There was no funeral hall. The ceremony itself took place outside, under the blue, blue sky her mother had loved so much. Her father stood beside her, smelling like whiskey and something else just as ripe.
She had managed to get him into a suit for the funeral. A hair cut had been out of the question. She hoped no-one could see his alcohol problems, she had enough pity.
"We will all miss her…"
All she could think was that someone wouldn't. Someone killed her mother so technically not everyone would miss her. What minister said that at funeral of a murder suspect anyway? It was a lie.
By the grief radiating from her father she could tell he just wanted to get out of here. Away from all the pitying glances and whispered gossip. He shifted uneasily.
She should be crying or something. Her heart hurt like a heart attack, but the tears wouldn't come. She wondered if her mother cared wherever she was. She hoped if her mother could see her that she would be able to see her pain too so that the lack of tears was explained.
Maybe if she had just come home with her father sooner. The policeman had told her it wasn't her fault she died. She was in an alley, coming home wouldn't have helped. But she felt the guilt like a burden all the same.
Not that the policeman was any help. He continued to tell her that it was just a case of a robbery gone bad. This was despite the fact that her mother's purse and keys were still on her. Something didn't feel right. This cop was pigeon holing her mother's death into a scenario that suited him. He refused to look any further.
So here she was mourning her mother and plotting how to break it to her father that she planned to ditch her dream of becoming the first female Chief Justice, and was quitting law at Stanford. And the reason for this career change was that she wanted to become a cop. He probably would be too drunk to notice.
The minister continued his sermon. "Johanna Beckett was a force for justice…"
Kate glanced around her as people her mom knew and worked with nodded in agreement. She couldn't help but wonder if one of them had anything to do with her death. "We are here today to honour her life…" Her mom's life was over, the only way to honour it was to find justice. To catch the people who killed her mother, who sent her Dad on a downward spiral to the bottom of a bottle.
She was miserable, justice wasn't happening like she had believed, people were telling her it was ok to cry, and her Dad was standing there offering no support. She wanted to cry, but it just hurt so much she couldn't. Everything ached, and she wanted to scream or cry. She wanted someone, something, she wanted her mom. Kate wanted the woman who had put her to bed when she was little. The woman who had sat through hours of Temptation Lane when Kate was sick. The woman who could heal any hurt with her presence. And she was the only woman who couldn't be here. And that's what hurt the most, never being able to see her, to talk to her again.
The warmth of the ring against her chest comforted her. It reminded her that this funeral, this moment, would not last forever. That maybe she could be the one to find justice for her mother. Kate could bring her Dad back from whatever hell he had locked himself into. Her mother's wedding ring was a promise, first from her mother to Kate's father, now between Kate and her mother. No matter how hard it hurt, no matter how long it took, Kate would find justice.