everything else in this game…He shrugged.
"…challenge…"
"Well?" Sheldon eyed Amy… "We throw our support to Bernadette." Amy hissed. "Her vote could be vital in our…Your…Climb to power. We accept and second Bernadette's claim!" she called.
"Six…" Howard noted, eyeing the die.
"What's with you?" Penny hissed to Leonard. "Stand up for yourself…Don't let Sheldon and Amy and Bernadette walk all over you." He rolling eyes.
"It's just a game, Penny." Sigh…
"But one day…Come on, haven't you worked for this all your life?"
"I wasn't interested in becoming Chairman…Person…I wanted to explore the Universe through Physics."
"He may as well settle for trying to become vice Chairman…" Sheldon, aside…Loudly…To Amy… "He's hardly going to get to any serious exploring in that leaky experimental physics paper boat of his."
"Yes…But Lady MacBeth/Hofstadter is a problem…" Amy hissed to Sheldon…
"Ok! Howie hits the 'unscrupulous move' space…And according to the house rules for first test game allowing us to make one rule, I claim the right for a mate with a science career to financially aid her spouse proportionally to what she really makes in the really real world…Which, losers…Is a bucketload of money! I buy a doctorate in physics for my Howie from the corrupt government of Zimbabwe and bribe CalTech to accept it! Congrats, Dr. Wolowitz!" she kissed a startled Howard…
I was just gonna use it to allow my character to have kinky sex with that hot microbiology Ph.D. candidate he'd met on the university road to power…Howard blinked.
Still, Dr. Wolowitz…Does have a ring…
And a buttload cheaper than earning it the traditional way…
"Correction…" Amy hissed to Sheldon… "Lady Bernadette Goneril Lear is the problem."
"I say we get down and dirty, Leonard…" Penny, aside. "The next 'unscrupulous move' I sleep with Howard…That'll take 'Dr. Wolowitz' out of the running. Especially when I poison him in bed."
"But that's not only too unscrupulous…Not to mention nauseating…It's two 'unscrupulous moves'." Leonard noted.
"Leonard…It's an unscrupulous move…We can take an extra move…That's the definition of 'unscrupulous'." Penny sighed.
Damn…Amy, listening. She would have to know that of all things…
"Winter is coming…" Raj sighed, eyeing the group.
Excellent…Lucy thought, quietly surveying the board with dark grin.