Twilight – Lethbridge Style
Fanfic made by MyEdward17 and FancyJumper. Please, no one be offended, this is just a joke on our friends. Also, a little bit of blackmail. But R&R anyway just because that's what we normally do. Read at own risk. Or at least that of your sanity!
Chapter 1 –The Waiting Room
Erin's POV
There weren't very many people here. You'd think that, more people would be curious, but noooooo, they all just had to be normal. Apparently, getting bored and getting a sex change wasn't something everyday people did. How odd.
Oh! Someone just came in! OH MY GOD IT'S EMILY!! But why is she hiding her face?
"Hey Emily!!" I screamed across the 20 square foot waiting room.
"Oh god…..It's you." She muttered.
"Hey Emily are you here for a sex change too?!"
"Yes, now keep it down. Think of what my boyfriend would say!"
"Oh, you mean Paul?" I asked.
"No it's Sam. WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK!!" She yelled back.
I motioned her to keep her voice down; people were starting to stare. Well not that they didn't already, but, yeah… I sighed and gestured for her to come over. She walked slowly, trying not to be noticed, but as she sat next to me, the man sitting two seats away got up and moved to the other side of the room.
Trying to change the subject, I wondered aloud, "So what's your name gonna be?"
"James." She answered shortly.
"Really? That's so plain. I'm gonna be Demetri!" I announced proudly. I had been up 3 nights deciding between Demetri and Bob.
Emily looked at me, one eyebrow raised. "Really?" she said, but from her tone I knew she could care less.
All of a sudden, a woman sat down beside Emily. WAIT!! It was a man!! Cool! I'd never met a drag queen before!
In a creepy falsetto, the man/woman questioned, "Are you guys here for a sex change? I'm here for one; I know my boyfriend will be happy. I think I'm gonna be Victoria!"
"Speak for yourself," I heard Emily mumble as the drag queen droned about her/his boyfriend.
"Erin K and Emily D, please report to the front desk." I don't know why the secretary said in on the intercom, we were right there. We walked up to the lady, and she scowled at us.
"Your operating tables will be ready in a few moments, is there anyone that I can call for you?" All through this, her face never moved an inch, which was really strange because her voice was EXTREMELY cheerful. Too much Botox, I guess. I had read about that stuff, but it was too domestic for my taste.
We heard a crash. Turning, we looked around, but saw no one.
"Wait!! Don't go in yet! I have to say good luck!!" The yell came from below, and we glanced down to see Bella Swan, my third cousin twice removed flat on her face. A tall, pale, sexy young man burst through the door, a look of pure horror on his face.
"Bella!" He screamed in panic. "Bella honey! Oh my god she's DEAD!!"
"No Edward," we heard a calm, professionally doctorish tone come from the entrance, "she just fell down. Again."
Four people, all strangely pale and beautiful, strolled in. There face frozen in a look of calm contentment.
"So you must be Erin?" The tall, blond business-like one greeted. "Bella has been talking about you non-stop since Alice had her vision."
OH MY GOD!! ALICE!! I ran up to the blonde beauty and threw myself into a hug.
"Ugh!" She screeched. "It's touching me!!" She threw me to the ground and I stared up at her, confused.
"What's wrong Alice?" I questioned. "Don't you love me anymore?"
She wrinkled her nose in disgust. "Alice? You think I'm Alice? HOW COULD YOU!? I'M ROSALIE FUCKING HALE!! How the hell could you mistake me for that ugly, black haired pixie!?"
"Oh you're Rosalie?" I muttered in disappointment. "Never mind then."
She glared at me murderously, but before she could say anything I continued, "So where IS Alice? And Jasper for that matter."
"Oh, Alice got…distracted." Esme murmured.
"Yeah, buying out all the clothes stores in town." Emmett grumbled.
"Erin K, it's your time for your surgery!" Mrs. Too-Much-Botox announced. I turned to leave, but heard a muffled, "good luck" from behind me. I turned to see Edward helping Bella off the floor. As I watched, she slipped out of his arms into a face plant onto the tile.
"OH MY GOD! BELLA! CARLISLE, SHE'S DEAD!!" Edward screamed in a panic.
"She's still breathing Edward," Emily snapped. "Even I can tell."
I was ushered through some swinging doors, and laid on a crisp, clean bed. I giggled as I listened to the sheets crackle.
"Sleep time!" The doctor announced in a sing-song voice, giving me an unnecessarily creepy grin before he shot me full of drugs. The last thing I saw before I succumbed to the darkness was Emily being settled down onto another hospital bed, singing zip-a-dee-doo-dah as she went